Transcript
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Hey everybody, this is Brian, back with another episode of Reef to Growth, and today I've got with me a very special guest.
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Now I would say all my guests are special, but Claudia Milligan is a very special guest.
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I've known Claudia for I don't even know how many years now five, six years.
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I guess.
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We've been working together since 2019, so we've been working together for about four years.
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Claudia is a fellow shining light parent.
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She has her son, david, in spirit and she's spent a lot of her life trying to keep things safe and, according to Claudia, she got really good at it through her career in accounting and keeping everything under control.
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There was no room for surprises, no time for spirit, no inclination for imagination.
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Then she became a mother to her only child, and that's David, as I mentioned before, and David is and was a spirit of boy, full of surprises and imagination.
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When David was nine, claudia started doing some writing that was beyond any explanation that she had for it, and it took more than 25 years before she connected that writing to a near-death experience that she had before the writing started.
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So when David passed at the age of 29, claudia refused to say goodbye and she found out she didn't have to.
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We're going to talk today about her new book, which I'm really excited about.
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It's coming out in a couple of weeks for a court in November 30th of 2023.
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The book is called Letters to David, following my Son and the Spirit, and that chronicles relationship that she and her son found after David's passing.
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So with that, I'm going to welcome to Grief, to Growth, my good friend, claudia Milligan.
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Hey Brian, this is great.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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Yeah, it's really cool to have you on here.
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As I was saying in the introduction, you and I are old friends.
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We've been working together professionally for about four years.
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I like to say that I had access to the book before the book became the book because you shared some of the letters with David with me and I could honestly say it's really fantastic.
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I can't wait to for everybody to see it.
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But in the introduction I asked you about what your background is and you say you had no spiritual inclination before.
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You were trying to keep everything under control.
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So what was that like?
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Well, I was very religious, but today for me, I don't think of that as spiritual.
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For me, what I learned was that I had been operating based on what everybody told me was true and it just stopped working Thank goodness Right and I had to look for my own answers, and I've taken that not only from religion to spirituality, but in all areas of my life.
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I've quit hearing this is the truth and finding out my own truth.
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I also want to point out that just recently I said hey, we've been working together for four years and I'm still not fixed.
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And I want to yesterday actually, and I requested a refund and you would not give me one because you said you would beg to differ, that I was now a working medium.
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I'm going to be a published author, and that wasn't exactly the person that met you the first time.
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That's all very true and you've done a lot of work over the years and I'm really proud of what you've accomplished in the time that we've known you, and I know this goes back even further.
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So when you started having this writing and it started when David was a child right, david was like nine years old, maybe around that age.
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So what was that like and what did you?
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How did that make you feel?
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Well, I loved it and I've learned that I pay attention more today most days, good days to how I feel than to what I'm thinking, because my feelings are more give me more true information.
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But I'll give you one example.
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It's in the book.
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If you want the whole story, you have to buy the book.
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But I was writing I would go into the meadow, and it wasn't that I would make up stuff about what might happen in the meadow.
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It was that I had experiences and I simply wrote them down so I would remember them.
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And at one point it was Mother's Day or my birthday and the kids in the meadow were celebrating me and they brought in breakfast with a glass bud vase with a single red rose Isn't that cool.
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And I closed my journal and I went back to bed and David knocked on the door and he came in with a tray with my breakfast on the tray with a single red rose in a glass vase.
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He had never brought me breakfast before.
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He had never brought me a rose in a vase before, so I was starting to suspect that there was something more to this.
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Yeah, so you mentioned the meadow, so tell people what the meadow is and what your experiences of the meadow.
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The meadow began in a therapy appointment, the first time I was ever hypnotized and I found out I'm very easy to hypnotize and I saw a cesspool and the therapist like backed up a little bit A cesspool, but that's what I saw.
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But that cesspool changed into a meadow with the pond and as the year because I'm still going to the meadow and it keeps expanding.
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And today I recognize it's like our consciousness.
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We start out with a cesspool.
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But, with a little work and paying attention.
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There's no limits.
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So the meadow is the place you've been going to for how many years now?
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I would guess since about 1989, maybe before.
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Well unfortunately, I took a box of journals and threw them out, so we'll never know.
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But this is a place that, as you said, it started off in a meditation session, a hypnosis session, and I know, as I've known you over the years.
