Deb Strebel: Turning Sibling Loss into Legacy Through Memorial Jewelry

[Brian D. Smith] [0.56s] Close your eyes and imagine what are the things in life that cause us the greatest pain, the things that bring us grief, or challenges, challenges designed to help us grow to ultimately become what we were always meant to be.

[Brian D. Smith] [17.11s] We feel like we've been buried.

[Brian D. Smith] [19.27s] But what if like a seed we've been planted, and having been planted, we grow to become a mighty tree.

[Brian D. Smith] [28.14s] Now, open your eyes, Open your eyes to this way of viewing life.

[Brian D. Smith] [33.15s] Come with me as we explore your true infinite, eternal nature.

[Brian D. Smith] [38.83s] This is grief to growth.

[Brian D. Smith] [40.67s] And I am your host, Brian Smith.

[Brian D. Smith] [44.73s] Hi there.

[Brian D. Smith] [45.13s] I'm Brian Smith, and I wanna welcome you to another episode of Grief two Growth.

[Brian D. Smith] [48.17s] And whether this is your very first time joining us or you've been with us for a while, I am truly grateful that you're here.

[Brian D. Smith] [54.17s] This is a space where we navigate the toughest parts of life.

[Brian D. Smith] [57.19s] We talk about grief.

[Brian D. Smith] [58.23s] We talk about loss and everything in between, while we're also exploring the big questions.

[Brian D. Smith] [63.51s] Who are we?

[Brian D. Smith] [64.15s] Why are we here?

[Brian D. Smith] [65.11s] What happens next?

[Brian D. Smith] [66.55s] Today's conversation is one that touches the harp in a deeply personal way.

[Brian D. Smith] [69.91s] We're talking about legacy.

[Brian D. Smith] [71.77s] We're talking about what it means to remember, to honor, and to carry the essence of those who've lost forward into our everyday lives.

[Brian D. Smith] [79.20s] My guest is Deb Strebel.

[Brian D. Smith] [80.64s] She's the founder of Lee Alexander and Company, a custom jewelry company inspired by the memory of her beloved brother Lee.

[Brian D. Smith] [88.43s] Deb's story begins with the tragic loss of her brother Lee, and experience has shaped not only her grief journey, but her entire identity.

[Brian D. Smith] [95.79s] From the ashes of heartbreak, she created something beautiful, a way for others to wear their stories to carry memories and express love through intentional handcrafted jewelry.

[Brian D. Smith] [106.47s] In this episode, we're gonna explore what what makes sibling loss a unique form of grease grief, how Deb processed that loss over time, and how she chose to honor her brother by naming her business after him.

[Brian D. Smith] [119.03s] We'll talk about creating and wearing custom jewel custom jewelry became a path to healing and how these tangible pieces can serve as powerful reminders of the people that we've loved and lost.

[Brian D. Smith] [130.69s] We'll also dive into what legacy truly means.

[Brian D. Smith] [133.32s] Is it what we leave behind, or is it what we continue to carry and to create?

[Brian D. Smith] [137.97s] So whether you're navigating a personal loss, supporting someone who is, or simply interested in how creativity and remembrance intertwine, I think you're gonna find deep meaning in today's conversation.

[Brian D. Smith] [149.75s] And as always, I invite you to continue the conversation at my Substack at grieftogrowth.substack.com, where I'll be sharing an article about this episode.

[Brian D. Smith] [158.66s] And I'd love to hear your reflections, your stories, and how you honor the legacies of those you love.

[Brian D. Smith] [163.94s] And with that, I wanna welcome Deb Strebel.

[Deb Strebel] [167.06s] Hi, Ryan.

[Deb Strebel] [168.01s] It's great to be here.

[Brian D. Smith] [169.37s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [169.61s] It's it's great to have you here, Deb.

[Brian D. Smith] [171.53s] And whenever I'm talking to someone who has a loved one who has who has passed on, the first thing I wanna do is honor that person.

[Brian D. Smith] [178.57s] So tell me about your brother, Lee.

[Deb Strebel] [181.21s] I would love to.

[Deb Strebel] [181.85s] And, also, thank you for that beautiful introduction.

[Deb Strebel] [184.01s] That was, lovely.

[Deb Strebel] [185.58s] I couldn't have said it better myself.

[Deb Strebel] [189.34s] So my story starts about twenty years ago next year.

[Deb Strebel] [197.25s] I grew up in a very, I guess, conventional in what a lot of people would think as a conventional family.

[Deb Strebel] [205.39s] My my parents are, have a lovely, wonderful, and loving relationship.

[Deb Strebel] [210.43s] I have I have one brother who, was a little over three years younger than me, and we family was, like, really big growing up.

[Deb Strebel] [221.66s] My mom always made sure that we had dinner together every night and that we had a family day every Sunday.

[Deb Strebel] [228.33s] So we grew up very close.

[Deb Strebel] [230.57s] Him and I fought a lot, as kids.

[Deb Strebel] [234.41s] I was not in this, older sister looking back, but we also had a very close bond.

[Deb Strebel] [241.61s] We had a lot of similar interests.

[Deb Strebel] [244.15s] So we did spend a lot of time together whether or not that was our choice.

[Deb Strebel] [249.59s] And then as we got older, we definitely became closer, and our interest merged a little bit.

[Deb Strebel] [256.94s] We definitely stopped grief bickering.

[Deb Strebel] [261.00s] And then, I turned 18, and I was going to college locally.

[Deb Strebel] [266.44s] So I moved, into an apartment in town, and we still, you know, saw each other on a regular basis and kept in touch.

[Deb Strebel] [275.37s] He would have been about 15.

[Deb Strebel] [279.13s] And then, I I was I was snowboarding, for my gym credit in college, and it was a terrible day outside.

[Deb Strebel] [294.05s] And I, so we ended up leaving the slopes and going back to the college, and I was in the library.

[Deb Strebel] [301.81s] And I remember at one point having this, like, crazy ill come over me that I've never experienced since, or before that.

[Deb Strebel] [312.62s] And I said to my friend, like, if did it get, like, super cold in here?

[Deb Strebel] [317.42s] And she was like, I don't know what you're talking about.

[Deb Strebel] [319.10s] And I'm like, alright.

[Deb Strebel] [320.06s] Like, that was really weird.

[Deb Strebel] [321.26s] I'm, like, to my core, freezing.

[Deb Strebel] [323.98s] And then I sort of moved on.

[Deb Strebel] [325.98s] And about an hour later, I went outside, and I had a voice mail.

[Deb Strebel] [330.81s] And it was a message from the police, and they said, come to the hospital.

[Deb Strebel] [336.17s] Something happened to your brother, and your dad wants you to be there.

[Deb Strebel] [339.85s] And I was like, oh my god.

[Deb Strebel] [342.42s] Like, I can think of no other I can think of no other, outcome than he has died.

[Brian D. Smith] [351.54s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [352.18s] So we speed to the hospital.

[Deb Strebel] [354.82s] We pass our high school where he was a fresh no.

[Deb Strebel] [358.43s] Sophomore.

[Deb Strebel] [359.23s] And there's an ambulance out front, and I was like, I don't know what that means, but I'm just I'm convinced he's dead.

[Deb Strebel] [365.71s] Right.

[Deb Strebel] [366.82s] And we arrive at the hospital.

[Deb Strebel] [368.67s] I go to the desk.

[Deb Strebel] [369.82s] I'm, like, trying to talk to them.

[Deb Strebel] [372.14s] And I remember looking to my right, and I see my dad, like, through a door in this, like, little window in the door, and I see his face.

[Deb Strebel] [380.30s] And, you know, that kinda confirmed everything.

[Deb Strebel] [382.70s] So it it was completely shocking.

[Deb Strebel] [387.37s] He, he was in class.

[Deb Strebel] [389.29s] He was in a theater class, and he just dropped.

[Deb Strebel] [394.25s] And it ended up being something called myocarditis, which is a virus of his heart.

[Deb Strebel] [399.91s] So it's just a virus that made its way to his heart.

[Deb Strebel] [402.23s] And, otherwise, he was a perfectly healthy teenager, and that changed my life forever.

[Brian D. Smith] [410.23s] Absolutely.

[Brian D. Smith] [410.95s] I'm so sorry for that.

[Brian D. Smith] [413.21s] So it's it's actually really it reminds me kind of my my daughter's story.

[Brian D. Smith] [418.18s] My daughter, Shana, was 15 when she passed, and it was a it was a sudden thing.

[Brian D. Smith] [423.13s] And my other daughter, Kayla, is three years older.

[Brian D. Smith] [426.12s] So they were they were 18 and 15.

[Deb Strebel] [428.68s] Mhmm.

[Brian D. Smith] [429.88s] So you're I can't even imagine the the shock.

[Brian D. Smith] [434.52s] And you said it's interesting you said you had this idea that he he was dead, but at 18 and 15, had you ever even had a thought like that before?

[Deb Strebel] [442.94s] No.

[Deb Strebel] [443.42s] I had never had a thought like that.

[Deb Strebel] [445.01s] I I think it was just the idea that it was the police who called me.

[Brian D. Smith] [451.10s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [454.04s] And I I may have called them back, actually, now that I think about it.

[Deb Strebel] [458.52s] I think I called the number back, and they wouldn't give me any information.

[Deb Strebel] [463.40s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [464.52s] My mom was in California on a business trip that she had just arrived in Huntington.

[Deb Strebel] [470.79s] So, she got this, you know, terrible phone call and had to come home.

[Deb Strebel] [476.71s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [476.94s] I don't know why I knew.

[Deb Strebel] [479.30s] I I have no idea why that was my thought.

[Deb Strebel] [481.54s] I had never experienced anything like that before.

[Deb Strebel] [485.30s] I don't think I've been to a funeral.

[Brian D. Smith] [487.30s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [487.62s] I I again, I can't at 18, my daughter was 18.

[Brian D. Smith] [491.38s] She was actually Kayla was on vacation.

