My Daughter Predicted Her Own Death — And Never Stopped Talking to Me | Louise Crist | EP 477

WEBVTT

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Close your eyes and imagine.

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What if the things in life that caused us the greatest pain, the things that bring us grief, are challenges.

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Challenges designed to help us grow to ultimately become what we were always meant to be.

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We feel like we've been buried, but what if, like a seed, we've been planted?

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And having been planted, we grow to become a mighty tree.

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Now, open your eyes.

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Open your eyes to this way of viewing life.

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Come with me as we explore your true, infinite, eternal nature.

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This is Grief to Growth and I am your host, Brian Smith.

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Hi there, I'm Brian Smith and welcome to Grief to Growth.

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Whether this is your first time here, or you've been walking this path with me for a while, I'm truly glad you're here.

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This show is about making sense of life, especially when life doesn't make sense.

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We talk about grief, loss, and the questions that keep us up at night.

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Who are we and where do we go when we die?

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And is it possible that people who we consider to be lost are actually closer than we think?

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I bring guests on to help illuminate this path, no matter how dark it feels.

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And my guest today is Louise Christ.

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Louise is a registered nurse with decades of experience at the bedside.

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She's a certified grief educator.

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She's an author and she's a shining light parent like me, someone whose daughter is in spirit.

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Louise had her daughter Jillian or Jilly passing the spirit several years ago.

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And what's unfolded since then has been one of the most remarkable stories of continued connection that I've ever heard.

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Jilly began protecting her death at the age of four.

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She drew the scene of her fatal accident in detail two years before she passed.

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And she didn't stop communicating when she passed.

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As a matter of fact, if anything, she got louder.

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In this episode, we're going to explore what it looks like when love refuses to be interrupted by what we call death.

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We'll talk about the moments when Jilly made herself unmistakable be known to Louise, to her dad, to mediums, and even to strangers.

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And what that evidence means for all of us who are wondering about where our own children, our loved ones are, or whether they're still out there.

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We'll look at what all those decades of nursing taught Louise about the other side, long before she needed that knowledge for herself.

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And we'll talk about what it means to keep living and keep loving when the person you're loving is on the other side of the veil.

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This episode is for you.

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If you've lost a child and you wondered if it's still here, but it's also for anyone who's found a penny or found a wet feather or heard a song in just the right moment and thought, was that you?

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Louise's answer backed by story after story is yes, it's absolutely Jilly.

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After the episode, I invite you to continue the conversation over at my substat grief to growth.substack.com.

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That's grief, the numeral two growth.substack.com.

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Will there be an article about this?

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And you can talk with me and other listeners about the episode.

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So with that, let's get started.

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Let's welcome Louise.

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Thank you for having me.

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Yeah, it's great to have you here.

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A fellow shining light parent.

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So for people that don't know what that is, we are parents whose children are no longer here physically, but our children are still with us here in spirit.

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So I'm really excited to get to know about you and about Jilly.

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So first of all, tell me about Jilly.

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Jilly was born an old soul.

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She could, we had a mind meld thing even when I was pregnant with her.

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Sometimes you just do that.

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And she was always ahead of her time.

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Very, very smart, very intuitive.

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Didn't take much seriously, but very, very intuitive from a very young age.

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So she died when she was 19.

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She was 19 when she passed.

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So I know that you said she was intuitive and she started saying things as early as age of four.

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Yeah, we were playing dolls one day and she said something about her future babies.

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And she looked at me and said, I won't have babies.

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I won't live that long.

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Wow.

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And did this continue then?

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Because I know up until a couple of years before she passed, she was still saying things like that.

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Is that right?

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Yes.

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I took her to counseling and they said she doesn't seem to be upset by it.

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So just roll with it and say, aha, a lot.

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But it got deeper and deeper as she got older.

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And then she told me exactly how her car accident was going to happen about a month before it did.

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And it did.

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It happened exactly that way.

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So what did she tell you?

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We were driving down the road.

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I was driving and she was my passenger.

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And I did a U-turn and she grabbed my arm and said, Mom, this is how it's going to happen.

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And I said, what?

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She goes, the car accident I'm going to die in.

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It's going to happen on a turn.

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I'm going to get hit in the side.

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I hope my face isn't messed up.

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Will you take me to the Tanner when I'm dead?

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Take her to where?

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The Tanner.

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The Tanner.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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So she could have a tan in the casket.

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Oh, wow.

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Okay.

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How do you respond to that?

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Yeah.

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So when she said this, it sounds like it was pretty matter of fact.

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Yeah.

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She wasn't upset about it or all during this time.

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Yep.

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Okay.

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And I hate to ask you this, but tell me about her passing.

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It sounds like it happened pretty similar to what she said.

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She was, uh, she had spent the night at a friend's house.

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And her and her, her, one of her best friends were driving Julie's car because the best friend didn't, her car wasn't working right at that point.

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So the best friend was driving.

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They didn't get enough sleep.

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They had had three rum and cokes the night before, but quit drinking at midnight.

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Got up at six or five 45 got on the road and she was dead five minutes later.

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They, they missed a stop sign that the road dog legs and they didn't know that in the dark and they hit a tree.

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They had a gas main and then a tree and she was hitting the side just like she said, broken neck and injury right here to her chin.

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Her face wasn't messed up.

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And the tanning place did call the funeral home wanting to know if they should bring the spray tanner because she had talked to them too.

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She had talked to them.

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Yeah.

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Previously before she died.

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And she told them.

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Bring the spray tanner to the funeral home.

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I want a good tan.

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Oh wow.

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Okay.

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How do you respond to that?

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Right.

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So what were your thoughts during this, this time, you know, all these years when she was saying these things?

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Well, she just, I guess it was a heads up.

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Yeah.

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At the time, did you, did you believe her?

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Did you?

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Okay.

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I mean, after, you know, you start saying, Oh, don't talk like that.

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Don't do that.

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My father-in-law passed nine weeks before she did and she picked out her casket.

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So that's the one I want.

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These are the songs I want.

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Very matter of fact.

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Okay.

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While they were there at the funeral home with him.

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And what were your, what were your beliefs about the afterlife?

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Did you guys talk about that?

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Or I mean, all the time.

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Okay.

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You did.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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Because she was, she was able, like after my father-in-law died, we, things started happening around the house that we couldn't explain.

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And she said, Oh, that's just Papa talking from the other side.

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It's okay.

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What kind of things are happening?

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Oh, like her CD would randomly change in the middle of a song and she'd say, Papa, put that back.

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And it would go back to where it was.

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And just, you know, things falling off tables and shelves.

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And she just knew his entire urn fell off of just jumped off of her dresser onto the floor and didn't break.

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Wow.

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Okay.

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So, so I've just kind of flabbergasted by this because I can't, you know, my daughter Shaina made a couple of comments when she was around the age of 10.

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I think she started thinking things like she wasn't afraid to die.

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And she talked about, she said she didn't want to grow up.

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And she was, she was 15 when she passed.

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And even just a couple of weeks before she passed, she was playing with her cousins and my daughter, Kayla, and said something like, when I passed, I want to be, I want to be cremated and buried under a tree.

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And she was, she was 15 at the time.

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And they were like, Shaina, what are you talking?

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It was, and it was a random thing.

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It was like not part of the conversation.

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And we didn't know till after she passed and we were talking to Kayla about, know what we should do with her body.

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And she said, this is what Shaina said she wanted.

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So we had those indications, but nothing that's, that's specific.

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Did it upset you at all?

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Or you just, how did you take it?

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After years, you just kind of go, okay.

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Yeah.

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And then two nights before she died, she left both me and her dad notes on her dresser, thanking us for being good parents, teaching her about spirit and afterlife and praying and giving her a good house and all that.

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And she was the passenger in the car, not the driver.

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So yeah.

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And she, she wrote a note about a month before she died.

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We read it at her funeral.

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It was basically her eulogy.

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Okay.

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So what you are, are you a religious family or just spiritual or?

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Very spiritual.

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I took my kids to every major religion growing up and kind of exposed them to all of it so that they could make a better choice as an adult as far as what resonated with them.

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They all chose Catholicism, which surprised me.

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Interesting.

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But we went and now it's much more, it's bigger than that.

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I think it's much more spiritual than that.

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So after she passed and you, you had this understanding or this, this knowing, I guess that she was going to pass.

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How did that play into your group grieving process?

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Oh, thank God.

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I had a heads up.

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My grieving process as she, I got a call from the driver's mom that morning and the girls aren't home.

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They should have been home.

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Where are they?

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So I got in my car and started looking and I called her friends that she was with and they said, no, they left at five 45.

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It's now seven 30.

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It's a 25 minute trip.

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So they started looking from their end.

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I started looking from my end.

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And right after I got the call confirming about the accident and that she had died, I heard her as clear as day right here driving down the road saying, it's okay, mom, I jumped.

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I didn't feel a thing.

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It was like watching one of those weird shows on TV where they just do really crazy stupid things.

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And you go, wow, that's going to hurt, but it didn't.

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I said, okay.

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She came to her dad in a tree stand.

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He doesn't.

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He's not quite as open spiritually as I am.

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And his hands started blowing.

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He didn't know she was dead yet.

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He's like, what the heck is going on?

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Why is my body doing this?

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And just almost like he said, it was a very warm hug.

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It never happened before.

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Yeah.

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And I've heard of something similar to that happening.

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And it sounds like she, I was going to say was, she is a very powerful spirit that was able to do these things, you know, immediately.

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Oh, within seconds.

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Yeah.

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So we picked out her.

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I had my daughter, my youngest daughter, Sierra pick out her outfit because I would have put her in something princessy and that's not who she was.

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And so Sierra picked out her outfit.

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We had the necklace with a ring that somebody with Alzheimer's that was very precious to her, a given to her.

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And it was just a costume piece of jewelry and a little term that said faith in her baptism cross had the necklace laid out with the clothes.

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Went to go pack it all up to go to the funeral home.

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And the ring was missing off the necklace.

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It was like, that's really weird.

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We looked everywhere for it.

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Couldn't find it.

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This was two days after, three days after she died.

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Went to the funeral home, had the bag still sitting on the table.

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And my husband sat down across the room and had a grief plate.

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And he goes, what is that over there under the table?

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Not where we were.

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It was the ring.

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Oh, wow.

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We hadn't been there yet.

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Okay.

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Wow.

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I don't have an explanation for that.

