Transcript
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Everybody.
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This is Brian, back with another episode of Grief to Growth, and today I've got with me Michaeline Callahan, or Caller's or Friends Caller.
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She grew up as a mystic who calmly experienced ecstasies from the age of five under the guidance of her daemon, michael, and we'll talk about what a daemon or daemon is.
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By the age of 15, she'd become an empiricist.
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She'd set Michael aside as her childhood imaginary friend.
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However, at the age of 20, she had an NDE, and she found Michael again in what she calls the lustrous void, where Michael gave her a life review that was so redemptive she had to return to tell everyone.
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So this was in 1978, though, and the world wasn't ready for the message.
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So fast forward, 45 years later, and she feels that the world is ready because Michael has brought her so much through and brought her so much and restored her vigor so that she, at the age of 65, could complete the mission she rushed back for in 1978.
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So since then, after coming through along illness, she's written several books.
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We're going to talk about some of her books, and she is going around telling people about her story and about her experiences.
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So, with that, I'm really excited to finally have Michaeline Callahan on Grief to Growth.
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I'm great yeah.
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I'm excited to be here as well, Mariah.
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Yeah, we've been Facebook friends for a while and I've seen a couple of your interviews and I'm really, as I said, interested in sharing your story with everyone else.
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You talk about your guide, michael, who you say you've been connected with from a very early age.
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So tell me about that early connection through your NDE, when you were 20.
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Okay, that's really critical too, because now, as I look back at 65, I can see the trajectory of the path, the actual curriculum Michael has had all this time, and it's really in concert with the theme of your show Grief to Growth.
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What he has been teaching me all along is to become lucid, which is defined a particular way by Michael to become lucid in the dream of the world and realize that every time I think I'm suffering or I'm frightened, or I'm angry, or I'm imagining myself unloved, unseen, that it is like a token or a cue to wake me up to the understanding that I have lost my lucidity in the dream of the world and I have imagined myself as some sort of being who can suffer loss and die.
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Okay, let's back up, because we're going to return to that.
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That's an ongoing theme.
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As a child, there was a pedophile in my family not my direct family, it was my granduncle and my father had a very bad temper because he had been abused as a young boy and so my mother regularly would take me and leave me at her mother's house or at her aunt's house.
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Her aunt was wonderful, never had any problems there.
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Grandmother and grandfather on her side wonderful, but they had an outboard motor business and they worked on it, sometimes even on the weekends, and grandmother would leave me at her brother's house and her brother was the pedophile unbeknownst to them apparently.
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I choose to believe she did not know.
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I met Michael the first time in my psyche and this is the first time the grief to growth theme comes up.
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I met him the first time when I was five years old.
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I was around Easter and I was attempting to hide from Alfred that was the pedophile, and I was wearing my Easter dress and Sunday shoes and it was nothing to climb in.
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We were very poor family and these were some of my best clothes and I didn't want to ruin them, and I was always.
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We were always made to be cognizant of our clothes lest we destroy them because they were so expensive, particularly shoes, and I had, on these little slick, sold Sunday shoes and I knew I was never going to get up the tree.
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That Michael suddenly came into my consciousness as this incredibly intelligent presence that I could feel and I could.
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He wasn't speaking in words, he was speaking in concepts and speaking with a forceful love, a love that was not deniable.
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His presence was palpable and he directed me up this tree and I argued with him internally and said I can't get up that tree with these shoes on.
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I'll break my shoes, I'll get a spanky.
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Michael said, don't worry.
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Basically, I'll show you where to put your hands and feet.
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I went to the tree.
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And I went to the tree and, like, the handholds and the foot placings were immediately obvious as they became necessary, and I was guided up this tree.
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And then my grand uncle passed by, looking for me, thrashing the shrubbery which was a azalea hedges along the house, looking for me because I had often hidden there and he had one wooden leg, so he was thrashing the shrubberies with his cane, pushing them aside, looking for me, but it wasn't there.
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This time it was up high.
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There's a funny thing about people, you know, they don't look up that much, so up high I learned to climb.
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I learned to climb as a way of hiding.
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I do a lot of hiding in my life, but when the place where this comes up is.
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Yes, I was repeatedly assaulted by this pedophile, but there were blessings in it and the first blessing was that I found Michael.
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And because I found Michael in my psyche and there was a connection established where I was anxious to hear from him.
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Once you've felt this kind of love, this ecstatic love, descend over your psyche, you want it more and it raises the frisson, you know.
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The hair stands up all over your body and cheese spangles all over.
