The Magic of Surrender- Kute Blackson

Brian Smith  0:00  
Close your eyes and imagine what are the things in life that causes the greatest pain, the things that bring us grief, or challenges, challenges designed to help us grow to ultimately become what we were always meant to be. We feel like we've been buried. But what if, like a seed we've been planted and having been planted would grow to become a mighty tree. Now, open your eyes. Open your eyes to this way of viewing life. Come with me as we explore your true, infinite, eternal nature. This is grief to growth. And I am your host, Brian Smith. Hey everybody, this is Brian back with another episode of grief to growth today I've got with me kute Blackson and coot is a beloved inspirational speaker and a transformational teacher. He's author of the national best selling book you are the one and the magic of surrender. He's widely considered to the next gen to be the next generally generation leader in the field of personal development. As a featured on Larry King now Fox and Friends Dr. Drew, as well as Ink Magazine calls in the mindfulness guru billionaires go to a go to for advice. queued offers a fresh bolt look at spiritual wellness for a whole new generation. He was born in Ghana West Africa. As multicultural upbringing as a child of a Japanese mother and again Ghanian father, has spanned four different continents. His unique lineage laid the foundation for his approach to breaking down barriers and locking and unlocking an individual's true gifts and greatness. for over 20 years CUDA has been inspiring audiences around the world. For the first time he spoke in front of 3000 people at the age of eight to speaking in over 300 venues by age 18 to helping organizations develop authentic leadership and achieve extraordinary performance over the last decade, is electrifying presentations not only offer real world practical ideas and soul stirring wisdom, but also ignite the heart and inspire courageous action. So that when a welcome to grifter growth kute Blackson. Thanks for having me. Yeah, it's really good to meet you. And I have to ask you, how'd you get such wisdom at such a young age?

Kute Blackson  2:14  
Wow. Let's see, look, I was born in Ghana, West Africa, my father's from Ghana, my mother's Japanese. I grew up in London. So my whole life, I've just felt like a citizen of the world from everywhere and nowhere. And, you know, something, people would say I had a bit of an unusual upbringing. For me, it felt very ordinary. It's all very normal. I thought everybody's life was like mine. And I thought everyone went through what I went through. And turns out that wasn't so much the case. Like, for instance, my first memories, as a young boy, was I remember seeing a crippled woman crawling on the floor, she picks up the sand, literally the gravel that this man walks on, wipes it on her face and stands up. And so week after week, I grew up seeing blind people see, and deaf people hear the same man who's essentially picked up a look at a woman in a wheelchair and say, Hey, why are you in this wheelchair, you're not sick stand up. Look, I see the same man who stands you picked up look at a person who come in with crutches. And he put their hands on them and say you're healed. And so this man was my father. He built 300 churches in Ghana, West Africa, had hundreds of 1000s of followers literally had a huge church in London, about four to 5000 people every Sunday. And my father was a very metaphysical, very spiritual, very mystical sort of character went to India in the 60s. And so I grew up in this environment of possibilities. And I think the blessing was I grew up with a sense that anything was possible. So I was surrounded from a very, very young age with a deep sense of spirituality, a deep sense of openness, a deep sense of sacredness, God, you know, religion, metaphysical, mystical teachings. And so my mother was Japanese, she was Buddhist. So go meditating with my mother and go to church on Sundays with my father, and, you know, witnessing miracles. And so when I was age, and also as a young boy, I was very curious. I was very empathetic kid. So I'd feel people's pain and suffering very deeply. And there's a part of me that always wanted to alleviate pain and suffering. I just didn't know what that would look like. And so I began asking, when I would look around at life, I began asking questions, the sense of like, who am I? Why are we here? What's the purpose of life? Why is it that some people who seem to have every reason to be happy, yet they're still miserable? Why is it that some people have no reason to be happy? A lot of folks that went into my father's church didn't have a lot of money weren't that educated, yet? were fulfilled happy kind, you know, just enjoying life and so didn't make sense to me. And so as I began questioning, I would sneak into my father's office, and in his office literally was an entire wall with 1000s of books on his bookshelf with books from Eastern mystics, people like Krishna Murthy you know show when Ramana Maharishi Maharishi Mahesh Yogi to Western mystics like good Jeff and who spent ski and Madame Blavatsky to Joseph Murphy to people like you know, the modern day Wayne Dyer's Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra is of the what Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar Brian Tracy. And so I would sneak into my father's book office sneak into his bookshelf. And literally from around age eight, a team devoured hundreds and hundreds of books just trying to understand the nature of life. And so that's where a lot of my knowledge began from a very young age. But when I was age eight, I started speaking in my father's churches. That's where my speaking career began, when I was about 14, I was ordained as a minister, which was thinking back it's kind of crazy now, but But it felt very normal then. And so when I was 14, my father announced the congregation that my son is taking over my ministry. And at 14, I thought, this was my life. I thought this was my path. My entire life was basically set out for me the trajectory of my life and people's hopes and dreams pinned on me, I was the guy that was going to be taking over. But I knew deep down if I was really honest, that this wasn't my path. I knew deep down that this wasn't my, my destiny, my purpose. But I think if I'm really honest, I was too afraid to speak my truth. And I think like many people, I allowed fear, to hijack my voice in so many ways. We allow fear to stop us from being who we are, we allow fear to stop us from expressing our voice, we allow fear to stop us from surely sharing our gifts with the world. And I was so afraid of, Wow, if I truly follow my soul, if I truly follow my truth, my authentic, my authentic calling, I'm going to lose my father's love, I'm going to be alone, I'm going to be outcast. And then what and so I went along with it for four years, and I went through a tremendous grieving a tremendous turmoil, a tremendous feeling of pain of my own self betrayal, but also confusion. And I think for so for those years, I tried to negotiate and rationalize that, well, maybe this this, this, this is what I wanted to do. But when I turned 18, and maybe wisdom is maybe gained through experience, you know, when I was 18, I felt a calling in my soul, I felt my soul calling me to come to America, I've felt something calling me to go into this field of personal growth, I wanted to I wanted to, I wanted to do it differently. I didn't want to do it through religion or church or my father's organization. Nothing wrong with that I just felt a different destiny. And so I think sometimes what your soul guides you to do, doesn't always make sense to your mind. And what your soul guides you to do isn't always convenient. And, and yet, I'm a firm believer looking back that if you really follow your soul, if you follow your inner guidance without compromise, I believe that you will always end up in the right place at the right time with the right people, even though the route that you take may not be the one you most expect. And so I knew what I had to do. And I probably started my grieving process, from 14 to 18. In terms of having to come to a point of grieving and letting go of my father, feeling the sense that I would basically lose his I had to make peace with that I would never have a relationship with my father again. And for me, this was incredibly heartbreaking. But when I made peace with that, knowing I have to follow my soul, I looked into my future. And I saw if I even if I followed the expected path, I couldn't be successful by everyone else's standards. But if I didn't have myself, if I didn't have my truth, if I didn't have my integrity, and if I start lying to myself now, to get love, validation and approval, I'm gonna have to lie to myself for the rest of my life. And that felt so painful, you know, and so I had the conversation with him. We didn't speak for two years, this began my life journey, and a whole nother trajectory. We didn't speak for two years, and that was tremendously so much sadness and pain and grief, but I ended up winning a green car in the green card lottery and that enabled me to come to the US with two suitcases $800 in my pocket following a dream and landed in the US and found teachers and mentors and authors. Many of the folks I read about a few years later traveled to places like Israel to study with some rabbis Thailand study with a few months ended up in India. And it was my time in India that really kind of cracked me open to another level of my own truth and my own soul's knowing and wisdom. And that enabled me to come back to the US and began working with people over 20 years ago, before coaching was a popular thing and develop my own way of Working with people and and that's a bit of my journey.