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Yeah.

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Well, that's, I don't have an explanation for it, but I know it's called an airport when something physically moves from one location and our dimension to another location and dimension, which with no means of transport.

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Right.

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And she does that a lot.

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She does.

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She still, she still does that.

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Oh yeah.

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All the time.

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Okay.

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Not just me, friends, family, sometimes multiple people in the same day or at the same time.

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Wow.

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Well, I just, I just, I'm really blown away by this.

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But other thing I want to ask you about, because you mentioned, she said she just jumped and for parents whose children have passed and almost every parent I've talked to has this, this almost nightmare about their last moments.

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Were they scared?

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Were they alone?

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Were they in pain?

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Explain to me what she meant by when she said, I just jumped.

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She said her last memory.

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Well, right before impact, she knew that she wasn't going to survive that.

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And she said, our bodies are designed when death is inevitable to just snap out of them.

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The body continues to have that experience, but the soul doesn't have to experience the pain.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I actually interviewed someone who mentioned something similar to that.

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She was young when she was in an accident also.

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And she said she found herself, I think it was before the impact out of her body, above the car, looking down and she could choose whether she wanted to be in the body when it happened or to stay out.

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And she chose to stay out.

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Yep.

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And her friend jumped as well.

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Oh, wow.

00:15:04.279 --> 00:15:07.360
Came back and Julie said, no, you, I have to go.

00:15:07.559 --> 00:15:09.000
You have to stay and I'll help you.

00:15:09.500 --> 00:15:09.939
Oh, wow.

00:15:10.079 --> 00:15:10.339
Okay.

00:15:11.299 --> 00:15:17.099
So they, they met and, and out of body in between times, I'm just saying.

00:15:17.259 --> 00:15:17.959
That's what Julie said.

00:15:18.159 --> 00:15:18.279
Yes.

00:15:18.579 --> 00:15:18.819
Okay.

00:15:19.319 --> 00:15:19.539
Okay.

00:15:20.019 --> 00:15:21.879
The driver doesn't remember the accident.

00:15:21.939 --> 00:15:24.599
She had a traumatic brain injury and some other things.

00:15:24.599 --> 00:15:25.879
So she doesn't remember it.

00:15:25.980 --> 00:15:26.339
Thank goodness.

00:15:26.819 --> 00:15:27.120
Okay.

00:15:28.439 --> 00:15:32.319
But there's never been any, there's only been love for her.

00:15:32.419 --> 00:15:38.059
Yeah, because she didn't get up that morning and intending to have an accident that killed her best friend.

00:15:38.379 --> 00:15:38.860
Right.

00:15:39.179 --> 00:15:40.339
But she carries that grief.

00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:42.039
Yeah, of course.

00:15:42.419 --> 00:15:42.899
And that guilt.

00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:46.199
So remind me again, when did this happen?

00:15:47.079 --> 00:15:48.620
November 19th of 2011.

00:15:49.179 --> 00:15:49.519
Okay.

00:15:50.019 --> 00:15:50.199
All right.

00:15:50.379 --> 00:15:52.620
Just to get a timeframe, timeframe on that.

00:15:52.980 --> 00:16:05.839
And another thing that, that parents are, we, a lot of us really struggle with is anger, you know, anger at, at the person, you know, she, you said your, your daughter was not the driver that was someone else.

00:16:07.240 --> 00:16:08.899
How would you, how did you feel this?

00:16:08.899 --> 00:16:10.759
Now, this is one of her really good friends too.

00:16:11.319 --> 00:16:13.439
So I would imagine that kind of complicates things.

00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:15.620
Did you have any anger at her?

00:16:16.459 --> 00:16:31.059
I didn't, but other family members did because the day before this happened, Jilli and I were driving down to a doctor's appointment and we were behind a truck on the highway and something told me to just get over one lane.

00:16:31.059 --> 00:16:35.199
And as soon as I did, something came flying off the truck that would have hit us and killed us.

00:16:35.980 --> 00:16:38.519
And Jilli grabbed her and said, mom, we could have died just then.

00:16:39.120 --> 00:16:41.439
She was dead less than 18 hours later.

00:16:41.539 --> 00:16:43.099
Anyway, I could have been that driver.

00:16:45.399 --> 00:16:47.179
So I have to ask you this thing.

00:16:48.860 --> 00:16:54.799
We talk about soul planning and people wonder sometimes about like, do we have a time to go?

00:16:54.899 --> 00:16:55.879
What are your thoughts on that?

00:16:56.339 --> 00:16:56.779
Absolutely.

00:16:58.199 --> 00:16:58.679
Absolutely.

00:16:59.459 --> 00:17:01.879
She came, she comes to me in dreams sometimes.

00:17:02.620 --> 00:17:10.460
And she, she told me that if it hadn't been that day, it would have been a day very close to that.

00:17:10.579 --> 00:17:13.819
There might have been more people involved, but it was her time to go.

00:17:14.539 --> 00:17:17.900
She had, she had thrown the pebble in the pond that needed to be there.

00:17:17.900 --> 00:17:22.440
And now the ripples were going to go out and she could help more on the other side than she could on this side.

00:17:23.079 --> 00:17:24.200
Okay, wow.

00:17:25.480 --> 00:17:29.799
Yeah, I know, um, Elizabeth was on the founder of helping parents here.

00:17:29.960 --> 00:17:36.620
I think Morgan, her son came to her or came through a meeting one time and said something similar, like he died at Mount Everest.

00:17:36.620 --> 00:17:40.599
And he's like, if it hadn't been there, it would have been, it doesn't matter.

00:17:40.599 --> 00:17:41.700
It didn't matter where I was.

00:17:41.700 --> 00:17:43.160
It was going to be around that time.

00:17:45.480 --> 00:17:46.620
And that reframes grief.

00:17:47.839 --> 00:18:02.480
Yeah, I think that completely reframes grief because we've talked about, you know, again, some of the most difficult emotions to deal with, with grief are anger, um, guilt, uh, you know, the, the why, why did this have to happen?

00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:09.138
And it sounds like, I mean, from, from, from your experience, at least a lot of those questions have been answered.

00:18:09.680 --> 00:18:12.980
Well, chapter two in my book is the why she gave me my answer.

00:18:13.638 --> 00:18:14.658
Okay, tell me about that.

00:18:15.339 --> 00:18:20.519
Um, she, she showed me, and I've never forgotten any detail of this.

00:18:21.319 --> 00:18:26.420
She put me into a forest out in Oregon and showed me a beam of light coming down.

00:18:26.420 --> 00:18:30.259
And it was, it was Jesus sitting in a rocking chair, holding this little girl.

00:18:30.659 --> 00:18:35.099
And I walked up and I realized it was her, but I could not move.

00:18:35.700 --> 00:18:36.579
I had to just observe.

00:18:37.519 --> 00:18:45.420
And she basically said, Hey, you know, heaven is fun, but I want to learn about forgiveness and I want to learn about love and I want to learn about patience.

00:18:45.839 --> 00:18:50.420
And God basically said, well, you have all those things already in heaven.

00:18:50.839 --> 00:18:52.619
So should I want to go to earth and learning?

00:18:53.279 --> 00:18:54.220
So he said, all right.

00:18:54.359 --> 00:19:06.599
And they had this whole conversation about what she was going to learn and the lessons she was going to have and how each time she learned something, she was helping somebody else learn something and how it was bigger than just her.

00:19:08.059 --> 00:19:08.740
Yeah, yeah.

00:19:09.139 --> 00:19:10.879
And what my role in that would be.

00:19:49.609 --> 00:19:50.529
Okay, wow.

00:19:51.589 --> 00:19:55.429
You know, you know, again, it's, I'm having this conversation with you.

00:19:55.549 --> 00:20:04.909
I think about all the issues that we go through again, the wise, the unfairness of it all, you know, a life, as we say, cut short at 19.

00:20:05.449 --> 00:20:11.169
Um, so there are no pat answers and it's people still going to have questions.

00:20:11.669 --> 00:20:11.989
Sure.

00:20:12.349 --> 00:20:19.069
But, um, I think these answers can be very helpful to people to at least soften the edges.

00:20:21.729 --> 00:20:29.869
And if you look at the driver specifically, are you aware of any support groups for people who accidentally caused someone's death?

00:20:30.769 --> 00:20:31.109
I'm not.

00:20:31.349 --> 00:20:31.529
No.

00:20:32.869 --> 00:20:33.069
Yeah.

00:20:34.489 --> 00:20:38.289
So they carry that grief and that shame and that weight.

00:20:41.939 --> 00:20:56.339
And to even have that thought or have that understanding as, as the mother of the daughter who passed shows, you know, a level that a lot of us really aspire to reach because a lot of us struggle to, to forgive that person.

00:20:56.519 --> 00:21:00.499
And whether it's the driver or if our child's overdose, it might be the drug deal.

00:21:00.659 --> 00:21:07.739
It might be the doctor that my daughter had a cardiologist and, you know, I was like, why, why didn't he catch this?

00:21:07.879 --> 00:21:09.299
Why didn't he run this test?

00:21:09.999 --> 00:21:19.199
You know, you know, all those, all those types of things that we, we look for these, these answers because we're looking at it from a perspective where we don't really understand.

00:21:19.479 --> 00:21:19.839
Right.

00:21:20.699 --> 00:21:20.899
Right.

00:21:21.719 --> 00:21:23.219
But it's, it's, it's patterns.

00:21:23.919 --> 00:21:37.339
I mean, I, my experience with all the kids that have gone home before us and all the parents, those kids just, they have a special quality and I can't put my finger on it, but it's just different.

00:21:38.739 --> 00:21:39.699
I've noticed that too.

00:21:40.919 --> 00:21:48.679
I've talked to a lot of parents whose children, you know, have left before, before they do 25, let's say, you know, just picking, picking a number.

00:21:49.239 --> 00:21:53.539
And they do seem to live life at a faster pace.

00:21:54.999 --> 00:21:58.899
They seem to be more connected, you know, to people around them.

00:21:59.839 --> 00:22:06.859
And there is this, yeah, I've noticed that with, with almost every parent I've talked to, whose child has left early.

00:22:07.219 --> 00:22:11.839
So that's, it's like, I don't know, it may be, it may be more sense of urgency.

00:22:12.219 --> 00:22:12.659
Yeah.

00:22:13.339 --> 00:22:14.899
Like they knew they didn't have long.