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You feel like angels are dancing all over your skin, or God has just kissed you on the head.
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You don't know what has happened, but it's so delicious you just want to chase it.
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You want it more and more.
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And so this was a great blessing because, as a five-year-old, to be tuned so deeply inward at that age where you're looking and listening inward literally my life, I went through it looking to provoke the rushes of that chi, the feeling of that presence descending on me, and so if I said or I even thought something and that phenomenon occurred, I attended to it.
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It was like he was teaching me going Marco polo, marco polo, to find him and to do what summoned the chi, my father having the bad temper that he did because of his terrible past.
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He and I had a contest of wills for many years where I just kept loving him and forgiving him, even though he blistered my bum every day okay, every day until I, between the ages of three and eleven.
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I got it some days twice, and he would always weep afterwards and say I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, you deserve a better father.
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I hit you in anger.
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I should never hit you in anger.
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I said terrible, scary things to you in anger.
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I should never speak to you that way.
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And so this incredible bond between daddy and I grew, and over time dad became just sweeter and sweeter and sweeter, and he respected me more and more because I wouldn't lie to him, no matter what he questioned me on.
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Did you do so?
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And so, knowing I was going to get blistered, I would say yes or I didn't.
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Okay, because I couldn't lie.
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First of all, I was a terrible liar.
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It showed all over my face.
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There was absolutely no point in even trying and I knew I'd get it worse if I did lie to him and he discerned it.
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And also because I did not want to offend Michael.
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I did not want to offend this loving presence whom I initially thought was God.
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Okay, now, technically, we're all God, there's nothing here but God, anyway.
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So over the years, I would climb into trees daily to try and get it to rain.
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I would sing to the sky in the summer when it was too hot, we had no air conditioning.
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It was that long ago, yes, sorry.
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And I would climb the trees in the afternoon and sing to the sky, hoping that if I pleased God with my song, he would bless us with rain to cool things down so we could all sing.
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So I went until I was about 15 years old, doing this almost every day in the summer and I thought it was me bringing the rain.
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And well, god bringing it because of my songs.
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And then, at the age of 15, I learned about a weather phenomenon called the Bermuda High.
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The Bermuda High is actually responsible for the rains coming every afternoon between four and six in the summertime in Florida had nothing to do with me and this kind of shocked me into a reorientation.
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All right, all what I considered at that point.
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Suddenly, that's magical thinking.
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I set it aside.
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Okay, michael is not real, that's just something imaginary that I made up because I had such a tormented childhood.
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Part of my greater self created this relationship and this being, this presence.
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Apparently this is, this was the thinking at the time.
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So from 15 to 20, I tried a lot of drugs and I became an empiricist and I became very focused in the physical.
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I was always a very athletic child and rash, because up until 15, I didn't think anything was going to hurt me.
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I appeared to be made of rubber or I had somebody looking after me, absorbing all the blows for me and up until 15 and learning about Bermuda High, I believed it was Michael.
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So then at the age of 20, I was out being rash, riding horseback with a friend of mine.
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I'd forgotten.
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I was on a barrel mare named ticker, very gentle, 13 year old horse, and I had forgotten to bring the feed for her and to lure the male, the stallion that I didn't want to ride, because we didn't have a good rapport, me and the stallion.
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He didn't like me but he liked my friend.
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So I was going to catch him for her and as I'd forgotten the feed, I'm on ticker and I'm saying you know, I bet I can maneuver him into the paddock, chasing him on ticker because she's so maneuverable and then we'll catch him in the little paddock.
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And so I spun about on ticker and we went after this stallion and I was in a hard run not a, not a full out run, a hard gallop, I would say close behind this stallion, very close and he was a big horse.
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He was over 17 hands and everything.
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I don't know if you hands are four inches.
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Four inches, so 17 times four the height of the shoulder.
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Big horse, okay, almost six feet at the shoulder, and everything slipped in the slow motion.
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Now I'm like in jockey styles, standing in the stirrups with my knees bent, you know, with the saddle hitting me in the bottom on every stride and everything suddenly slips into slow motion.
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Now, I've seen this by this time many times in my life.
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Things slip into slow motion whenever something bad is about to unfold for me, and generally I know, with a few seconds lead, what it's to be All right.
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And Michael said to me he's kicking Again, without words.
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This is just an announced concept, an announcing concept.
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He is kicking me and I said he can't get me up here.
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Boy, was I wrong.
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This is where he kicked me.
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Okay, he hit me in the face.
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I never felt the blow.
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I watched the hooves coming towards me in slow motion and just before the impact, I left.