Brian Smith  10:03  
Wow. Thank you for sharing that. That's, that's it's really it's interesting, of course, I'm curious the churches that your father had a church but you mentioned all this metaphysical was it a Christian church?

Kute Blackson  10:15  
Yeah, look, my father was an interesting character. Yeah, you know, he called it nondenominational. But he was very spiritual. And let's just say metaphysical in nature, very new thought in nature, drawing a lot from people like Unity and science of mind. And you know, having gone to India in the 60s and had these enlightenment experiences, so to speak, I think for him, he was very open, in a circumstance and so I grew up, I felt very blessed to grow up in in a very spiritual context, more spiritual than religious, even though it was through the form of the church and religion.

Brian Smith  11:01  
Yeah. So when when you decided to leave was, I guess was because you weren't going to take over the church that?

Kute Blackson  11:10  
Yeah, you know, look, my father. My father is a great man. Honestly, there's, there's no questions about it. And the more I've traveled the world over the years, and I sat with great mystics, teachers, rabbis, ministers, gurus from all around the world, the more I realized my father's great, shall we say, my father was a spiritual giant. And the more I was able to appreciate that, because I think I think sometimes when you're close, you're not able to appreciate it as a kid. And so it was a great man. And he was very old school, very, very old school, African male. And, you know, not to generalize, but for him, it was like, my way, or my way, you choose, Which way would you like it to be. And so this was my father. And so because he didn't agree with my path, because I wasn't following his idea for how my life should be and how it should play out. Basically, we didn't speak. And he didn't speak to me. And that was it. And he was incredibly disappointed. And to be honest, before the conversation, I was terrified man, I was terrified to have the conversation with my father, because I knew what this might mean, for the rest of my life. I was terrified having the conversation. And even after having the conversation, I was terrified, thinking, maybe I made the wrong decision. And I was in such grief after the conversation, because even though I wasn't close to my father, I love my father. You know, and I think so many of us, we hold ourselves back. And we don't speak our truth, because we love the other person. And so even though I knew what I had to do, there was a tremendous grief for me, because I felt like I was disappointing my father, and I was breaking my father's heart, I had to get over my own guilt, in terms of following my truth, and following my soul and follow my calling. And so there was grief in the sense of the deep acknowledgement of loss, you know, the loss of the relationship, I wanted to have with him the relationship I could have had with him, the relationship I dreamed of having with him, I had to like, grieve the loss of that and let all of that go. And that was incredibly painful. But I felt like I didn't have a choice. I really felt like I didn't have a choice. And so

Brian Smith  13:33  
that's incredibly brave to do at the age of 18. It's I'm 61 years old, and I just had a conversation with my parents a couple of days ago, but something I said on one of my podcasts, and they called up but they were all upset because I talked about the church I grew up in, which was my grandfather's church. So I understand that, you know, falling in the families footprints, and I always felt like I wanted to go into some sort of industry, but I knew I'd never be a Christian minister, like my grandfather was, and I'm just kind of coming around a bit now. So I can relate to that wanting to please your parents. I don't think that really ever goes away.