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You said the meadow has expanded and grown and changed.
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Yeah, I mean, at first it was just what I could see physically in my imagination Meadow and then a pond, and then the pond had a pier and the pier had a bench, and behind the meadow there was a forest, and out over this way there was a playground for all the kids and ocean, over here, a townway down that road, and I got a feeling that it will continue to grow the more I continue just to pay attention.
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Wow, wow, that's really interesting.
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You mentioned something earlier.
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I do want to get into your story and I want to ask you about David, but I want to cover something you said.
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You said that you're learning to trust your feelings more than your thoughts and I know, you know, I've known you for not that long, relatively speaking, and you said you used to be this like, I guess, really left brain, really buttoned down person, but you learned to trust your feelings and to let go so much of your thoughts, and what people tell you must be true.
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I think I'm sounding like a broken record, but actually paying attention, there's a book that I love by somebody, and it's called the Untethered Soul, michael Singer.
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Michael Singer.
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He describes an experience he had where his girlfriend was a couple minutes late and he just knew that it was over.
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She was breaking up with him.
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His mind told him.
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The phone rang and he knew this was it.
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She said oh, I want to celebrate us.
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Let's celebrate tonight.
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I'm in the liquor store.
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I can't remember that wine that you like so much, he tells her.
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He says in the book.
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Now, if that voice in my head was my roommate, after it led me astray 100, 200, 300 times, I would quit listening.
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But still my head leads me astray and it says, hey for me.
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Hey, claudia, I think you're really in trouble at work and I go.
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Oh, my feelings might be wrong, but they always give me information and the information is right.
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Oh, I'm upset about something.
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I didn't even think that was a big deal, but something kicked in.
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Yeah, awesome.
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Tell me about David.
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I know David came into your life and really changed everything.
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Tell me about David.
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Well, I was 31 years old, so I was pretty obsessed with the lady in the mirror, right, that's all I really had to worry about.
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And I had had a long string of poor choices in terms of boyfriends and with my last mistake I thought I found myself single and pregnant and I had spent my whole life trying to be who you wanted me to be.
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There's a song by Carly Simon, the girl you think you see.
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Tell me who you long for in your wildest dreams.
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Go on and tell me who you wish I was instead of me, and that really struck me when it came out, when I was two.
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Anyway, it really struck me, but I didn't know why, and I realized later.
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That's how I lived my life for a long, long time.
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And I didn't also realize that, while I was trying to be the person you wanted me to be, I was also trying to make you the person that you really should be.
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You would be much better if you were taller, more sober, funnier, quieter, whatever.
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And all of a sudden I was holding this baby boy, my baby boy, and he was perfect and I was perfect.
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He was looking at me.
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I knew I was perfect.
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I had never had that feeling before, and I had never looked at someone else and seen them as perfect.
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That was magic.
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Yeah, wow, wow.
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So tell me about David as a child.
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Which month?
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The first, I'd say a year, 18 months.
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I was just enamored.
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I remember my roommate in the hospital saying this is your first kid, You're really into this and I was.
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But David was and is a live wire and he went through daycare after daycare and you might remember I can have a strong personality, I don't know.
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A little bit, Okay, and so did David.
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So there was a lot of this, but there was also so much love and with so many of the moms, especially that I work with their kids, in spirit there's a bond that's like this and it seems to happen so often, and I know that that bond is true with you and Shayna.
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You know that connection that's not going to be broken by anything as paltry as death.
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Right, right.
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So David was a pretty strong will child, as we would say right.
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It's smarter than me and funnier than me and I really resent that.
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And that continues now.
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Yeah Well, I think David got a lot of his personality from you in one way or the other, whether it's for DNA or living with you for as long as he did.
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Yeah, I think you're right.
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You're a lot, a lot alike.
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So the first little bit was marvelous.
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No matter what he did, he could do nothing wrong, he was bright, he was funny, and I couldn't believe that I had this new purpose in my life, other than debits on the left, credits on the right, right.
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Right.
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And he brought me all those things you listed in the biography.
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He brought me imagination, excitement, fun.
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David would disappear for five hours and the police would be called, not by me because I just knew he was doing David's stuff, but by the neighbor whose kid he was with and he'd come back.
