Navigating the Labyrinth of Grief: Kat Morris's Tribute to Her Late Daughter and Her Journey of Resilience

Transcript

WEBVTT

00:00:00.420 --> 00:00:00.802
Everybody.

00:00:00.802 --> 00:00:03.781
This is Brian, back with another episode of Grief to Growth, the day.

00:00:03.781 --> 00:00:05.246
I've got with me Kat Morris.

00:00:05.246 --> 00:00:08.710
Kat is an adult educator specializing in adult learning.

00:00:08.710 --> 00:00:10.566
She's an intuitive empath.

00:00:10.566 --> 00:00:14.830
She is the mother of six children for biological and two by marriage.

00:00:14.830 --> 00:00:19.431
She's the founder and president of Captain Candace Cookie-Roy's Foundation.

00:00:19.431 --> 00:00:22.367
We'll talk about that is and why Kat started that.

00:00:22.367 --> 00:00:29.931
November 13th of 2020, kat's oldest daughter, candace, was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer.

00:00:29.931 --> 00:00:33.389
Candace was an active marine trained to be an Osprey pilot.

00:00:33.389 --> 00:00:44.719
She received her pinning of wings on November 2020, shortly after diagnosis, and she was promoted to captain nine days before she transitioned into spirit in August 10th 2021.

00:00:44.719 --> 00:00:46.947
The day Kat and I are going to talk about.

00:00:46.947 --> 00:00:50.366
We're going to talk a lot about Candace what a special person that she is.

00:00:50.366 --> 00:00:59.720
We're going to talk about Kat's journey of grief and Kat's transformation in starting this organization and her daughter's honor With that.

00:00:59.720 --> 00:01:01.606
I want to welcome to Grief to Growth Kat Morris.

00:01:03.042 --> 00:01:04.227
Hi Brian, Thanks for having me.

00:01:04.861 --> 00:01:06.587
Yeah, it's great to see you again.

00:01:06.587 --> 00:01:10.650
It's great to have you here and talk about your very special daughter, candace.

00:01:10.650 --> 00:01:13.728
I'd like to start off by having you tell us about Candace.

00:01:14.822 --> 00:01:15.766
Yes, absolutely.

00:01:15.766 --> 00:01:23.914
Candace was described as a very fun-loving, bright, magnetic human.

00:01:23.914 --> 00:01:26.709
She didn't know strangers, she didn't know her.

00:01:26.709 --> 00:01:32.584
She just had that ability about her that you feel gravitated towards her, that aura that you heard.

00:01:32.584 --> 00:01:42.753
Some people have her big, bright smile and big blue eyes and she was just so fun-loving and helpful and very focused on leadership.

00:01:42.753 --> 00:01:45.563
Ever since she was a little child she loved leadership.

00:01:45.563 --> 00:01:48.210
It was just instilled in her from the moment that she was born.

00:01:48.210 --> 00:01:59.346
I believe that that was part of that essence that she radiated out of her, that drawn individuals to her, not just her family and her close friends, but just anyone that she came across.

00:01:59.346 --> 00:02:03.751
But she was also a she from the hip kind of gal.

00:02:03.751 --> 00:02:09.768
She told you like it was when you needed to hear it, even if it was tough to hear.

00:02:09.768 --> 00:02:19.989
But she would always walk away from that conversation saying, wow, I might not have liked to hear that, it bruised me, but I sure did need to hear that.

00:02:19.989 --> 00:02:22.266
Then it's what helped you to develop.

00:02:22.920 --> 00:02:24.145
She loved the community.

00:02:24.145 --> 00:02:27.990
She had been doing community service ever since she was six or seven years old.

00:02:27.990 --> 00:02:36.304
She and her older brother used to take their Christmas presents their own Christmas presents.

00:02:36.304 --> 00:02:39.822
Candace had said we're going to do this.

00:02:39.822 --> 00:03:01.231
One year, when she was six and talk with her brother and convinced him to do this with her, they took their own Christmas presents and went around through the neighborhood, through the school, the school head of present drive and went with the teacher the principal, I believe and passed out presents to individuals that were less fortunate.

00:03:01.500 --> 00:03:05.031
From that moment that was her journey with community service.

00:03:05.031 --> 00:03:09.390
She was bit by that bug and continued to do that and loved being a Marine.

00:03:09.390 --> 00:03:13.429
Always aspire, did young Marines at 10 and 12 years of age.

00:03:13.429 --> 00:03:24.044
She was a very pitiful rock, a very strong pillar rock within her community, no matter where she resided.

00:03:24.044 --> 00:03:26.665
With her, our family and with her friends.

00:03:26.665 --> 00:03:31.930
We love her and we know that she's always with us.

00:03:31.930 --> 00:03:36.508
But having that zest and memory of her, I believe, is what keeps us all moving forward.

00:03:36.508 --> 00:03:39.329
We have a little bit of that zest of Candace inside of us.

00:03:39.840 --> 00:03:41.948
Yeah, and she was an athlete too, wasn't she?

00:03:42.280 --> 00:03:43.566
Yes, she was a rugby athlete.

00:03:43.566 --> 00:03:49.122
She started out with the passion of being a basketball player when she was younger.

00:03:49.122 --> 00:03:51.349
She played basketball well, really off sports.

00:03:51.349 --> 00:03:56.092
She was a very well-rounded athlete.

00:03:56.092 --> 00:04:01.368
She played all types of sports but her passion, mainly when she was younger, was basketball.

00:04:01.368 --> 00:04:17.850
She loved Michael Jordan and wanted to be a pro female athlete playing basketball and did that process and was wonderful at it and earned athletic scholarships in school for that.

00:04:18.201 --> 00:04:31.086
And shortly in her high school year she just started, I think, growing and stretching and exploring a little bit more and decided, you know what, came home one day and said I'm not going to play basketball anymore.

00:04:31.086 --> 00:04:33.821
And my jaw was on the floor like what?