Kute Blackson  14:10  
Well, me it shifted. There was there was, you know, I would say the day it became a man, or the beginnings of a man was what was at 18. When I felt like as a boy, I have to slay my father. I had to metaphorically kill my father, which was break his heart in order to follow my own. That was a huge step. And I'm not saying the desire to please Him dissolve in that moment, but I think it was the beginning because for me, once I had disappointed my father. I'm not gonna say didn't care about approval from other people, but it wasn't at the same level. It's like, right, right. I've already disappointed my father, who the hell are you? Who the hell are you going to the world like the most important person I already let him down. And so if there was a freedom in that, you know, there was a profound freedom in that, that that came. And what I saw is, look, you cannot be fulfilled and happy living someone else's life, you cannot be truly fulfilled and happy being someone that you're not so many of us as human beings, we walk around with a deep sense of grief inside, even though life is okay. Even though things are fine. We don't even know why we feel this low grade heaviness, sadness, grieving feelings, because we don't realize that in that in trying to get other people's love, validation and approval in trying to get our parents or grandparents or caretakers of the world to love us, we have sacrificed and betrayed parts of ourselves in order to be loved by those outside of ourselves. And in so many ways, when we betray ourselves is the longest thing. When we, when we betray a part of ourselves, it's the most painful thing. And I think many of us we carry the level of grief for our own self betrayal that we don't even know that we've done, it's not even conscious. And so, you know, I always say, when you when you become someone that you're not, in order to get love, validation and approval, even when you get the love validation and approval from those around you, even when they actually give it to you, you win it from those around you, you win it from the world. It never feels good, it feels empty. And there's a grief in that's like, wow, I have all of this, and I still don't feel happy. They're loving me, the world is loving me, my clients are loving me, I'm winning all this, and it still feels empty. That's a hollow feeling. And so I think even when we get the love validation and approval, when we're being someone that will not is never satisfying, because deep down inside of us, there is a part of us that knows that the version of us that they are loving is not the real version of us, the version of us that they're not caring about and loving is not who we really are. So they're loving a fake version of us. So in a sense, we know deep down, they're not really loving us. And so the love they gave us doesn't isn't satiating. And so I think it takes courage to be who you are. In a world that is constantly trying to get you to be someone else. It does take courage, but I would really, I really feel. And I saw this at 21 years old, when I went to this men's retreat. And, you know, guys in the forest, you know, getting in touch with their masculinity in a men's men's conference. And I got to grieve my father, I got to express and I got to get in touch with the anger, the resentment that it suppressed the grief, the sense of loss, deep loss that I had kind of suppressed in order to not feel because it was too painful to feel the sense of grief and loss that I that I have been carrying, that I wasn't aware of for the last three, four years. But when I got in touch with it, I really underneath that was pure love for him. Underneath that was was profound love that I wasn't able to get in touch with because I've been suppressing my pain, suppressing my grief. And when I was able to get in touch with that, my heart cracked open and there was nothing but love and forgiveness for this man. But what he had given me, I realized that I had not been able to receive what he was able to give me because I was so busy wanting what he wasn't able to give me and wanting what I wanted. And so when I was finally able to do that, I just, I forgave him. And I remember feeling so free and so peaceful and so light. And here's what a miracle happened at 21 years old for me, maybe a week later, maybe two weeks later, but it was pretty soon after this sort of men's weekend, that my father out of the blue, literally out of the blue. And he's not a guy that will call you up in his old school. Out of the blue. He calls me up. And he says, Brian, he says, Son, I think we need to talk. I think we need to have a conversation. And I was I was stunned that he called. And he said, I think we need to talk and I said that I think you're right. And that was the first opening and the beginning of healing in my relationship with him that took 20 years, you know, healing an end. And what was I think what was really satisfying deep down for me was now we were able to have a relationship based on mutual respect for who I really was not pretending to be someone that I thought he wanted me to be in. And that's the freedom.

Brian Smith  19:44  
Absolutely. You know, as you say that there was I wanted a men's retreat. Many years ago, there was a guy named John Wilder the rotor. John Eldridge wrote a book called Wild at Heart. And he talks about the journey from a boy to a man and the almost universal wound And five, the father's gift to boys, Nan. And and I don't know if this is a necessary thing. But it seems to be an almost universal thing, where we want that validation from our father, but we have to kind of like go out and prove our manhood. And I think for your father, it took a while for him to respect you. For me, it was much what was much later than that, but that I can silver light to that journey that you went on. And you could have taken the easy way out. I mean, you could have said, for sure, I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. I'm healing people. I'm being a speaker, you could have stayed in there. But you, you were true to that, that journey that your soul had to do you believe it? Like, do you believe we have a purpose that our souls know when we come here?