00:22:15.059 --> 00:22:18.139
They better pack every minute of life into what they had.

00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:18.999
Yeah.

00:22:19.439 --> 00:22:20.519
And that's what we should all be doing.

00:22:21.239 --> 00:22:23.259
Yeah, we should, we should all be doing that.

00:22:23.399 --> 00:22:28.159
But, you know, we live in denial of, of what's inevitable for all of us.

00:22:28.159 --> 00:22:33.519
And we think we're all going to grow old and, you know, and have our health.

00:22:33.519 --> 00:22:36.779
And we, we tend to take those things for granted.

00:22:38.459 --> 00:22:41.859
But you, as you and I know, that's, you know, that's not guaranteed to anyone.

00:22:42.219 --> 00:22:42.659
Yeah.

00:22:43.059 --> 00:22:44.959
Child loss puts that in perspective in a hurry.

00:22:45.599 --> 00:22:46.779
Life is not guaranteed.

00:22:47.319 --> 00:22:48.119
Yeah, absolutely.

00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:55.159
And based on what I've learned, you know, on just my patients that we've resuscitated, that we've gotten back.

00:22:55.719 --> 00:23:01.919
The other side, I have never ever had a patient that we resuscitated sit up and say, thank you.

00:23:03.139 --> 00:23:04.759
Thank you for bringing the back of me.

00:23:05.839 --> 00:23:07.719
Most of them are like, why did you do that?

00:23:07.919 --> 00:23:08.839
Do you know where I was?

00:23:09.219 --> 00:23:10.339
Don't ever do that again.

00:23:12.479 --> 00:23:14.759
So during your, I mean, we, we haven't even gotten to that.

00:23:14.859 --> 00:23:17.639
You had a lot, you had a long career as, as a nurse.

00:23:18.079 --> 00:23:24.219
And I think nurses, from my understanding anyway, correct me if I'm wrong, see death a lot more often than the doctors do.

00:23:24.939 --> 00:23:31.499
So, and I, my understanding also is the doctors tend to, they'll deny the afterlife for much, much longer.

00:23:31.499 --> 00:23:34.219
But nurses seem to really know and really get it.

00:23:34.299 --> 00:23:34.799
Is that true?

00:23:35.419 --> 00:23:38.659
Yes, we have an intuition about us.

00:23:38.839 --> 00:23:46.059
You know, we know something's not right, but we have the ability to call the doctor and say, Hey, get in here.

00:23:46.199 --> 00:23:48.599
I don't know what it is, but it's something get in here.

00:23:48.779 --> 00:23:49.719
And they usually listen.

00:23:51.879 --> 00:23:57.499
So what kind of, what kind of, you mentioned a little bit, but what kind of things did you hear from people that you brought back?

00:23:58.499 --> 00:24:07.939
Well, my favorite story was an Amish gentleman that we got in in cardiac arrest and I was on the code team, which is everybody that responds to that.

00:24:08.599 --> 00:24:16.699
And I was, I was kind of a support person in the background, but I looked up and I've always had the ability to see people when they leave their bodies.

00:24:16.899 --> 00:24:21.299
It looks like the vapors off of the gas grill a few moments after death.

00:24:21.899 --> 00:24:27.859
And I saw that on him and I happened to look up in the corner and kind of saw what I recognized was him.

00:24:28.999 --> 00:24:32.119
And he was nodding and said, yes, which means keep going, keep going.

00:24:32.279 --> 00:24:32.739
I'll come back.

00:24:33.619 --> 00:24:33.919
Okay.

00:24:34.559 --> 00:24:35.919
So we got him back.

00:24:36.259 --> 00:24:37.299
He went to ICU.

00:24:37.519 --> 00:24:40.979
Next time I worked, he happened to be in the unit that I was working.

00:24:41.099 --> 00:24:43.279
And I stopped and said, Hey, I'm glad you're doing good.

00:24:43.939 --> 00:24:45.579
I was on the team the other night.

00:24:45.659 --> 00:24:46.679
He said, Oh, I remember you.

00:24:46.839 --> 00:24:48.399
You were down in the corner doing blah, blah, blah.

00:24:49.139 --> 00:24:51.939
And I go, Oh, what else do you remember?

00:24:52.099 --> 00:24:55.379
And he goes, well, I went to heaven and I said, you want to tell me about that?

00:24:55.519 --> 00:24:56.219
And I said, sure.

00:24:56.839 --> 00:25:01.019
So he said, I, I heard what sounded like a gunshot going off over here.

00:25:01.019 --> 00:25:03.299
And then I was sucked out of my body like a straw.

00:25:04.019 --> 00:25:06.019
And all of a sudden I was going down in this long tunnel.

00:25:06.159 --> 00:25:13.259
At the end of this tunnel was a bright light and Jesus was standing there and I ran up to him and I, he gives the best hugs and he gave me a hug.

00:25:13.399 --> 00:25:16.959
And, and then he held me out at arms length and said, you have to go back.

00:25:17.779 --> 00:25:20.639
And this gentleman said, why I followed all the rules.

00:25:20.739 --> 00:25:22.659
I've been a good ombudsman my whole life.

00:25:23.219 --> 00:25:24.119
What did I do wrong?

00:25:24.119 --> 00:25:28.259
And he said, I want you to go back and tell your people it's not about rules.

00:25:28.539 --> 00:25:29.259
It's about love.

00:25:30.279 --> 00:25:35.179
Well, well, for that to come out of an ombudsman is just not even on my radar.

00:25:35.419 --> 00:25:42.159
You know, but every time that I saw him after that, and he lived probably another six or seven years, same story.

00:25:42.439 --> 00:25:44.479
And he would just ball telling me that story.

00:25:44.939 --> 00:25:47.379
He goes, heaven is not anything like you can imagine.

00:25:47.679 --> 00:25:50.119
And if that ever happens again, thanks, but no, thanks.

00:25:50.379 --> 00:25:51.219
Don't bring me back.

00:25:52.639 --> 00:25:53.079
Interesting.

00:25:53.439 --> 00:25:53.619
Yeah.

00:25:54.919 --> 00:25:59.939
So obviously you're very intuitive yourself and connected to this.

00:26:00.039 --> 00:26:03.259
And you mentioned seeing people as like vapors coming out for gas grill.

00:26:03.399 --> 00:26:05.079
So like a shimmering kind of in the air.

00:26:05.119 --> 00:26:05.219
Yes.

00:26:05.559 --> 00:26:05.779
Okay.

00:26:05.959 --> 00:26:07.679
But I've taught other people to see that too.

00:26:08.319 --> 00:26:08.659
Okay.

00:26:08.959 --> 00:26:09.059
Really?

00:26:09.419 --> 00:26:09.519
Wow.

00:26:09.599 --> 00:26:09.699
Yeah.

00:26:10.199 --> 00:26:10.759
Other nurses.

00:26:11.439 --> 00:26:14.299
You just have to be paying attention and we don't because it's so busy.

00:26:14.379 --> 00:26:15.099
It's so chaotic.

00:26:15.479 --> 00:26:25.239
And if you just kind of let your eyes relax and look at the chest about three to five minutes after they die, it just kind of looks like Wow.

00:26:25.639 --> 00:26:25.919
Okay.

00:26:27.559 --> 00:26:37.139
So I think I, it seems to me like some of this is like, I don't know if it's genetic or it's kind of passed along this intuition is this ability.

00:26:38.459 --> 00:26:41.399
Is that been your experience or have there been other people in your family as well?

00:26:42.439 --> 00:26:42.579
Yes.

00:26:42.819 --> 00:26:49.019
Both my daughter, all three of my daughters are in fact, my oldest daughter speaks animals quite well.

00:26:49.279 --> 00:26:50.419
She's an animal whisperer.

00:26:50.799 --> 00:26:51.119
Oh, wow.

00:26:51.479 --> 00:26:51.579
Okay.

00:26:51.579 --> 00:26:58.319
And she's got some crazy amazing stories because she hears the people on the other side and they tell the animals.

00:26:58.519 --> 00:27:00.799
The animal tells her and then she tells the family member.

00:27:01.559 --> 00:27:01.839
Oh, wow.

00:27:02.199 --> 00:27:02.299
Okay.

00:27:04.879 --> 00:27:07.519
So you have, you said how many daughters?

00:27:08.179 --> 00:27:08.339
Three.

00:27:09.659 --> 00:27:10.939
And so do you have any sons?

00:27:11.539 --> 00:27:11.639
Nope.

00:27:12.299 --> 00:27:12.499
Okay.

00:27:12.559 --> 00:27:16.979
Because it's really interesting because it does seem to be more prominent in women to me.

00:27:17.339 --> 00:27:17.439
Yeah.

00:27:17.439 --> 00:27:26.179
And I wanted, I was curious cause I don't know if you're my Mark Anthony because both of his parents were natural born mediums also.

00:27:26.419 --> 00:27:28.679
So it does kind of go through family sometimes.

00:27:29.339 --> 00:27:29.499
Yes.

00:27:29.879 --> 00:27:33.219
And I think my grandmother probably was, but it wasn't talked about back then.

00:27:33.619 --> 00:27:33.819
Right.

00:27:34.059 --> 00:27:34.999
Yeah, exactly.

00:27:35.739 --> 00:27:41.599
But you did also mentioned that you've, you've taught other people nurses, I assume to see the same thing.

00:27:42.079 --> 00:27:42.279
Yes.

00:27:42.599 --> 00:27:44.359
And I don't know how much of that is just nursing.

00:27:44.359 --> 00:27:52.919
We rely so much on our intuition and nonverbal and cues and how much of that is a gift.

00:27:53.719 --> 00:27:53.819
Yeah.

00:27:53.999 --> 00:27:54.319
Yeah.

00:27:54.699 --> 00:28:00.399
And the type of people that go into nursing, you know, they're going to be, they're going to be caring people and empathetic people and stuff like that.

00:28:00.639 --> 00:28:03.579
So it's probably some of some of that as well.

00:28:04.019 --> 00:28:04.259
Yes.

00:28:04.719 --> 00:28:09.639
So, and you mentioned your husband is not quite as, as connected as you are, but he did have that experience.

00:28:09.799 --> 00:28:11.399
Has he had other experiences since then?

00:28:12.099 --> 00:28:24.899
He was one of the ones that had so much anger for the driver that I had to, I had to physically hide her for the funeral because I was afraid other people would tear her apart because Jelly was very popular.