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Oh, we were just hunting frogs, like what's the big deal?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, so David, but he did have some trouble later on in his life.
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I know you had some issues with David.
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Well, I tend at least today I tend to believe in soul planning and I think he went for a really, really tough life.
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As far as I can understand, he was dealing with some mental illness.
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It was diagnosed ADHD.
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It could have been bipolar, it could have been something else.
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There was alcoholism.
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There was a phone call hey, I wanted to from a friend of his.
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I want to let you know that David did some oxy cot codeine last night and we couldn't make him up.
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He was unresponsive.
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So just a lot of stuff.
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You know it wasn't?
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he came in second place for the senior prom right.
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Yeah.
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So you said you believe in soul planning.
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Now, Did you believe in soul planning at the time?
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I wouldn't have had any idea what it was.
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Right, yeah, that's the interesting thing about you know, but you and I both been through, you know.
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I don't think either one of us knew what soul planning was as we're going through it, and so it presents a whole lot differently when you think of it as soul planning looking back as it does when we're going through that moment in time.
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Yeah, and as a parent with a child in spirit, soul planning sort of gets me an out, because I know so many parents, including me, went through the oh why didn't I?
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If only I had, why couldn't I?
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And with the idea of soul planning, there are reasons why things happen and it's funny because there's an old saying nothing happens by mistake.
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I never believed that saying until David died and people look at me like I have three heads, but now in retrospect it makes sense.
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You know, that's a really interesting irony that I've noticed myself.
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I've been told that things happen for a reason.
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I never believed it until Shayna passed and then I felt like, okay, and I started examining this and looking at things that happened.
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And it does make sense more in retrospect now, now that we have, I think, expanded our view of life and the world.
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So what was your?
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Because I know where you are now in your spirituality and your belief what was your belief at the time when David did actually pass?
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Wow no-transcript.
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I couldn't tell you.
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I know it's like before and after.
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During is fuzzy, as you probably can relate with, but I know that before it just didn't make sense to me that at the time God would go through all this trouble to create a human being and then they would disappear after 29 or 50 or 90 years.
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That just seemed like a waste of energy, you know, but I was too busy.
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When I have some time I'll sit down and think about it.
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Yeah, I mean, I understand exactly what you're saying.
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It's that that and David passed by suicides for for I don't think we've touched on that yet when someone is here today and gone tomorrow, but, as you said, you know why would God waste all this energy and put all this into a being that then is now just gone?
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Yeah, it just seemed silly to me, you know, and maybe that's part of the accounting experience, you know, doesn't make sense, doesn't make sense.
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Right, so you've been, you've been writing, though you've been doing writing for years, years before David passed, and I guess maybe you hadn't really thought about where this was all coming from.
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So David's passing, how did that?
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How did that?
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How did you go from there to?
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Oh, he's still around and I can contact him.
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Well, because it was David.
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For me it took 96 hours, give or take.
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I was used to talking to David like, I think, every parent with a child in spirit talks to their kid all the time, or at least a lot of us.
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And one day I said outlawed, four days after he passed, I just said I love you, david, because he's up here, you know, yeah.
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And and I heard a thought, heard a thought sounds weird, but but I thought love you too, mom.
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That's not my voice and even though it was a thought, it sounded like David's voice and so I knew I was losing it.
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But you know what?
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What is Sherlock Holmes say when you take away everything, that's not possible.
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What's possible is the truth.
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And when I took away everything that wasn't possible, what was left over was you're crazy.
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The nuns had told me that, the teachers you know everybody had told me this can happen, this can't happen.
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And I lived a lot of my life like that and even still, I still do that.
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There was one time I was writing my doing my morning writing, and I was complaining about a medium who has this black and white thinking and this is true and I was complaining, how could she say that?
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And my guy kind of pointed out that I was doing exactly the same thing.
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So and I really like this guy, so I didn't want to get another guide.
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Yeah, yeah.
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So so you said, 96 hours or so after David's passing, you just like, okay, well, he's still here and I can connect with him, and so I'm just establishing for people the way this kind of evolved.
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So you've been doing this writing, you've been going to the meadow and then.
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But the book is called Letters from David.
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So when did the letters from David start?
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May 17 of 2017, david passed in March.
