Transcript
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Hey everybody, this is Brian, back with another episode of Grief to Growth, and today I've got with me Phil Webster.
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What if?
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What if mystical experiences are real?
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What if inspiration, instinct and ingenuity are the same as intuition, divination and clairvoyance?
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Phil's written a book called Letting Glow, and it's an adventure and a mediumship, and it takes a deeper look at how we experience things like time, consciousness and a relationship to our higher self all the stuff we like to talk about here on Grief to Growth.
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It's profoundly personal account of grief during the global COVID-19 pandemic, and it aims at finding solace and hope by connecting with our intuition, and he says it's simple changes in thinking, meditation, exercises and shifting our perspectives on everyday reality can transform our lives into ones of intense purpose and deeper connection with all it is Now.
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Phil himself is a writer.
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He's an author and a spiritual teacher, and, after living abroad for 20 years, he returned to the UK, where he resides now, and he ventured into acting.
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He's since gone on to appear in movies alongside people like Sylvester Stallone, ben and Dick Cumberbatch and L Fanning, among others.
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Phil lost his mother in 2021 and realized he'd been dismissing spiritual calls to action his entire life, and he writes about that in his book again Letting Glow.
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Phil has such trained with Indigenous shamans from North and South America as well as world-renowned mediums like James Van Prague, gordon Smith and Claire Broad.
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He's also studied female spirituality in the Middle Ages at the University of Barcelona and is a trained meditation teacher as well as a personal trainer.
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So with that I want to welcome Phil to Grief, to Growth.
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Hi, brian, thank you very much.
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Thanks, yeah, that always sounds like such a lot, but most of those things they just came from never knowing what I wanted to do with my life, so just stacking these things up along the way.
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That's kind of the way I find life works.
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You know, we never know what path we're going to take to get to where we are, and I feel like we do take the path that's the right one for us.
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So you talk about.
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You had some, I guess, spiritual experiences early on in your life.
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What was it that finally triggered you to awakening?
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I guess for lack of a better word- Well, there were a couple of things along the way which sort of came to light in hindsight of what happened around my mom passing, which is kind of really the main catalyst for writing the book and which really sent me down this path completely.
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So just yeah, straight off with that.
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We've just been through the pandemic 2020 and we'll know about that, and my mom lived in a place called the Isle of Wight, which is an island which is south of England and it's a good few hours away from where I'm based in London and I was adhering to the government guidelines and all that kind of stuff and I was seeing it where I was allowed to and, you know, keeping away when we wasn't supposed to.
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And I hadn't seen it for a couple of months at this point.
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She was supposed to come to London for Christmas, but then, once again, there was a new variant of COVID or something and we didn't end up seeing each other for Christmas.
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So over this whole year, she's sort of grown increasingly lonely, somewhat depressed.
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She was 76 years old and had various age-related health problems, but we would face time every day and on this particular day it was about two weeks into 2021.
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And I've already spoke to her a couple of times that day and again we were in a lockdown and this was quite late at night.
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When I had this conversation with her it was like 9.30.10.
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And just to sort of give a little bit of perspective around this, we didn't have any family there on the island, why, she was very much on her own and it's a very rural place, so I kind of knew all of the neighbors and people like that.
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And again, just to sort of stress, we were in lockdown.
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And then she answered the call this night and as she sort of clicked on the screen and I saw her lean into the call, she had a phone charging on the floor.
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There was a man leaning in from the other side of the screen and I was kind of taking her back.
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There wasn't supposed to be anyone there and she was always alone when I called her and I saw him long enough that I could describe him.
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He had thinning gray hair glasses, looked like he was maybe late 60s, something like that.
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And as she sort of pulled the phone up he went out of shot.
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So I was like, well, who's that?
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And she said who's what?
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And I was like okay, I was like well, the guy.
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Who's the guy?
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I just saw someone.
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She's like no, no, no, there's no one here, and just kind of dismissed it.
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They didn't even sort of take any notice of me and so they're talking about her day and again I interrupt her.
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I said I said sorry, mom, you know, but I just saw someone.
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Are you telling me that you're on your own?
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And she was like, yeah, there's no one, been no one here all day.
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And I could always tell when there was someone with her because, like over the years, it used to drive me nuts when I was a teenager, especially if someone was with her and I tried to have a phone call.