[Brian D. Smith] [493.60s] So she was in South Carolina with friends when it happened.

[Brian D. Smith] [497.37s] So I had to make the phone call to her and, you know, she had to fly back home.

[Brian D. Smith] [501.29s] So I'm seeing, you know, a lot of parallels here.

[Brian D. Smith] [504.16s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [505.04s] The thing is, you know, I've I've I've experienced the loss of a daughter, and I've talked to a lot of people who've experienced the loss of a spouse or a parent.

[Brian D. Smith] [514.23s] There's something, I think, different about sibling loss.

[Brian D. Smith] [517.11s] So describe what that was like for you.

[Deb Strebel] [521.87s] So, you know, in the aftermath, it was everyone shows up.

[Deb Strebel] [526.66s] Right?

[Deb Strebel] [526.90s] And you have, like, all of these people that you know and love that are trying to help in the next few days until the service.

[Deb Strebel] [534.24s] But then after the service happens, everyone leaves.

[Deb Strebel] [538.40s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [538.80s] And my parents like, there was so much support from my parents, you know, because this was just so crazy, and Lee was involved in the community a lot.

[Deb Strebel] [547.44s] He was in, an improv class, and he was in the school production.

[Deb Strebel] [552.47s] I I think there was a production in process at the time that he was a part of.

[Deb Strebel] [557.42s] He had so many friends.

[Deb Strebel] [558.78s] We have huge wonderful families.

[Deb Strebel] [560.47s] Like, there was a lot of of, blah blah

[Brian D. Smith] [566.45s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [566.77s] Going on.

[Deb Strebel] [568.05s] And then everyone left, and my parents had this wonderful, you know, support of their friends.

[Deb Strebel] [573.97s] But every we I remember we went to this, there was some sort of memorial ceremony that was held locally.

[Deb Strebel] [583.87s] I'm not sure what the context of it was looking back so much as a blur.

[Deb Strebel] [588.02s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [589.23s] But my parents were being talked about.

[Deb Strebel] [592.02s] My brother was being talked about.

[Deb Strebel] [593.06s] The experience was being talked about, but they definitely left out the fact that he had a sibling.

[Deb Strebel] [597.78s] And I remember sitting at the table by myself because my parents were being honored somewhere, like, up towards the front of, like, a stage sort of thing.

[Deb Strebel] [606.14s] And Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [607.18s] I mean, they're like, oh my gosh.

[Deb Strebel] [608.54s] Like, I I feel so invisible.

[Deb Strebel] [615.90s] I had been so deeply affected by this, not just because I lost Lee, which is huge.

[Deb Strebel] [623.21s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [624.65s] But I also, like, didn't realize that you could just drop that.

[Deb Strebel] [629.45s] And so I'm questioning everything.

[Deb Strebel] [631.37s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [632.98s] And it really it it it changed every piece of me physically, mentally, emotionally.

[Deb Strebel] [642.58s] And and it was really hard because I just I did feel a bit alone, I think, in comparison.

[Deb Strebel] [649.84s] My parents were amazing.

[Deb Strebel] [651.12s] They were incredibly supportive.

[Deb Strebel] [652.48s] They, you know, tried to put me into grief therapy and all of this stuff.

[Deb Strebel] [658.33s] But I don't know.

[Deb Strebel] [659.73s] There it it was this unique feeling.

[Deb Strebel] [663.33s] And other people who shared this, because I did know a few other people who did lose a sibling, they had other siblings.

[Deb Strebel] [671.49s] And I think that's so helpful.

[Deb Strebel] [674.77s] Like, I found myself, like, why did my parents just have two kids?

[Deb Strebel] [677.81s] If I had another person here, they would understand what I'm going through, but I'm just alone.

[Deb Strebel] [682.21s] I'm an only child now.

[Deb Strebel] [685.66s] And my parents who obviously also didn't know that this was something they needed to be worried about, turn their attention to me and then were constantly terrified that something would happen to me.

[Deb Strebel] [697.42s] And so I kept thinking the same thing.

[Deb Strebel] [700.68s] Not just for my own sake, but if something happens to me, then, like, what about my parents?

[Deb Strebel] [706.36s] And so it was like this crazy dynamic that developed early on where I felt huge pressure, and also fear.

[Brian D. Smith] [715.55s] Right.

[Brian D. Smith] [717.88s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [718.12s] That that thought that comes in your mind that, you know, anything could happen at any time, I could I can imagine becomes a a very pervasive thought.

[Brian D. Smith] [725.79s] And, you know, when you talked about being an only child, I I remember my my daughter Kayla said that, and it just broke my heart when she said, you know, now I'm an only child.

[Brian D. Smith] [735.49s] So there's that you know, as you said, it changes everything about, like, who you are.

[Brian D. Smith] [739.99s] You go from from being a big sister to being an only child.

[Brian D. Smith] [744.38s] And, you know, as a parent, you know, you want to be there for your your your child that's still here, but you're you know, we get so we wanna honor the one that the past too.

[Brian D. Smith] [756.75s] Right?

[Brian D. Smith] [756.91s] So that we we wanna like, in our house, we put pictures up and stuff.

[Brian D. Smith] [760.83s] So did you experience that where your parents were, like, putting a lot of attention into into Lee after he passed?

[Deb Strebel] [770.05s] You know, I I'm not sure.

[Deb Strebel] [774.05s] I don't think I don't when I look back, that's not necessarily a feeling that I identify with.

[Deb Strebel] [779.73s] I didn't I didn't feel like they, they didn't add photos.

[Deb Strebel] [784.54s] We had so many family photos around.

[Deb Strebel] [786.54s] They they really didn't, you know, turn their attention to that.

[Deb Strebel] [790.62s] I think they, they were very they were I think it was almost the opposite.

[Deb Strebel] [795.66s] Like, and they they honored him.

[Deb Strebel] [798.88s] I mean, they they went to therapy immediately, all kinds of therapy in our family at that time.

[Deb Strebel] [806.63s] And so I'm very grateful at how they handled it, really.

[Deb Strebel] [810.08s] When I look back, that's not feeling neglected by them or overlooked by them is not a feeling that I recall

[Brian D. Smith] [821.63s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [823.15s] Which is great.

[Deb Strebel] [823.87s] So Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [824.67s] I feel like they did a very good job of, like, balancing, how we moved forward.

[Brian D. Smith] [831.63s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [832.43s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [832.75s] That's that's a that's a hard thing.

[Brian D. Smith] [834.18s] You know?

[Brian D. Smith] [834.50s] And that's that's a great thing that your parents were, you know, able to do that because sometimes, you know, it's not intentional, but people will just, again, spend so much time and effort on on the one that's gone, and sometimes the one that's left feels a little bit, you know, invisible.

[Brian D. Smith] [850.08s] But you talked about, I guess, maybe the people around you, like, they kinda tended to help your parents.

[Brian D. Smith] [855.71s] And, so that that feeling so when you went I'm just curious when you went back to college.

[Brian D. Smith] [862.27s] What was that like for you, the experience of of going back and and telling people what had happened?

[Brian D. Smith] [867.88s] And

[Deb Strebel] [869.83s] I went to school.

[Deb Strebel] [871.83s] I started at community college for what was gonna be two years and then was going to transfer.

[Deb Strebel] [876.47s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [877.99s] And so I didn't have to tell a lot of people because we're a smaller community, and, a lot of people knew.

[Deb Strebel] [887.38s] So I luckily did not have to share that information.

[Deb Strebel] [892.25s] They already knew.

[Deb Strebel] [895.15s] My guidance counselor at my community college was a long time family friend, and so, you know, he helped handle things at my school.

[Deb Strebel] [902.91s] I ended up having to go for, an extra semester, if I can recall, or, I guess, dropping for that that semester, which meant I went for a couple an extra year at the other I went I transferred to another college.

[Deb Strebel] [921.39s] But it it you know, I tried to continue with school, which was kind of crazy.

[Deb Strebel] [927.79s] You know, I took, like, a a brief bereavement period and then was like, you know, I can I can do this?

[Deb Strebel] [934.25s] But no.

[Deb Strebel] [935.45s] No.

[Deb Strebel] [936.81s] I mean, it was it was kind of a nightmare when I look back at, like, the pain and anxiety.

[Deb Strebel] [944.17s] I was just mentally just messed up.

[Deb Strebel] [948.97s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [949.37s] And so I definitely needed extra time, to figure that out, but I did have a lot of people around me who who knew what happened.

[Deb Strebel] [957.77s] I think it was that a lot of them didn't know what to say, and they didn't know how to react, which I understand because even now, when someone around me loses somebody, it's just every situation's so different.

[Deb Strebel] [976.08s] Every situation, even if there's, like, so many parallels

[Brian D. Smith] [979.28s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [980.64s] Everyone grieves so differently.

[Deb Strebel] [984.08s] And and so I I understand that, but there's no right thing to say other than I'm so sorry.

[Deb Strebel] [992.99s] Can I bring you food?

[Deb Strebel] [995.30s] Can I sit with you?

[Deb Strebel] [999.54s] But I I definitely felt from, you know, I guess, a community standpoint or something, like, everybody was like, how are your parents?

[Deb Strebel] [1008.66s] How are your parents?

[Brian D. Smith] [1010.10s] Right.

[Deb Strebel] [1011.14s] And I was like, well, they're, you know, they're struggling.

[Deb Strebel] [1014.74s] I'm struggling too.

[Deb Strebel] [1016.18s] Sure.

[Deb Strebel] [1017.06s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [1018.83s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [1019.23s] Again, I I just as I look at you, I see I see my daughter, and I remember she was she was a freshman, in college.

[Brian D. Smith] [1026.35s] And my my Shayna passed the year between her freshman year and her sophomore year.

[Brian D. Smith] [1030.68s] And we were like, well, maybe take a year off.

[Brian D. Smith] [1033.00s] You know?

[Brian D. Smith] [1033.48s] Just stay home for a while.