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I rolled left out of my body.
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I had been one to by locate as a child, very easily.
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I would be, for instance, laying in bed and looking at a window.
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And suddenly I'm at the window, looking out the window, but my body's laying in bed.
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I can remember looking out the window, wanting to go out into the yard and play, and that the neighbor had a turkey and a coop behind my auntie's house.
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And I'm standing at the window and suddenly, whoosh, I'm standing over the bird in the cage and, of course, my body's still back in the bed.
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So in this instance, here comes the hoof I roll, left out of my body.
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It's not something I can do at will.
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It happens or it doesn't.
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There I was about 150 feet away, somewhere between 100 and 150.
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And I turn around and I look back and I watched the horse striding, watched the body let go of the reins, the head snapped back, it fell backwards onto the rump of the horse and it bounced a few times.
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As the horse kept striding and I'm thinking, gosh, I hope the feet don't get stuck in the stirrups.
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And they didn't.
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The body went over the back of the rump of the horse, landed on its head and then the shoulders and the hips and the legs hit.
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I was an illustrious vest and I felt perfect.
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I felt so good.
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I said to myself nothing, I'm perfect.
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Nothing can ever hurt me again.
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And suddenly, boom, I'm aware of Michael, I feel his presence and I hear him more or less say to me nothing could have ever hurt you to begin with.
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You're an eternal being, okay?
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Well, the interesting thing at this point is that I can taste not with my mouth but with my being the verity of what he's saying.
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Truth has a taste or a scent.
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Like the scent of mashed potatoes is wedded to the mashed potatoes, to the actual physical thing, so too truth has its own taste.
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Anyway, I knew right away he was telling the truth.
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And then he said well, that being so, why was it also scary?
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And he said because you believed you could suffer loss and die.
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But that was necessary too, because if you had not believed you could suffer loss and die, you would have never taken the experience seriously.
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There wouldn't have been as much, so to speak, skin in the game, and you wouldn't have learned what you went there to learn, nor would have you done what you went there to do.
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And I said well, I don't remember what I went there to do.
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Tell me what it is.
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And he said you went to summon your will.
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Now I said summon my will.
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You mean I went through all of that suffering just to learn or discern what I want, and he said no, you misunderstand what I mean by the will.
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Okay, this juncture I became aware that there is individual desire and then there is the will.
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That is holy, okay.
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By holy, I mean it is holy shared by all creation.
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All creation wills this together.
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We have just forgotten that we will it together.
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And that will is that the venue and every point of consciousness within it awaken and remember its true nature as consciousness itself.
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Because this puts us in our experience of our godly estate, of being able to summon into what we call the real world.
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Okay, that which we desire, which is different from the will, okay.
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Anything that is contrary to the will that is holy is just your personal desire.
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There's nothing necessarily wrong with it, except for that it keeps you from your full attainment and it is perhaps limiting others in their attainment.
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And that full attainment is to your godly estate, so that the physics and he assures me this will happen the physics of the venue will change as we, as humanity, have perfected, perfected our benevolence so that we can be trusted to wield our wills without hurting ourselves or each other, and he tells me this is the number one thing that holds people back.
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And all this attraction and all this, okay, trying to get things to manifest, etc.
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That's all well and good, but if it's, if you want it to actually happen, you have to perfect your benevolence, and what you are willing or wishing for must be in concert with the will.
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That is holy, because if it's not, you are going to be in conflict with the designer of the venue itself, and so it's going to be detrimental to the awakening of the venue and therefore detrimental to you.
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So we are kind of in a rubber room here where the we pray things all the time, not knowing we're praying them as we say them.
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You make me sick.
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I am sick to my death with your behavior.
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I am so fed up.
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These are things we say to ourselves which have repercussions in reality, as we call it.
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Okay, jeff Thompson, I just watched your interview with him this morning.
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He's really on to the truth that we speak into being many things, even if we're not speaking them out loud, not realizing what we're doing, and that we need to be more mindful of the energy we're hurling out into space, because this is the purview of a conscious creator, of an awakened creator, of a lucid creator.
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So anyway, during this NDE, the first thing he did, when he said he had to show me, was he sent me to back down into the dream of the world, reliving a part of my life where I was 18 months old and mom was putting on me my first set of new shoes, and this was a big deal to mom.
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I lived this through mom's perspective and mine is an 18 month old laying on the floor screaming because I thought she tied me to the ground.
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I didn't understand why I had these stiff, nasty things on my little dainty feet, but wanted to feel the earth, not the shoes.