Kute Blackson  20:41  
Do I believe we have a purpose, you're opening up a big question. So yes, I believe that all of us have a purpose. I think at the deepest, most spiritual highest level, we all have the same purpose. We are souls first and foremost. We're this Christian Jew, we're souls. We're not just this physical body, we incarnate into the human experience. My kind of perspective is we're souls we incarnate into the human experience in order to learn to grow, evolve, life is really the university for our souls growth and evolution. And every experience in every relationship and every situation and every person is really our teacher. It is really the curriculum for our souls growth and evolution. So life is a classroom. Life is a process of learning and evolution, learning the lessons for why our souls incarnated. And so for me, the purpose of life on a grander spiritual context is, you know, not just to make money, make babies make money, go on vacations, buy a house, buy a car didn't die. Like is that it? Surely there has to be more than that, because we don't take any of this stuff with us. I was in Egypt, I saw tuten comments, you know, the pyramids that I saw today in common, he has an entire floor in the Egyptian Cairo Museum, gold bling, Thrones, you know, jewelry. And I was in I was in the museum thinking to income is dead. And his stuff is here, too, and income is dead. So we don't take any of this stuff with us. And so for me, the purpose of life is really we incarnate into the human experience in order to learn to grow, to evolve to learn the lessons so that we can remember who we truly are. And we can realize who we truly are, and become our most authentic self. And I think the degree to which we do that is the degree to which we are living our purpose. And so to me, purpose isn't something that you do, what you do is your job, what you do is a vocation. And you know, I hope all of us, we ended up doing things that we enjoy and that we love. But I think that no matter who you are, you can be living your true purpose. Regardless of what you're doing, so long as you are learning the lessons for why you attracted that experience. And so long as you're growing and learning the lessons, why you check that situation in that relationship. When you learn the lessons, that's when I found I found that you transcend to another level of the game of life, you transcend to another experience, otherwise, all lessons are repeated until learn which is where many times we attract the same relationships, the same person, the same pattern over and over and over and over again until we learn the lessons. And so for me, life is a school life is an evolutionary process, the purpose of life is growth in evolution. And I think when we when we shift our paradigm and way of seeing from a one dimensional and just as body and here I am in life is what we see it to be and successes when you attain it or not. When we shift our paradigm to a evolutionary solist, extol Nula you know, looking for the soul lens perspective, I think life takes on a different perception, a different experience, we we cultivate a different relationship with life. And so in that sense, every moment of life is our purpose. There's never not a moment of like, what's the purpose of life, the purpose of life is the purpose of life and the purpose of life is evolution. So that's, to me, the grand the context, but if somebody is wondering, well, how do I find my individual purpose in life? And it's great, this whole big, you know, contextual, spiritual idea of a soul, but like, what about what am I supposed to do with my life in terms of my purpose? I feel a calling. I feel I want to make a difference. I think if someone is in a place in life, where they're looking for their individual purpose, what I would say is this. Stop seeking your purpose. Stop looking for it, stop trying to find it. Sometimes seeking your purpose takes you further and further away from it. Instead, you don't have to know where you're going to get to exactly where you need to be. I would invite people to just move in the direction of what lights up your soul, move in the direction of what turns you on move in the direction of what brings you aliveness, if you go into that direction, I think that one of the greatest griefs and pains in life comes when we hold back the natural impulse of our soul. When we hold back the calling, when we hold back, that desire to give when we hold back what we are here to do, and sharing our gifts. To me, this is to be dead. And this is when many of us we feel grief, because we're dying, a slow death, not even knowing why. And so I think if someone is wondering, What am I supposed to do with my life, my purpose in my own individual life, go in the direction of what lights you up, even if you don't know where that's going to leave. What I have found is when you take a step, life reveals the next step, you take another step, life reveals the next step, you take another step, life reveals the next step. And so often life, your purpose is revealed to you in the process of living life itself. And many of us were trying to figure out the entire purpose for our lives and what we're here to do from the sidelines from this level of consciousness from this perspective, but it's only when you take the take that step that you go through the journey. When you go to the gym, you grow and evolve, you learn, you expand, you mature, you gain wisdom, you gain wisdom, then you're more ripe and ready for the next step. And then God can give you the next step that you take another step, then now you develop, grow, evolve, you learn the lessons, you develop the mental, emotional, psychological, spiritual muscle, and life in God can give you the next step. And so to me, purpose is a revelation that unfolds in the process of living life itself. And then what I find is, all of a sudden, many times, you will look around five years from now, seven years from now, 20 years from now and go, Wow, I'm live. I'm living my purpose, but we lived into our purpose, rather than just kind of figured it out upfront. And so there's four questions I would maybe leave people with around the question of purpose number one is, Where do I come alive? What turns me on? What would I do for free for me as a young boy, we live behind my father's church in London, we didn't have a lot of money. So literally, the apartment was attached to my father's church, a tiny pot, my bedroom was smaller than my toilet right now. I mean, it was tiny. And so my dreams were so big, because I wanted to inspire people. So what I would do that most people don't know, I would sneak out of my out of the apartment, sneak into the into the church 9:10pm at night with the lights off, pitch black, you know, imagine an 11 year old chubby kid, and I would give seminars, to the empty chairs, imagining I was speaking literally like giving seminars to the chair, imagining 1000s of people in the room, 1000s of people in auditoriums being inspired and so every day from almost 11 to 18, till I left the US, I was giving seminars two, three hours a night, just living my passion. I was doing it for free. And so for me, this is what turned me on this is what made me alive. And so ask yourself, what makes me come alive? Then ask yourself, what specific tangible skills do I have, because we still have to have a specific skill. And if we look at, if somebody looks at their entire history, every single job you've been through every single, you know, job that you hated every single experience every single challenge. Tip, usually, if you look, there's something that you needed to learn some skill, some ideas, some something that you needed to learn, that was a part of the necessary preparation for you to live your ultimate purpose in this lifetime. And so look at what skills you have. And I always tell people, when it comes to purpose, don't simply focus on trying to make money. To me, the key to making money is being of service truly focus on being of service, you are of service when you add value. You add value when you solve a pain, problem or challenge. And so to me, money is a function of transference of energy when you solve someone's pain, problem or challenge, so when you really are focused on being of service, to me, this is a key. So ask yourself, How can I be of service? And lastly, I think it helps when people look at what group of people do do you feel a affinity with? Maybe the blind, maybe teenage, you know, teenage pregnant girls, maybe, you know, young teenage boys with our fathers, maybe the elderly, maybe the whales, maybe you know, cats, maybe? Who knows, but whatever the group of people you feel a connection with, I think can often show you where your purpose might be. And I think many times we get lost in this, got to save the world got to save the whole planet, got to save India, got to save Africa got to save, you know, provide clean drinking water for everybody. And there's a huge purpose and we don't stop. We sit and we wait and we wait. If we plan and we don't begin, I would invite people just start where you are, with what you have, exactly as you are, and start by responding to the need in the moment. We're so busy asking what is my purpose? And