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She'd like turn on all these airs and graces and it would be impossible to have a conversation with her.
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You know, just be like, okay, come on, just just be yourself.
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But she wasn't doing any of that and it was a pretty small house that she lived in.
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She wasn't acknowledging anyone else and we spoke for about 45 minutes and I thought, well, I must have been mistaken.
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So I just kind of dismissed it as some sort of glitch on the screen or something.
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Obviously that isn't really a thing, you know, with both had iPhones and I just left it and I went to bed that night and then the next morning got a phone call from a neighbor.
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They couldn't get in the house and my mom had passed away.
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She'd had a heart attack.
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So, yeah, that I mean.
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Obviously the initial grief was what it is, and I went through all of that but at the back of my mind I was like, well, what was all that?
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You know, are we talking ghosts here?
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Are we talking spirit guides?
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And that wasn't something that I was into into at all or really interested in.
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And then, yeah, as the months went on, I kind of gradually opened up to this idea that that was the most logical explanation to me was that that was something that I was interested in, because that was something letting me know that my mom was about to pass.
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Hmm, so do you have any idea who it was to this day?
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Well, that's the thing, you know.
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He didn't.
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He didn't look like a family member.
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I mean, I lost touch with my dad when I was 18.
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At a stretch it could have been him, you know, at the age he might have been.
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If he's, if he was still around, I've no idea.
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I'm assuming he's not.
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He was quite a heavy drinker and he had one lung.
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He still smoked.
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And then there was COVID.
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So I mean, if he I shouldn't like sort of not, not, not to make light of it but if he made it through that, then you know that I wouldn't have thought so.
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I mean, I ended up writing my book that I sort of thought that it was possibly him, but I just don't know.
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You know, and and, like I say, I didn't really sort of get any comfort out of it.
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It was just like, okay, that happened.
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And I would tell people about it and, depending on which side of the fence people were, you know, people would be saying what it was grief, and I'd be like, well, it wasn't grief, because it was before the fact, you know, and then, and then I would meet people that say, well, yeah, that was, that was clearly your spirit guide, or your mom's spirit guide and somebody letting you know that they were.
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They were there for you know.
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So, yeah, I ended up going that route.
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Okay, and so I, first of all, I'm going to say I'm really sorry about your mother.
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I know that had to be a tremendous yeah.
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Yeah, yeah.
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So, and before this you were an actor.
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You've done several things, so I know you've been an actor and you're a trainer, so what were you doing at the time?
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So at the time, I had come back to the UK in 2017, after living abroad for 20 years or so and when I came back, I've sailed in London with my partner and I thought, if I was really honest with myself, what would I love to do?
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And I'd always been obsessed with movies and I thought, well, the logical way to get into that would be perhaps acting.
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I don't have any experience in film directing or editing or anything like that in my 40s, so I went to drama school and very quickly got a few small parts but I use the word like actor very loosely when I refer to myself about it.
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You know, I literally walk on sail line and walk off again.
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And that's me done, you know.
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But it was good.
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You know, we paid the bills for a few years and I must admit, my attention has really gone away from it now since writing the book and kind of the path that I'm taking now.
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I feel that there are a lot of egos on film sets, which is kind of to be expected, and I feel like that's not really the environment that I'm leaning towards these days, you know.
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So, yeah, sorry, so, after your mother passed, tell me what was your journey like then, because you eventually ended up with shamanism and etc.
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But what was your journey like after your mother passed?
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Yeah, so just talking about the acting thing, I was scheduled to start immediately on one of these big Marvel superhero movies it was Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness, it was called and I've been waiting for it for months.
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It had been a really quiet year because of COVID and it started like two days after my mom passed and I thought, well, I'm just going to do it because it'll keep me busy and I need the money as well.
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You know, the expense that comes up all around losing somebody, as I'm sure a lot of your listeners know, is just something else.
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So I just kind of got on with it and I barely spoke to anyone for two months, I think, on set.
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You know, I just kind of had my head down.
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It was COVID, so we were all kind of separated anyway and I just kind of buried my head in books that I'd read years before.
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I kind of reread some books that I'd read when I was younger and I would say that they were sort of like a very soft introduction towards spirituality.
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I was reading things like Neil Donald Walsh and stuff like that kind of the broader sort of picture and not really delving straight into mediumship or anything.
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But they helped, these books helped.