00:04:33.821 --> 00:04:35.706
You've been doing this your whole entire life.

00:04:35.706 --> 00:04:36.730
What happened?

00:04:36.730 --> 00:04:39.682
She's like you know what, mom, it's just not for me, it's not for me anymore.

00:04:39.682 --> 00:04:40.906
I'll find another sport.

00:04:40.906 --> 00:04:49.629
And she was not worried about am I going to get a scholarship or not for my athleticism, just like, it'll be, okay, I'll find another sport.

00:04:49.629 --> 00:04:57.228
And two weeks later she was about 15, 16 at the time, I believe and she joined rugby.

00:04:57.228 --> 00:05:07.579
We had a local rugby team at our high school, kansas City Dragons, and she introduced me to her coach and her coach shared with me.

00:05:07.579 --> 00:05:10.670
I had no idea what rugby was.

00:05:10.670 --> 00:05:15.197
It's not a predominant sport in our city of Kansas City.

00:05:15.218 --> 00:05:27.324
Missouri that I was aware of and met with the coach and the coach just shared with me a little bit about what it was and went to the first game and thought what did I sign up for?

00:05:27.324 --> 00:05:28.750
What did I sign up for?

00:05:28.750 --> 00:05:33.732
I did amazing and loved it.

00:05:33.732 --> 00:05:46.964
And that community that she grew with as 16, growing up, that community really was and is her family and was there for her and my daughter-in-law and my granddaughter during her time of need with her battle with cancer.

00:05:47.882 --> 00:05:50.129
Yeah, it reminds me a little bit of my daughter.

00:05:50.129 --> 00:05:55.488
She played basketball from the time she was five until she was, I guess, about 14.

00:05:55.488 --> 00:06:03.348
And then she came home one day and said I don't want to play basketball anymore, and the high school had already recruited her to play on the team and she switched to volleyball.

00:06:03.348 --> 00:06:04.863
Yeah, yeah.

00:06:05.259 --> 00:06:07.548
Does it mean how that happens, how they just know right?

00:06:08.139 --> 00:06:13.187
Yeah, it is, and, like I said, rugby, that's a tough one for a mother, I'm sure.

00:06:14.040 --> 00:06:17.831
Yes, but I have to tell you at first, yes, absolutely.

00:06:17.831 --> 00:06:27.629
But then I started getting a little bit more comfortable with this and I'm like, wow, I got a daughter that's a rugby player, wow, and we would watch her games and encourage her.

00:06:27.629 --> 00:06:30.971
And my daughter-in-law is a rugby athlete too.

00:06:30.971 --> 00:06:37.213
That's how they met and it's just a beautiful sport and a wonderful family.

00:06:37.213 --> 00:06:39.125
They really do show.

00:06:39.125 --> 00:06:43.567
It's so much more than what we would think that it is if we were looking from the outside in.

00:06:43.959 --> 00:06:44.742
Yeah, I love rugby.

00:06:44.742 --> 00:06:45.346
I think it's fun.

00:06:45.346 --> 00:06:48.127
So did she join the Marines right after high school?

00:06:50.300 --> 00:06:55.350
Shortly not technically she started doing her reservists.

00:06:55.350 --> 00:06:58.610
She was a reservist first, leading into that pathway.

00:06:59.199 --> 00:06:59.482
Okay.

00:07:00.526 --> 00:07:00.706
Yeah.

00:07:01.100 --> 00:07:03.067
And she was trained to be an Asprey pilot.

00:07:03.067 --> 00:07:03.567
Is that correct?

00:07:04.300 --> 00:07:09.579
Yes, she was and was moving up the ranks quite, very shortly.

00:07:09.579 --> 00:07:19.807
I believe that her time overall in the military was about 10 years, maybe a little longer, maybe a little over 10 years, but not more than maybe 10, 10 and a half years.

00:07:19.807 --> 00:07:32.088
So, to be able to grow and stretch the way that she has in that short period of time with her ranks and with her knowledge, is very exciting and it's very amicable.

00:07:32.088 --> 00:07:34.987
Just showcases her character and her personality.

00:07:35.459 --> 00:07:35.661
Yeah.

00:07:35.661 --> 00:07:39.548
So then she got the bad news of the diagnosis.

00:07:40.500 --> 00:07:43.108
Yes, we got that diagnosis.

00:07:43.108 --> 00:07:53.867
She was not feeling well for off and on for about a year a year prior to that but just didn't contribute it to anything.

00:07:53.867 --> 00:08:00.127
Really just thought that, oh, maybe it's IBS or stress or maybe I'm just not eating something.

00:08:00.127 --> 00:08:11.747
But then when she finally started getting really severe symptoms back in 2020, it was right when COVID first started, right.

00:08:11.747 --> 00:08:20.286
So she came to visit us and I noticed right away that she had lost a ton of weight and I was like what are you doing?

00:08:20.399 --> 00:08:22.045
You've lost so much weight, candace.

00:08:22.045 --> 00:08:36.729
She was like oh, I've been fasting, I've been doing this, I've been doing that, but as a parent, you feel that gnawing feeling inside of you and you know something's not right, even though they're putting that brave face on right.

00:08:36.729 --> 00:08:38.524
And so I just shared with her.

00:08:38.524 --> 00:08:41.423
I was like hey, come clean, come clean, what is wrong with you?

00:08:41.423 --> 00:08:44.408
I feel like you're sick, like what's wrong?

00:08:44.408 --> 00:08:54.486
And she was like mom starts telling me about her symptoms and I was like well, you need to get to the doctor and you need to get those checked, because that's very serious you know.

00:08:54.639 --> 00:08:55.322
So she did.

00:08:55.322 --> 00:09:06.484
She made an appointment and at that time it was just so COVID crazy at that time and they were not able to see her until December 13th, so many months later.