you know, the story were 20 years ago 22 years ago, I was broke, literally went completely broke, no money sleeping on friends couches, big dreams just came to America, big dreams, this huge purpose thing. And I'm sitting on the couch on so on the, in the in the on the bench in the park, right on Beverly and kind of Beverly and near Fairfax by Erawan. In Los Angeles, for those that know LA there's a park there. And I would sit for hours, what's my purpose? And how can I make a difference in people's lives? Every day, I would see this question old woman, maybe eight years old walk struggling with, with shopping bags, and I'd watch her pondering my purpose. Every day she'd be stuck would be falling out. And one day, after months of doing this, I thought if I want to make a difference in people's lives, then let me start by making a difference in people's lives. Let me just start now. And the shift happened for me. I went up to this old woman didn't know her. And I just carried her bags every day for two months, literally every day made them hugest difference in their life, I found out about her story, she started telling me how, you know, all her kids had left and she was alone. And nobody helped. And she's just, you know, just just living life by herself and felt like it kids forgot about her. And we just struck up this bond. And every day, I just go and help her with her groceries. And so if you are looking for a purpose, look around, respond to the need in the moment, your friends, your family, your neighbor, the grocery store, checkout person, you never know everything, and everyone is the opportunity to live love. And I think one of our purposes is to live life in human form.

Brian Smith  32:08  
Thank you, I love that story. I love that. And I love the way you put that because we do often get frozen by looking for this big purpose, we feel like we have to save the world. And I always tell people grow where your planet, start, start where you are, you don't have to go somewhere else and do something else. You know, I remember the church I used to go to they would always talk about purpose. And it was always like, you know, go to Africa or become a missionary or stuff. And I'm like, I'm not doing that. But you know, you can I can always do something in my neighborhood. I mean, I can always go volunteer somewhere somewhere close. So I looked at some of your videos today and I looked and I you talked about manifesting. So tell me what manifesting means to you.

Kute Blackson  32:55  
What is meant manifesting is manifesting, you know, depends what aspect you want to speak about manifesting, because I really believe that we focus so much on manifesting and trying to make things happen. But in so many ways we were getting in our own way. And so in life, you don't get what you want. So as to say, this truth might hit people a bit hard, you don't get what you want. You don't get what you think about you don't get what you'd like you don't get what you pray about. You don't get what you meditate on, you don't get what you visualize in life. You get what you are, you get what you are a vibrational match of what you are. So in life, you might want to manifest a soulmate that's loving and distant man and blah, blah, blah. But you have to ask yourself, Am I that? Am I there. And so what we manifest in life, life is a mirror manifestation of your consciousness, the relationships, your bank account, your experiences, the manifestations in your life is a mirror manifestation of your consciousness. So everyday you are in relationship with yourself your most deeply held belief projected out into the world in the form of what you've manifested. And so I would tell people, if you really want to manifest Stop trying to change what's out here, because what's out here is secondary to what's in here. It all starts inside and so if you really want to change then manifest something differently, stop trying to manifest and instead change yourself. Instead let go of the mental the emotional, psychological, spiritual blocks inside of yourself. The most deeply held beliefs I'm not enough I'm unworthy I'm there's all of that stuff inside of yourself that are falsities, let that go heal those parts of yourself. Bring yourself into alignment. Because when you do live is a feedback mechanism reflecting to you yourself, you are in relationship with yourself and so to me, that's power because you don't have the power to change the world. All the government, the universe, but you have the power to change yourself. And as you change yourself as you heal yourself, you do the mental, emotional, psychological, spiritual work to clear those inner blocks to clear the wounds to clear the traumas, to clear that the inadequacies that just clear yourself, then your vibration shifts, your energy shifts as your energy shifts and right raises, then you're much more likely to become a vibrational match. So then what you want can start also magnetizing to you as the energetic resonance and vibrational match to who you're being. And so for me, manifestation really is about beingness. It's about who you being in life, you don't get what you want, you get what you want. So the more you are being it, the more it will manifest. And I think the more it manifests not as something outside, but as a reflection from the inside of you. And so I tell people stop trying to manifest and just be, you know, really be Yeah.