[Brian D. Smith] [1035.08s] But she was she was just turning 18.

[Brian D. Smith] [1037.56s] Actually, when Shana passed, I guess she was 18.

[Brian D. Smith] [1042.61s] She was like, I wanna go back to school.

[Brian D. Smith] [1044.53s] I just wanna be normal.

[Brian D. Smith] [1045.64s] But she didn't wanna tell the she didn't wanna tell the kids at her school, and she went to school three hours away.

[Brian D. Smith] [1050.29s] But she was like, I don't wanna be the the the girl with the dead sister was the way that she put it.

[Brian D. Smith] [1056.07s] And this was this was ten years ago, so it's it's completely different now.

[Brian D. Smith] [1059.19s] But I think sometimes kids wanna just, like I wanna just go back to to, quote, normal as soon as possible.

[Brian D. Smith] [1065.99s] And as as adult, we have to understand that, you know, at 18, you grieve differently than we do at the ages that some of us are.

[Deb Strebel] [1074.21s] Absolutely.

[Deb Strebel] [1074.92s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1075.40s] 18 year old Deb was a completely different person.

[Deb Strebel] [1078.29s] Although, you know, I think a lot of that is attributed to what happened.

[Deb Strebel] [1083.16s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1083.64s] I didn't mind talking about it.

[Deb Strebel] [1085.64s] I mean, I I wanted to keep his memory alive.

[Deb Strebel] [1091.22s] I I felt like this was good information for people to know about me because, again, it I was I was unpredictable unpredictably different

[Brian D. Smith] [1101.06s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1101.62s] Than before.

[Deb Strebel] [1104.80s] Right.

[Deb Strebel] [1105.43s] I didn't know what that meant.

[Deb Strebel] [1107.52s] I just knew that I was a different person at that point, and I didn't mind sharing this story.

[Deb Strebel] [1113.43s] I mean, it's such a shocking story.

[Deb Strebel] [1115.19s] Sometimes I would find myself telling this story and go, is it me?

[Deb Strebel] [1119.09s] Is this is this my story?

[Deb Strebel] [1121.25s] Because why?

[Deb Strebel] [1122.61s] Like, how did this happen?

[Deb Strebel] [1124.13s] I I had this just such a traditional upbringing, and I hadn't had a lot of obstacles at that point of, you know, just very average in every way.

[Brian D. Smith] [1139.01s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1139.33s] And this was not average.

[Deb Strebel] [1140.68s] This was just this curve ball that I I just didn't know could be thrown.

[Deb Strebel] [1146.53s] So I didn't mind that other people knew this.

[Brian D. Smith] [1149.17s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [1149.49s] That's the thing.

[Brian D. Smith] [1150.05s] You know?

[Brian D. Smith] [1150.29s] It comes in out of the blue, and it's one of those things you think happens to other people.

[Brian D. Smith] [1153.49s] You know?

[Brian D. Smith] [1153.97s] We know that it happens, but it doesn't happen, you know, in our household.

[Brian D. Smith] [1157.33s] So, that that that lack of feeling of safety.

[Brian D. Smith] [1163.62s] So how did you how have you navigated that that feeling?

[Brian D. Smith] [1167.30s] Like like you said, the responsibility, your parents, maybe a little bit of hypervigilance, which we went through with my daughter, Kayla.

[Brian D. Smith] [1174.86s] So, how did you guys go through that?

[Deb Strebel] [1178.94s] Well, I looking back, it's really interesting because on one hand, I felt this, like, immense pressure to make sure I was very safe.

[Deb Strebel] [1188.38s] And so anytime I was in a car with somebody, I was like, remember like, my mom would text me and be like, tell them that they have precious cargo.

[Deb Strebel] [1194.79s] So, you know, I'd be like, listen.

[Deb Strebel] [1197.03s] You have a big responsibility.

[Deb Strebel] [1198.46s] Please don't kill us.

[Deb Strebel] [1200.27s] And I'm 18, so, you know, every time your 18 year old is on the road, it's terrifying.

[Brian D. Smith] [1205.55s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [1206.03s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1207.71s] And I I feel like on one hand, there was recklessness in a way, which is which is weird, but I was like not to a point where I felt like I was in danger.

[Deb Strebel] [1219.87s] I don't look back and think like, oh, that was a really dangerous situation other than, like, driving too fast or trusting a couple people that I maybe shouldn't have trusted.

[Deb Strebel] [1227.08s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1227.24s] I didn't go on, like, some sort of, like, really reckless, binge of, you know, partying or anything like that.

[Brian D. Smith] [1236.20s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1236.76s] But I was, like, really wanting to maintain a a normal experience.

[Deb Strebel] [1244.85s] I had been so looking forward to college.

[Deb Strebel] [1247.16s] I really had a wonderful high school experience, and I just wanted to to be normal while balancing the fact that my parents were, like, so worried about me.

[Deb Strebel] [1257.61s] They couldn't get in contact with me.

[Deb Strebel] [1260.01s] They were very nervous.

[Deb Strebel] [1261.13s] I remember one time I was at a party, around the block from my parents' house.

[Brian D. Smith] [1266.01s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1266.69s] And something happened.

[Deb Strebel] [1268.69s] Oh, I I had a bunch of missed calls, and I finally was able to answer these calls, and it was that a police officer showed up at my parents' house.

[Deb Strebel] [1277.49s] And my mom immediately thought that I died.

[Deb Strebel] [1279.82s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1280.05s] I mean, and so but all it was is that some on the block, there was, a break in or there was some something was called in, and the police were just checking to see if everything's okay.

[Deb Strebel] [1291.64s] But I remember my mom, like, absolutely broke down and had couldn't get a hold of me, and I felt so guilty that she couldn't immediately get a hold of me to say, like, no.

[Deb Strebel] [1299.35s] I'm fine.

[Deb Strebel] [1299.74s] I'm just at this person's house over here.

[Deb Strebel] [1303.51s] And so that was that was terrible.

[Deb Strebel] [1307.03s] But I don't remember it lasting too incredibly long, that stage.

[Deb Strebel] [1312.95s] I remember, like, you know, again, therapy for us was so, so helpful.

[Deb Strebel] [1319.18s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1319.74s] We all went to different therapies.

[Deb Strebel] [1321.18s] My mom tried to do, like, family therapy together and separately.

[Deb Strebel] [1325.18s] I did not find that helpful.

[Deb Strebel] [1327.42s] And I don't think it was the group therapy itself.

[Deb Strebel] [1329.51s] I think it was the therapist wasn't a good match for me.

[Deb Strebel] [1332.07s] I remember her telling me, like, sometimes you'll cry.

[Deb Strebel] [1334.77s] Sometimes I'll cry, and sometimes we'll cry together.

[Deb Strebel] [1336.93s] And I was like, I can't deal with you crying.

[Deb Strebel] [1340.29s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1340.45s] That's that is not going to work for me.

[Deb Strebel] [1343.17s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1343.41s] Because I was like, this isn't this isn't gonna work.

[Deb Strebel] [1345.73s] And then, but I had this trauma where I started having panic attacks.

[Deb Strebel] [1352.86s] I started I started having panic attacks.

[Deb Strebel] [1354.93s] I started, just I was convinced that I was going to drop dead.

[Deb Strebel] [1359.65s] I mean and statistics meant nothing.

[Deb Strebel] [1362.86s] Right?

[Deb Strebel] [1363.10s] So people would be like, likelihood of x y z, and I'm like, the likelihood means nothing because what's the likelihood of a perfectly healthy 15 year old Right.

[Deb Strebel] [1370.19s] Just dying.

[Brian D. Smith] [1371.63s] Right.

[Deb Strebel] [1373.31s] So I don't I don't subscribe to that thought process, and now I'm afraid that, like, the most unthinkable thing will happen at any time.

[Deb Strebel] [1380.02s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1380.26s] So I ended up going to, you know, a a different therapist, and I got, I had EMDR, which is eye movement rapid.

[Deb Strebel] [1390.73s] Nope.

[Deb Strebel] [1392.99s] I don't remember what it stands for.

[Deb Strebel] [1394.67s] EMDR Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1395.63s] EMDR.

[Deb Strebel] [1396.19s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [1397.31s] Eye movement to sense to sensitization, I think.

[Brian D. Smith] [1400.27s] Something.

[Deb Strebel] [1400.91s] Yes.

[Deb Strebel] [1401.31s] Something like that.

[Deb Strebel] [1402.35s] And I will say, like, it helped me so much because I kept every time I thought about seeing my dad in the window at the hospital, I just couldn't

[Brian D. Smith] [1412.17s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1412.65s] It it it took me out of wherever I was and just put me into a panic state.

[Brian D. Smith] [1418.49s] Right.

[Deb Strebel] [1418.82s] So, I used EMDR with with a different with a right you know, with a different kind of therapist, a regular therapist that I had started seeing, and and it helped right away.

[Deb Strebel] [1428.21s] I mean, I could then have that thought without breaking down

[Brian D. Smith] [1432.69s] Right.

[Deb Strebel] [1433.17s] Which was, a huge relief.

[Deb Strebel] [1436.15s] My dad also was traumatized because he was the first one at the hospital, and he was with my brother.

[Deb Strebel] [1443.04s] I actually did not see my brother.

[Deb Strebel] [1444.72s] I would ask, like, do you wanna see him one last time?

[Deb Strebel] [1447.60s] And I said, I don't.

[Deb Strebel] [1449.12s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1450.15s] I I wanna remember him as I do, and the idea of seeing him not alive anymore was just too much.

[Deb Strebel] [1457.75s] And I don't regret that.

[Deb Strebel] [1458.71s] I feel, you know, I don't feel like that would've I don't know what would've happened if I did make that decision, but I feel okay with with it.

[Brian D. Smith] [1465.40s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1467.48s] And, and I I feel like I I changed so much after after all of that happened.

[Deb Strebel] [1479.51s] Prior to him passing, I feel like, you know, I'm a millennial.