00:09:06.484 --> 00:09:31.763
Many months later, she was able to get seen and then, when she did, at that time she got the diagnosis that it was stage four colon cancer and that the tumors within her colon she had one tumor at the beginning of her colon and one at the end and that the diagnosis was that they were unoperable, they were not able to be removed, but they did the treatment and she did fantastic with her treatment.

00:09:31.763 --> 00:09:55.303
When she started it she started gaining weight, she started really looking not like deaf stores, so to speak Right and started you know, we had this thing in our family that Marco Polos and she was the founder of Armour Graph Polos created that group and she would always get on there Marco Poloing us, just like she always had.

00:09:55.303 --> 00:09:58.647
You know, prior to her diagnosis and working in her house.

00:09:58.647 --> 00:10:04.145
Her and my daughter-in-law just recently around this time in Colorado purchased a new home.

00:10:04.145 --> 00:10:15.466
She was working on it and doing painting and stuff and videoing it and sharing that with us and we're thinking this is a person that's been diagnosed with stage four cancer.

00:10:15.506 --> 00:10:32.552
Look at her, like to look at her you would not know it from just the view of her after she started progressing, and then we would get updates about how the chemotherapy and radiation treatments were like 85% or 65%.

00:10:32.552 --> 00:10:37.731
Give us like these percentages of how it was decreasing.

00:10:37.731 --> 00:10:41.828
But the risk was is that she just didn't have that.

00:10:41.828 --> 00:10:49.505
The cancer just in her colon and it had started spreading into other areas of her body, her brain, her liver, other areas.

00:10:49.505 --> 00:11:05.070
And then it got to the point to where the oncologist shared that you know they're at the end, that she, you know, wasn't gonna be able to get the chemo therapy or radiation anymore.

00:11:05.070 --> 00:11:07.849
But before we got to that she was out home.

00:11:07.849 --> 00:11:11.866
I mean, she would go do her treatments and it did take a toe on her, you know.

00:11:11.866 --> 00:11:24.363
But physically she still kept moving on, still had her fun, happy though lucky, spunky personality you know, and it was around, I believe, shortly after.

00:11:24.442 --> 00:11:31.581
She took a trip with her wife Kittery and the baby Kaliana to Mexico for some friends in May.

00:11:31.581 --> 00:11:41.907
Shortly after she got back she had an appointment to go and get her stents changed to Shed's kidney stents and so she had an appointment to go and get those checked and she shared on our Marfa-Polo.

00:11:41.907 --> 00:11:44.948
You know the head of routine, it's just a routine.

00:11:44.948 --> 00:11:45.902
You know, check up.

00:11:45.902 --> 00:11:49.023
I'm just gonna go in do this routine stent change.

00:11:49.023 --> 00:12:06.541
But during that time of viewing that stent we found out that they can't give you chemotherapy and any of that kind of treatment a certain period of time before you get your stent change right.

00:12:06.541 --> 00:12:13.386
So that happened and then they did the stent change and she was still in the hospital.

00:12:13.386 --> 00:12:17.548
She could have started running the fever and they couldn't figure out what was going on with her.

00:12:17.548 --> 00:12:18.884
Why is she running the fever?

00:12:18.884 --> 00:12:19.407
What's going on?

00:12:19.407 --> 00:12:19.861
She doesn't.

00:12:19.861 --> 00:12:26.946
You know, on the test it doesn't look like there's any type of well-known infection, but there's definitely something going on because she's having a fever right.

00:12:26.946 --> 00:12:29.388
So I remember sharing with her.

00:12:29.388 --> 00:12:32.748
Candace, I feel like you need to have them check that stent.

00:12:32.748 --> 00:12:36.008
I feel like that stent has been compromised.

00:12:36.008 --> 00:12:37.043
I feel like that stent.

00:12:37.043 --> 00:12:40.149
There's something wrong with that stent that's making you ill, right?

00:12:40.149 --> 00:12:43.767
And she was like mom, no, everything's okay, it's not the stent, something else.

00:12:43.767 --> 00:12:47.687
I'm like, please just ask him to check it, please just ask him to look at it once again.

00:12:47.799 --> 00:12:55.708
And she did, and they ended up finding out that something was going on with that stent and was able to correct that.

00:12:55.708 --> 00:13:16.008
But by that time, her being off, you know, going into the hospital the entire month of June, she was in there the entire month of July, so going on two months trying to figure out what's going on and in doing this, cancer's growing still inside of her, you know.

00:13:16.008 --> 00:13:26.124
So by the time that she did get home, she was able to stay at home for one day and then she went back.

00:13:26.124 --> 00:13:41.408
And then that was towards the last week of her life was when she got home, was able to celebrate with her wife and my daughter, her younger sister and her child, kailiana, the celebration of her Captain Candace's spanking.

00:13:41.408 --> 00:13:57.524
And shortly after that she started having some bleeding and went bleeding in her urine and went back, and then they admitted her and she stayed from that moment on and wasn't able to come back home.

00:13:58.860 --> 00:13:59.724
Well, I'm really sorry.

00:13:59.724 --> 00:14:03.707
I know that has to be extremely difficult for you to go through.

00:14:03.707 --> 00:14:05.304
Were you able to be with her during that time?

00:14:06.399 --> 00:14:07.986
That's the whole thing is that it was so.

00:14:07.986 --> 00:14:12.289
We had planned to go and see her, though I saw her in July.

00:14:12.289 --> 00:14:27.529
We moved her younger sister down to Colorado to go to school down there and so that she could be close to her sister and help out as part of the care team, and Candace was always adamant, you know.

00:14:27.529 --> 00:14:35.806
When she got this diagnosis, she shared with me, and shortly after November the 13th, mama don't want this to change anybody's life.

00:14:35.806 --> 00:14:41.346
I do not want anybody to turn their life upside down for me because I'm ready to pick it from go.

00:14:41.346 --> 00:14:44.062
I'm like I'm coming right right.

00:14:44.899 --> 00:14:46.004
No, mom, stay where you're at.