00:28:26.999 --> 00:28:30.719
But he was one of those that had anger and he just wanted that last hug.

00:28:31.099 --> 00:28:33.079
He wanted one last hug and dog gone.

00:28:33.199 --> 00:28:34.199
He was so ripped off.

00:28:34.319 --> 00:28:35.559
He didn't get that last hug.

00:28:36.659 --> 00:28:42.179
So about three months after she died, we were home and it was just, he and I were both sleeping.

00:28:42.679 --> 00:28:52.039
I had this dream that she was going into a gymnasium and she looked over her shoulder and gave me her, her very particular cackle that let me know that she was up to something good.

00:28:52.859 --> 00:28:53.919
That was the end of my dream.

00:28:54.159 --> 00:28:58.639
At the same time, my husband who worked night shift and come home was meditating.

00:28:58.859 --> 00:29:03.279
I didn't even know he knew how to meditate and he was asking Jelly for that last hug.

00:29:04.619 --> 00:29:05.079
Okay.

00:29:06.059 --> 00:29:10.619
And he closed his eyes and somebody came in and sat down on the bed next to him.

00:29:10.699 --> 00:29:12.699
And then laid down next to him.

00:29:13.019 --> 00:29:15.519
And his story has never changed, never.

00:29:16.239 --> 00:29:19.739
He said his left half of his body changed like a half a degree.

00:29:20.159 --> 00:29:22.739
He felt the hug and then he felt her go.

00:29:23.479 --> 00:29:31.359
But that only happened the night before that we had had a gymnastic meet and they had honored Jelly and the driver had come.

00:29:31.919 --> 00:29:32.999
And Mark is the announcer.

00:29:33.879 --> 00:29:42.299
So during a lull, which never happens in meets, he went over and he put his arm around the driver and said, I forgive you.

00:29:42.539 --> 00:29:42.879
Oh, wow.

00:29:43.419 --> 00:29:45.579
And Jelly came the next morning.

00:29:46.339 --> 00:29:46.579
Oh, wow.

00:29:47.279 --> 00:29:47.619
Wow.

00:29:47.879 --> 00:30:00.359
That's powerful because I think I, I not think I know forgiveness can, can hold us back from our, our not holding on to that anger can hold us back from, from being able to make that connection.

00:30:01.059 --> 00:30:05.099
That is so powerful that, you know, that happened, you know, after he was able to do that.

00:30:05.459 --> 00:30:05.799
Yes.

00:30:06.439 --> 00:30:07.959
And that changed his trajectory.

00:30:09.379 --> 00:30:09.939
Yeah.

00:30:12.159 --> 00:30:21.879
So Jelly, obviously a force, you know, obviously, you know, someone who is here, was here to do great things.

00:30:22.219 --> 00:30:28.739
But you also mentioned earlier, like something about like, she felt like she could do more from the other side and she could do it here.

00:30:29.019 --> 00:30:29.499
Explain that.

00:30:32.059 --> 00:30:35.179
She's the one that got me into the helping parents heal.

00:30:35.659 --> 00:30:40.519
I had gone to a conference from Neil Donald Walsh who wrote Conversations with God.

00:30:41.159 --> 00:30:44.299
And the conference was Home with God in a Life that Never Ends.

00:30:44.999 --> 00:30:51.559
And he encouraged me to write the book and he encouraged me to go to my first helping parents heal conference, which I didn't know anything about.

00:30:52.759 --> 00:31:01.579
And at that conference, I went with my sister and I'd had a reading from one of the mediums that I didn't know her name was Nina.

00:31:01.999 --> 00:31:07.079
And during the reading, as a nurse, I also do Reiki and other things.

00:31:07.879 --> 00:31:09.679
This medium start having a headache.

00:31:09.979 --> 00:31:11.599
And I went around to work on her headache.

00:31:12.099 --> 00:31:13.679
And I kept hearing the name Jared.

00:31:14.379 --> 00:31:14.599
Jared.

00:31:15.079 --> 00:31:18.619
And it sounded like somebody was right outside of her hotel room door yelling Jared.

00:31:19.839 --> 00:31:23.819
I'm like, Do you know, do you know any Jared's, you know, I should answer the door.

00:31:23.979 --> 00:31:25.419
And she's like, What are you talking about?

00:31:25.859 --> 00:31:26.759
So you don't hear that?

00:31:26.999 --> 00:31:27.899
Nope, I don't hear that.

00:31:28.899 --> 00:31:29.879
Three different times.

00:31:29.879 --> 00:31:30.439
No, Jared.

00:31:30.579 --> 00:31:32.299
And I'm like, Okay, whatever.

00:31:32.699 --> 00:31:34.839
Went down to lunch that day, our first conference.

00:31:35.019 --> 00:31:35.839
I'm standing in line.

00:31:35.919 --> 00:31:38.579
This blonde chick is behind me that I don't know from Adam.

00:31:38.979 --> 00:31:41.119
And I turn around and I hear Jared.

00:31:41.459 --> 00:31:43.519
And I'm like, Hmm.

00:31:44.599 --> 00:31:45.679
And she starts glowing.

00:31:45.819 --> 00:31:47.319
There's no reason she should be glowing.

00:31:47.419 --> 00:31:48.919
There's no skylights.

00:31:49.299 --> 00:31:51.559
And I'm like, All right, I'll bite.

00:31:52.859 --> 00:31:55.839
Hey, do you by chance have no anybody named Jared?

00:31:55.999 --> 00:31:58.619
And she went, That's my son in spirit.

00:31:58.779 --> 00:31:59.679
How did you know that?

00:31:59.879 --> 00:32:00.419
Hmm.

00:32:01.099 --> 00:32:01.819
No, wow.

00:32:02.939 --> 00:32:09.359
And it turns out that Jillian Jared had so much in common that it led to healing for both of us.

00:32:09.379 --> 00:32:10.319
And that's what she does.

00:32:10.379 --> 00:32:13.659
She finds people who have a lot of things in common with us.

00:32:14.079 --> 00:32:16.199
You couldn't even try to have these things in common.

00:32:16.599 --> 00:32:19.159
And then somehow they crossed my path.

00:32:20.539 --> 00:32:21.499
Yeah, yeah.

00:32:22.299 --> 00:32:27.079
So I know we talked about the sign of finding the ring at the funeral home.

00:32:27.559 --> 00:32:29.679
You've had other amazing signs from her.

00:32:30.259 --> 00:32:31.839
Oh, a whole book full of signs.

00:32:32.059 --> 00:32:32.159
Yeah.

00:32:33.119 --> 00:32:34.999
Well, give me another one of your favorites.

00:32:35.499 --> 00:32:36.339
Oh, my favorites.

00:32:37.959 --> 00:32:39.759
A clean, clean or PG.

00:32:41.299 --> 00:32:41.899
Either one.

00:32:42.039 --> 00:32:42.919
This is a podcast.

00:32:43.139 --> 00:32:43.879
You can say whatever you like.

00:32:45.859 --> 00:32:46.659
Well, let's see.

00:32:46.719 --> 00:32:47.579
I'll give you a clean one.

00:32:47.819 --> 00:32:51.459
My husband to deal with his grief decided he's a gardener.

00:32:51.939 --> 00:32:52.819
I can't garden.

00:32:52.999 --> 00:32:54.779
I can kill a plant just looking at it.

00:32:55.779 --> 00:33:02.579
So he went out and dug this very large area in a part of the yard that we had never done anything with.

00:33:02.839 --> 00:33:04.139
No animals buried there.

00:33:04.259 --> 00:33:04.719
No, nothing.

00:33:04.899 --> 00:33:06.779
Just under a walnut tree in the corner.

00:33:07.999 --> 00:33:09.059
So he goes out and he digs.

00:33:09.319 --> 00:33:11.559
He was about a foot deep.

00:33:11.719 --> 00:33:15.639
He gets to this gigantic walnut tree root and he can't get it out.

00:33:15.759 --> 00:33:26.239
So he gets out the saws off, cuts off this route, digging underneath, getting all the rocks and pebbles comes up with what he thinks might be a button because this house is an 1860 house.

00:33:27.659 --> 00:33:28.719
Comes in, rinses it off.

00:33:28.719 --> 00:33:32.279
And it's a 2009 Virgin Island quarter.

00:33:32.679 --> 00:33:33.239
Wow.

00:33:34.459 --> 00:33:36.959
Which is significant 2009.

00:33:37.319 --> 00:33:40.239
I mean, how would that get a foot under a tree root?

00:33:40.579 --> 00:33:40.779
Right.

00:33:41.479 --> 00:33:48.339
The Virgin Island quarter had a palm tree, a beach, a seagull, and you could tell it was a beach scene.

00:33:49.159 --> 00:33:51.759
Julie wore Hollister clothing all the time.

00:33:52.319 --> 00:33:53.239
Seagulls were her thing.

00:33:54.119 --> 00:34:01.459
Her favorite, favorite thing to do as soon as the weather in Michigan hit 30 degrees was put on her bathing suit, go out on the roof and sun tan.

00:34:04.519 --> 00:34:04.959
Wow.

00:34:06.119 --> 00:34:14.579
Now the Virgin Island, of course, that for people that may not remember, we had those quarters back in the day that we had quarters for each standard and then realize there was one for the Virgin Islands.

00:34:14.719 --> 00:34:16.039
But I stayed at their own quarter.

00:34:16.780 --> 00:34:17.659
I didn't either.

00:34:18.119 --> 00:34:18.380
Yeah.

00:34:18.539 --> 00:34:20.519
That was a very appropriate one for her.

00:34:20.860 --> 00:34:21.019
Yeah.

00:34:21.179 --> 00:34:21.719
That is wild.

00:34:22.599 --> 00:34:24.320
That is really wild.

00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:28.559
So, yeah, I don't even know where to begin to explain that.

00:34:28.719 --> 00:34:38.780
And it's really interesting because, again, we talked about earlier the app ports and that is a, I know there are physical mediums that do stuff like that.

00:34:39.460 --> 00:34:43.679
But, you know, I find dimes, you know, for me, it's dimes.

00:34:43.840 --> 00:34:50.780
And like the other day I came in the kitchen and there was a dime laying on our kitchen counter, which is, you know, that's not really a miracle.

00:34:51.099 --> 00:34:53.380
But my wife and I, I hardly ever use change.

00:34:53.380 --> 00:34:54.440
I hardly ever use cash.