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And one day on the set, when I eventually kind of started talking to people, I spoke to this young lady and I told her the story that I just told you and she said, well, you should ask for a sign, you know.
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And I was like I've kind of thought of this, but I almost didn't want to.
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I was like what if I ask for one and I don't get one, you know?
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So just to sort of ramble on a little bit, we just moved into a new apartment during the time I was filming this thing and I had a day off and I was putting away a bunch of Blu-rays right, I've kind of obsolete now, but I've got a stack of them all in a box and I was putting them very methodically away in a very geekly order and I'd got these films, these superhero Marvel things, and while I was doing this I was like, oh yeah, okay, let's do this.
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I was like, all right, mum, if you're around, give me a sign.
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And I sort of carried on tidying up and as I put these Blu-rays away, I noticed that one was missing, and the one that was missing was Doctor Strange.
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So that was the original movie to the sequel that I was working on and I thought, well, all right, that's kind of what.
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I didn't really attribute it to me, asking for a sign at that point.
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So anyway, I was just kind of annoyed that it wasn't there.
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And then I went about tidying the flat and then later in the day I came across a stack of books and on the top of the stack of books was this Blu-ray, doctor Strange.
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And I was like, well, that's just really odd that that should have been in the box with the rest of them.
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And then I looked at the book.
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Underneath the Blu-ray was poking out and the author's name was Maureen, which was my mum's name, and then the title of the book.
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Underneath that one was poking out part of it and it said living.
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So I've got Doctor Strange, maureen living.
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And I thought, well, I don't know, maybe, maybe is that.
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You know, depending on which way you look at things, I was still kind of somewhat cynical about stuff at the time, but you know that came up pretty quickly and things tended to follow on from that, so I understand you had some paranormal experiences, so tell me about some of those.
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Yeah, I mean, I think that that was really the biggest one and I truly, at this point, have settled on the idea that that was, you know, a spirit guide of some form.
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Let me know that my mum was about to pass.
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If that hadn't happened that evening, I wouldn't have wrote this book, I wouldn't be talking.
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It just sent me on this whole different trajectory.
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So that was what actually triggered you to go on the journey?
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Yeah, yeah, definitely.
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You know, I just kept going back to that, well, like who was that guy, you know?
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But yeah, and it kind of made me reevaluate other things that happened over the years.
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So when I was a kid, I remember stuff used to happen around the house things moving, stuff like that and and you know, as a kid that was kind of like exciting.
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And then as I grew older, I thought what did those things really happen?
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Or was that just like I was into that stuff?
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You know, I was like watching Ghostbusters in the 80s or something, and you know, and and I sort of doubted it all.
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And I remember in my teenage years I came across this term, astral projection, and read up on it and try to invoke it, and I had this experience which kind of freaked me out and and again, as years went by, I thought I don't know, did that really happen?
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You know, was it just like wishful thinking?
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Maybe I was dreaming or something like that, although everything that I read about it after was kind of confirmed that that was the experience that I've had, but I would put all these things to bed, you know.
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And then something in my mid 30s very profound, and this kind of weird talking about this, because I'm talking years apart, right, you know, like in the five years in the middle I'm just living regularly, paying the bills, not thinking about any of this kind of stuff.
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But in my mid 30s I remember having this very sort of very profound experience where I kind of I was living a pretty hedonistic lifestyle.
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At the time I was running bars and nightclubs in Helsinki and Finland and I was kind of like very self absorbed and just not really thinking about anyone else's business but loan.
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And I remember waking up this one morning and something just kind of and it wasn't like a new thought, but something shifted with this thought and I just started thinking about time being nonlinear.
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You know that all we've got is this moment of now and that's it.
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You know like everything else is just kind of a memory or a thought of what we want to do in the future, but all we really have is now, you know, all the time.
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And as I sort of contemplated this, something shifted and it was as though suddenly I were outside of myself, like observing my thoughts, almost like a depersonalization experience.
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I suppose that is what I've kind of come to learn since, and it was terrifying something shifted and I can't really emphasize how terrifying it was All of a sudden, sort of reality just fell away, you know, out of nowhere, and and linear time just seemed absurd, and my whole existence at that point did also.
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So this is going kind of out there, but I was like, okay, what the heck's this, you know?
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And I went outside and I just tried to walk it off and it just didn't stop and it's really hard to describe it.
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And it was at the time I was trying to tell my work colleagues and friends and people were just kind of glazing over, being like, okay, sure, you know like I sound completely nuts, but it was, it was truly terrifying and it was just like now, now, now, now, all the time I couldn't just sort of drift off, think, well, what am I going to eat for dinner later?
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Or what did I do last night?
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It was just like this hyper awareness that just didn't stop and people talk about, yeah, like, like you know, people talk about trying to attain that right, you know, live, moment and now.
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But this was like that times 1000.
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And and I truly started doubting for my sanity, you know, and it kept going on.
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It went on for weeks, just didn't let up, and I ended up going to a doctor who I explained all this to as best I could, and they started using words like psychosis, which just amplified this terror.
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You know, I've never thought that that was on the cast for me, and they gave me a bunch of mad, slight anti anxiety pills which didn't touch it at all, sleep and pills which would like knock me out, and then I'd wake up and the whole thing would just start over again.
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And I think the best way I could describe it was like I was.
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It was almost like I was hanging on to, like a slippery bar by my fingertips and just about keeping a grip on reality.
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Essentially, it just felt like I was.
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I don't know what was going on and I went to see another doctor because I wasn't happy with the psychosis diagnosis and he said the same thing and and eventually, after a couple of months of this, I started thinking Well, this just isn't.
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If this is the way my brain works, now I'm out of here, you know, and I don't mean to take this down a dark path, but I didn't see any tragedy in that, you know.
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I thought this just doesn't work.
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I can't function properly like this.
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And I ended up going to see a psychiatrist and what attracted me to this guy was that he was also a hypnotist.
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So I went down and I was like, hey, you know, hypnotize this away, right, I just just make it stop.
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And he explained to me it didn't.
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Didn't work like that.
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He said you know, we need an anchor point and it doesn't really sound like you've got one and you know, and.
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But he said, you know, he said I believe that what you're having is is an awakening.
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And I was like, well, whatever, I was like just make it stop, I just want to get back to the herd, I want to get on with work.
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And he said we use them words like mystic and talking about shamanic sickness and all these things I've never heard of before.
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I wasn't interested in any of that.
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I was just like just make it stop.
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And he gave me a couple of meditations, really powerful but kind of basic meditations, and and I started practicing these daily and very gradually I kind of came back to to you know where I wanted to be and just get an on with life.
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So, yeah, so that was a long-winded story, but I kind of again, once I got through it and I got to say I came out of it a lot humbler.
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I feel like my ego was just smashed to pieces, you know, when I was kind of doubting for my sanity.
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And I did come out of it just through these meditations on a daily basis and and, and it kind of made me stop sweating.
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The small stuff which resulted in moving back to the UK, exploring, acting, all that kind of stuff, but I didn't really look at it as a mystical event until again, what happened around my mom passing, and then everything else sort of kind of learned about, made me look at this as though, okay, every few years something would pop up like that, you know, and that was a particularly extreme one, but it seemed like something had been tapping me on the shoulder like the whole time.
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And I feel that now, you know, after doing various things like you know, for for work and this, and that I feel like I finally, you know, found the path that I was possibly always supposed to be on.
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Yeah, well, I thank you for telling that and I think it's really interesting and for for people that are younger, possibly listening, because life doesn't make sense as we're going through it.
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I forgot who said it was.
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A philosopher said that you know, it's like life can only be understood living back or looking backwards way to live it, moving forward, and we do.
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As we look back, we find these events and we put, we put together the pieces of the puzzle and we can see how they make sense.
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I also think it's fascinating you talking about that.
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I've been reading a lot about time is not linear, time doesn't exist.
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You know this kind of stuff and trying to wrap my brain around it, which we really can't do, I think our brains just don't work that way and you know I could totally with the book the Power of.
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Not Everybody wants to live in the now, or so we think.
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So it's interesting that you had that experience and you know it's.
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Yeah, I didn't not pleasant.
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It wasn't pleasant, it was.
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I've never actually read that book.
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I've heard snippets of him talking and I'm like, oh yeah, well, I know all about that, but it was out of nowhere.
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It was just like it was such a shock.
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It wasn't something I was exploring or anything and it came so powerfully and just altered everything you know.
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But again, in hindsight, the way I was going about my life at the time I wasn't wasn't terrible, but I wasn't the greatest you know human being on the planet and and and.