00:14:46.004 --> 00:14:46.807
Stay where you're at.

00:14:46.807 --> 00:14:49.427
You've seen all of the support that I have.

00:14:49.427 --> 00:14:51.889
I have this beautiful family here.

00:14:51.889 --> 00:15:00.741
I know that it's hard on you because you're my mom, but I want you to stay there and do what you need to do and get yourself prepared, because the family's gonna need you more.

00:15:00.741 --> 00:15:04.423
If I, whenever I do transition, then I need you now.

00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:05.283
Wow.

00:15:06.320 --> 00:15:21.427
So she was like you focus on you, you get yourself together and you get yourself right and you focus on your work and you do what you need to do to get yourself prepared, because one day you're gonna have to leave this with pack without you, mom, and I need for you to do that now.

00:15:21.427 --> 00:15:30.423
I think you need to take this time, call me, come visit, but you know, there's really no need in you being with me 24 hours a day.

00:15:30.423 --> 00:15:42.469
I think that the bigger need is for you to get yourself to absorb this and in hindsight I look at this Brian, I was like almost as if she was giving me a riddle, right, almost as if she was giving me a sneak peek behind the curtain, right.

00:15:42.469 --> 00:15:51.166
When I look at it in hindsight, now you need to get yourself ready, you need to handle yourself, you need to accept this for yourself.

00:15:52.201 --> 00:15:59.591
And at that time I thought she was talking about the cancer and her diagnosis, but I believe now it was really.

00:15:59.591 --> 00:16:02.966
You know, like, just like she said it, the family's gonna need you more.

00:16:02.966 --> 00:16:09.986
My wife, my daughter, our family's gonna need you more when I do transition over, because this cancer will kill me, mom, someday.

00:16:09.986 --> 00:16:12.404
It will, you know, I don't know when.

00:16:12.404 --> 00:16:20.710
I hope I get to see my daughter graduating high school, but it will kill me someday, mom, and they're gonna need you to have your.

00:16:20.710 --> 00:16:23.706
You're a crap together, you know.

00:16:24.400 --> 00:16:29.548
They're gonna need you to have your crap together, because right now I'm okay, I'm in good hands.

00:16:30.799 --> 00:16:35.644
So, after she transitioned, what was your, what was your grief journey?

00:16:35.644 --> 00:16:37.044
How has it been so far?

00:16:38.019 --> 00:16:39.826
It was very horrifically hard.

00:16:39.826 --> 00:16:43.267
You know, Losing a loved one is horrible regardless.

00:16:43.788 --> 00:16:44.028
Right.

00:16:44.779 --> 00:16:54.328
But losing a child, it is really just this tug of war with inside of yourself that you are wrestling with every single day.

00:16:54.328 --> 00:17:04.987
You know, the first moment that I got that phone call, it was at 1.30 on August the 10th, which was the time of our meeting, right?

00:17:04.987 --> 00:17:06.886
So I feel like that's a synchronicity.

00:17:06.886 --> 00:17:08.964
Our meeting was at 1.30,.

00:17:08.964 --> 00:17:10.710
Candice transitioned at 1.30.

00:17:12.559 --> 00:17:15.809
We just started, at 1.30 on August the 10th, recording this yeah.

00:17:16.380 --> 00:17:19.884
Yeah, so I feel like that's her synchronicity, her God, to me, right?

00:17:20.066 --> 00:17:20.145
Wow.

00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:23.124
Leading up to that.

00:17:23.124 --> 00:17:26.546
You know we were, as I shared.

00:17:26.546 --> 00:17:31.268
We were planning to go and visit and let her know in July when we left.

00:17:31.268 --> 00:17:34.167
You get strong, you do what you need to do.

00:17:34.167 --> 00:17:39.048
There was a couple of protocols that she needed to accomplish before she could come home.

00:17:39.048 --> 00:17:44.349
I was like and talked with her about that, like you, focus on doing those and we'll see you in August.

00:17:44.349 --> 00:17:45.071
So I love you.

00:17:45.071 --> 00:17:57.326
And she looked through me and like I just looked through me, right, like I was into my soul and I knew at that very moment that I was not gonna see her again, levin.

00:17:57.326 --> 00:18:03.432
But my denial, subconscious, mine, denied it and was like nope, we're gonna see her on August.

00:18:03.480 --> 00:18:16.989
So we continued to plan our trip and on the 9th we were hearing that Candice was having complications.

00:18:16.989 --> 00:18:34.086
You know there was some high risk and complications over leading up from the 8th and the 9th and then in that evening of overnight of the 9th she slipped into a coma and my youngest daughter, catalina, called me and was like I'm on my way to the hospital.

00:18:34.086 --> 00:18:36.006
Mom, you've got to get coming right now.

00:18:36.006 --> 00:18:37.964
We do not know how long it's gonna be.

00:18:37.964 --> 00:18:41.848
I'm in San Antonio, texas.

00:18:41.848 --> 00:18:43.164
They're in Colorado.

00:18:43.164 --> 00:18:44.684
So I'm freaking out.

00:18:44.684 --> 00:18:49.624
And she was like I'm on my way to the hospital and Candice is in a coma.

00:18:49.624 --> 00:18:52.546
I'll tell you more when I get there.

00:18:53.259 --> 00:19:00.809
And as Catalina arrived and spoke with her sister, candice came out of the coma.

00:19:00.809 --> 00:19:03.788
Candice came out of the coma and acknowledged her sister.

00:19:03.788 --> 00:19:15.269
She wasn't able to talk, which the physicians and I assume she probably had a stroke which maybe compromised her voice and being able to talk.

00:19:15.269 --> 00:19:17.867
But she was very coherent from what they shared.

00:19:17.867 --> 00:19:25.065
She could move her head, she could move her fingers, she was a coherent she was aware, not her head yesterday now.

00:19:25.065 --> 00:19:35.909
So then Katie calls me and says Mom, candice is out of a coma, she can't talk, but you can talk to her.