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So mom, at the same time, had gone through a lot of trouble to set aside the money to get these shoes for me to protect my feet.
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So I saw in this being the child and feeling through my mother and watching all of us at the same time.
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It was very interesting.
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You relive it and you experience it from everyone's point of view and watching it too.
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The shoes have been given to protect my feet and I, by the labels I had assigned to the experience, had made it the horrible situation that it was to me.
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The horrible situation I experienced was entirely of my own creation.
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Suddenly, with this realization, I'm back with Michael and the luster stass and I'm like did I get that right?
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Is that what you're trying to show me?
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That is indeed what he was trying to show me.
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So if I had seen the blessing at that time for that tribulation, I'd have been able to turn the grief to growth.
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I'd have been able to turn the poison to an elixir.
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You can still do it in retrospect, you can do it years down the line by reassigning yourself lucidly, consciously, the significance that you give to an event Once you find the blessing in it.
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You know, because it's automatically the thing that lifts the burden of the grief from your heart.
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It happens automatically.
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You have found the boon sufficient to justify that suffering.
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So another venue, another vignette happened, and it was of struggling with Alfred, of fighting Alfred and of knowing Michael's presence with me in that event, of feeling him, of leaving my body over and over again when this abuse happens.
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And it happened.
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And I learned from that.
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Not only that, I was accompanied and that I had this incredible resource, michael, his love, his ever present love and his redemptive sight.
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He could look upon things and show me the blessings outside of time.
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I did not have to wait as far down the time stream.
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If I would listen to him, I wouldn't have to do it as much.
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In retrospect it could happen as it happened.
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I could understand or I could.
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And this is what I advise everybody is what I learned from this preserve judgment, don't label it at all, wait and see.
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Wait and see how it rebounds.
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So the third back with Michael.
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I went into the luster's vas, asked him do I get this right?
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And I found the boon was you and that I learned that I was not my body.
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I learned, I began to learn I was not my body because whenever anyone would touch me my dad spanking me, alfred abusing me I would say to myself he cannot touch me, he can touch my body, he cannot sully me, he cannot even touch me, Right.
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So that is what I learned from that and that is a beautiful boon to realize you're not this warm.
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The next vignette my dad was wearing a switch out on my legs and the same thing happened again and again.
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I mean, it was not just one episode of dad hitting me with a switch, it was many.
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That I relived as a sort of this sort of event.
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This sort of event happened so many times, but I realized each time I just left my body when it was happening again.
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I am not my body.
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Okay, so I had found this escape, hatch Out, I'd go.
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So from these I learned that everything that happens to us is actually happening for us.
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People say why is there so much suffering?
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Well, your memory is not being wiped before you get here.
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There is no river life.
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I take that directly from Michael.
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There's no river of forgetfulness.
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The reason you don't remember is very simple.
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The human brain, when you're born, takes almost 30 years to mature and during that 30 years your brain, which is a mechanistic, chemically working thing, orients you to live in this venue.
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It orients you to believe you're a body, to believe you're your family, to believe your pets, to believe you're your house, your neighborhood, your friends, okay, all of the things that are important to the body's survival.
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But nobody wants you to forget.
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They want you to wake up, they want you to remember.
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That's why there's so much suffering.
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Every time you suffer, it's an opportunity to wake up.
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In fact it should be like a token to you saying wake up, wake up.
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You've lost your lucidity.
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You think you're something that can suffer loss and die.
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But there's something in this for you, because you're an eternal divine being who came here to awaken the whole world to the fact that they're dreaming.
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Now dying was exactly like awakening from a dispiriting dream.
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You know you wake up from a bad dream.
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You think, oh my God, I'm so glad I don't.
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My existence comes from a higher level and nothing in that dream can actually hurt me.
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That's exactly what it was like when I died.
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It was holy smoke.
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At this point I'm going.
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Nothing in the dream of the world could have ever hurt me at all.
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That is amazing, okay.
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And everything that hurt me hurt me because of the labels I assigned.
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Everything I suffered I suffered because I made it with my labels, the situation that it was for me.
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Other people were having a completely different experience.
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Shazam Mom was putting shoes on my feet because she loved me, okay.
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So at this point I'm laughing.
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I'm laughing because people do this to ourselves constantly.
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Michael and I are just roaring with laughter at the way we play this prank on ourselves.
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This is a prank.
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It's very funny from outside of the prank.
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When you get into your eternal perspective.
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You're going to go.
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Hey, that was hysterical.
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I can't believe I did that to myself, right?
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Because from there it's funny, but from within the venue not so funny.