00:34:55.519 --> 00:34:58.960
And I asked her and she said, no, I didn't have any, it's like, but it's laying there.

00:34:59.139 --> 00:35:01.559
And, you know, we find stuff like that, but fine.

00:35:02.199 --> 00:35:04.639
This is like, okay, I'm not just going to put it on the counter.

00:35:04.820 --> 00:35:05.780
I'm going to put it underground.

00:35:06.380 --> 00:35:06.619
Yeah.

00:35:06.940 --> 00:35:10.699
You know, I'm going to put something in a place where we haven't even been before.

00:35:11.019 --> 00:35:11.420
Right.

00:35:11.719 --> 00:35:14.460
And the seagull, I mean, we played Freebird at her funeral.

00:35:14.599 --> 00:35:16.079
That's her theme song is Freebird.

00:35:16.199 --> 00:35:16.800
Oh, really?

00:35:17.360 --> 00:35:18.699
So it was very appropriate.

00:35:19.659 --> 00:35:22.519
And at her funeral, people kept walking up and handing me quarters.

00:35:22.519 --> 00:35:23.619
Did you drop this?

00:35:23.800 --> 00:35:24.500
Did you drop this?

00:35:24.619 --> 00:35:25.619
And I'm like, I'm wearing a dress.

00:35:25.719 --> 00:35:26.579
I don't have pockets.

00:35:27.280 --> 00:35:27.380
Yeah.

00:35:27.900 --> 00:35:28.059
Yeah.

00:35:29.079 --> 00:35:32.480
Probably five to seven dollars worth of quarters in her casket with her.

00:35:33.019 --> 00:35:33.579
Oh, wow.

00:35:34.239 --> 00:35:34.599
Wow.

00:35:35.179 --> 00:35:35.400
Okay.

00:35:35.739 --> 00:35:37.099
I'm like, watch them over there.

00:35:37.378 --> 00:35:37.639
I don't know.

00:35:37.759 --> 00:35:39.619
I couldn't figure out the whole quarter thing.

00:35:39.659 --> 00:35:40.278
Why quarters?

00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:42.059
Why not dimes or nickels or whatever?

00:35:42.500 --> 00:35:49.199
And then she told me in a dream one night, she goes, remember when I was little, you made me memorize our address and our phone number.

00:35:49.318 --> 00:35:52.199
And you put a quarter in my pocket whenever I went somewhere.

00:35:52.199 --> 00:35:53.559
So I could call home.

00:35:53.920 --> 00:35:54.639
Oh, man.

00:35:54.778 --> 00:35:55.159
Okay.

00:35:55.639 --> 00:35:56.480
She's calling home.

00:35:57.539 --> 00:35:58.099
That is wild.

00:35:59.059 --> 00:36:06.159
You know, it's funny because after Shayna passed, I was like, you know, people say finding or finding coins is a sign.

00:36:06.259 --> 00:36:11.920
And so I was like, I said to Shayna, I said, I wanted to be dimes because, you know, pennies you find all over the place.

00:36:12.099 --> 00:36:14.119
So I just, I just chose dimes.

00:36:14.318 --> 00:36:20.400
And I mean, not that I don't find other coins, but when I find a coin, it's almost always a dime.

00:36:20.400 --> 00:36:21.179
Yes.

00:36:25.400 --> 00:36:27.199
So I can't explain.

00:36:27.339 --> 00:36:31.440
It's one of those no other explanations, but they're always in really weird places.

00:36:31.440 --> 00:36:35.359
Like my brother vacuumed his entire room came back and there's one in the middle of the floor.

00:36:36.279 --> 00:36:37.099
Yeah, yeah.

00:36:39.279 --> 00:36:47.559
Another friend found one in a pair of boys underwear in the fly wrapped around a drain tube under the sink.

00:36:48.480 --> 00:36:49.299
Oh, okay.

00:36:50.679 --> 00:36:52.199
Is that where you store quarters?

00:36:52.359 --> 00:36:55.960
I'm not a guy, but I'm, yeah, you know.

00:36:56.519 --> 00:36:58.119
Yeah, that is that is great.

00:36:58.279 --> 00:36:58.719
That's crazy.

00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:04.679
So in the times, you know, since she's passed, you know, she's she's gotten you in helping parents.

00:37:04.839 --> 00:37:08.259
And if I remember correctly, you recently retired from nursing.

00:37:08.579 --> 00:37:09.019
I did.

00:37:09.440 --> 00:37:10.579
Yeah, I did.

00:37:11.319 --> 00:37:12.619
Which was very trippy.

00:37:13.079 --> 00:37:13.599
Yeah.

00:37:14.500 --> 00:37:15.460
I'm getting used to that.

00:37:15.559 --> 00:37:16.639
That might be another book.

00:37:17.219 --> 00:37:17.519
Yeah.

00:37:18.299 --> 00:37:18.500
Yeah.

00:37:18.500 --> 00:37:22.500
So do you have plans for what you want to do in this next phase?

00:37:24.299 --> 00:37:26.519
I think another book is going to happen.

00:37:26.719 --> 00:37:29.879
I'm already starting to I've got a lot of information for another book.

00:37:31.159 --> 00:37:34.500
I mean, Jillies didn't stop after book one.

00:37:35.259 --> 00:37:36.859
There's two, three, four, five, six.

00:37:37.099 --> 00:37:38.420
I mean, I could just keep writing.

00:37:38.699 --> 00:37:39.119
Yeah.

00:37:39.900 --> 00:37:48.039
But part of it is a new ministry may not be the right word, but I can't think of a better word.

00:37:48.500 --> 00:37:50.699
Is to just volunteer this year.

00:37:51.119 --> 00:37:55.259
Spend my time, talent, giving, giving back and seeing what happens.

00:37:55.980 --> 00:37:57.039
And I know she'll guide me.

00:37:57.679 --> 00:38:04.480
Yeah, I think ministry is an appropriate word from the original meaning of ministry, because to minister to someone is to serve.

00:38:05.139 --> 00:38:10.159
So we think of it in a religious term, but I believe it is a ministry to do that.

00:38:10.379 --> 00:38:16.259
And she's given you so much to work with.

00:38:16.259 --> 00:38:30.139
And as I said, you and I spoke a little bit earlier, I said I have to have you on the podcast, because every question that parents ask me after they've lost a child, you can answer.

00:38:30.460 --> 00:38:42.119
And again, it doesn't take all these things away, but it can add some meaning to it, it can add some context to it, it can add some relief, because again, I've talked to so many parents, like, you know, did they suffer?

00:38:42.400 --> 00:38:44.139
Did they experience pain?

00:38:44.859 --> 00:38:55.920
And I've talked to people who've had near-death experiences and people have been through this where I'm like, no, even when you see someone suffering in their body suffering in the hospital, for example, They don't remember it.

00:38:56.299 --> 00:38:58.579
They're gone, they're not there.

00:38:59.319 --> 00:39:04.819
And my mother-in-law had dementia, and so did my father-in-law.

00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:09.819
And I'm convinced that their spirits were, I mean, I'm not saying they were gone, but they were back and forth.

00:39:10.139 --> 00:39:12.559
It was like, sometimes they were here, sometimes they were there.

00:39:13.000 --> 00:39:14.000
My mom was that way.

00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:18.639
I woke up one night and my mom was standing next to my bed and I went, what are you doing here?

00:39:19.539 --> 00:39:20.699
I called the nursing home.

00:39:20.859 --> 00:39:21.420
Hey, can you go?

00:39:21.599 --> 00:39:22.460
Oh, no, she's fine.

00:39:22.659 --> 00:39:23.359
She's sound asleep.

00:39:24.319 --> 00:39:24.960
Oh, wow.

00:39:25.799 --> 00:39:26.159
Okay.

00:39:26.619 --> 00:39:28.379
So she was there in spirit next to your dad.

00:39:28.739 --> 00:39:29.199
Yeah, yeah.

00:39:30.259 --> 00:39:33.980
And unfortunately, when my father-in-law went through it, it was before I knew all this stuff.

00:39:34.099 --> 00:39:40.199
So he would say things like, I saw, you know, so-and-so the other night, or I saw this person and we knew he hadn't.

00:39:40.599 --> 00:39:45.400
And it wasn't until years later I put together every person he said he saw was dead.

00:39:45.659 --> 00:39:45.779
Yes.

00:39:46.139 --> 00:39:47.920
He never said he saw someone who was alive.

00:39:48.259 --> 00:39:49.920
No, they were all coming again.

00:39:50.639 --> 00:39:50.739
Yeah.

00:39:51.799 --> 00:40:00.349
And I wish as nurses for, if you're a healthcare professional, it's kind of beaten into you that death is failure.

00:40:02.409 --> 00:40:03.369
Death is not failure.

00:40:03.670 --> 00:40:03.929
Absolutely.

00:40:04.029 --> 00:40:05.009
We're all going to die.

00:40:05.409 --> 00:40:06.629
Just like we were all born.

00:40:07.210 --> 00:40:09.409
I want to do that a little more gracefully.

00:40:09.949 --> 00:40:10.429
Yeah.

00:40:10.829 --> 00:40:15.589
And I think that is a really good point, and I understand it in the medical profession.

00:40:15.750 --> 00:40:16.469
I mean, that's your job.

00:40:16.569 --> 00:40:18.670
Your job is to keep people in their bodies.

00:40:19.429 --> 00:40:23.670
But on the other hand, we do have a time to go.

00:40:24.210 --> 00:40:35.250
And I've talked to enough people, and I'm to the point now where I don't view it as a tragedy because a person happens to go when they're young, because that was their time.

00:40:35.750 --> 00:40:36.009
Yes.

00:40:36.389 --> 00:40:42.029
And whatever happened to your daughter, was it building blocks so it doesn't happen to anyone else?

00:40:42.429 --> 00:40:42.809
Yeah.

00:40:42.809 --> 00:40:46.049
Or what if they learned something that they didn't know out of that?

00:40:47.429 --> 00:40:47.869
Yeah, yeah.

00:40:48.250 --> 00:40:58.849
Yeah, because it was interesting because she did have, we knew she had a diagnosed heart condition, which was very mild and they weren't even, she wasn't even on medication or anything.

00:40:58.969 --> 00:41:01.469
They were just like, come back every couple of years, we'll take a look at it.