[Deb Strebel] [1483.99s] We watched a lot of of teen movies, which were you know, had a kind of a formulaic approach where, you know, there's high school and there's clicks and there's cool kids and there's the not cool kids and there's the importance of of being cool.

[Deb Strebel] [1498.16s] And I think that that was that having friends and being seen as, like, a cool person, those were it was a very high priority for me over success in school.

[Deb Strebel] [1511.20s] I didn't I I had a wonderful family, but I don't know that I ever, realized how lucky I was to have that family, and and I don't think I was grateful to have that family.

[Deb Strebel] [1523.49s] I was just like, whatever.

[Deb Strebel] [1524.86s] Cool.

[Deb Strebel] [1525.26s] Like, of course, I have this family.

[Deb Strebel] [1528.54s] It's, again, what you see in portrayed in movies and in you know, I was very average in a lot of these areas.

[Deb Strebel] [1537.29s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1537.77s] And after he passed, I became so much more fam I think after after I had the therapy, after I really worked on myself, after the the initial grief period because I don't think I'm not sure that anyone, can can really become this enlightened person right after something like that happens.

[Brian D. Smith] [1561.89s] Right.

[Deb Strebel] [1562.21s] Right.

[Deb Strebel] [1562.38s] It was like a very long period of time where I had to work through some some crazy things, and my body, like, revolted.

[Deb Strebel] [1568.91s] I had health problems pop up.

[Deb Strebel] [1572.03s] I had no idea that could happen, not like a trauma or a death could then affect your health that way.

[Brian D. Smith] [1578.19s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1580.26s] You know, it was just all over the place.

[Deb Strebel] [1582.18s] But, you know, a couple of years later, I found myself I found that I had completely reprioritized everything.

[Deb Strebel] [1592.50s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1593.87s] My my relationship with my parents, I feel, was so much better.

[Deb Strebel] [1601.36s] My mom and I used to butt head like crazy.

[Deb Strebel] [1604.48s] I'm a very hard headed, strong willed individual, and, I'm not someone who enjoys taking no for an answer, especially when I was a teenager.

[Deb Strebel] [1616.06s] So after after Lee's passing, knowing that your whole world can just end at any time.

[Deb Strebel] [1628.00s] On one hand was the curse that I had to figure out how to navigate.

[Deb Strebel] [1633.76s] Because nobody could say, like, it's not true.

[Deb Strebel] [1635.92s] No one could say, like, no.

[Deb Strebel] [1637.04s] Nothing's gonna happen.

[Deb Strebel] [1638.00s] That's just not something that that exists.

[Deb Strebel] [1641.13s] The only thing you can do is say, well, it's not likely to happen, so worrying about it's not gonna do anything.

[Deb Strebel] [1646.73s] And, like, how how can you prepare yourself or how can you live your life in a way that says, like, okay.

[Deb Strebel] [1652.40s] Anything can happen at any time.

[Deb Strebel] [1653.92s] So my relationship with my parents became incredible, and I made sure that every time I spoke to any loved one, friend, family, whatever, I was very clear about my feelings with them, in a loving way.

[Deb Strebel] [1671.91s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1673.12s] Because I pictured, you know, every conversation could be the last conversation, and it changed everything.

[Deb Strebel] [1682.37s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1682.69s] It changed everything about me.

[Brian D. Smith] [1685.33s] So in terms of your your parents' relationship with each other without getting too personal, there's there is a it's a myth that when parents lose a child, that it drives them apart, and some people think their divorce rate is, like, eighty percent or something for parents to lose a child.

[Brian D. Smith] [1702.29s] Again, that's a myth, so I wanna put that to rest.

[Brian D. Smith] [1705.42s] But how would you say your parents' relationship it sounds like your parents your relationship with your parents improved.

[Brian D. Smith] [1710.54s] What was your perception of their relationship with each other?

[Deb Strebel] [1714.62s] I have heard about that myth, and I didn't know it was a myth.

[Deb Strebel] [1718.31s] So I was terrified.

[Deb Strebel] [1720.14s] Sure.

[Deb Strebel] [1721.51s] And when I was around them, if they would be you know, if they argued with each other, I did find that they I felt like they were arguing more.

[Deb Strebel] [1727.35s] I didn't live at home either, so I wasn't with them all the time.

[Deb Strebel] [1731.59s] But I did feel like they were arguing more, and maybe that was just my perception because I was so sensitive to it.

[Deb Strebel] [1737.84s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1738.24s] Not that they argued a lot, and they didn't have an unhealthy way of communicating necessarily, but, I was terrified that they were going to get divorced.

[Deb Strebel] [1749.83s] I remember on a road trip one time, my parents were were arguing and my dad got out to get gas, and it came up.

[Deb Strebel] [1758.79s] Like, somehow my mom was like, she, like, knew.

[Deb Strebel] [1761.61s] I don't know if I voiced my fear, but my mom was like, you know, we're okay.

[Deb Strebel] [1769.13s] Like, we're not we're not gonna break up.

[Deb Strebel] [1772.25s] And and it she might have said it's a myth, you know, because then I think I was very scared.

[Brian D. Smith] [1778.33s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [1779.21s] There's a lot of fear.

[Brian D. Smith] [1780.16s] There's a lot of fear that comes up with with this.

[Brian D. Smith] [1781.92s] You know?

[Brian D. Smith] [1782.09s] And the, again, the the worst thing that we can think of that could never happen happens, like you said, it kinda takes all the you can throw the rule book out the window.

[Brian D. Smith] [1791.47s] Right?

[Brian D. Smith] [1792.27s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [1792.51s] I could just drop dead at any moment.

[Brian D. Smith] [1794.67s] I I used to have panic attacks when I was young.

[Brian D. Smith] [1797.07s] And one of the things I would tell myself was, well, I'm too young to actually die.

[Brian D. Smith] [1801.07s] But when you see somebody 15 and and it's and, you know, I'm sure you know this now.

[Brian D. Smith] [1806.88s] It's not as unheard of as people think it is.

[Brian D. Smith] [1809.99s] You know?

[Brian D. Smith] [1810.71s] My daughter was 15 when she passed away.

[Brian D. Smith] [1812.71s] I've heard of kids in their kitchen at the age of 10 that just suddenly passed away.

[Brian D. Smith] [1817.83s] And, unfortunately, it's just a it's a reality of life, which doesn't seem fair.

[Brian D. Smith] [1822.31s] It doesn't seem right, but, you know, it does happen.

[Brian D. Smith] [1825.27s] And when it does, we have to change everything we think about the world.

[Deb Strebel] [1830.63s] Yep.

[Deb Strebel] [1832.72s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1833.04s] It's crazy.

[Brian D. Smith] [1835.13s] So you, you went ahead and and finished school, and then you had a career after that.

[Brian D. Smith] [1841.37s] What did you what did you do after that?

[Brian D. Smith] [1842.88s] What's your what's your major?

[Deb Strebel] [1845.00s] So my pair this is this is an interesting tidbit.

[Deb Strebel] [1848.28s] So, my parents are, they they have or they had, a wealth management firm.

[Deb Strebel] [1856.36s] So they did, financial planning, investment, insurance.

[Deb Strebel] [1859.60s] They have had clients for, I mean, well over thirty years, work with them.

[Deb Strebel] [1866.63s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1866.88s] They, you know, try to make sure that everyone you know, that their their clients have this, like, amazing plan in every aspect that they've, like, you know, accounted for, and they work with them throughout their lives until retirement.

[Deb Strebel] [1881.11s] And, and they were great at it.

[Deb Strebel] [1883.67s] You know, they they love their clients.

[Deb Strebel] [1885.27s] They are very well educated around these subjects.

[Deb Strebel] [1888.47s] They kept up with the education, and they really cared about the people they were working with.

[Deb Strebel] [1895.35s] And it was my dad's dream for me to do this.

[Deb Strebel] [1897.98s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1898.38s] So I worked at their firm, on and off when I was a kid.

[Deb Strebel] [1904.01s] You know, I would, like, have a little after school job.

[Deb Strebel] [1907.45s] And then I would say, I don't wanna do this.

[Deb Strebel] [1909.21s] And my dad's like, well, you're not doing what I do.

[Deb Strebel] [1911.29s] You're filing.

[Deb Strebel] [1912.49s] Filing is terrible.

[Deb Strebel] [1914.17s] And I'd be like, okay.

[Deb Strebel] [1916.20s] And, you know, that kept happening through life where he's like, you know, you would be a great financial planner.

[Deb Strebel] [1920.85s] You know, you're really great with people, and you're passionate, and you care.

[Deb Strebel] [1925.72s] And all of those things made sense to me.

[Deb Strebel] [1927.64s] So I'd be like, okay.

[Deb Strebel] [1928.44s] Okay.

[Deb Strebel] [1928.68s] But then I would, like, think about it more and be like, but I don't really like money.

[Deb Strebel] [1932.22s] I don't like thinking about money.

[Deb Strebel] [1934.62s] I don't I don't I don't wanna have to have that piece, which is a really important piece to understand the ins and outs of the the technical side of, like, insurance and wealth management and all of that stuff.

[Deb Strebel] [1946.15s] It's really important, and I couldn't stand it.

[Deb Strebel] [1948.95s] So, and then my and then later in, in high school, my dad said, you know, I will I will very much help pay for college if you go for potential planning.

[Deb Strebel] [1960.26s] And I was like, oh, man.

[Deb Strebel] [1962.34s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [1962.58s] I I wanna go into advertising or something.

[Deb Strebel] [1967.86s] And, so but I was like, you know what?

[Deb Strebel] [1970.66s] Fine.

[Deb Strebel] [1970.98s] I'll do it.

[Deb Strebel] [1971.46s] And and college you know, I had the I had a great college experience.

[Deb Strebel] [1975.46s] It was after high school that I sort of learned how to learn, which, you know, doing your homework, really important, it turns out.

[Deb Strebel] [1982.74s] So, I I I became a much better student.