Brian Smith  35:58  
Well, that's the reason I wanted to ask you that question. Because I think you gave an answer that a lot of people might not have expected. And then I also know you wrote a book called The magic of surrender. And I'm like, How does manifestation and surrendering How did these two things go together?

Kute Blackson  36:12  
Let's talk to me, here's the thing, okay. Surrender is the real secret to manifestation. People don't want the secret, the secret secret, visualize your parking spot vision. If that was enough, every single person who did the secret did the Law of Attraction would be a gazillion there would be you know, 688 pack body have the relationship I mean, it would be will be all gazillionaires. And it's not the case. I believe that surrender is the real secret manifestation, surrender, if we understand it, and I'll do my best to break it down in the next few minutes, is the real key to your next level. Surrender change. Surrender, is the real secret to the great ones. You look at Jesus. Look at Buddha. You look at Mandela, you look at Ghandi, you look at Mother Teresa, you look at Martin Luther King, you look at Bruce Lee, you look at Muhammad Ali, great in their own ways, right. At some point, they always had to surrender themselves, to life, to the soul, to something bigger than them to God, to the Divine, to the universe, whatever you choose to believe. But they have to transcend themselves. And in that surrender. They transcended their own human limitations. They transcended their own human limitations. And in that they tapped into another dimension of life and other dimension of existence and under dimension of potentiality. And life was able to manifest through them. Life was able to use them, life was able to do the work through them, life was able to create through them. And that's where the magic happened. Miracles happen through them not because they did it. But because they surrendered. They got themselves out of the way and that's what God did. What look, let's have a conversation. You mentioned the church, let's talk church for a moment. Please forgive me, Brian, if I if I butcher the quote here, but Jesus himself great wayshower said, it's not like that does the work. He never says yo, I'm Jesus. I look how great I am the great work. It's not either does the work. He does. I'm the great manifester. I'm the great miracle worker. It's not i i i The limited by ego I personality I Brian to John Susie, it's not i That doesn't work is the father that does the work through me. That is a next level of manifestation. So I believe that when we truly surrender what God can manifest to us what life can manifest through us what the divine can manifest through us is way beyond anything we could plan and intend and make happen with a limited egos capacity. To me, this is true power of manifesting because then you realize it's not you or me that's manifesting is life that's manifesting is God that's manifesting through you the source of all existence that is manifesting through you. That's the zone of miracles, you know, that's, that's the magic of surrender. So we have to surrender our control. So So just to kind of have the conversation, surrender, there's this misconception that surrender is weak. That surrender is passive. That surrender is given up there surrender is waving the white flag that surrender is being a doormat, being a victim sitting there doing nothing being passive sitting around waiting that surrender. If you surrender you won't manifest your goals, dreams and desires that if you surrender your you're gonna get less in life. I'm actually I'm actually saying if you surrender Well, if you didn't get less, but you got More, more than you could have claimed, of your own self, more than you could have imagined of your own limited human minds capacity. Most of us we are trying to manifest with our little egos. Most of us were trying to manifest with our little mind, Brian is trying to manifest who is trying to manifest and we're not tapping into the infinity of our souls knowing and our souls potential work will live, we're putting limitations on life in manifesting. And so surrender is to let go of control. So when those let go of trying to control everything, control is the master addiction, you know, or the illusion of control, I should say, if the last few years have shown us anything, is perhaps shown us that we are not as in control as we thought. So when there is when we stop trying to force and manipulate life to fit our limited idea of how we think it should be and who we think we should be, and how we think it should unfold. So when there is taking the limitations off of life, surrender is allowing life to show us allowing God to show us allowing life to lead us so that that's when the magic happens. So you see the old paradigm, the old way of living, is the ego based model of creating life. And I think that yes, you can make life happen, you can be successful, trying to force a will and control. It does work to a degree. But it's limited. It is limiting. Because when we tried to create from the level of the ego, the lens of the ego, the personality, the mind, the ego is limited his condition, we're not able to see the entire possibilities and unfolding of what life of what God is trying to unfold in our life. Because the ego is conditioned, it doesn't see the infinite possibilities of life. So when we manifest from the ego, there was limitation. And you might get everything that you thought you wanted only to realize that what you thought you wanted was just what you thought you wanted based on who you thought you were. But if you're not in touch with who you really are, then what you think you want and the goals that you think you want. It's not going to be what you really want, maybe just projections and unmet needs from childhood, you know. And so the question that I invite people to ask, as we talk about manifestation and surrender is not because we're taught to us, what do you want to claim what you want, know what you want, write down what you want. I'm not saying it's not helpful to write down your goals. I'm not saying there's not a place. But sometimes we get so attached to what we want to met what we, as individual, little ego, separate identities want to manifest, that we're not open to the universe. And I say, make sure you make sure that your goal list, your ideal scene doesn't limit the divine, make sure your little goal list and your ideal scene isn't blocking your blessing. Because sometimes we go, we write down who we want to be with the person, we think we should be with what we think we want for our life. And we get so attached to it, that we're not open. We're not open to the infinite ocean of magic and creativity and grace that is seeking to unfold because we can't see it, because we just think this is what we want. And so in surrender, we say yes, here's the key. It's not what do I want? The question is, what is it that? What is it that life is seeking to express through me? What is it that my soul is seeking to express? What is it that God is seeking to manifest through me? What is it that the Divine is seeking to express a manifest to me, what is the deepest impulse of what life is seeking to express the manifest to me, and the goal is to be still to listen, to tune in to catch the vision of this highest possibility that is seeking to express through you and when you catch that vision, you become obedient to that. Now you're in flow, now you're in alignment, then you can align your thoughts, your goals, your actions, your resources, your money, your strategy, your planning, in alignment, with the flow, in alignment with the deepest highest intentionality of the Divine. And that to me, is when you are in flow, and that's when you are living surrender. And that's when magic happens, you know, and so, then you have to go into life, giving 100% to the to the vision and the goal, without attachment, give 100% Don't be attached to the outcome, because then you're open to allowing life to show you and so surrender is really about not