00:41:01.969 --> 00:41:07.929
And then after she passed, the coroner calls and said, well, she had a structural defect that was congenital.

00:41:08.389 --> 00:41:08.509
Yeah.

00:41:08.989 --> 00:41:11.509
And she said, I think that's what caused her passing.

00:41:11.509 --> 00:41:14.009
And the cardiologists disagreed.

00:41:14.369 --> 00:41:17.230
So people ask me and I'm like, I don't know.

00:41:17.670 --> 00:41:21.150
But they did want to take her heart and study it, you know, at Children's Hospital.

00:41:21.489 --> 00:41:22.809
I don't know whatever happened with that.

00:41:24.049 --> 00:41:27.009
But again, I don't view it as a tragedy anyway.

00:41:27.389 --> 00:41:31.589
You know, we all have a time to come in, we all have a time to go out.

00:41:32.009 --> 00:41:34.429
And I think from the other side, people aren't going home.

00:41:35.089 --> 00:41:38.509
I only got to be there 19 years, I only got to be there 15 years.

00:41:38.650 --> 00:41:39.949
I don't think that's a regret.

00:41:40.309 --> 00:41:40.670
No.

00:41:40.670 --> 00:41:43.170
No, she just packed a lot into it.

00:41:43.589 --> 00:41:47.309
Yeah, we can waste any time with fluff because there was no time for fluff.

00:41:47.909 --> 00:41:48.009
Yeah.

00:41:48.150 --> 00:41:56.190
And that's the thing I thought about it after she in the past, you know, and I was talking to some about this the other day, it's I could say what I only had 15 years with her.

00:41:56.609 --> 00:42:02.929
But I could also say we had a great 15 years, you know, we homeschool my daughter, we got to spend a lot of time together.

00:42:02.929 --> 00:42:04.029
I was working for mom.

00:42:04.569 --> 00:42:08.670
So we packed more than those 15 years and a lot of people packing into a lifetime.

00:42:08.670 --> 00:42:13.509
So it's not the quantity of life, it's the quality of your life.

00:42:14.150 --> 00:42:16.730
And looking back, I'm so glad we homeschooled.

00:42:16.730 --> 00:42:17.170
Oh, did you?

00:42:17.409 --> 00:42:20.210
All that extra time I didn't get to have or I wouldn't have had.

00:42:20.489 --> 00:42:21.150
Wow, you did.

00:42:21.289 --> 00:42:21.849
Okay, that's why.

00:42:22.589 --> 00:42:22.710
Yeah.

00:42:24.129 --> 00:42:33.409
So, you know, and that's the other thing is, you know, I can just tell from talking to you your connection with her was and is a very special connection.

00:42:33.969 --> 00:42:34.069
Yeah.

00:42:34.489 --> 00:42:41.230
And a lot of people, they don't, they don't have that, they don't have that real soul connection that you use that you have.

00:42:43.049 --> 00:43:02.589
I have one of my roles in being an affiliate leader is reaching out to newbies, whether their death happened last week or 15 years ago, and just kind of checking in on them and sharing ways to maybe hear from your child.

00:43:04.089 --> 00:43:13.549
So what I recommended to one who had put her child's picture in the drawer 15 years, 14 years ago and never took it out because she didn't know anybody that lost a child.

00:43:13.769 --> 00:43:15.549
And that's what you're supposed to do, right?

00:43:15.769 --> 00:43:17.829
Because you just put it away and you don't talk about it.

00:43:18.629 --> 00:43:22.730
And I said, Farrah Gibson came up with this and I passed it on to her.

00:43:22.849 --> 00:43:35.449
Just, you know, close your eyes, pretend like you're taking or you're unzipping your ursuit, put it over there in a pile, go to the edge of the, in my mind, it was the Grand Canyon and you go, Hey, Jillie, I love you.

00:43:36.549 --> 00:43:38.769
And then, what do you hear back?

00:43:39.989 --> 00:43:42.210
And she tried it the first time, nothing happened.

00:43:42.509 --> 00:43:47.849
The second time she tried it, she goes, I heard his voice for the first time in 14 years.

00:43:49.909 --> 00:43:51.589
And from there, it just took off.

00:43:51.730 --> 00:43:52.889
His picture is back out.

00:43:53.029 --> 00:43:59.069
She's talking to it all the time, but Jillie and her son have so many similarities.

00:43:59.549 --> 00:44:05.929
Again, she found me another person that, Oh, yeah, I mean, right down to our grandparents names are the same.

00:44:06.650 --> 00:44:09.129
Her husband and my stepdad had the same business.

00:44:09.529 --> 00:44:12.509
I mean, it's just her initials are the same as my mom's.

00:44:13.809 --> 00:44:14.989
Just stuff like that.

00:44:15.609 --> 00:44:15.710
Yeah.

00:44:16.569 --> 00:44:23.009
Well, we, you know, helping parents heal, we believe a lot of times our children are the ones that bring us together.

00:44:23.409 --> 00:44:26.170
So we'll go to the conferences and we'll meet people.

00:44:26.589 --> 00:44:30.029
And we do seem to meet people that we have things in common with.

00:44:30.029 --> 00:44:36.569
You know, the synchronicities and the things that line up that when we listen.

00:44:36.829 --> 00:44:39.049
And that's the thing is learning how to listen.

00:44:39.329 --> 00:44:45.329
I talk to so many people who say, Well, I talk to them, but they don't talk back to me.

00:44:45.409 --> 00:44:48.269
And I'm like, you have to learn how to hear.

00:44:48.389 --> 00:44:49.629
It's like learning a different language.

00:44:50.150 --> 00:44:51.889
Yes, and it's a quiet language.

00:44:52.789 --> 00:44:56.230
Yeah, explain that because I don't think people are going to understand what that means.

00:44:56.589 --> 00:44:59.309
You can't hear it when your head is full of noise.

00:44:59.309 --> 00:45:03.829
Yeah, like I get my best communication from her in the shower.

00:45:04.989 --> 00:45:05.969
Nice and quiet.

00:45:07.650 --> 00:45:09.789
That's literally kind of downloads.

00:45:10.449 --> 00:45:12.750
Yeah, that I get from her when I'm sleeping.

00:45:13.049 --> 00:45:16.269
But if I'm full of noise and stress and all that, it's harder to hear.

00:45:17.150 --> 00:45:26.769
Yeah, I think we're explaining that because I think we are our heads are so full of thoughts all the time and worries, etc.

00:45:27.409 --> 00:45:32.409
That we can't get quiet and it is it is more of a whisper than it is a shout.

00:45:32.629 --> 00:45:36.789
Yes, and you've got you've got to learn to get quiet and you have to learn to trust it.

00:45:36.929 --> 00:45:38.889
That's the other thing that I've come to learn.

00:45:39.049 --> 00:45:51.949
It's like it'll come across as maybe your imagination and it's really easy to rationalize away until a car pulls out in front of you with a license plate that says Jake Christ on it in another state.

00:45:52.989 --> 00:45:54.250
Yeah, it's quiet.

00:45:54.250 --> 00:45:56.309
But if you're not looking, you're not seeing it.

00:45:56.309 --> 00:45:57.969
Yeah, well, that's the thing also.

00:45:58.230 --> 00:45:59.429
You have to you have to be lucky.

00:45:59.629 --> 00:46:08.269
And it reminds me one of my stories with Shana it was it was five years after she had passed to the day and I was taking her mother to therapy.

00:46:08.489 --> 00:46:19.989
She had knee surgery I was taking her to therapy and you know, it was a five year angel versus so I was like, you know, not in a great mood or anything and I've kind of zoned out my wife goes look at that and I looked up in front of us.

00:46:20.089 --> 00:46:23.469
There was the car truck in front of us had stencils on the back.

00:46:23.569 --> 00:46:24.529
I'm right here.

00:46:24.529 --> 00:46:25.170
Yes.

00:46:26.269 --> 00:46:31.109
Yeah, but I would have I would have completely missed if my wife hadn't pointed it out.

00:46:31.289 --> 00:46:39.170
Yep, or that billboard or the next song on the radio or I was just thinking that and Freebird came on or Yeah, yeah.

00:46:39.170 --> 00:46:50.309
Well, that reminds me another one I was Freebird because my friend's son's song is Sweet Home Alabama and we were in Sedona at the helping we were at the Helping Parents Hill Conference.

00:46:50.309 --> 00:47:06.069
We got up to Sedona and we're standing in the store Sedona and she mentioned her son's name and Sweet Home Alabama starts playing on like the music and I'm like, that's not a song you hear a lot of times in a spiritual shop in Sedona, Arizona.

00:47:06.829 --> 00:47:13.809
Well, mine is Jilly wrote a college paper on the song If I Die Young by I think it's the band Perry maybe or something.

00:47:14.129 --> 00:47:16.089
I wrote a whole college paper about that.

00:47:16.809 --> 00:47:23.069
I go into Menards and I'm looking at the decorations going which one should I put on her grave and I'll be darned that song doesn't come on.

00:47:23.730 --> 00:47:24.569
Wow, yeah.

00:47:24.589 --> 00:47:30.429
It's from twenty two thousand nine ten five you know.

00:47:30.750 --> 00:47:31.489
Yeah, yeah.

00:47:31.969 --> 00:47:34.089
And why would why would you play that song at Menards?

00:47:34.469 --> 00:47:35.929
Yeah, yeah.

00:47:36.690 --> 00:47:39.029
And power tools shouldn't go together.

00:47:39.309 --> 00:47:40.109
Yeah, exactly.

00:47:40.869 --> 00:47:47.429
And it's I love sharing these stories because again, it's so easy to overlook these things if you're not looking.

00:47:47.629 --> 00:47:51.869
So when people tell me I don't get signs or not communicated with me.

00:47:51.869 --> 00:47:57.549
But I just imagine our loved ones on the outside going, look, I sent you this.

00:47:57.750 --> 00:47:58.409
I sent you this.

00:47:58.409 --> 00:47:59.509
You're not paying attention.

00:47:59.849 --> 00:48:01.150
I'm drawing so hard.

00:48:01.629 --> 00:48:05.549
I went to when I first started some of my holistic work.

00:48:05.549 --> 00:48:09.750
I was doing cranial sacral therapy and somato emotional release.

00:48:10.549 --> 00:48:15.329
And after my dad died, I looked for 15 years.

00:48:15.829 --> 00:48:17.230
Never thought I got a sign.