[Deb Strebel] [1987.07s] I graduated with a a business degree with a big focus in financial planning.

[Deb Strebel] [1991.89s] That's, like, I think part of the degree program that was my major.

[Brian D. Smith] [1994.93s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [1996.37s] Did internships at several different firms that were not my parents' firm.

[Deb Strebel] [2001.41s] But while I was in high school or college, I'm sorry, the 2008 crash happened.

[Brian D. Smith] [2008.02s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2008.34s] And I had been interning for that summer at my parents' firm.

[Deb Strebel] [2011.93s] So I I saw the worst of the worst.

[Deb Strebel] [2014.89s] It was probably my dad's worst nightmare, not just that this happened because of all the, you know, the way that his clients were reacting and the way that, you know I mean, I'm sure every financial adviser and every person who has money in the in the market was just freaking out.

[Deb Strebel] [2030.58s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [2032.20s] So I watched all this take place, and my dad must have been like, oh my gosh.

[Deb Strebel] [2035.15s] I can't believe that she she chose now to be an intern watching this nightmare.

[Brian D. Smith] [2041.96s] Right.

[Deb Strebel] [2043.47s] It was terrible.

[Deb Strebel] [2044.52s] I think that really sealed it.

[Deb Strebel] [2046.20s] Watching my parents just try to navigate this situation, I think they both became substantially more gray, and I was like, I could not handle this responsibility.

[Deb Strebel] [2058.07s] I don't feel I don't feel like this is what my passion is.

[Deb Strebel] [2063.20s] And I think that is that's when I was like, yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [2066.32s] I I don't think I wanted to do a thing.

[Deb Strebel] [2069.28s] And so I didn't really know what to do with myself.

[Deb Strebel] [2074.80s] I mean, I did work at some financial services firms.

[Deb Strebel] [2078.17s] I I still I still pursued it just for a lack of not knowing what to do, and I thought maybe the passion would come after I fully understand the work.

[Deb Strebel] [2087.85s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2090.01s] But, it it just never became something that I loved.

[Deb Strebel] [2096.24s] And it's so interesting when I look back, that my dad wanted me to do this family business.

[Deb Strebel] [2104.08s] It was really important to him.

[Deb Strebel] [2104.96s] They had built up this wonderful company, and he just wanted to be like Right.

[Brian D. Smith] [2108.80s] Here.

[Brian D. Smith] [2109.36s] Right.

[Deb Strebel] [2109.68s] Here is this great position.

[Deb Strebel] [2111.44s] I will teach you everything.

[Deb Strebel] [2112.56s] And I was like, I really don't wanna do it.

[Deb Strebel] [2116.16s] And simultaneously after Lee passed, you know, my parents my parents got an urn, but I was at college.

[Deb Strebel] [2125.76s] And so the biggest thing for me was I was like, well, what am I supposed to do?

[Deb Strebel] [2129.99s] Like, I have a sweatshirt of his.

[Deb Strebel] [2132.17s] You know?

[Deb Strebel] [2132.65s] But, like, I don't have a piece of him.

[Deb Strebel] [2135.93s] I I know he's in this urn, but I I would it didn't compute in my brain.

[Deb Strebel] [2140.49s] I felt like I wanted something with me, and that's when I found out about Memorial Jewelry.

[Deb Strebel] [2146.20s] Excuse me.

[Deb Strebel] [2146.76s] I didn't know that was a thing.

[Deb Strebel] [2148.43s] I didn't know about anything surrounding death.

[Deb Strebel] [2150.91s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2152.28s] And I found out about Memorial Jewelry that, like, really fit what I was looking for, but, like, I couldn't find anything I liked.

[Deb Strebel] [2161.85s] It was all very inexpensive because it was made of, like you know, it was silver, and there was a screw in a little place to put the ashes, and then you screw it closed.

[Deb Strebel] [2170.97s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2172.25s] I didn't really like any of the designs.

[Deb Strebel] [2173.93s] But, again, the point was that I wanted him with me when I left for college, which I was a couple hours away when I transferred.

[Deb Strebel] [2181.17s] So a bunch of us got pieces.

[Deb Strebel] [2183.82s] My parents were like, oh, that that's a good idea.

[Deb Strebel] [2185.89s] And a bunch of us got these pieces.

[Deb Strebel] [2188.22s] And I wore it a lot.

[Deb Strebel] [2189.42s] Again, I didn't love how it looked, but it was really important to me to have him with me.

[Brian D. Smith] [2193.42s] Sure.

[Deb Strebel] [2194.38s] But then I I got into a hot tub one day, and last thing I know, it the whole thing is just green.

[Deb Strebel] [2202.34s] It is ruined.

[Deb Strebel] [2203.78s] Oh.

[Deb Strebel] [2205.93s] And, you know, it's a screw.

[Deb Strebel] [2207.69s] So there's no way that, like, modern didn't get into it, and that was devastating to me.

[Deb Strebel] [2214.01s] So I had you know, I talked to my parents about it, and we acknowledge, like, okay.

[Deb Strebel] [2222.22s] We want something long term.

[Deb Strebel] [2223.42s] They're willing to pay for it because, again, I was a college student.

[Deb Strebel] [2226.22s] We went to a local jeweler and had pieces made for us.

[Deb Strebel] [2230.14s] And and okay.

[Deb Strebel] [2232.59s] Great.

[Deb Strebel] [2232.99s] Like, now I have something more substantial that I can feel comfortable with.

[Deb Strebel] [2236.04s] Again, it wasn't completely what I what I wanted, but the concept was there.

[Deb Strebel] [2239.47s] Now I didn't have to worry about something terrible happening to it.

[Deb Strebel] [2242.11s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2242.68s] And at some point, we were like, you know, there must be other people who want something that'll last a really long time and that they actually, like, really love the design of and they feel really connected with.

[Deb Strebel] [2254.94s] And so my parents decided to start Well, we decided, but I was at college, and I didn't have any ability to, like, really work with them at the time.

[Deb Strebel] [2263.38s] But they started this group, with a designer and a couple other people who helped start this business.

[Deb Strebel] [2270.41s] And so it became sort of like, oh, maybe I can do something with this.

[Deb Strebel] [2276.48s] Maybe I don't have to do financial planning, and I can still be part of a family business.

[Deb Strebel] [2280.08s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2280.80s] I can work for this jewelry company, that was, you know, kinda my brainchild in the first place anyway, and, and I was passionate about the idea.

[Deb Strebel] [2291.49s] And what's funny is that I immediately regretted it.

[Deb Strebel] [2294.93s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [2296.45s] Before we ever made a sale, you know, we were sort of like, okay.

[Deb Strebel] [2300.17s] What do we have to do to make this business known?

[Deb Strebel] [2304.57s] How do we get our first customer?

[Deb Strebel] [2306.41s] Well, blogs were starting to be a thing, and this is, like, back in, I don't know, 2014 or '15 when I kind of joined into what they were doing.

[Brian D. Smith] [2315.70s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2315.95s] And, and I found myself surrounded by death.

[Deb Strebel] [2321.63s] So instead of, like, the responsibility of the financial planning side of things where you have to be, like, responsible for people's well-being, really, if something terrible happens or you miscalculate something, like, you could really mess up the future of someone, and that pressure seemed really immense.

[Brian D. Smith] [2335.99s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [2336.23s] And then we go over here, and I was like, oh my gosh.

[Deb Strebel] [2338.48s] Now I'm just speaking about death.

[Deb Strebel] [2339.84s] Now I'm just completely thrown into the world of death, and I I already am in the world of death.

[Deb Strebel] [2345.44s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [2345.76s] That is my brain after this happened.

[Deb Strebel] [2349.28s] I was like, this isn't gonna work.

[Deb Strebel] [2352.66s] But, I worked through that, and and it turned out that I wasn't surrounded by death.

[Deb Strebel] [2361.38s] In fact, I would say, there was just some once people started once we once we had our, you know, first couple of sales and I and I got the response from people about how just grateful and thankful they were to have something so beautiful and, important and how I don't know.

[Deb Strebel] [2385.27s] It just seemed to bring a lot of people some sort of closure, some sort of positive feeling in their journey, and I was like, that's it.

[Deb Strebel] [2392.74s] I figured it out.

[Deb Strebel] [2393.55s] That's what I wanna do.

[Deb Strebel] [2396.03s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [2396.35s] And here we are.

[Brian D. Smith] [2398.18s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [2398.51s] Absolutely.

[Brian D. Smith] [2398.91s] Well, I understand what you're saying because sometimes people ask me, like, with what I do, they're like, doesn't that bring you down being around, you know, people to talk about death all day?

[Brian D. Smith] [2405.86s] And I'm like, no.

[Brian D. Smith] [2406.93s] Absolutely not.

[Brian D. Smith] [2407.89s] You know?

[Brian D. Smith] [2408.29s] Because it it is it is that that legacy that people you know, you're you're create you've created a legacy, or you're creating a legacy with with your brother Lee, and you're helping other people to create and preserve the legacies of their loved ones.

[Brian D. Smith] [2422.38s] So it's very, you know, honorable work that you're doing.

[Deb Strebel] [2425.97s] Thank you.

[Deb Strebel] [2426.86s] Thank you.

[Deb Strebel] [2427.34s] It it feels like it.

[Deb Strebel] [2428.54s] I didn't think so.

[Deb Strebel] [2430.22s] I just didn't realize the impact.

[Deb Strebel] [2432.30s] I knew how I felt.

[Deb Strebel] [2433.58s] You know?

[Deb Strebel] [2433.89s] I have, I have a ring now that, like, one of our original designs when we haven't had a new designer, I actually was able to participate in the design process, which I wasn't able to do the the the second time, I guess, because not the first cheap piece, but the next piece.

[Deb Strebel] [2448.47s] I I didn't identify with it in terms of the style, but it it was a better quality.

[Deb Strebel] [2454.05s] But we went to another person who was able to really work with me one on one and and create a design that, like, really spoke to me.