limiting life, not controlling life, to the point where you're trying to force something, you're catching the vision. Being obedient to sometimes the vision that you get will not be what you thought you wanted. Like for instance, the magic of Swan The book that I wrote, bestseller, I'm very passionate about it. For me, it's a calling. It's a mission. This was not the book I wanted to write. This was not the book I thought to write. I wanted to write a different kind of book. Brian, I wanted to write a book about I mean, I had literally 15 ideas on this side over here, I thought, Oh, this book is going to make me more famous. This book is going to, you know, get me on Oprah, this book is going to be a New York Times bestseller. This book is going to be a book my publisher would want. But when I was honest, none of those titles had alignment. None of those titles felt true in my soul. They felt like gimmicks, they didn't feel like, Yes, this is it. The only word I wrote on the board that felt true that they didn't have a idea for was the word surrender. And I thought, Oh, now I don't know if I want to write about surrender, because there's so many misconceptions about surrender. And we know we should do it. But we don't want to do it. Because the ego resists surrender. And when I was honest with my soul, and myself, it was like, Yes, this is the book that is seeking to be written. And my job is to get myself out of the way. My job is to be the vessel in the vehicle for the book to come through. Because the book has its own intelligence, its own vision, its own function, and turn out better than I could imagine. And so I believe that when we truly surrender, what ends up manifesting is not limited to your mind, because the mind is conditioned in the past. So when you are manifesting from the ego mind, your manifestation will be limited to your past, not infinite possibilities.

Brian Smith  46:41  
Yeah, that's great. Great, thank you. That's a great answer. So I hear you know, when we're talking about purpose, we talked about taking that step. You know, we talked about surrendering, we talked to manifest. I'm hearing a lot about trust, trusting ourselves trusting the divine trusting life, trusting our greater soul. People say to me, how do I learn how to trust I don't even trust myself, I don't trust my own decision making?