00:48:17.529 --> 00:48:20.730
Never thought I got a sign because I wanted a specific sign.

00:48:21.210 --> 00:48:24.629
I wanted him to send me an E or okay.

00:48:25.069 --> 00:48:26.089
I went to John Edward.

00:48:26.230 --> 00:48:31.949
John Edward comes out and he goes Christopher Robin Tigger who I never took that as a sign.

00:48:32.009 --> 00:48:32.769
Oh, wow.

00:48:34.449 --> 00:48:35.730
There are the people around me.

00:48:35.909 --> 00:48:36.069
Okay.

00:48:36.769 --> 00:48:45.469
I finally I got on the table once and went into this very relaxed state and my dad came in and I said, where have you been?

00:48:46.109 --> 00:48:51.889
And he goes, you've been so busy looking for that damn E or you haven't seen the thousands of signs that I have sent you.

00:48:51.889 --> 00:48:52.690
Oh, wow.

00:48:53.449 --> 00:48:53.549
Wow.

00:48:53.730 --> 00:48:55.069
Oh, okay.

00:48:55.769 --> 00:48:56.150
Yeah.

00:48:57.889 --> 00:48:59.109
So Louise, I'm curious.

00:48:59.389 --> 00:49:01.909
I mean, you obviously have this connection, this intuition.

00:49:02.190 --> 00:49:02.929
Do you do?

00:49:02.929 --> 00:49:04.009
Do you do mediumship?

00:49:05.549 --> 00:49:14.129
I've been told I have that capability, but I'm right now I am understudying with somebody.

00:49:14.469 --> 00:49:14.949
Okay.

00:49:15.269 --> 00:49:16.250
Just exploring it.

00:49:16.769 --> 00:49:20.210
I don't know what's medium and what's just nurses intuition.

00:49:20.929 --> 00:49:21.150
Yeah.

00:49:21.150 --> 00:49:30.129
Yeah, but I have a tendency when I put my hands on people through all the other work that I've done to see images that I guess other people don't see.

00:49:30.230 --> 00:49:31.449
I just thought other nurses did.

00:49:31.549 --> 00:49:32.469
That's what we do.

00:49:32.929 --> 00:49:36.449
Okay, but I found out that that's not really the case.

00:49:37.150 --> 00:49:38.009
Yeah, I was interested.

00:49:38.210 --> 00:49:47.609
I know a lot of people go from massage therapy to becoming mediums because that touching people and that kind of a setting things start, you know, things start coming through.

00:49:48.029 --> 00:49:48.509
They do.

00:49:48.969 --> 00:49:49.170
They do.

00:49:49.309 --> 00:49:50.190
And Julie did that too.

00:49:50.190 --> 00:49:57.409
I mean, she would just put her hands on, you know, it wasn't necessarily a healing, but that warmth of your hand feels good.

00:49:57.549 --> 00:50:02.389
And if you're putting that energy behind it and that love behind it, it works for little kids.

00:50:02.929 --> 00:50:04.150
It goes away.

00:50:04.589 --> 00:50:04.989
Yeah.

00:50:06.029 --> 00:50:12.650
Well, you know, and it's interesting because I again, I have a lot of friends who are mediums and they will differentiate between psychic ability and mediumship ability.

00:50:12.650 --> 00:50:19.849
And they'll have big debates about whether someone's working psychically or through mediumship as a lay person.

00:50:20.309 --> 00:50:21.230
I frankly don't care.

00:50:21.650 --> 00:50:22.849
It's like, I don't care.

00:50:23.329 --> 00:50:27.329
Yeah, it's you're reading energy, you're reading spirit, you know, whatever.

00:50:27.589 --> 00:50:42.269
And I know not everybody's meant to be, you know, medium as far as working for other people, but clearly you have that that connection, which is, but it also has enabled you to be able to share these fantastic stories and to work with people and helping parents heal.

00:50:42.529 --> 00:50:51.809
And, you know, as a affiliate leader for people who don't know what that is, there's a group of people that they come in in the organization and you kind of help, you know, help them get acclimated.

00:50:52.190 --> 00:50:53.309
Peer to peer.

00:50:53.849 --> 00:51:00.670
And I'm going in, I knew before Jelly even died, I knew probably 40 families that had lost kids.

00:51:01.690 --> 00:51:04.869
And I thought, well, that's kind of a disproportionate number.

00:51:05.009 --> 00:51:06.230
It must be because I'm a nurse.

00:51:07.170 --> 00:51:07.909
Yeah, yeah.

00:51:08.949 --> 00:51:10.089
No, it wasn't.

00:51:10.909 --> 00:51:11.750
Yeah, you're right.

00:51:11.909 --> 00:51:24.049
And the thing is, we can, as we start to open up this and look at it, we can start to see the patterns in our life, you know, you know, we look at things and it might feel very random.

00:51:24.929 --> 00:51:26.489
And again, we ask those questions.

00:51:27.190 --> 00:51:28.309
Why, you know, why?

00:51:28.549 --> 00:51:32.190
And we scream those questions, you know, at the universe, which is fine.

00:51:32.629 --> 00:51:36.730
But I love that exercise, you know, you talk about like going out and standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon.

00:51:36.769 --> 00:51:38.429
So go ask that question.

00:51:38.609 --> 00:51:40.429
But then listen, but listen for the answer.

00:51:40.750 --> 00:51:42.049
Yeah, yeah.

00:51:42.129 --> 00:51:45.210
And it might take two or three times and it's such a quiet little whisper.

00:51:45.690 --> 00:51:48.589
But when you hear it, it's your child's voice.

00:51:49.670 --> 00:51:50.409
Yeah, yeah.

00:51:51.409 --> 00:51:53.469
I don't know how else to describe that.

00:51:54.349 --> 00:51:59.569
So I know we talked, we touched on a little bit about your book, but tell people more about your book.

00:52:00.650 --> 00:52:08.989
My book is, I wrote it over the seven year period and it was kind of my journey into grief.

00:52:09.449 --> 00:52:13.730
The first chapter is that day because every story has to start somewhere.

00:52:13.849 --> 00:52:16.949
I tell people who've lost kids, avoid that if you don't want to read it.

00:52:17.349 --> 00:52:19.089
Second chapter was my why.

00:52:20.109 --> 00:52:27.049
The third chapter was the ring showing up at the funeral home and the things that really started happening within 72 hours of her death.

00:52:27.869 --> 00:52:32.750
And the rest of it is just kind of a back and forth between I can't get out of bed today too.

00:52:33.109 --> 00:52:41.329
I am so joyous and so full because I got this or I figured out that love is grief is love with nowhere to go.

00:52:42.129 --> 00:52:43.489
So today is Jillian's birthday.

00:52:43.670 --> 00:52:44.529
She would be 34.

00:52:44.829 --> 00:52:46.349
I can't give her a present.

00:52:47.329 --> 00:53:00.210
So instead, because she wanted to be a neonatal nurse, what I do is make little baby gift baskets and take them down to our local NICU and her birthday 20s get to have a random present from a stranger.

00:53:01.150 --> 00:53:03.150
Yeah, well, that makes me feel good.

00:53:03.289 --> 00:53:06.529
Yeah, thanks for mentioning that because today we are recording this on her birthday.

00:53:06.789 --> 00:53:08.730
So happy birthday to Jillian.

00:53:09.109 --> 00:53:09.369
Thank you.

00:53:09.609 --> 00:53:10.949
Thank you for doing this today.

00:53:11.949 --> 00:53:19.949
And you know, the thing is when we say things like I can't give her a birthday present, not a physical present, but we can do something that's actually more important.

00:53:20.989 --> 00:53:24.389
That's actually more heartfelt and having that connection.

00:53:25.650 --> 00:53:37.429
I see you guys giving each other presents back and forth and I know she's right here and I know she's very proud of what you're doing and how you're taking this and you're paying it forward.

00:53:37.690 --> 00:53:46.889
You're helping other people go through this thing which none of us would choose intentionally or consciously.

00:53:47.710 --> 00:53:51.309
I'm really intrigued by the name of your book, Always Remember to Kiss Me Good Night.

00:53:51.429 --> 00:53:52.289
Where did that come from?

00:53:55.690 --> 00:53:56.969
That sign right there.

00:53:57.730 --> 00:53:58.769
Your background is blurred.

00:53:59.269 --> 00:53:59.429
Oh, sorry.

00:53:59.650 --> 00:54:00.309
It's blurred out.

00:54:00.869 --> 00:54:05.809
Gee, I have a sign above my bed that says Always Kiss Me Good Night.

00:54:06.329 --> 00:54:06.909
Oh, okay.

00:54:07.349 --> 00:54:08.849
And that was her first sign.

00:54:11.150 --> 00:54:18.509
So when I started the book, I didn't know what to call it and I kept looking up at that and she kept saying, that's it, that's it.

00:54:18.609 --> 00:54:27.690
Well, I just added Always Remember to Kiss Me Good Night and then when we came time for the cover of the book, my editor wanted a tree at sunset.

00:54:28.429 --> 00:54:29.750
I don't know why she wanted that but she did.

00:54:30.349 --> 00:54:34.369
So I sent her gazillions for pictures of trees at sunset because I'm a photographer.

00:54:35.569 --> 00:54:36.809
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

00:54:37.409 --> 00:54:45.409
One day at work, I'm walking down the hospital corridor and they had a student artwork up and there's a picture of a tree at sunset and I went, Julie drew one of those.

00:54:45.409 --> 00:54:50.589
It's in my living room framed and I took a picture of it and sent it to the author and she goes, this is the exact picture I want.

00:54:50.969 --> 00:54:51.289
Oh, wow.

00:54:51.469 --> 00:54:53.529
But Julie literally drew the cover of the book.

00:54:54.190 --> 00:54:54.909
Wow, wow.

00:54:55.409 --> 00:54:59.750
Yeah, I love all the connections and I love the fact that you're open to it.

00:54:59.849 --> 00:55:11.650
You know, it's funny because the reason I asked you about that is the night that Shayna passed away, she, we were watching TV in the family room and we were just like saying it's time to go to bed, which she never wanted to but it was time to go to bed.

00:55:12.109 --> 00:55:17.389
So she went upstairs and she was in the bathroom when I was going to bed and I did not kiss her good night that night.