[Deb Strebel] [2464.74s] I chose an aquamarine stone, for and this is funny.

[Deb Strebel] [2469.86s] A lot of my customers, they they focus a lot on birthstones, have having some sort of meaning to the month that they were born or they died.

[Brian D. Smith] [2481.24s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2481.89s] And even if they don't like the color Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [2485.57s] And so I thought that was interesting because I actually chose an aquamarine because my brother and I shared this unbelievable love of the water

[Brian D. Smith] [2494.54s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2494.86s] Of the ocean.

[Deb Strebel] [2496.46s] And so, it reminded me of him.

[Deb Strebel] [2499.66s] It reminded me of us, and that's it.

[Deb Strebel] [2502.22s] That's the only reason.

[Deb Strebel] [2503.83s] That's the reason.

[Deb Strebel] [2505.43s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [2505.83s] So I I encourage people.

[Deb Strebel] [2507.59s] You know?

[Deb Strebel] [2508.55s] You don't need to pigeonhole yourself.

[Deb Strebel] [2511.27s] The person that you're memorializing, if if they're somewhere because I have no idea.

[Deb Strebel] [2515.74s] But if they're somewhere and they can see you, they're not they want you to be happy.

[Deb Strebel] [2520.95s] They want you to have something that makes you feel joy.

[Deb Strebel] [2524.95s] And so if you find that the birthstone that that, you know, matches their birthday isn't your style, don't feel like you have to do that or you're not honoring them appropriately.

[Deb Strebel] [2539.32s] And I I I hope people realize that because I think they do put a lot of doc into, you know, connecting it to something like a birthstone.

[Deb Strebel] [2548.76s] Not that there's anything wrong with doing that.

[Deb Strebel] [2550.20s] I mean, it's a beautiful thing, and if and and many people are happy doing that.

[Brian D. Smith] [2554.28s] Sure.

[Deb Strebel] [2555.61s] But I just want people to feel more empowered to, you know, whatever whatever brings them the most joy when remembering their loved one.

[Deb Strebel] [2563.77s] I think that's the most important important part of it.

[Deb Strebel] [2568.41s] But having a having my own ring, there's something there's something about having him on my finger.

[Deb Strebel] [2580.00s] I don't know what it is because I don't I don't feel I'm not I'm not a person that feels like if I don't have this with me, he's not with me.

[Deb Strebel] [2587.97s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2588.53s] I don't feel like this is something that everyone needs to have in order to have their loved one with them.

[Deb Strebel] [2592.77s] Like, however people desire to remember, and to honor, it's such a personal experience.

[Deb Strebel] [2601.89s] It and there's no right or wrong way.

[Deb Strebel] [2606.93s] But I I I love it.

[Deb Strebel] [2609.77s] I love that every time I look at my hand, I think of him.

[Deb Strebel] [2614.01s] If I'm not I mean, he's already he's always there, but I I think of him even more.

[Deb Strebel] [2617.29s] I mean, he likes against my finger in a way.

[Deb Strebel] [2621.05s] And, I think about you know, it brings me luck.

[Deb Strebel] [2625.41s] Like, if I'm doing something important, I put it put it on my finger, and I'm like, you know, be with me and help me navigate this thing that I have to do.

[Deb Strebel] [2638.32s] And I don't know.

[Deb Strebel] [2639.20s] It's a feeling of closeness that I can't describe that was so important for me to achieve, and having it is so special.

[Deb Strebel] [2648.47s] And so I want anyone looking for that to feel that way too.

[Brian D. Smith] [2653.70s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [2653.94s] I think it's I think it's wonderful.

[Brian D. Smith] [2655.38s] You know, we all I think we all wanna find ways to carry our loved ones with us in a sense.

[Brian D. Smith] [2661.14s] And I remember when when my daughter passed, you know, we were like, you have the choice between cremation and burial, and some people choose burial.

[Brian D. Smith] [2669.55s] We chose cremation, because one of the things I did not wanna be tied to a physical location.

[Brian D. Smith] [2674.51s] Mhmm.

[Brian D. Smith] [2674.82s] If we ever decided to move or whatever, it's like, this that's just that was my that was our decision.

[Brian D. Smith] [2680.72s] Right?

[Brian D. Smith] [2681.36s] Mhmm.

[Brian D. Smith] [2681.68s] And so there's we have pictures.

[Brian D. Smith] [2683.36s] We have other things we can do.

[Brian D. Smith] [2684.72s] But having a piece of jewelry, as you said, it's not them, but it's a reminder of them.

[Brian D. Smith] [2689.84s] It's a token of them that you can have with you, you know, constantly.

[Brian D. Smith] [2694.41s] I can see the appeal for that.

[Brian D. Smith] [2696.64s] So we talked about, you know, some of the shortcomings and some of the other jewelry you looked at, which you didn't like about.

[Brian D. Smith] [2701.61s] Tell me about the process of working with Lee Alexander and Company.

[Brian D. Smith] [2705.21s] If I come to the website, how do I start?

[Brian D. Smith] [2708.33s] What's the process?

[Deb Strebel] [2710.65s] So we have, a a variety of designs that are that are ready to, be purchased.

[Deb Strebel] [2721.14s] Now they're they don't exist yet.

[Deb Strebel] [2722.82s] So everything on our website, is the design that you would get, but we make every piece to order.

[Deb Strebel] [2731.38s] So we have people that come to our website and go, you know what?

[Deb Strebel] [2734.09s] I love this piece.

[Deb Strebel] [2735.07s] I love this necklace.

[Deb Strebel] [2736.03s] It has these diamonds in it.

[Deb Strebel] [2738.11s] That's what I want, and they can purchase.

[Deb Strebel] [2740.59s] And then from there, we have a kit that we send to them with instructions, and we collect the littlest bit of ashes, you know, to put inside because they're very small pieces.

[Deb Strebel] [2752.59s] They send it back to us with this with a label that we provide, and we, you know, go to production.

[Deb Strebel] [2758.28s] They at that point, they can or when they're purchasing, they can, you know, personalize it with a little symbol.

[Deb Strebel] [2765.23s] We have a symbol.

[Deb Strebel] [2766.28s] It's an, our logo is also an infinity symbol, so a lot of people really like that.

[Deb Strebel] [2771.06s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2772.58s] Or they can do initials or they can do, a different symbol.

[Deb Strebel] [2776.02s] We have a lot of options because a lot of people memorialize pets or, you know, there's something that resonates with them that they want on that piece.

[Deb Strebel] [2786.93s] And so Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2787.65s] We can add that on to the design that we already have very easily.

[Deb Strebel] [2792.86s] And so the process is about four to six weeks.

[Deb Strebel] [2797.23s] Sometimes we can do it a lot faster depending, and, but it's usually within that time period.

[Deb Strebel] [2804.03s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2805.79s] And so once we get the ashes back, we we fill up the piece that we have in production while we were waiting for that kit to come back.

[Deb Strebel] [2813.24s] And we, we fill the little chamber.

[Deb Strebel] [2817.24s] It's a it's a small, it's a small chamber within each piece.

[Deb Strebel] [2821.70s] We fill to the top with the ashes or, you know, pet hair, you know, locks of hair, sand, earth, T shirt, anything that brings somebody a feeling of closeness to their loved one, pretty much, we will accept and put into a piece of jewelry as long as we can get it to be small enough.

[Deb Strebel] [2843.64s] And then we, seal it with a laser welder so that it is completely and totally sealed.

[Deb Strebel] [2850.65s] You will need to, you will need to have the intention to unseal it, and probably need help doing that.

[Deb Strebel] [2858.09s] Like, I couldn't do it.

[Deb Strebel] [2858.89s] I don't think I could get this open.

[Deb Strebel] [2860.97s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [2861.37s] I I would need help.

[Deb Strebel] [2863.47s] And so, when we finish, we send it back along with any of the material that's left.

[Deb Strebel] [2870.99s] We send it insured back to the customer.

[Deb Strebel] [2875.68s] If somebody went to our website and they were like, you know, I like this piece, but I wish it was different or beautiful pieces, but nothing that fits what I want.

[Deb Strebel] [2885.68s] We we work with customers all the time to either alter designs or, create something completely new.

[Deb Strebel] [2898.96s] We we really want to accommodate.

[Deb Strebel] [2902.80s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2903.84s] And so as long as we feel confident in the strength of the piece, so as long as, like, you know, we we really won't make something that we fear will fall apart, unless it's insisted upon.

[Deb Strebel] [2917.80s] Like, we are very clear, like, this design, we would do x y z to make it stronger because we want it to last for generations.

[Deb Strebel] [2925.48s] We want our pieces to be passed down so that the person's legacy, their memory, they'll they'll be talked about.

[Deb Strebel] [2932.46s] It's a physical thing that, you know, when I pass it down to my daughter someday, we'll talk about her uncle Lee, and, I mean, she'll know all about him, and and just know that there's a little piece of him in here.

[Deb Strebel] [2946.82s] So we make sure that we're very clear about, you know, this is a piece we're confident in or we're we're worried that this piece has some issues.

[Brian D. Smith] [2956.97s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [2957.22s] And sometimes customers are like, you know, I want what I want, and that's fine with me, and I'll be careful.

[Deb Strebel] [2961.99s] And we're like, okay.

[Deb Strebel] [2963.67s] But, typically, you know, we can make some adjustments to make sure that it fits into that, long lasting, category.

[Deb Strebel] [2972.83s] But, yeah, really, we can do almost anything.

[Brian D. Smith] [2977.14s] Okay.

[Deb Strebel] [2978.27s] We can do almost anything.

[Deb Strebel] [2980.74s] The sole purpose for us is to fit something super, super special permanently into a piece of jewelry.

[Deb Strebel] [2988.68s] And so we only work with certain materials like, platinum and 18 karat and 14 karat gold.

[Deb Strebel] [2994.52s] And, and then we, you know, we can accept almost any stone as long as we can as long as we can find it and, and that it's not too soft.