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On March 20 of that year, david kept talking to me and I loved it.
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You know how moms will say well, is it a sign from my kid?
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And how'd you feel?
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You know, because our hearts tell us, and my heart was telling me, that there's a possibility.
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This was David, and he kept talking and kept talking, and I had this goofy woo woo friend sorry, shirley, but she believed in all those things that just didn't make any sense.
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They didn't fit into any boxes that I knew of, and so, of course, I called her up.
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We said on the patio, I told her what was going on and she said you need to see a Reiki medium.
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A Reiki medium.
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Okay.
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That's what I said.
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I called her Reiki medium, right, and she told me and I still didn't understand, but I was in, as you know, a whole lot of pain and so, shortly after that, I was sitting on the couch in front of a Reiki medium.
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Whatever, that is Okay.
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How did that go?
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It was unbelievable.
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Well, first of all, even though I had, I had heard from David through the thoughts and as I was sitting in this chair with Tracy over there, over here there was like a snowball of energy, like three circles of energy that I knew was David.
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I don't know how I knew it was David, but I knew it was oh Jesus and she talked and she was calm.
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She didn't think I was crazy.
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Now I don't know about you, but when I meet somebody and they think I'm saying, that's very attractive to me.
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That's a good thing.
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Yeah, that's definitely a good thing.
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And she just put things together and made sense of things for me.
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Oh, that makes absolute sense that he would be talking to you.
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Why wouldn't he be?
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That was kind of hard to argue with.
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And I went in.
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I laid on this table.
00:23:17.928 --> 00:23:22.094
There was, there were candles and there was incense.
00:23:22.094 --> 00:23:37.619
But when I laid down it was peaceful and it just felt like in that room it felt like people who had passed from this world could still be around us.
00:23:37.619 --> 00:23:39.742
It almost made sense.
00:23:40.744 --> 00:23:47.355
And so I came back every month for two years because I wanted that to make sense.
00:23:47.355 --> 00:23:50.121
I needed it to make sense, yeah.
00:23:50.541 --> 00:23:56.057
Yeah, so she was bringing David through for you in some sense while you were in the sessions.
00:23:56.057 --> 00:23:56.619
Is that correct?
00:23:57.481 --> 00:24:08.349
Yeah, that's how it started, but really pretty quickly David would show up for me and it was almost like hey, Brian, you want to have coffee?
00:24:08.349 --> 00:24:12.640
I'm going to be at Tracy's at eight, whatever.
00:24:12.640 --> 00:24:15.167
Show up and we'll have coffee.
00:24:15.167 --> 00:24:18.599
And that was the sort of arrangement that I had with David.
00:24:19.602 --> 00:24:31.027
And it was just so easy to have conversations with him there and Tracy would do Reiki, which was very healing, very relaxing.
00:24:31.027 --> 00:24:41.323
I've got a Reiki master certificate on the wall just because somebody said that'll help you connect with David.
00:24:41.323 --> 00:24:50.395
I think if somebody said having an elephant in your backyard will help you connect with David, I would have an elephant.
00:24:51.000 --> 00:24:59.640
Yeah Well, I do know someone that teaches Reiki as a way of connecting with their loved ones, so I definitely believe that whatever told you that is true.
00:24:59.640 --> 00:25:02.046
I've never heard the term Reiki medium before.
00:25:02.046 --> 00:25:04.392
I think that's a really interesting term, but it makes sense.
00:25:05.520 --> 00:25:09.067
It does make sense, and I had never heard the term medium.
00:25:09.067 --> 00:25:12.731
Well, I think I heard the term medium, but never Reiki medium.
00:25:12.731 --> 00:25:16.343
I had never Reiki, but Reiki.
00:25:16.343 --> 00:25:24.355
I know you've heard that when we connect with those in spirit, it's like we raise our vibrations.
00:25:24.355 --> 00:25:27.619
They dame to lean down right.
00:25:27.619 --> 00:25:28.540
And.
00:25:28.540 --> 00:25:31.506
Reiki is what raises our vibrations.
00:25:31.506 --> 00:25:32.928
So it's so easy.
00:25:32.928 --> 00:25:41.306
It's almost like stepping into a world where magic is possible Not only possible, but real.
00:25:42.607 --> 00:25:43.628
Yeah, yeah.