00:19:35.909 --> 00:19:39.984
If you want to say something to her, you can say something to her now.

00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:51.030
So I was like, okay, this was at 12.30 on August the 10th when, I had gotten that phone call from my daughter and we're getting settled down like okay, okay.

00:19:51.030 --> 00:20:03.527
So then I embracing myself for everything that I'm gonna tell her, and we get ourselves positioned and the nurse comes in and says, well, we need to change her calloscopy bag.

00:20:03.527 --> 00:20:11.166
Katie had me on speaker and I was like I love you, candace, we're going to talk here pretty soon.

00:20:11.166 --> 00:20:12.384
I love you.

00:20:12.384 --> 00:20:16.989
Katie was like she's shaking her head.

00:20:16.989 --> 00:20:17.782
She hears you.

00:20:17.782 --> 00:20:23.229
Katie asked the nurse well, can we stay in here while you change the?

00:20:23.229 --> 00:20:24.344
Can I stay in here?

00:20:24.344 --> 00:20:25.624
She's talking to my mom.

00:20:27.701 --> 00:20:44.035
Something happened where the nurse thought that it would be better if Katie left, but also Katie shared with me that Candace was motioning for her to leave the room.

00:20:44.035 --> 00:20:47.169
Katie just thought, well, she just wants some privacy.

00:20:47.169 --> 00:20:49.326
Why they change her calloscopy bag?

00:20:49.326 --> 00:21:02.015
But as soon as Katie stepped out of the room, that's when she transitioned, and then that was at 12, when we were on the phone, katie hung up and I think it's about 12.45, such a standard time.

00:21:02.015 --> 00:21:19.808
So I'm waiting, knowing like I knew something just came over me and I just knew that when I got that call, that that was going to be the situation, even though that's not what we talked about prior to us hanging up, Right, she said we'll all call you back, mom, they're going to change your calloscopy bag.

00:21:19.808 --> 00:21:23.189
Call you back in a minute and you can have your conversation with Candace.

00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:44.665
And I was like, okay, but I knew that from that moment I just got this cold chill in my body and Katie calls at 1.30, a central standard time and said she's going, mom, and that was the day that our lives turned upside down and it was very struggle.

00:21:44.665 --> 00:22:00.415
You know, it still is, from day to day life, a struggle, and one thing that I want to share with all parents anyone, you know, but specifically to our parent community is that you know, it is a horrific, horrible, a black hole of abyss.

00:22:00.415 --> 00:22:16.874
You know, I felt like I was thrown and literally into this black hole of abyss that just kept swirling around and around and I had no road map, no compass, nothing, no sense of direction and the sense of just being lost.

00:22:16.874 --> 00:22:22.306
And, in addition to being lost, a part of me died with her.

00:22:22.306 --> 00:22:47.868
You know, a part of my inside left with her and has, you know, transitioned with her and that just set me on this tell spin of yeah, you know, going through that process of not wanting to survive, not wanting to be here, Like even though I had three other children and two sub children.

00:22:47.868 --> 00:22:49.112
I am a beautiful family.

00:22:49.112 --> 00:22:57.133
The grief just encompasses you and all you focus on is your loss and how horrific the pain is.

00:22:57.133 --> 00:23:01.470
And the pain is just so horrific that it literally makes you feel as if you're going mad.

00:23:01.810 --> 00:23:05.849
You know, and I knew right away, I got to do something.

00:23:05.849 --> 00:23:17.481
I made a promise to Candice and I love my children and I love my husband and my family, and I know that you know I need to be here for them and for myself.

00:23:17.481 --> 00:23:22.589
Candice would not want me to continue feeling like this, even though I believe she understands.

00:23:22.589 --> 00:23:36.823
You know what I'm going through from the other side, and I just started on this pathway of researching and having more of a connection spiritually, and then that's when my intuitive abilities started.

00:23:36.823 --> 00:23:46.536
Really all of my king senses, all of those other senses within me, started heightening because my brain and all those other normal functions were shut down.

00:23:46.536 --> 00:23:48.887
They were not functioning, I believe.

00:23:48.887 --> 00:24:04.489
So then my, my feelings, my, my intuition, my you know mother's intuition they call it got very intensely heightened and I just started researching more and more about what is grief, what is grief of a lost child?

00:24:04.489 --> 00:24:05.250
What is this?

00:24:05.250 --> 00:24:06.692
Due to your body, you know.

00:24:06.692 --> 00:24:16.212
How does this affect your health and how is this going to, you know, be for the rest of my life?

00:24:17.201 --> 00:24:21.660
And as I'm going through that journey, brian, I had dreams of Candice.

00:24:21.660 --> 00:24:24.730
Candice came to me, I believe their visitation dream.

00:24:24.730 --> 00:24:43.519
She came to me first every month for six months with a message, you know, of breadcrumbs, dropping those little breadcrumbs helping me to understand what I was going through, in addition to what I was learning medically and scientifically Right.

00:24:43.519 --> 00:24:50.105
And the first dream that I had of her was at two months of her crossing.

00:24:50.105 --> 00:25:07.346
We celebrate, you know, recognize, my husband and I were recognizing that two months anniversary, playing her for video music, songs that she likes, eating food she likes, and it came, you know, late in the evening.

00:25:07.405 --> 00:25:17.343
We're racking up and I'm getting ready for bed and just break down, and just break down, crying, and I just, you know, share with her.

00:25:17.343 --> 00:25:18.404
I can't do that.

00:25:18.404 --> 00:25:19.907
I just don't like crying anymore.

00:25:19.907 --> 00:25:21.530
I just don't want to cry anymore.

00:25:21.530 --> 00:25:25.521
Candice, I'm not mad at you, I just have so much pain in my heart.

00:25:25.521 --> 00:25:31.387
I just feel like I'm worthless, like I'm just not able to do anything for anybody.