[Deb Strebel] [3005.86s] You know, like, a a pearl in a ring might be something that's dangerous.

[Deb Strebel] [3009.86s] It'll it's a very soft stone, so we help navigate how to find a stone that works that will last for a long time because we just really don't want anyone to find themselves in the position that we were in where, you know, your your most important piece a a important piece of an important piece of jewelry is, is broken.

[Deb Strebel] [3034.10s] That

[Brian D. Smith] [3034.82s] and

[Deb Strebel] [3034.97s] I think it's a much more emotional process if that were to happen with this kind of jewelry than anything else.

[Brian D. Smith] [3041.45s] That's awesome.

[Brian D. Smith] [3042.26s] I love that.

[Brian D. Smith] [3043.39s] So how and remind me, how long has it been since your brother passed?

[Deb Strebel] [3047.95s] He passed in 02/2006.

[Deb Strebel] [3049.23s] It's gonna be twenty years next year.

[Brian D. Smith] [3051.79s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [3052.27s] February.

[Brian D. Smith] [3052.83s] So what do you you you mentioned earlier, you said you don't know where our loved ones are for sure.

[Brian D. Smith] [3058.41s] But what are your thoughts?

[Brian D. Smith] [3059.22s] What do you think Lee would think about where it is you are now almost twenty years later and and how his legacy has been carried on?

[Deb Strebel] [3067.78s] That's a great question.

[Deb Strebel] [3072.40s] I think he would be entertained by the fact that he is such a prominent part of my life.

[Deb Strebel] [3081.68s] Just, he was a very funny and sweet kid, and he was very sarcastic.

[Deb Strebel] [3090.38s] And so, I think he would be like, I'm glad you found your passion, and and I'm so honored that you're doing this for me.

[Deb Strebel] [3099.86s] But I also, you know, I am I'm so much a part of your life every day that you didn't think that would be the case.

[Deb Strebel] [3111.87s] But I I don't know.

[Deb Strebel] [3114.91s] I imagine that he if if he's consciously around me somewhere, that he would be very honored and and happy to see, like, us helping other people in this in this way.

[Deb Strebel] [3128.56s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [3130.40s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [3130.80s] He was very empathetic, and I think he would just be happy that I found a lot of positive ways to deal with his departure in helping people and in my own life and how I navigate my everyday.

[Deb Strebel] [3153.75s] I'm really I think he'd be happy about that.

[Brian D. Smith] [3160.23s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [3160.55s] I I think it's truly amazing.

[Brian D. Smith] [3162.63s] We we think sometimes, you know, of the impact where our lives are gonna have.

[Brian D. Smith] [3167.95s] And we think, oh, my my life is not gonna have that much of an impact.

[Brian D. Smith] [3171.08s] And you think about a a 15 year old passing away in high school, and there's a lot of times, there's a fear that people have that some they're gonna forget my loved one.

[Brian D. Smith] [3179.80s] People are gonna forget.

[Brian D. Smith] [3181.80s] And I love the story because it shows that, you know, you go back nineteen years ago when nobody could have envisioned what your life is gonna look like today.

[Brian D. Smith] [3192.12s] And I love your your thing about, you know, Lee's, like like, getting a kick out of it.

[Brian D. Smith] [3196.04s] Right?

[Brian D. Smith] [3196.28s] Because I think I I think I think that we do know that when we're on the other side.

[Brian D. Smith] [3201.20s] We do kinda have a plan.

[Brian D. Smith] [3202.47s] But on this side, we have no clue.

[Brian D. Smith] [3204.47s] And, it's just a great example of don't worry about your loved one being forgotten.

[Brian D. Smith] [3209.43s] Don't worry about you being forgotten, that you could have a bigger impact than you can even possibly imagine.

[Brian D. Smith] [3215.70s] And you're what you're doing now is having an impact on people.

[Brian D. Smith] [3219.38s] They're buying that jewelry.

[Brian D. Smith] [3220.50s] That's gonna that could that's gonna be a legacy in and of itself.

[Deb Strebel] [3225.49s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [3226.29s] I I truly didn't realize.

[Deb Strebel] [3230.29s] I think until really a few years ago, I didn't realize the impact.

[Deb Strebel] [3234.20s] You know, it was like, it is it is a service, and it is a a special piece.

[Deb Strebel] [3240.66s] But it wasn't until I started receiving these phone calls after people received their piece, their pieces.

[Deb Strebel] [3248.18s] I would get I I would get these phone calls where and I work very closely with my customers, so I think that's part of it.

[Deb Strebel] [3254.49s] Like, a lot of my customers, I get to know pretty well.

[Deb Strebel] [3256.57s] We are communicating throughout the entire process.

[Deb Strebel] [3259.05s] I'm checking in with them to make sure that, like, things look right.

[Deb Strebel] [3262.72s] I'm giving them updates, and I and they've often told me their story.

[Deb Strebel] [3268.53s] So I know something very intimate about them.

[Brian D. Smith] [3271.01s] Right.

[Deb Strebel] [3272.69s] And so oftentimes, like, we do form somewhat of a relationship over, you know, the time that they are a customer, especially if they're making a custom piece of jewelry because that's a that's a very, in-depth process to to have an idea in your head and not necessarily know how to communicate it.

[Deb Strebel] [3291.76s] We we work back and forth a lot to be like, is this is this right?

[Deb Strebel] [3294.48s] Is this what you thought about?

[Deb Strebel] [3295.60s] You know?

[Deb Strebel] [3297.52s] And so on the other side of that, I'm anxiously waiting for them to receive the piece and to hear their thoughts because the last thing I want is for someone to get their piece and go, oh, like, this isn't that's my probably my biggest fear Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [3310.66s] In this business is that they receive a piece and they're like, well, this isn't this isn't what I wanted, which has happened twice.

[Deb Strebel] [3320.06s] And when that happens, then it become my goal then is to go, okay.

[Deb Strebel] [3324.54s] How do we fix it?

[Deb Strebel] [3325.42s] And so we've we've taken both of those pieces back and and done, okay.

[Deb Strebel] [3328.94s] Let's rework this.

[Deb Strebel] [3329.74s] Let's think about this again and see where we went wrong.

[Deb Strebel] [3333.74s] And then, and then the the, I get so I get so much, satisfaction when the second time around, they're like, got it.

[Deb Strebel] [3349.35s] This is it.

[Deb Strebel] [3350.07s] You did it.

[Deb Strebel] [3350.87s] You figured it out.

[Deb Strebel] [3351.83s] Thank you for sticking with me.

[Deb Strebel] [3353.11s] You know?

[Deb Strebel] [3355.35s] Because I I would just would hate I I I want this experience in the world of darkness that they are in.

[Deb Strebel] [3362.64s] I want to provide an experience that is light.

[Deb Strebel] [3365.28s] I want to make sure that every step of the way is is as easy as possible and that on the other side of it, they are so happy that they did this, that they chose us for something so important.

[Deb Strebel] [3376.12s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [3377.88s] I I I just want people to to to love us forever.

[Deb Strebel] [3384.20s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [3384.60s] And, and so to get, I I didn't realize the impact necessarily.

[Deb Strebel] [3390.35s] I I knew this was a special thing.

[Deb Strebel] [3393.07s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [3393.95s] But until I started receiving these calls in the last couple of years where my customers were just, they they sounded very sad.

[Deb Strebel] [3402.60s] I will say that.

[Deb Strebel] [3403.32s] You know, they're they're crying.

[Deb Strebel] [3405.00s] They're crying, and that's that's something that I didn't wanna cause, but they're crying tears of gratitude.

[Brian D. Smith] [3410.28s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [3410.60s] And they're just trying to express this that they never envisioned how how great this would feel, like, that it would partially fill this hole in their heart.

[Deb Strebel] [3426.07s] You know?

[Deb Strebel] [3426.78s] They know I can't bring their loved one back.

[Deb Strebel] [3428.55s] They know that I can't change the circumstance, but this made them feel so much better and more relieved than they, I think, even realized when they began the process.

[Deb Strebel] [3440.45s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [3441.97s] And I began to live for that.

[Deb Strebel] [3444.37s] So anytime I meet a new customer, I'm like, that is my goal.

[Deb Strebel] [3449.99s] My goal is to have you just be so incredibly happy on the other side.

[Deb Strebel] [3458.23s] Obviously, I guess, happy is a loaded word because every customer I have is is going through something.

[Brian D. Smith] [3467.06s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [3467.70s] And and even if they lost a loved one some time ago and they're just getting to memorialize them, we have a lot of people who, like, couldn't could not think about doing something like this, immediately after they lost their loved one or didn't know this existed, but they've always had these ashes somewhere and wanted to do something with them and found us eventually years later.

[Deb Strebel] [3486.28s] I think it brings up old feelings.

[Deb Strebel] [3487.97s] I think it, you know, kind of pushes them back into this, into this feeling of grief.

[Deb Strebel] [3495.09s] But to to have somebody call me and and express this overwhelming gratitude about something that I've done.

[Deb Strebel] [3503.86s] It's not it's not of an experience that I'd ever had before.

[Brian D. Smith] [3506.99s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [3507.55s] The I I, you know, I tried to be a good friend and, you know, person in in people's lives.

[Deb Strebel] [3515.84s] Be there for them when they're going through hard times, be a sounding board.

[Deb Strebel] [3520.00s] But nothing I've ever done before this brought about that reaction, And and I think it just it I realized, like, this this is what it's like when people say, like, you know, this is my calling.

[Deb Strebel] [3538.68s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [3541.22s] I never understood that.

[Deb Strebel] [3542.66s] I never understood what it was like to, like, know what you should be doing in life.

[Deb Strebel] [3546.82s] That was not a thing that I it was always like, oh, I could be doing this.

[Deb Strebel] [3550.34s] You know, when I was little, I was like, I'll be a dolphin trainer.

[Deb Strebel] [3552.98s] And when I got a little older, like, I'll make commercials.