00:55:17.670 --> 00:55:34.849
I just said to the door, you know, I love you and I didn't kiss her good night that night but it was really interesting because I felt, you know, a little bit of guilt about that after a while but I remember when I would say to Shayna because I told her I loved her a lot and her mother did too and she'd say, you don't have to tell me you love me all the time.

00:55:34.989 --> 00:55:35.809
I already know it.

00:55:36.629 --> 00:55:38.509
But I need to say it.

00:55:38.949 --> 00:55:39.469
Yeah, yeah.

00:55:40.809 --> 00:55:58.429
But yeah, it's, you know, again, people sometimes have guilt around those last, you know, those last moments or again thinking about the last moments of our daughter or our children and I know that they want us to remember the totality of their lives and also to keep in mind that that's not the totality of their lives.

00:55:58.429 --> 00:56:00.170
That's just the part when they were here.

00:56:00.670 --> 00:56:02.969
That's one minute of their entire life.

00:56:03.529 --> 00:56:03.629
Yeah.

00:56:03.629 --> 00:56:05.309
You want to define them in that one minute?

00:56:05.750 --> 00:56:06.210
Yeah.

00:56:07.609 --> 00:56:09.309
Julie was way more than that.

00:56:09.529 --> 00:56:10.549
Way more than death.

00:56:11.170 --> 00:56:11.989
Yeah, exactly.

00:56:12.269 --> 00:56:13.049
And still is.

00:56:13.549 --> 00:56:21.829
And like I said, you know, still is because it took me a long time to come to this realization because again, I could think of Shane as like she only was here for 15 years.

00:56:22.190 --> 00:56:27.429
She was only here for 15 years but she's still active and just as Julie is still active.

00:56:27.889 --> 00:56:28.429
Yeah, yeah.

00:56:28.929 --> 00:56:31.569
And you know, what did I do with that situation?

00:56:32.250 --> 00:56:33.569
Okay, let's put it into use.

00:56:33.670 --> 00:56:38.009
Let's get that gas main taken out so it's not 56 inches off the road.

00:56:38.509 --> 00:56:44.309
You know, let's get rumble strips on a road that doesn't clearly dogleg in the dark.

00:56:44.489 --> 00:56:45.049
You can't see it.

00:56:45.069 --> 00:56:47.650
Let's get a light up above so they can see that intersection.

00:56:48.650 --> 00:56:50.009
Those are things that I've done.

00:56:51.190 --> 00:56:51.989
Yeah, yeah.

00:56:52.629 --> 00:56:57.429
You know, I can't buy my grandchildren from her any presents because there aren't any.

00:56:57.869 --> 00:56:58.129
Right.

00:56:59.529 --> 00:57:01.190
Why can't I buy him for a stranger?

00:57:02.129 --> 00:57:02.389
That's good.

00:57:02.509 --> 00:57:04.889
That gift is going to find exactly the right person.

00:57:05.109 --> 00:57:11.009
I did it one year, took it out to an Amish birthing center and this family came in and they were just sure it was a girl.

00:57:11.009 --> 00:57:12.049
So all they had was dresses.

00:57:12.049 --> 00:57:12.730
It was a boy.

00:57:13.949 --> 00:57:18.409
And you know, here comes this basket with exactly everything they need for the first month.

00:57:20.250 --> 00:57:27.150
Yeah, and that's and that's finding, you know, something to do with the with the grief to do with the line.

00:57:27.690 --> 00:57:34.210
Yeah, with the love and you know, I hear and I think you said earlier grief is love with no place to go.

00:57:35.250 --> 00:57:40.170
But the more I do this work and the more I get into this like there is some place where the love to go.

00:57:40.170 --> 00:57:40.409
Right.

00:57:40.609 --> 00:57:50.609
So that that is when we have that deep intense grief is when we don't think we have anywhere to put our love when we don't realize that we can still have this continuing relationship.

00:57:50.789 --> 00:57:51.529
It's not over.

00:57:52.289 --> 00:57:55.769
Yes, and everything I do in Julie's honor honors Julie.

00:57:56.670 --> 00:58:04.789
Yeah, and honors our connection and our love and feels as physically to me like a hug as I can get from the other side.

00:58:05.369 --> 00:58:06.210
Yeah, yeah.

00:58:06.650 --> 00:58:07.589
I'll take it.

00:58:08.029 --> 00:58:08.409
Yes.

00:58:08.869 --> 00:58:10.369
Yeah, I completely agree with that.

00:58:10.589 --> 00:58:11.889
And yeah, we still miss.

00:58:11.889 --> 00:58:16.469
I still miss, you know, my daughter here physically that's that's not going to change.

00:58:16.949 --> 00:58:21.969
And I understand the people that still I mean, we still want that we are biological beings.

00:58:23.109 --> 00:58:27.210
But we can also we can have a different type of thing.

00:58:27.269 --> 00:58:30.389
Like you said, a different way of learning a different relationship.

00:58:31.049 --> 00:58:41.589
And I thank you, Louise, for helping people to understand about how we can how we can make that shift and how we can and we can learn, you know, like you said, you've taught nurses how to how to see energy.

00:58:41.589 --> 00:58:44.069
I'm going to call it, you know, see the spirit leaving the body.

00:58:45.289 --> 00:58:52.289
And, you know, we can we can learn this this language is new way of speaking or actually gets should say an old way of speaking.

00:58:52.469 --> 00:58:53.750
I think we come in knowing this.

00:58:54.210 --> 00:58:57.730
Yeah, you know, your daughter at four having that premonition.

00:58:58.489 --> 00:59:00.489
A lot of times kid, they lose that.

00:59:00.809 --> 00:59:05.670
So they'll say things like that when we're young and then they'll stop because the parents will shut it down.

00:59:06.329 --> 00:59:07.129
Don't think like that.

00:59:07.230 --> 00:59:08.049
Don't talk like that.

00:59:08.150 --> 00:59:09.190
That's that's just silly.

00:59:09.250 --> 00:59:09.869
It's fantasy.

00:59:10.429 --> 00:59:13.789
And we eventually we internalize that and we lose the connection.

00:59:16.449 --> 00:59:24.909
And when you're you know this that that desperation right after they die and that oh my gosh, I'm never going to see them again.

00:59:25.009 --> 00:59:28.750
I'm never going to be able to touch them or feel them or anything and that just panic.

00:59:29.309 --> 00:59:31.069
Yes, it can't be over.

00:59:31.269 --> 00:59:31.889
I'm not ready.

00:59:32.449 --> 00:59:34.230
Yes, yes, that that is.

00:59:35.309 --> 00:59:36.449
That I love that.

00:59:36.670 --> 00:59:37.250
Thank you.

00:59:37.349 --> 00:59:43.409
That's such an important point because I breaks my heart when I hear someone say I'm never going to see them again.

00:59:44.650 --> 00:59:47.049
And like that's not that's not true.

00:59:48.609 --> 00:59:51.170
Yeah, and you will see them again.

00:59:51.269 --> 00:59:52.989
Maybe not with your physical eyes.

00:59:53.449 --> 00:59:55.429
Not about these eyes but you will see them again.

00:59:55.849 --> 01:00:00.190
And not only that even more so you can still communicate with them now.

01:00:00.609 --> 01:00:01.109
Absolutely.

01:00:01.809 --> 01:00:02.989
Yeah, and they will answer you.

01:00:03.109 --> 01:00:07.009
It's a it's kind of a one-sided conversation because they answer quietly.

01:00:07.009 --> 01:00:08.069
But it's there.

01:00:08.869 --> 01:00:10.529
Yeah, yeah, it is.

01:00:10.909 --> 01:00:13.569
And so yeah, so thank you for doing what you do.

01:00:13.750 --> 01:00:14.129
Thank you.

01:00:14.710 --> 01:00:17.469
Remind people of the name of the book and where they can get it.

01:00:18.389 --> 01:00:19.230
It's on Amazon.

01:00:20.009 --> 01:00:30.269
And again, always remember to kiss me goodnight and all the proceeds from all the profits from the book funded the scholarships that we give out to future health care professionals in Julie's honor.

01:00:30.889 --> 01:00:33.730
And to date, we've given out 115 scholarships.

01:00:34.609 --> 01:00:39.750
Our very first one has taken care she became a nurse and is taking care of three members of our family.

01:00:40.029 --> 01:00:41.089
So it was a good investment.

01:00:41.509 --> 01:00:41.789
Oh, wow.

01:00:42.429 --> 01:00:44.349
And we we repeat them.

01:00:44.529 --> 01:00:49.549
So even college seniors can get one because you don't really get funding as a college senior.

01:00:49.670 --> 01:00:56.750
But if they pick something and you know, we'll fund them every year as long as they as long as they give me another application.

01:00:57.170 --> 01:01:03.889
But one of my favorite parts with that that's different is they have to write a personal statement that tells me who they think they are.

01:01:04.429 --> 01:01:09.750
And then I my request is they have to write me a one page essay on who is your hero and why.

01:01:10.929 --> 01:01:12.210
And that tells me what they value.

01:01:13.170 --> 01:01:20.750
And then unbeknownst to the kids, spoiler alert here, we take the hero alert or we take the hero letter and mail it to the hero.

01:01:21.210 --> 01:01:21.889
Oh, wow.

01:01:23.429 --> 01:01:29.769
Because if you're someone's hero, you should know that because you might not have think you've ever done anything important in your life and look how you affected this kid.

01:01:31.389 --> 01:01:33.769
Well, I love the way that you're affecting the world.

01:01:34.429 --> 01:01:34.629
Thanks.

01:01:34.629 --> 01:01:40.489
And and the light you're putting in the world, the Jilly's putting in the world through you.

01:01:40.750 --> 01:01:43.969
I think I said we are God's hands and feet.

01:01:44.190 --> 01:01:45.469
We are loved ones hands and feet.

01:01:45.629 --> 01:01:48.289
We can we can carry their support.

01:01:48.529 --> 01:01:52.629
They can't do physically things in this world anymore, but we can do them for them.

01:01:52.769 --> 01:01:54.289
I want to say happy birthday to Jilly.

01:01:55.049 --> 01:01:56.730
And I'm really honored to have you here today.

01:01:57.029 --> 01:01:58.650
Thank you so much for having me.

01:01:58.710 --> 01:01:59.569
This was so much fun.

01:02:00.150 --> 01:02:01.150
Yeah, it's great to see you.

01:02:01.150 --> 01:02:01.829
Have a good afternoon.

01:02:01.829 --> 01:02:02.650
Thanks.