00:25:31.387 --> 00:25:38.076
I can't accomplish these tasks that I used to do or what I know I need to do in my heart.

00:25:38.076 --> 00:25:57.248
And I went to sleep that evening and had a drink about her and she said, came and visited and we were in this home and my daughter, brandi, was there with her son and we were on the upstairs of the house and Brandi looked out the window and says, oh, candice is here.

00:25:57.248 --> 00:26:02.214
And I'm like what in my dream I knew my conscious mind knew how could she be here?

00:26:02.214 --> 00:26:04.426
Like I knew that in my conscious mind.

00:26:04.619 --> 00:26:05.744
That's when you know it's a visit.

00:26:05.825 --> 00:26:16.368
Yeah, yes, and went downstairs and she was in the front door pathway and I was just so surprised oh, candice, you know, I remember asking her.

00:26:16.368 --> 00:26:21.012
Wow, I thought that I would be down that list.

00:26:21.012 --> 00:26:27.584
I always felt like you would go see your wife and daughter first, right, and are your siblings, you know?

00:26:27.584 --> 00:26:36.084
And she's like well, puts her hand on her head and she's looking up and she goes wow, mom, I'm here because you're the most open.

00:26:36.084 --> 00:26:40.721
And I said what you know, I'm the wet she was.

00:26:40.721 --> 00:26:43.404
You're the most open, you know.

00:26:43.404 --> 00:27:11.663
She's just like looking up into the ceiling and I'm right then box, or crying, you know, and putting my face in my hands and sharing with her how I'm feeling, what life is like in reality, how I'm feeling, and she's just still standing there with her head, her head on her head, you know, and looking up, and then she goes mom, mom, mom, and her really loud voice and I'm crying, my faces in my hands.

00:27:11.663 --> 00:27:12.424
I'm like what?

00:27:12.424 --> 00:27:13.865
What she said?

00:27:13.865 --> 00:27:21.075
I'm going to take enough of her out of your heart so that you can get up and get some crap done, because, mom, you need to get some crap done.

00:27:21.075 --> 00:27:26.585
And I said what you're going to do, what you know and I'm crying.

00:27:26.585 --> 00:27:32.273
She's like mom, I'm going to take enough of her out of your heart to be and get up and start getting some crap done.

00:27:32.273 --> 00:27:34.260
I love you.

00:27:34.260 --> 00:27:36.805
I got to go and she leaves, you know, fast.

00:27:36.845 --> 00:27:39.509
For her personality she was very straightforward.

00:27:39.509 --> 00:27:43.355
She would tell you, like I shared with you earlier, the stuff you don't want to hear, right?

00:27:43.355 --> 00:27:48.306
And I wake up the next morning and every day since that, brian, my heart has filled.

00:27:48.306 --> 00:27:58.804
You know, like when you're, when you're when you're a child, or when your children fall down, they scratch their knee, they get a really deep cut on their knee and then that knee, that, that, that cut, starts to scab over.

00:27:58.804 --> 00:28:03.410
But the inside of that wound still kind of raw and hasn't totally healed.

00:28:03.410 --> 00:28:05.992
But the outside of that wound is crusty and it's healing.

00:28:05.992 --> 00:28:07.494
That's how my heart feels.

00:28:07.494 --> 00:28:25.584
My heart feels like that deep inside of there it's still wounded, it's so, you know, it's so, being, you know, pussied and ooey, but around the crust of that it feels like it's been crusted over and it's it's healed a little bit and that is how I've been able to get up and function.

00:28:25.663 --> 00:28:44.587
That moment that I woke up, I just was like, okay, I was able to get up, clean house, take a shower, eat, get back, you know, get out into the community, start volunteering, continue to learn and stretch myself when it came to grief and how to grow from grief and how to learn about.

00:28:44.587 --> 00:28:50.875
You know, my spiritual understanding of our loved ones are always with us, getting closer to that, you know.

00:28:50.875 --> 00:28:53.096
So it really started me on that pathway.

00:28:53.096 --> 00:28:57.151
But every month she would come with a message of some kind of knowledge.

00:28:57.901 --> 00:28:59.085
And when was that first stream?

00:28:59.085 --> 00:29:00.249
Do you remember when it was?

00:29:01.121 --> 00:29:04.790
Yeah, it was on August, the 10th two months of her transition.

00:29:05.560 --> 00:29:06.865
Okay, wow Okay.

00:29:07.607 --> 00:29:07.909
Yeah.

00:29:08.280 --> 00:29:09.443
And then every month after that.

00:29:09.443 --> 00:29:14.486
She would come with another message Every month, Not on the test, not on the test Every month.

00:29:14.605 --> 00:29:19.013
It would be a different time, but it'd be every month, Different times of the month, right?

00:29:19.013 --> 00:29:24.250
And then on the sixth month, she shared with me Mom, we don't need to do this anymore.

00:29:24.250 --> 00:29:25.973
I don't need to come and help you anymore.

00:29:25.973 --> 00:29:27.702
I'm always going to be here for you.

00:29:27.702 --> 00:29:31.170
I always be here with you, but I don't need to come and give you advice.

00:29:31.170 --> 00:29:32.090
You've learned so much.

00:29:32.090 --> 00:29:33.153
You're doing great.

00:29:33.153 --> 00:29:34.643
You've learned enough.

00:29:34.643 --> 00:29:37.589
You have enough knowledge to sustain yourself and to help others.

00:29:37.589 --> 00:29:40.884
Mom, You're going to do great things in this world.

00:29:40.884 --> 00:29:43.490
You're going to do great things, Mom, in the world.

00:29:43.490 --> 00:29:56.144
And I didn't understand what that meant, because we didn't even have the thought of being on profit at that time you know, and I was and I cried all of a sudden.

00:29:56.164 --> 00:29:57.728
But I just, I just don't.

00:29:57.728 --> 00:29:59.672
I enjoy our monthly visits.