[Deb Strebel] [3556.19s] And I was just really all over the place in terms of what I wanted to do with my life, but it wasn't until I had an I had an impact on people's lives to the extent that they expressed me that I was like, this is this is everything.

[Brian D. Smith] [3574.67s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [3575.15s] And so for real and every every new customer I have, I'm like, it's an opportunity to make your life just a tiny bit a tiny bit better, and I wanna do that.

[Brian D. Smith] [3583.87s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [3584.27s] That's awesome.

[Brian D. Smith] [3585.07s] That's awesome.

[Brian D. Smith] [3585.71s] I love your passion.

[Brian D. Smith] [3587.51s] I love the the legacy that you you've created for, again, your your family legacy, the thing that the things you're doing.

[Brian D. Smith] [3594.63s] And, you know, I hope I I'd hope this podcast will inspire other people to to to figure out what is my thing, what is my my place, and you're not gonna know it right away.

[Brian D. Smith] [3603.80s] As you said, you know, you didn't know this at 18.

[Brian D. Smith] [3606.20s] You're you're not gonna but it's just trust in the process that you're gonna get there.

[Brian D. Smith] [3611.66s] So, Deb, we're coming to the end of our time.

[Brian D. Smith] [3613.97s] Remind people of where they can find you, the website, and if people wanna reach out to you, if they can reach out to you personally.

[Deb Strebel] [3621.41s] Sure.

[Deb Strebel] [3622.22s] So our website is leealexanderandco.com, all spelled out one word.

[Deb Strebel] [3629.02s] And, there's, you know, a form on the page.

[Deb Strebel] [3632.54s] There's an email on the page.

[Deb Strebel] [3634.94s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [3635.90s] Info@leealexanderandco.com.

[Deb Strebel] [3639.07s] I am on the other side of that, so they'd be reaching me.

[Deb Strebel] [3645.31s] And, you know, we're on we're on Facebook and Instagram and all that good stuff.

[Deb Strebel] [3651.09s] So, you know, if this is something that people are looking for or know someone who could be looking for something like this, you know, a high quality piece of very personalized, memorial jewelry, that that we're here and and we're ready to help.

[Deb Strebel] [3666.99s] But I also want to remind people, like, there is there are so many ways that you can honor your loved one, and and I encourage people to, like, you know, like, look into that world.

[Deb Strebel] [3681.37s] One crazy thing I did, in this, after starting this company was we went to a funeral, association conference, and that was bonkers.

[Deb Strebel] [3695.16s] The experience was incredibly overwhelming for many, many reasons.

[Deb Strebel] [3698.36s] But one thing I got to see was, like, all of the different ways that people memorialize their loved one.

[Deb Strebel] [3704.33s] Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [3704.49s] There are a lot of companies there, and there's a lot of really interesting, things that can be done with ashes.

[Deb Strebel] [3712.57s] Like, there was somebody who did a painting with ashes.

[Deb Strebel] [3715.37s] There's just whatever whatever makes you feel, a little bit of closure, a little bit of closeness, whatever that thing is, like, explore it.

[Deb Strebel] [3730.19s] And, and I and I completely agree with you, Brian, when when you say, like, you know, trust in the process.

[Deb Strebel] [3736.83s] I think I have, like, become somebody who I wasn't before, but I think I've become somebody who thinks, like, you know, everything maybe does happen for a reason.

[Deb Strebel] [3744.86s] I'm not a particularly religious person.

[Deb Strebel] [3746.61s] I'm not a particularly spiritual person.

[Deb Strebel] [3750.06s] But I think my life has changed so much, and so much has happened to lead me to this point to go, you know, maybe maybe there is more to this than I gave credit.

[Deb Strebel] [3761.54s] And and I I don't like to say I'm I mean, I think that I would have changed everything, you know, if I have an opportunity to go back and save him and, you know but I also wonder what kind of person I would be.

[Deb Strebel] [3774.51s] Where where would I be in life?

[Deb Strebel] [3775.80s] I I wouldn't have found this.

[Deb Strebel] [3777.47s] I wouldn't feel, so, full, I guess.

[Deb Strebel] [3785.73s] And so there's, like, a there is a a silver lining Mhmm.

[Deb Strebel] [3791.09s] That that I I do believe pea people can find if they can if they can think about, like, how how they can change, how they can live their lives in honor of of their loved one in a way that their loved one would have appreciated or, you know, that that recognizes the, oh, man.

[Deb Strebel] [3812.77s] What is the word I'm looking for?

[Deb Strebel] [3813.97s] That that recognizes how fragile life is.

[Brian D. Smith] [3816.41s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [3817.37s] And so how necessary to be grateful for for every moment that you have and every experience you have with your loved ones and to take your opportunities.

[Deb Strebel] [3828.33s] Like, don't put things off.

[Deb Strebel] [3829.77s] Don't don't, you know, just work all of the time and and think I'll have fun later.

[Deb Strebel] [3835.39s] Like, nope.

[Deb Strebel] [3838.19s] Spend as much time as you can with your loved ones and and tell them how you feel.

[Deb Strebel] [3843.23s] Tell them that you love them.

[Brian D. Smith] [3844.78s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [3846.38s] I think that those changes in me are, amazing.

[Deb Strebel] [3850.46s] I'm so thankful for that, and it may it really actually helped me deal with the idea that, like, things could change in an instant because I I think I I wouldn't be somebody who goes, I regret I wouldn't regret anything.

[Deb Strebel] [3865.54s] I wouldn't feel like I regret the last conversation we had because in our last conversation, even if it was a tumultuous one, I would have finished it with, like, well, I love you.

[Brian D. Smith] [3874.30s] Mhmm.

[Brian D. Smith] [3875.02s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [3875.90s] Well, I think, I am a person to believe that things happen for a reason.

[Brian D. Smith] [3879.82s] And Mhmm.

[Brian D. Smith] [3880.94s] And I and I look at people's I get to hear your life condensed into a one hour interview.

[Brian D. Smith] [3885.31s] So I get to see this overarching arch arch, of your life arc of your life, and I and I get to do this a lot.

[Brian D. Smith] [3893.55s] So I I see how things kinda come together.

[Brian D. Smith] [3896.51s] And I think the older we get, the more we can we can appreciate that as we look back.

[Brian D. Smith] [3902.07s] So, yeah, I your the lessons that you've learned, the the the choices that you made, your family was very intentional about getting therapy and getting help and telling each other you you love and doing the EMD.

[Brian D. Smith] [3915.15s] And all it's work.

[Brian D. Smith] [3916.19s] I mean, you did the work, but now you're reaping the reward.

[Brian D. Smith] [3919.39s] So it's it's a beautiful, beautiful thing to observe.

[Deb Strebel] [3923.47s] Thank you.

[Deb Strebel] [3924.19s] Yep.

[Deb Strebel] [3924.59s] I I really just want people who are going through this to to know, like, it's just not not always gonna hurt hurt this much.

[Deb Strebel] [3932.22s] You know?

[Deb Strebel] [3932.70s] Be kind to yourself and definitely get help if you if you need help.

[Deb Strebel] [3936.46s] And most people need help in this situation.

[Deb Strebel] [3939.10s] We are not automatically built to navigate something like this.

[Deb Strebel] [3944.30s] It's okay to find the right help.

[Deb Strebel] [3945.49s] You know?

[Deb Strebel] [3945.82s] Not everyone is the right help.

[Deb Strebel] [3948.38s] And I I am somebody who experienced that too that was like, you know, maybe I I I can't be helped.

[Deb Strebel] [3955.61s] But it really was, like, the person that I was going to at the time.

[Deb Strebel] [3958.89s] And and so, you know, give yourself grace.

[Deb Strebel] [3961.29s] Give yourself time.

[Deb Strebel] [3962.49s] Expect the unexpected.

[Deb Strebel] [3965.70s] Realize that, like, grief pops up in every area.

[Deb Strebel] [3968.66s] Like, I one of my best friends got married a few years ago, and, I think it was, like, around, like, 2017 or '18 or something.

[Deb Strebel] [3978.18s] And, and his sister gave a speech.

[Deb Strebel] [3981.74s] And I cried my eyes out because all I could think about was that, Lee wouldn't be giving a speech at my wedding.

[Brian D. Smith] [3991.18s] Yeah.

[Deb Strebel] [3991.74s] That was and my friends must have been like, what's happening?

[Deb Strebel] [3995.53s] Why is she inconsolably crying right now Right.

[Deb Strebel] [4000.66s] At this reception.

[Deb Strebel] [4003.78s] And I didn't I didn't realize again, like, how far in the future I could be impacted at any time.

[Deb Strebel] [4012.50s] But I just think it's important, like, you know, be just remind yourself you've never maybe never been through this before.

[Deb Strebel] [4020.02s] And even if you have been through it before, it's different.

[Deb Strebel] [4021.94s] It's different every time.

[Brian D. Smith] [4023.39s] Right.

[Deb Strebel] [4023.78s] And you just don't know.

[Deb Strebel] [4024.91s] And so give yourself grace.

[Deb Strebel] [4026.51s] Give yourself, be patient with yourself, and and know that, it will get better.

[Brian D. Smith] [4035.57s] Yeah.

[Brian D. Smith] [4036.05s] Absolutely.

[Brian D. Smith] [4037.01s] Well, Deb, that's, I think, a great way for us to end this afternoon.

[Brian D. Smith] [4040.45s] Thanks for spending your time with me.

[Brian D. Smith] [4042.05s] Thanks for sharing, Lee and, your your company and and the the the things that you're doing.

[Brian D. Smith] [4048.51s] So I encourage people to go check out the website and, reach out to Deb if you if you have any questions.

[Deb Strebel] [4054.28s] Thanks so much, Brian.

[Deb Strebel] [4055.23s] Thank you for having me, and thank you for doing this wonderful work.

[Brian D. Smith] [4058.19s] Alright.

[Brian D. Smith] [4058.35s] Have a good afternoon.