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It really made me take stock of everything and and and started treating people nice.
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I started treating myself nicer and it kind of yeah, it definitely created a big shift.
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Yeah.
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So after after the passing of your mother, and you're starting to open up to these spiritual things and you have the signs, what made you decide to start studying mediumship.
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So I just moved around into this new area that I was mentioning earlier and I remember walking up and down the street a lot.
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That was just like a couple of blocks away and I never noticed this place before and one day I just took notice of it.
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I probably walked down there 30 times at this point and there was a small spiritualist church.
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I don't think you have a lot of them.
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We have a few that, not as many as you do in England.
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Yeah, yeah, I mean, I'd never heard of one before, you know, and I was like Okay, didn't really never heard the term spiritualist church.
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And I stopped to look at the notice board outside and they said they had a demonstration of mediumship every Sunday and I thought, well, kind of interesting.
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You know, and I just very recently been starting to look at that stuff, I've come across a book by a medium called Claire Broad which kind of got me thinking about that and just so many weird little coincidences, right, and just to just go off the track a little bit, when I started reading this book by Claire, she could have been from anywhere in the world.
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I didn't research her or anything, but her story immediately took place and the opening chapter, right across the street from where I was living at the time, which I thought, well, that's so odd.
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You know, she could have been from the States, she could have been Australian or what have you, but no, the whole thing took place like across the road, I could see what she was talking about.
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And then a couple of weeks later I stumbled across this church and you know again in hindsight, but I went along to this place and I was kind of still skeptical somewhat.
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I remember I'd said all of my social media stuff to private no, I'd nonsensical completely, because it's not like anyone knew that I was, you know, going to show up there or knew my story or anything.
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And then I watched this lady work, a lady called Janet Neville and she started working, working away, away around the congregation, I suppose you could call it of maybe 15 people or something, and she started telling people about you know how I describe in a house in Scotland and she claimed that she'd never heard of this place in Scotland and this lady was sitting confirming it like yeah, yeah, that's my, that's my husband's family you describe in their house.
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And then she went on somebody else and somebody else and she was getting like 90% affirmations that people completely understood what she was talking about.
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And by the time she got to me I was like I was like, okay, wow, this is amazing.
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You know that she's telling people these things.
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And she got to me and she started talking about a young man and I was like, okay, well, no idea who this guy is.
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You know, I was there hoping to hear from my mom, right, if this was going to be a real thing.
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And she started talking about this guy.
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And then she started talking as him, which was kind of interesting.
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I didn't know that was coming, you know.
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She started sort of referring to me as as though she was him speaking directly to me and um, and started talking about me being a medium, or a voice for spirit, as she called it.
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And again, this wasn't something that was really on the mind at the time.
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I just only to start to sort of looking into this stuff and I thought, well, that's interesting itself.
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They're just saying that because it just took an interest in it.
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But she started saying, yeah, you know, one day you'll be up here and give people messages.
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And I was like, okay, cool, but still don't know who this guy is.
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And then the penny dropped and I realized that it was somebody that had passed when we were.
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I was probably 18, he was 20.
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Tragically, he got in with the wrong crowd and overdosed, and then everything that she'd said, you know, found a place.
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I was like, damn, she's talking about him, you know.
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And then, just right at the end of it, she said, oh, I've got a lady here, like an elderly lady that's recently passed, and I kind of choked up, you know.
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And she described the situation around my mum passing and her accent changed.
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Again, this was like a game changer for me, because this lady the medium, she had a very sort of strong London cockney accent and then it kind of just went to this Northern English accent, my mum's accent, and she just kind of the language she used although it was a very brief message, it was my mum speaking to me, you know, and it was life changing.
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I say, you know, this hadn't been something that I've ever looked into before, and then I just went along this night and it just, yeah, essentially changed my life, I would say I'm excited to announce I have a great new resource.
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It's called Gems Four Steps to Move from Grief to Joy, and what it is.
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It's four things that I've found that I do on a daily basis to help me to navigate my grief, and I'm offering it to you free of charge.
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It's a free download.
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Just go to my website, wwwgrieftogrowthcom.
00:24:40.184 --> 00:24:44.611
Slash gems G, e, m, s and grab it there for free.
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I hope you enjoy it.
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Wow, yeah, yeah.
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So that was your first experience with mediumship.
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And then, yeah, make you decide to start like I think I can do this story.