00:29:59.672 --> 00:30:01.273
I look forward to them.

00:30:01.273 --> 00:30:03.163
She's like Mom, I'm always going to be around.

00:30:03.163 --> 00:30:04.246
I'll always be around.

00:30:04.246 --> 00:30:08.294
You don't need me to come every month anymore.

00:30:08.294 --> 00:30:09.182
Mom, you can do this.

00:30:09.182 --> 00:30:10.044
You can do this.

00:30:10.044 --> 00:30:11.146
You're awesome, you're great.

00:30:11.146 --> 00:30:12.550
You've got this.

00:30:12.550 --> 00:30:16.188
And don't forget, you're going to do great things in the world, mom.

00:30:17.579 --> 00:30:20.527
Now, did you know about dream visits before you started having these?

00:30:20.527 --> 00:30:22.833
What were your beliefs before Candace transitioned?

00:30:22.980 --> 00:30:24.221
Yeah, not really.

00:30:24.221 --> 00:31:14.530
I was and have always been religious and spiritual and know that there is a heaven and I believe in God and practice in that, but not to the magnitude of what I've gotten to be at in this level now I'm just having those visits and talking about my spiritual grief therapist and helping them, helping me to be able to explore that college and understand that, yes, there is a after you know, bond to bond, that the physical body passes away but the relationship doesn't ever die, you know, and learning that and learning that they are able to visit us in our dreams, set aside in synchronicities, If we believe, you know, if we believe and if we see that, then absolutely we can.

00:31:14.891 --> 00:31:42.150
And that's what I would like to share with our viewers today, Brian, is that when we are going through our loss, whether it be a child or any loved one, anyone that we love, that we've lost, that has shattered and rocked our world because they're not physically here anymore, for them to know that they're not alone and that they are able to have that connection with their loved one, does it think about it in this way?

00:31:42.150 --> 00:31:45.434
What was that relationship like when they were here physically?

00:31:45.434 --> 00:31:49.948
What was that person like when they were physically here?

00:31:49.948 --> 00:32:00.922
And would they ever know that their person had, if they had an opportunity with that, with their loved one, not come and visit them and not see them?

00:32:00.922 --> 00:32:02.849
You know how was that?

00:32:02.849 --> 00:32:22.695
You know, if they were going to do that physically, to me it only makes sense for us to think about they would find a way to do that after physical existence, right, right, and then being able to comprehend that and understand that physical, emotional, spiritual balance.

00:32:22.876 --> 00:32:26.685
I believe that is really what grief is all about, brian.

00:32:26.685 --> 00:33:07.512
Right, it's about us psychologically understanding how to balance the physical acknowledgement the acknowledgement, excuse me, of the physical existence is no longer here, while balancing the fact that we still feel like we have a relationship with them and we still have this connection, right, we're trying to balance those two within ourselves, within our minds, and if we are in a situation where we may feel that we're not supported by being able to express that, then that could make your brain become unbalanced, distorted.

00:33:07.512 --> 00:33:12.825
It could make that pain a lot more harder for you to grieve and absorb.

00:33:12.825 --> 00:33:19.066
If you're able to, I feel, to have that support and be able to talk about.

00:33:19.066 --> 00:33:21.682
Well, I had a dream about my loved one last night.

00:33:21.682 --> 00:33:24.784
Oh, wow, I've seen this, this coin.

00:33:24.784 --> 00:33:28.616
You know, I found this coin, or I really feel connected to this.

00:33:28.616 --> 00:33:34.618
Whatever that connection is, our synchronicity is that you feel connects you to your loved one.

00:33:34.618 --> 00:33:36.058
Own that.

00:33:36.058 --> 00:33:36.961
Be proud of that.

00:33:36.961 --> 00:33:40.022
Don't let anybody rob you of that right.

00:33:40.022 --> 00:33:46.557
And talk about your loved one however you feel is comfortable, and learn how to honor your grief.

00:33:47.575 --> 00:33:48.698
Grief should be honored.

00:33:48.698 --> 00:33:51.286
You know, in my opinion, I've learned to honor it.

00:33:51.286 --> 00:34:05.625
I disliked it at the very beginning, but I honor it now and I have a path with grief and I think that if individuals consider having a path with their grief and let their grief know hey, you're not going to leave, you're going to be here with me forever, that's a given right.

00:34:05.625 --> 00:34:07.019
So let's make an agreement.

00:34:07.019 --> 00:34:13.806
I'll let you come out and be superstar every once in a while, because you need to do that.

00:34:13.806 --> 00:34:35.083
That's healthy for me, but I'm not going to allow you to run my life and be superstar every day, because I still need to be able to grow, stretch, touch others, be happy and live this life in honor of my loved one and for my own innate creation.

00:34:35.916 --> 00:34:37.420
Wow, wow.

00:34:37.420 --> 00:34:39.204
That was very well said.

00:34:39.204 --> 00:34:51.206
I don't think I've ever heard a better definition of grief, that balancing of the reality that they're not here with us in the physical, but we know that they're still here with us spiritually.

00:34:51.206 --> 00:34:56.260
I think that's beautifully said and I love the way that you said you honor your grief, because I think that's really important.

00:34:56.260 --> 00:34:58.400
Grief is going to be with us anyway.

00:34:58.400 --> 00:35:00.581
Might as well make friends with it.

00:35:01.615 --> 00:35:02.739
Absolutely right.

00:35:02.739 --> 00:35:03.954
Let it know, okay.

00:35:03.954 --> 00:35:07.342
I know you're walking with me every single day because it is.

00:35:07.342 --> 00:35:12.585
It truly really is right and first to acknowledge that that's what I've done.

00:35:12.585 --> 00:35:15.978
I've made peace with my grief, I honored it.

00:35:15.978 --> 00:35:22.246
I let it know, okay, you can come out when I feel like that's good, because that's healthy.

00:35:22.246 --> 00:35:24.278
I'm not going to hold you in, I'm not going to deny you.

00:35:24.278 --> 00:35:27.599
Your time under the shine, your time to shine.

00:35:28.262 --> 00:35:40.605
However, allow me my time to shine too because, I have been created for a purpose and I have loved ones that so loved me, and my, my loved one would not want me to be always in the darkness.

00:35:40.605 --> 00:35:41.918
They would not want that from me.

00:35:42.661 --> 00:35:43.021
Beautiful.

00:35:43.021 --> 00:35:44.445
That's so beautifully said.

00:35:44.445 --> 00:35:52.023
I'm going to go back to something you said earlier about your intuition opening up opening up when you felt like your brain was not functioning properly.

00:35:52.023 --> 00:35:55.483
I think it's a really good point for a couple of different things.

00:35:55.483 --> 00:36:02.884
One is I truly believe that, like people that can connect to the other side, they find a way to kind of turn our brain down in a sense.

00:36:02.884 --> 00:36:16.282
But also I hear a lot of people say, well, your loved ones can't connect with you as long as you're in deep grief, and I know that drives some people crazy because they're like well, of course I'm in grief, and so then they feel guilty because they're blocking their loved one.

00:36:16.282 --> 00:36:21.905
So I love that you shared that experience, the way that Candace came to you in your deep grief.

00:36:22.887 --> 00:36:24.579
Yes, I was in the heat of deep grief.

00:36:24.579 --> 00:36:26.762
My family was so worried about me.

00:36:26.762 --> 00:36:38.728
It was to the point where as I, you know, going back, rewinding back to the day when I got to call at 1.30, I knew instantly I have to take a time out from the world.

00:36:38.728 --> 00:36:41.623
I cannot go out.

00:36:41.623 --> 00:36:43.320
I am broken.

00:36:43.320 --> 00:36:45.663
I am not myself.

00:36:45.663 --> 00:36:47.101
Something inside of me has died.

00:36:47.356 --> 00:36:57.422
I have to take a time out, and I know that everyone in the world is fortunate enough to be able to take hiatus and be able to take you know as much time off six months.

00:36:57.422 --> 00:36:58.485
I took six months off.

00:36:58.485 --> 00:37:12.943
Right, I know that not everyone in the world is able to afford to do that, but I do ask everyone this even if you don't have that opportunity to take six months off, or even a week off, that's okay.

00:37:12.943 --> 00:37:32.764
Find time throughout your day when it's you in your home or whether you're going for a walk in the park or you're doing something that's solid and that's therapeutic for you, and sit with your grief and have a really good conversation with it, and talk with it and let it know.

00:37:32.764 --> 00:37:37.041
You know how you really feel, and that's what I've done.

00:37:37.597 --> 00:37:41.702
I asked everyone give it a chance, give it a shot to talk with your grief.

00:37:41.702 --> 00:37:42.664
Find that five minutes.

00:37:42.664 --> 00:37:43.556
Let your family know.

00:37:43.556 --> 00:37:46.003
You know I'm going to take five minutes out.

00:37:46.003 --> 00:37:53.777
Maybe it's going to your bedroom, maybe it's taking a bath, maybe it's walking in the park, regardless of whatever it is.

00:37:53.777 --> 00:38:15.018
Try to find time throughout your day, as often as you need to take that time, or however you can afford to do that, and have those conversations with their grief so that you are able to really learn how to honor it and not just honor it but honor it yourself.

00:38:15.699 --> 00:38:16.663
Right, Right.

00:38:16.663 --> 00:38:21.806
Well, if you ever decide you want to become a grief counselor, you'd be an excellent one.

00:38:21.806 --> 00:38:26.947
You're doing a fantastic job right here now and people are hearing getting some great wisdom from you.

00:38:26.947 --> 00:38:29.125
I know you had some other experiences right.

00:38:29.125 --> 00:38:32.242
I think you had some experiences involving your sister, Tanya.

00:38:32.242 --> 00:38:33.405
Yes, yes.

00:38:34.655 --> 00:38:39.907
So the year of 2021, when Candice transition was a very tough year on our family.

00:38:39.907 --> 00:38:42.862
We lost several individuals one month right after the other.

00:38:42.862 --> 00:38:46.864
So Candice was the first to transition, in August the 10th.

00:38:46.864 --> 00:38:53.918
My second oldest sister was, at that same time, diagnosed with cancer, and they were going through their journey around that.

00:38:53.918 --> 00:39:11.943
At the same time, right when Candice transitioned, on August the 10th and on September the 15th, my second oldest sister transitioned also, and in October we lost my brother-in-law.

00:39:11.943 --> 00:39:14.708
He got ill from COVID and we lost him.

00:39:14.708 --> 00:39:21.067
So three deaths, three months in a row right.

00:39:21.067 --> 00:39:32.083
And then, later in that year, my oldest sister was diagnosed with cancer esophagus cancer and she lost her son in December of that same year.

00:39:33.655 --> 00:39:38.987
So we had a lot of loss, a lot of trauma, a lot of changing that was going on within our family.

00:39:38.987 --> 00:39:43.385
It was just like layering and layering and that really got me thinking a lot about my grief.

00:39:43.385 --> 00:39:58.047
Right, I didn't even have the opportunity to get through the grief of the loss of my child, and now I'm losing my sister, and now I'm losing my brother-in-law, and now I'm facing the fact that my oldest sister has got cancer now, and now we've lost my nephew.

00:39:58.047 --> 00:40:00.820

Navigating the Labyrinth of Grief: Kat Morris's Tribute to Her Late Daughter and Her Journey of Resilience

Listen On

Featured Episodes

Recent Episodes

New to Grief 2 Growth Podcast?

Deconstructing Mediumship: Bridging Science and Spirituality with Mar…

REVEALING the AFTERLIFE: John Davis’ Astonishing NDE and Heavenly Enc…

MEETING GOD: Penny Wittbrodt’s Astonishing NDE Insights on Energy!