Kute Blackson  47:08  
Good question. Good question. First I'll say is first I'll say something, then I'll give maybe a practical exercise. Okay. You look around. First, I will just say, look around. How can you not trust life? I'm going to throw the question back to the person. How can you not trust life? Think about it. Every day we wake up. Do you listening every day you wake up? Has the sun ever not shown? You woke up one day it was pitch black and the sun just what happened? Brian, the sun just forgot to come out today just didn't said it's never the sun always has the moon ever not shown. Has the sky like has existence ever not been? No. All of it if we look around all of existence, to me is proof that we can there's an intelligence, I don't know, whatever you want to believe. To me, folks. Everyone has the right to their own beliefs. But there's something that is unfolding existence and life that is bigger than you and me, like right now. Maybe you had breakfast or lunch? Or depending on when you're listening to this conversation. And you had a banana, you eat the banana? You ingested the banana? How was it that your hand doesn't turn into a banana? There's an intelligence inside of you and me, in spite of you, that knows exactly what to do to digest and the digestion is happening whilst we're having this conversation. Right now we're having this conversation. And there are trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions of cells functioning right now. Without your awareness, trillions that's P with the trillions with the T. Williams, and we can't trust. Right now we're breathing. We're not sitting here, go home, right? Have to breathe. It's like what is just happening all day long. This is your finger. You don't even have to pray. You don't have to be a good person. You can be a drug dealer, but you cut your finger. This intelligence knows exactly how to heal your hand. You don't do that? I don't do that. No, we don't make it. It just happens. So what is it? What is I'm not saying? I can tell you, but what is it that is doing them? It's innate intelligence. And we're walking around like we don't trust life. We don't trust that like your hand is just healing and you don't trust exists like wait a second. So I think we just have to bring our attention. So first, I would say bring your attention to your body. Because if you just got it match with a miracle that is your body and brought your attention. It's mind blowing. It's mind blowing, it is mind blowing. Because the moment you can't breathe, it's over. It's mind blowing. So just tune into your body. Notice all of the miracles that are happening in your body that's just inspiring, firing away, just going on, in spite of you. Let that remind you of trust, spend time in nature. Go out, spend time in nature. Look at the sun. Look at the stars. Look at the wisdom of nature. Look at all of existence and the trees, and how is just unfolding. It's just have you ever stopped, you know, have we ever? How often do we sit back and just observe and marvel at nature and existence? We're so busy. But when we see the leaves fall, the mangoes fall when it's ripe. All these things happen in the cycle of life. Wow. So spend time in nature and let that reconnect you with Trust. There is a cycle and a rhythm and a season to this existence. You know, and the other thing I would say yes, in terms of trust. So those are some reminders of just bringing your focus to that dimension of life. But I would say in terms of trust, yes. It's hard to trust life sometimes when we don't trust ourselves. We trust it's you know, what's crazy. We trust Siri, more than which was our soul. We trust Siri, more than we trust the divine. Siri says turn left. We turn we don't even question simply says Siri can be taken us off a cliff which is going but the moment your soul. My soul says turn left. What do you mean turn I have to wait a second to how the witch was Siri more than we trust our soul. You know. And so I would just say we have to learn to trust ourselves. One of the reasons that we stay stuck, or we don't trust ourselves, or the ways that we lie to ourselves, just to get a feel for a moment, in so many, and we kind of touched on this a bit earlier. But maybe here's some questions I'll give people in so many ways, because we've been conditioned from childhood to get love validation and approval to avoid pain to suppress emotion. We've learned to lie to ourselves, how do you feel fine. Everything's okay. It's great. We stay in relationships that we know we're not right. And we're no longer in love. We pretend to be people that we are in order to get love validation approval to fit into being normal to be accepted. We work jobs that we hate, we hate compromising our integrity, in order to survive, to live a life that we think we should be living. And so to truly transform, to truly transform, we have to start telling ourselves the truth. And it's hard to trust, when we are lying to ourselves, then we can't even trust ourselves. Because deep down when we know that we are lying to ourselves. And so I would just invite people to sit with the question. What lies am I telling myself? What lies am I telling myself there is no transformation without truth. And you have to want the truth more than you want what you have, you have to want the truth more than you want what you want. But if you're willing to tell yourself the truth, then you can bring yourself back into also integrity. And when you can tell yourself the truth and you can start trusting yourself again. This is one place that you can start. If you're like, Well, I can't trust the universe. Let me start by trusting myself by beginning to tell myself the truth. Sometimes we are afraid to tell ourselves the truth. Because we're afraid of the consequences. So here's what I tell people take the pressure off of yourself, of having to take action, take the pressure off, you don't have to take action, which means you don't have to break up. You don't have to like like the truth might sound like I'm not in love with my husband or wife anymore. I'm not in love is scary. But I'm not in love the truth. You don't have to divorce. You don't have to break up. But just acknowledge the truth. Because without telling yourself the truth. And that's self awareness, self reflection and self honesty. You cannot trust yourself. And if you can't trust yourself, it's also hard to trust life. Because deep down you're lying to yourself. And so we have to stop lying to ourselves. So take the pressure off of yourself from having to take action. I hate my job. I hate my job. Scary to acknowledge. You don't have to leave. You don't have to do anything different. Just acknowledge that the truth begins a process inside. And so that's that's one of those a few places I think people can start but you can start by telling yourself the truth. But every day Many times people go well, no, let me let me let me throw this out. If you look at the best things in life that have happened to you, to each of us, the best things, did you plan it? Now most, like meeting your soulmate meeting that friend going, it must have been just kind of, you know, in the process of living life, it, you just bumped into that person, most of us didn't. Yeah, at 1145. On Tuesday, I'm going to meet my soulmate at the grocery store, doesn't happen that way. It just happens in the process of living life, the most the best things in life just happen. It just unfolded. So let's begin trusting this intelligence a bit more. And then if you look at some of the things that you were so sure, five years ago, 10 years ago, that you really wanted, maybe we'll just take a relationship example for everybody. If everyone thinks back to 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, that you met someone and you fell in love, you're like, This is my soulmate. This is my forever person, oh, my god, I can't imagine not being with this person, then you just were so in love, obviously didn't work out. And then you were heartbroken, devastated, didn't understand why you lost all your trust in the divine, the universe. But now 2023, you look back at that person, that time of your life, that relationship and you go, thank God, that didn't work it like thank God that didn't work out. Trust. And so even in the moments, when things are not going according to plan, or you don't get what you thought you wanted. Trust from the perspective of your ego, you may not understand why. But from the perspective of your soul, there is a deeper knowing there's a deeper intelligence that something is happening. And so from that perspective of the ego, we're not able to see the infinite possibilities of what's happening. But trust that the universe is always working for your highest good even if you can't see it right now. Now,

Brian Smith  57:07  
look, okay, we're coming to the end of our time. And I think that is a great place to end. Thank you so much for that. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Thank you for sharing your story. Let people know I think find out more about you where they can find all that stuff.

Kute Blackson  57:21  
Yeah, just it's been a joy being on the show a couple of ways people can connect, if you enjoy the conversation, getting the book The magic of surrender the paperback version on Amazon, check it out there. If people feel really inspired, they can go to my website to blackson.com to you, te blackson.com. And if people feel super inspired and maybe a desire to go deeper, twice a year, I do a very special event in Bali. For those that may be feel a calling to transform a calling to make a difference on the planet that you feel that you have been put on the planet to make a difference, an impact that is bigger than yourself. And if you feel a readiness for that, and you know that your time is now twice to do an event in Bali. I've done it for 10 years. So I've been 20 of these events. And 2023 is my final year doing these events. And so the next one is a 12 day journey to Bali in July, July the 28th through August the eighth. It's called boundless bliss, people can go to www boundless bliss bolli.com.

Brian Smith  58:29  
Nice. Well, thank you again, thank you so much for being here and enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you. I'm excited to announce I have a great new resource. It's called gems, four steps to move from grief to joy. And what it is it's four things that I've found that I do on a daily basis to help me to navigate my grief. And I'm offering it to you free of charge. It's a free download. Just go to my website, www dot grief to growth.com/gems G m s and grab it there for free. I hope you enjoy it.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai