What You Don't Know About Grief | With Amanda Beth Johnson | EP 481

WEBVTT

00:00:51.299 --> 00:00:53.140
Close your eyes and imagine.

00:00:54.619 --> 00:01:00.560
What if the things in life that cause us the greatest pain, the things that bring us grief, are challenges.

00:01:02.259 --> 00:01:07.200
Challenges designed to help us grow to ultimately become what we were always meant to be.

00:01:08.140 --> 00:01:13.219
We feel like we've been buried, but what if, like a seed, we've been planted?

00:01:14.319 --> 00:01:17.780
And having been planted, we grow to become a mighty tree.

00:01:18.859 --> 00:01:20.980
Now, open your eyes.

00:01:21.780 --> 00:01:23.500
Open your eyes to this way of viewing life.

00:01:24.359 --> 00:01:28.719
Come with me as we explore your true, infinite, eternal nature.

00:01:29.840 --> 00:01:34.000
This is Grief to Growth and I am your host, Brian Smith.

00:01:35.659 --> 00:01:37.859
Hi there, I'm Brian Smith and welcome to Grief to Growth.

00:01:38.060 --> 00:01:43.340
Whether you're joining us for the first time or you've been with us for a while, this is a space where we don't just talk about surviving grief.

00:01:43.799 --> 00:01:45.759
We explore how it can transform us.

00:01:46.259 --> 00:01:52.219
Together we ask the big questions like who we are, why we're here, where do we come from, and where are we going?

00:01:53.000 --> 00:01:57.800
Every conversation is an invitation to grow even through life's most difficult moments.

00:01:58.419 --> 00:02:06.340
Today's guest is someone who understands grief not only as a deep personal experience, but as a sacred doorway to healing, to transformation, and to purpose.

00:02:07.139 --> 00:02:13.419
Amanda Johnson is an intuitive healer and a transformational coach who was widowed at just 27 years old.

00:02:14.039 --> 00:02:21.620
That loss marked the beginning of a decades-long journey when it's taught her grief isn't just something we endure, but it's something that can lead us back to ourselves.

00:02:22.520 --> 00:02:28.680
And now, nearly 30 years later, Amanda supports others in navigating the emotional and spiritual terrain of loss.

00:02:29.379 --> 00:02:37.319
Through her work in somatic healing and intuitive development, she helps people reconnect with their inner wisdom, honor their pain, and to reclaim their joy.

00:02:38.099 --> 00:02:47.340
Amanda believes that grief is one of the most deeply felt but least understood emotions, and she's here to help us give it a sense of space and reverence that it truly deserves.

00:02:48.400 --> 00:03:04.219
So, in today's conversation, we're going to explore how grief can act as a spiritual initiation, why healing isn't linear but layered, what it means to truly listen to the body in grief, and how, yes, it is possible to experience prosperity and purpose on the other side of loss.

00:03:05.159 --> 00:03:11.679
Amanda is the best-selling author of Blooming into Life, and she has a forthcoming book written between the lines.

00:03:12.199 --> 00:03:14.139
Actually, that may be out already as we're recording this.

00:03:14.139 --> 00:03:21.659
She's also a contributing author and a daily gift of kindness, a daily gift of peace, and a daily gift of friendship.

00:03:23.019 --> 00:03:31.959
You can learn more about Amanda and her offerings at amandabethhealing.com, where you'll find her work in somatic coaching, energy healing, and intuitive transformation.

00:03:32.799 --> 00:03:35.579
And remember, you don't have to navigate your own grief journey alone.

00:03:36.239 --> 00:03:46.120
Join me after the episode of my Substack at grief2growth.substack.com, where I'll share a companion article and a place for us to continue the conversation together.

00:03:46.739 --> 00:03:49.079
So with that, let's welcome Amanda Johnson to grief2growth.

00:03:50.179 --> 00:03:50.679
Hi, Brian.

00:03:50.840 --> 00:03:52.000
Thanks so much for having me.

00:03:52.099 --> 00:03:52.919
I appreciate it.

00:03:53.299 --> 00:03:54.840
Yeah, it's really good to get to meet you.

00:03:54.939 --> 00:03:56.979
We just had a nice conversation where we got started here.

00:03:57.000 --> 00:04:01.379
We realized we need to start recording, so I'm sure it's going to be a great episode.

00:04:01.979 --> 00:04:07.739
Before we get into everything else about your work and your books, tell me about your husband.

00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:15.679
Oh, so I was 27 years old, and Jeff and I had been together for nine years.

00:04:15.919 --> 00:04:22.180
We were coming into an anniversary, and he was killed suddenly in a car accident.

00:04:24.240 --> 00:04:28.139
And like so many, I was supposed to have been in the car with him that day.

00:04:28.579 --> 00:04:32.800
But my own procrastination, we were members of a car club.

00:04:33.060 --> 00:04:34.319
I was the secretary of treasurer.

00:04:34.579 --> 00:04:35.639
We had a meeting coming up.

00:04:35.639 --> 00:04:37.819
I didn't have the minutes in the meeting ready.

00:04:38.120 --> 00:04:42.199
So I stayed behind to take care of doing these minutes.

00:04:43.100 --> 00:04:49.819
And then I get a phone call from his folks who they were half an hour away.

00:04:50.000 --> 00:05:04.740
They heard something on the scanner, and here I was in my pajamas, and I turned up the scanner to listen, and I just had that overwhelming sense of I needed to go there.

00:05:05.439 --> 00:05:10.400
I'd had years of experience as an EMT, and I'm not an ambulance chaser.

00:05:10.700 --> 00:05:14.560
I really am not, but I was just overwhelmed that I needed to be there.

00:05:15.080 --> 00:05:16.920
So here I am in my pajamas.

00:05:17.360 --> 00:05:22.920
I shoved my feet in my tennis shoes, and I went down the road, not three miles from our home.

00:05:24.100 --> 00:05:59.020
And there was a line of traffic stopped, and an officer came to tell me, and I told him why I was there, and he lets me out of the car, and the rest is history as I walked to the, and I don't know how much of this information you want or the story, but the things that transpired there, the woman who came out of the crowd, dressed, she had a white cardigan sweater dressed in a nurse's uniform that was comforting because that's what my mom had worn all of my childhood.

00:05:59.200 --> 00:06:18.439
My mom was a nurse, and that she was there on the side of the road with me, and this was nearly 30 years ago before cell phones, and so who was that first person that you call, and the support that I then had, and life continued to just really fall apart after that.

00:06:19.160 --> 00:06:22.480
Immediately there was so much anger, anger at God.

00:06:22.879 --> 00:06:26.200
It just really rocked my belief system.

00:06:26.340 --> 00:06:27.340
How could this happen?

00:06:27.340 --> 00:06:29.879
We had everything going on.

00:06:30.080 --> 00:06:30.980
We had our classic car.

00:06:31.140 --> 00:06:32.560
We were getting ready to restore.

00:06:33.460 --> 00:06:35.420
We had everything.

00:06:35.720 --> 00:06:36.879
We did everything together.

00:06:37.840 --> 00:06:58.939
I mean, he was my whole entire world, and that was gone, gone in the blink of an eye, and it was just really shattered, and I realized then, as I'm at the scene of the accident, and I look at this car, and I recognize that car.

00:06:59.319 --> 00:07:07.620
I mean, one, yes, it was the car that he had just purchased from me, but it was the car that I had seen in my dreams repeatedly for 15 years.

00:07:09.840 --> 00:07:28.080
That was his death, not mine, and then from there, rebuilding life and rebuilding all of those things and the grief, and at the time I was working part-time, so this meant that I wasn't going to be able to stay where I was.

00:07:28.480 --> 00:07:39.360
My job wasn't full-time, and I had just lost my whole world, so I ended up eventually moving back home to Iowa, to where my family was.

00:07:42.000 --> 00:07:45.540
You said it was a car that you literally dreamt about.

00:07:45.660 --> 00:07:46.900
Do you feel like that was a premonition?

00:07:47.780 --> 00:07:48.280
I do.

00:07:50.120 --> 00:08:15.700
When I was 12 years old, I started having this reoccurring dream, and it was a large white car, and I thought that I would originally wake up as if it were a nightmare, and I was scared and panicked, and I would have this dream over and over and over again, and I never got past seeing the car on the side of the road, and to me, I thought I'd been hit by a train.

00:08:17.340 --> 00:08:31.439
In actuality, it wasn't a train, it was another vehicle, but it still looked the same, and at 12, that was my impression, that was my reference as to what I could envision that would have caused this much damage.

00:08:32.200 --> 00:08:32.659
Wow.

00:08:33.799 --> 00:09:03.179
So, at 27, and it's really wild, it was just to my wife before we sat down to record this, I have been running into, there's a pattern, and the people have interviewed me lately, but a lot of people, a lot of women especially, but also men who have lost spouses, so I feel like there's something that's coming through for me and for my audience right now, that this sense of devastation that you must feel at that age to feel like everything's been ripped away.

00:09:04.519 --> 00:09:14.319
It did, it felt like Jeff had been there for me for all of the really big icky stuff that happened in my life.

00:09:14.399 --> 00:09:39.639
I had been involved in car accidents before we met, he was there when I had the diagnosis of fibromyalgia, he helped me through all the physical pain and the doctor's visits and all of the things that came with that, going through college and finding out, the reason that I never typed is because I'm dyslexic and dysgraphic, and so typing is very frustrating for me.

00:09:39.699 --> 00:09:42.799
He was my college typist, I married my college typist.

00:09:43.379 --> 00:09:44.860
He handled all the money.

00:09:44.860 --> 00:09:54.019
He could tell you at the drop of a hat where the money was, how much we had, and all of those things, he took care of all of those things.

00:09:54.120 --> 00:09:55.259
He was my business partner.

00:09:55.779 --> 00:10:04.319
We made custom teddy bears and he engineered different cutting stands and things.

00:10:04.500 --> 00:10:12.919
He helped me with the patterns and cutting it out and all the packing and hauling and doing the juried shows that we did everything.

00:10:12.919 --> 00:10:14.659
We went camping together.

00:10:16.120 --> 00:10:18.500
We had our three dogs and that was our life.

00:10:18.879 --> 00:10:20.639
We had the world by the tail.

00:10:22.839 --> 00:10:28.699
When he went, we were still relatively, I mean at 27, we hadn't been out of college very long.

00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:54.199
The financial hardship, he worked full-time, he managed everything and now here I am, a part-time job, and that whole society not knowing how to deal with grief, as a part-time employee, the company, which was kind of a human service type company, had no policy for grief or for bereavement for part-time employees.

00:10:57.120 --> 00:11:04.299
They were caring and wonderful people and so that was very flexible, but they realized they had no policy for it.

00:11:06.360 --> 00:11:22.019
Then the first time, anything that you do, that sounding board, the person who you discussed everything with that helped you make all the decisions, you're now talking to the dogs and that's it.

00:11:23.120 --> 00:11:28.500
You don't have that companionship, that person that you always relied on.

00:11:29.099 --> 00:11:37.620
Although we had friends, we had acquaintances, it still is not the same and it really rocks your trust.

00:11:38.500 --> 00:11:40.299
How do you rebuild?

00:11:41.399 --> 00:11:42.899
You don't pick up that life.

00:11:43.860 --> 00:11:45.579
Our life was no longer.

00:11:46.980 --> 00:11:53.860
I needed to learn how to pick up my life and how to continue my life without him.

00:11:55.620 --> 00:11:57.480
Yeah, and that's the thing.

00:11:57.860 --> 00:12:10.240
I literally have a friend whose partner passed away three days ago and she's going through this, you feel like it's the end, right?

00:12:10.959 --> 00:12:11.379
Oh, yeah.

00:12:12.679 --> 00:12:14.279
It's the end of something, right?

00:12:14.659 --> 00:12:20.139
It is the end of something, as you said, but how did you start to come out of that?

00:12:20.259 --> 00:12:21.759
When did the fog start to lift?

00:12:25.259 --> 00:12:27.059
He was killed in August.

00:12:27.500 --> 00:12:36.759
By October, I moved back home with my mom and I spent literally three months eating, sleeping, crying.

00:12:38.120 --> 00:12:39.819
And then my mom said one day, she goes, you know what?

00:12:40.360 --> 00:12:41.459
You're going to work with me.

00:12:42.059 --> 00:12:47.199
You're doing something, you're getting dressed, you're getting out of this house and you're doing something.

00:12:48.639 --> 00:13:06.620
People, and I think that that's kind of one of the harder things is because everyone has grief and no one will ever be able to fully understand exactly what I felt, just like I cannot fully understand what another person feels when they go through their grief.

00:13:08.219 --> 00:13:15.199
But the whole idea that because people don't know what to say and they say nothing, and so you feel ostracized.

00:13:15.360 --> 00:13:23.360
I feel like if I went out into public, I had it tattooed on my forehead, you know, widow, you know, and no one would talk to me, they would not approach me.

00:13:24.399 --> 00:13:29.860
I would rather people said 50 stupid things to ignore me once.

00:13:31.899 --> 00:13:39.620
So when you know someone who's going through that process, I encourage you to talk to them, just say, hey, I'm thinking of you.

00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:45.019
And don't ever ask them how they're doing because they're doing fine until you ask them and then they lose it.

00:13:47.620 --> 00:13:56.839
But just coming out of that fog was when I realized that, you know, obviously I had things to do.

00:13:56.839 --> 00:14:00.159
I needed to resolve things spiritually.

00:14:00.959 --> 00:14:08.099
And if that just meant that I just had to resolve that anger, how I felt so left behind and abandoned.

00:14:09.819 --> 00:14:14.259
So finding, you find new things to put in your life.

00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:16.679
Nothing will ever replace that.

00:14:16.819 --> 00:14:25.879
I think that I saw the graphic of grief as being like a rock inside of a jar.

00:14:26.839 --> 00:14:33.039
And this rock represents our grief, and that jar is us as a container.

00:14:34.039 --> 00:14:46.879
And as this picture continues to go on, the grief, the size of that rock, that stone, that hardness and heaviness stays the same, but that container grows around it.

00:14:47.219 --> 00:14:57.939
And that's the growth that we do in our ability to understand and to move and to better adapt to that grief.

00:14:58.480 --> 00:14:59.879
Our container gets bigger.

00:15:00.659 --> 00:15:11.279
We grow and we learn, and that allows us to handle our grief so much better because I don't think the grief, I mean, I'm nearly 30 years out.

00:15:12.659 --> 00:15:17.099
And so my grief is not, I mean, this fall will be 30 years.

00:15:18.139 --> 00:15:28.079
And what I found amazing is that there are some years that the anniversary death date just kind of passes.

00:15:29.139 --> 00:15:30.799
It doesn't feel real prominent.

00:15:30.980 --> 00:15:31.459
There's nothing.

00:15:31.599 --> 00:15:34.039
It's kind of like, oh, I'm feeling really moody and really icky.

00:15:34.339 --> 00:15:36.599
And oh, it's that anniversary.

00:15:36.919 --> 00:15:47.000
And then there's other years as they come by, you know, a month or two before I am really caught up in everything and I'm very aware of it.

00:15:48.219 --> 00:15:51.399
And I think that it's really, really important to embrace.

00:15:51.620 --> 00:15:58.899
When you're having a bad day or a difficult day, you need to give yourself grace.

00:15:59.519 --> 00:16:01.860
Let those feelings come up and really deal with them.

00:16:02.539 --> 00:16:05.279
You can't not deal with them.

00:16:05.879 --> 00:16:14.099
You know, on a day that you're having the sadness and the grief, you need to deal with it and give it the time and attention that it needs.

00:16:14.339 --> 00:16:21.419
Because if you stuff it, it's like stuffing it at a pressure cooker and it's going to come back and it's going to really just take over.

00:16:22.219 --> 00:16:29.620
And for me, I think one of the things that was the easiest is that Jeff was an amazing person.

00:16:30.559 --> 00:16:37.799
And everyone in my life who has come into my life since he has been gone, they know who he is.

00:16:38.579 --> 00:16:42.980
I mean, I don't run him through a ritual, but I don't hide that part of me.

00:16:43.939 --> 00:16:50.659
He is the one who gave me lessons and passed on information and things that came specifically from him.

00:16:51.439 --> 00:16:56.519
Tips and tricks I share with people, with the appropriate people I tell him, yeah, that's one of the things Jeff taught me.

00:16:56.860 --> 00:16:59.480
You know, we don't hide, we talk and we celebrate.

00:16:59.839 --> 00:17:02.179
We celebrate all the things that he was.

00:17:03.579 --> 00:17:08.420
And I know other people who were close to him have not been able to process that.

00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:15.339
And I think that when you can't embrace the good things, you just stuff it all the way.

00:17:15.339 --> 00:17:17.500
It makes it really, really hard to heal.

00:17:19.579 --> 00:17:26.059
So I think that's really important for people to know because I think one of the fears people have is they're going to lose their person.

00:17:26.299 --> 00:17:27.740
They're going to forget them.

00:17:27.779 --> 00:17:29.720
They're not going to be a part of their life anymore.

00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:32.539
And it sounds like that's not true in your case.

00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:35.099
Oh, no, absolutely not.

00:17:35.339 --> 00:17:38.900
And it's not because I have a shrine in my home to him.

00:17:39.400 --> 00:17:41.779
But there are different things that just make me smile.

00:17:42.140 --> 00:17:44.140
It's like, oh, I remember that.

00:17:44.140 --> 00:17:46.779
And there were certain things.

00:17:47.099 --> 00:17:53.720
I mean, it was kind of a ritual, if you will, that we sat down and we would have a bowl of mint chip ice cream.

00:17:54.159 --> 00:17:56.180
We shared that bowl of ice cream of an evening.

00:17:56.680 --> 00:17:58.740
I didn't need ice cream for a long time.

00:18:00.299 --> 00:18:02.180
He wrote in Blue Inc.

00:18:02.878 --> 00:18:04.759
And for a long time, Blue Inc.

00:18:05.079 --> 00:18:05.680
gave me a pause.

00:18:05.878 --> 00:18:08.259
It was like, oh, gosh, you know.

00:18:09.420 --> 00:18:11.960
And now as an author, when I sign my book, I sign in Blue Inc.

00:18:13.158 --> 00:18:15.759
So there's different things that come up.

00:18:15.858 --> 00:18:17.500
And as they come up, we embrace them.

00:18:18.138 --> 00:18:24.099
And we really, you know, and we enjoy, we live near the Adirondacks.

00:18:24.500 --> 00:18:26.680
And so going to the Adirondacks was our safe haven.

00:18:26.920 --> 00:18:29.119
That was where we could escape and disconnect.

00:18:30.019 --> 00:18:31.460
And we went voting.

00:18:31.899 --> 00:18:37.480
And I had not been voting since he was killed until two years ago.

00:18:37.480 --> 00:18:43.659
And when we went out on the boat, and because it was just the two of us.

00:18:43.859 --> 00:18:45.440
So I helped launch the boat.

00:18:45.639 --> 00:18:46.700
I helped load the boat.

00:18:46.920 --> 00:18:50.079
I did all those things to be on that boat.

00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:55.779
And when it launched into the water, the tears fell, the grief was there.

00:18:56.159 --> 00:19:01.980
It was there like it had just happened because this was the first time that I had been voting.

00:19:03.299 --> 00:19:07.839
And thankfully I was with great human beings who were like, Oh, this is heavy.

00:19:45.729 --> 00:19:46.609
What's going on?

00:19:46.609 --> 00:19:48.489
And I just said, I'm just having a minute.

00:19:48.729 --> 00:19:54.169
And then afterwards we shared the stories and we talked about, you know, all the great things.

00:19:55.109 --> 00:19:58.669
And so I continue to go voting and it's not tearful now.

00:19:58.849 --> 00:19:59.269
Yeah.

00:20:00.049 --> 00:20:00.969
Well, thanks for sharing that.

00:20:01.169 --> 00:20:09.849
I think that's so important for people to know there are, there's some things that may be too painful immediately to do like, like, like writing in Blue Inc.

00:20:09.969 --> 00:20:12.689
You know, and things like that, but it doesn't mean it's gone.

00:20:12.689 --> 00:20:16.869
It doesn't mean it's gone forever, that, that, that can come back.

00:20:16.989 --> 00:20:23.829
And the other thing you share, I think it's really important for people to understand is we can still have bad days or bad moments or bad, whatever.

00:20:24.409 --> 00:20:27.169
10, 15, 20, 30 years later.

00:20:27.409 --> 00:20:29.369
It doesn't mean we've gone back to where we work.

00:20:29.449 --> 00:20:31.449
And some people think, well, that means I'm stuck.

00:20:32.109 --> 00:20:33.789
I haven't, I haven't progressed at all.

00:20:35.719 --> 00:20:36.199
No.

00:20:36.399 --> 00:20:45.999
And, and, and Elizabeth Kubler Ross in 1969 established those, those five stages of grief, those five stages don't stay in any order.

00:20:46.799 --> 00:20:48.039
They don't have a timeframe.

00:20:48.519 --> 00:20:50.819
They don't, they come and go.

00:20:51.079 --> 00:20:52.459
They wax and they wane.

00:20:52.659 --> 00:20:56.699
And, and you would think that when you get to the point of acceptance, woohoo, you should have a trophy.

00:20:56.959 --> 00:20:58.759
And you're not going to go back through them again.

00:20:58.979 --> 00:21:01.379
And, and no, you're going to go through them.

00:21:01.999 --> 00:21:03.459
But you acknowledge them.

00:21:03.619 --> 00:21:07.239
You acknowledge each stage in each phase and you give it.

00:21:07.839 --> 00:21:08.419
It's time.

00:21:09.039 --> 00:21:09.199
Yes.

00:21:09.199 --> 00:21:18.579
There is a concern when that depression gets to a clinical state and you do need to involve someone else on a professional level.

00:21:19.819 --> 00:21:36.779
I don't want to shortchange that at all to be aware and to be watching over other individuals that they don't stay in any of those stages too long because there, there is a lot and feelings.

00:21:36.779 --> 00:21:41.739
I think that we're not, we're not always educated to acknowledge our feelings.

00:21:42.799 --> 00:21:48.379
We're taught to just shove them down, you know, pull yourself up by the bootstraps, get, get back to work.

00:21:48.499 --> 00:21:49.479
You got three days now go.

00:21:51.099 --> 00:21:52.259
And that's not how it works.

00:21:53.059 --> 00:22:01.039
And sometimes, you know, like I said, with my job, you know, there were days that I needed to go, okay, I'm in the middle of doing something.

00:22:01.259 --> 00:22:01.939
I worked with client.

00:22:02.079 --> 00:22:03.019
I was in human services.

00:22:03.859 --> 00:22:06.879
And so what I would go work with clients and something would come up.

00:22:06.959 --> 00:22:13.439
It's like, Oh, I can't deal with this in this minute, but I need to give myself some time.

00:22:13.679 --> 00:22:14.659
Maybe it's in the weekend.

00:22:15.919 --> 00:22:19.819
Sitting in my car with the car off in my garage was always a quiet space.

00:22:20.259 --> 00:22:22.979
It was always a safe space where I could cry.

00:22:23.339 --> 00:22:24.879
I could, I could journal.

00:22:25.279 --> 00:22:28.899
I could do any of those other things that I needed to do.

00:22:29.379 --> 00:22:32.439
Sometimes screaming and yelling was important.

00:22:33.859 --> 00:22:42.179
I remember one of my first really angry times right after Jeff was killed, I had this, this ugly figurine.

00:22:42.519 --> 00:22:46.219
I mean, I think it would have been on the clearance rack at Goodwill had it not been gifted to me.

00:22:48.099 --> 00:22:50.739
I took it outside and I smashed it.

00:22:51.399 --> 00:22:53.959
And I felt so much relief after that.

00:22:54.939 --> 00:22:58.579
And so I think it's important to look at your anger.

00:22:59.099 --> 00:23:00.719
And what are you doing with the anger?

00:23:00.919 --> 00:23:01.739
Can you journal it?

00:23:01.739 --> 00:23:02.519
Can you scream?

00:23:02.799 --> 00:23:07.119
Can you go get a pool noodle and, and beat your bed?

00:23:07.559 --> 00:23:09.919
You know, what, what do you do with that anger?

00:23:10.919 --> 00:23:17.299
Do you have somewhere you can go that, that is a safe space for you to release this anger?

00:23:17.779 --> 00:23:21.539
Do you have a friend, you know, a pastor, a minister?

00:23:21.979 --> 00:23:24.059
Where do you need to go to share, to be heard?

00:23:24.199 --> 00:23:32.499
Because I think that's another part of the process is when you're ready to take these feelings and be heard with them.

00:23:33.179 --> 00:23:36.699
A lot of it does happen in private, but it doesn't have to.

00:23:36.959 --> 00:23:48.779
There's, you know, and Brian, you have an amazing group of individuals and listeners and your audience that helps and shares, you know, that was kind of my introduction with your group.

00:23:48.899 --> 00:23:53.619
I can't even remember how I found my way to your page.

00:23:53.619 --> 00:24:05.319
And I've referred so many people to it, to, to share and to support one another and to know that there is so much more on the other side of this grief.

00:24:06.039 --> 00:24:06.139
Yeah.

00:24:06.699 --> 00:24:06.979
Yeah.

00:24:07.379 --> 00:24:13.679
And I, and it is extremely important for our grief to, to be witnessed and to be normalized to think of the sense.

00:24:13.859 --> 00:24:17.959
And I want to talk to you more about the anger you, because you mentioned that.

00:24:18.039 --> 00:24:19.859
And I think you also mentioned faith.

00:24:19.859 --> 00:24:24.259
So your anger at whom was it directed?

00:24:24.519 --> 00:24:25.019
Was it God?

00:24:25.339 --> 00:24:26.659
Was it, was it your husband?

00:24:26.839 --> 00:24:27.539
Was it yourself?

00:24:28.039 --> 00:24:30.499
But the universe, what was, where was your anger?

00:24:30.979 --> 00:24:31.919
Where was that coming from?

00:24:32.359 --> 00:24:34.019
Oh, a lot of anger at God.

00:24:34.579 --> 00:24:36.439
I mean, we had the world by the tail.

00:24:36.539 --> 00:24:39.199
How, how could you possibly do this?

00:24:39.279 --> 00:24:40.219
How could you take him?

00:24:40.419 --> 00:24:42.639
He was, he was a boy scout.

00:24:42.839 --> 00:24:45.739
He was, you know, teaching youth hunters safety.

00:24:46.059 --> 00:24:47.499
He was a tax preparer.

00:24:47.659 --> 00:24:53.699
How, how could you take someone who had so much to give?

00:24:54.459 --> 00:24:55.379
How could you take them?

00:24:55.439 --> 00:24:56.459
How could you shorten their life?

00:24:56.639 --> 00:24:59.939
And how, how in the hell could you take them from me?

00:25:00.199 --> 00:25:01.379
They were my support.

00:25:01.599 --> 00:25:03.599
They were everything to me.

00:25:04.059 --> 00:25:07.299
So there was a lot of anger at God, a lot of anger.

00:25:07.719 --> 00:25:11.519
And then I guess the bold is to be angry at Jeff.

00:25:12.279 --> 00:25:12.379
Yeah.

00:25:12.959 --> 00:25:15.159
How could he leave me with these bills?

00:25:15.779 --> 00:25:22.359
With this accounting nightmare, because it was all his, you know, how could he leave me?

00:25:24.039 --> 00:25:33.659
You know, and I, when I, I went through other things in life that brought me to a, a big healing crisis.

00:25:34.799 --> 00:25:35.899
I gone through a divorce.

00:25:36.259 --> 00:25:53.899
And after that is when I really found the whole healing and bringing so much back to his death and resolving that, doing the forgiveness work there, you know, and, and forgiving myself for being so angry about it.

00:25:54.919 --> 00:25:56.699
And not having better resources.

00:25:57.259 --> 00:26:09.139
And I think that I came into that situation of his sudden death better than the average person because I was a hospice volunteer.

00:26:10.419 --> 00:26:13.119
One of my degrees is in gerontology.

00:26:13.379 --> 00:26:16.059
And part of that is the death and dying course.

00:26:16.359 --> 00:26:21.359
And Jeff being my college typist and always taking the other side of any argument.

00:26:22.099 --> 00:26:28.699
So he typed all of my reports and all of my theories and my ideas.

00:26:28.839 --> 00:26:32.079
He would take my handwriting and put it into a report.

00:26:32.079 --> 00:26:33.399
And then he would always have a discussion.

00:26:33.879 --> 00:26:34.679
What'd you think about?

00:26:34.679 --> 00:26:49.059
And so I was better positioned to know what his beliefs were for the after world, you know, was, was there to be a burial?

00:26:49.219 --> 00:26:50.339
Was it to be cremation?

00:26:50.559 --> 00:26:51.439
Was he an organ donor?

00:26:51.619 --> 00:26:58.199
Was, you know, all of those things that we don't talk about, those are things that happen behind closed.

00:26:58.599 --> 00:27:06.419
No, you need to have those conversations because even in grief, that you have time to prepare for.

00:27:07.479 --> 00:27:10.919
You need those answers when it happens.

00:27:12.679 --> 00:27:13.699
So, yeah.

00:27:14.419 --> 00:27:18.599
So you, how did you start to make this transition?

00:27:18.699 --> 00:27:21.619
Because now you, you're involved with helping people to heal.

00:27:22.179 --> 00:27:25.519
So how did that transform our transformation come about?

00:27:27.999 --> 00:27:32.839
That happened with me feeling that I was rock bottom.

00:27:34.399 --> 00:27:39.239
Just there was something else had to give the joy in my life was gone.

00:27:40.299 --> 00:27:41.339
I was getting up every day.

00:27:41.419 --> 00:27:41.999
I was going to work.

00:27:42.139 --> 00:27:49.099
I was coming home, you know, taking care of the kids, doing, doing the things, but I didn't have joy in my life.

00:27:49.839 --> 00:27:53.519
On the outside as a business owner, life looked good.

00:27:53.919 --> 00:27:59.099
You know, you had the education, the car, the house, the kids, the dogs, everything looked perfect.

00:27:59.099 --> 00:28:03.499
But on the inside, I was very, I was very empty.

00:28:05.679 --> 00:28:09.909
And there were some days I just didn't want to be here.

00:28:10.029 --> 00:28:11.349
I didn't want to keep doing it.

00:28:11.869 --> 00:28:15.649
And so that's when I stumbled into my healing path.

00:28:16.749 --> 00:28:26.949
I was actually working on growing my business and came across the alignable page, which is supposed to be like Facebook for business owners.

00:28:28.909 --> 00:28:35.669
And another alternative healer said, Hey, you know, let's, let's, let's meet.

00:28:35.769 --> 00:28:37.549
Let's talk about how we can support each other.

00:28:37.609 --> 00:28:39.249
And I'm thinking, Oh, she's alternative healing.

00:28:39.489 --> 00:28:40.129
I'm alternative healing.

00:28:40.889 --> 00:28:44.169
I was still doing my float pod primarily at that time.

00:28:45.489 --> 00:28:48.149
And next thing there's a, Hey, let's schedule appointments.

00:28:48.809 --> 00:28:50.209
We can exchange information.

00:28:50.569 --> 00:28:53.129
See how we can to support each other.

00:28:53.129 --> 00:29:01.069
And then it just really hit with me that what she was offering was something that I might be able to benefit from.

00:29:01.289 --> 00:29:06.049
And so she did an intuitive energy read with me.

00:29:08.449 --> 00:29:12.389
And it's like, Oh, that was too spot on.

00:29:13.409 --> 00:29:22.489
It was uncomfortably spot on that someone else could see and me what I felt and what I thought I had walled off from everyone else.

00:29:22.489 --> 00:29:26.889
And so I began the fade healing process with her.

00:29:27.749 --> 00:29:29.949
And it's like, this is so quick and efficient.

00:29:30.189 --> 00:29:45.649
And this is, this is really an awesome way to get to where a person is really hurting to help them to grow and to expand and get moving beyond what they've gone through.

00:29:46.049 --> 00:29:51.749
And so I took the courses and that's what I practice primarily.

00:29:52.629 --> 00:29:56.029
As, as a healer is the beta healing process process.

00:29:56.689 --> 00:29:56.789
Okay.

00:29:56.809 --> 00:29:58.909
And you said you were doing some sort of a healing before that.

00:29:59.009 --> 00:30:00.149
What was that you were doing before?

00:30:02.269 --> 00:30:06.549
Not really anything for I, I have a salt floatation pod.

00:30:06.709 --> 00:30:07.149
Okay.

00:30:07.329 --> 00:30:07.829
Salt floatation.

00:30:07.949 --> 00:30:08.089
Okay.

00:30:08.189 --> 00:30:08.349
Yeah.

00:30:08.589 --> 00:30:08.829
So I do.

00:30:08.989 --> 00:30:09.209
I do.

00:30:09.209 --> 00:30:09.589
Yeah.

00:30:09.589 --> 00:30:24.389
That's the alternative healing I was doing before is I have the salt pod and in the salt pod in, in, in those things, you know, there's been times in my life when Mike, when I bought my house, Jeff and I were actively looking for a house.

00:30:25.029 --> 00:30:35.209
He was a veteran and he had that, that VA bill that would allow whatever the certificate was that would have allowed us to buy a home with very little money down.

00:30:35.749 --> 00:30:38.069
And we were in that process when he was killed.

00:30:38.289 --> 00:30:52.389
And so when I bought my home years later, I remember having the key and then just sitting on the floor and crying and feeling that his presence was there.

00:30:53.729 --> 00:30:56.889
And that he was like, no, this is what you're supposed to do.

00:30:57.109 --> 00:31:10.709
You're, you know, the times when I felt the lowest, I felt that he would show up as support, you know, when you're questioning big decisions or anything, I always felt that he was, you know, that cheerleader there.

00:31:11.149 --> 00:31:11.349
Yeah.

00:31:11.829 --> 00:31:14.789
To, to say, no, this, this is what you're supposed to be doing.

00:31:14.789 --> 00:31:20.789
You know, I, I would feel guilty that, you know, here, I bought a house, something that we wanted to do.

00:31:21.409 --> 00:31:23.469
And he didn't get to do that.

00:31:25.069 --> 00:31:29.609
I want to talk about that because I actually said, I, this has just been coming up as a theme in my life.

00:31:29.649 --> 00:31:36.209
And I was to speak with someone a couple of days ago, whose husband passed away less than a year ago, eight months ago.

00:31:36.869 --> 00:31:40.509
And, and one of the things was like, am I betraying him?

00:31:40.829 --> 00:31:43.429
Did you ever feel like you were betraying Jeff?

00:31:43.429 --> 00:31:44.789
Oh, I did.

00:31:45.349 --> 00:31:54.069
Um, and, and, you know, being 27 when he was killed, um, his, his brother, um, who I'm still close with.

00:31:54.429 --> 00:32:09.929
His brother came and, you know, when, when the whole funeral thing happened, um, finding a plot and, and, and doing all of those things, his brother bought the plot next to his.

00:32:10.589 --> 00:32:12.749
And I was like, but that's supposed to be mine.

00:32:12.749 --> 00:32:16.129
You know, it's like, and he said, no, he said, you are too young.

00:32:16.589 --> 00:32:18.489
You need to go live your life.

00:32:19.909 --> 00:32:23.489
And, and Brian, who is, is, is 12 years younger than Jeff.

00:32:23.769 --> 00:32:26.529
I mean, that was just wisdom, wisdom beyond wisdom.

00:32:28.549 --> 00:32:33.129
And, um, then there's those things that you do it.

00:32:33.529 --> 00:32:35.749
The first time you, you date.

00:32:36.809 --> 00:32:40.989
It's like, oh, that, that does a, that does a heart flop.

00:32:40.989 --> 00:32:46.309
That does a brain flop that, um, that's not something you enter into lightly at all.

00:32:47.969 --> 00:32:56.309
Um, and, you know, buying the house, uh, the car that we were restoring, I, I still have, and I have been able to restore it.

00:32:56.829 --> 00:32:59.869
Um, I, I follow his dates.

00:32:59.909 --> 00:33:05.309
Uh, we lived in upstate New York and March 17th, the weather's pretty clear.

00:33:05.509 --> 00:33:07.989
And so the car would come out of storage March 17th.

00:33:07.989 --> 00:33:11.149
Uh, his birthday was October 11th.

00:33:11.149 --> 00:33:13.389
And that was fall and cold weather.

00:33:13.549 --> 00:33:15.089
And oftentimes we had snow by then.

00:33:15.229 --> 00:33:19.389
So the car would go into storage and it was into storage those dates.

00:33:20.149 --> 00:33:27.769
Um, weather patterns have changed and I don't have to put the car in storage nearly as early and, and, uh, but I was able to restore it.

00:33:28.009 --> 00:33:35.029
And that is, you know, that's still things that he didn't get to see.

00:33:35.029 --> 00:33:44.149
But when I make those decisions and I have those things, I do feel his presence that he is showing up and he is, yes, this is okay.

00:33:44.529 --> 00:33:45.769
This is what you need to do.

00:33:45.989 --> 00:33:48.949
You need to, to go forward with this.

00:33:49.969 --> 00:33:53.149
Um, so it's, it's an interesting thing.

00:33:53.209 --> 00:33:56.509
And that still is, you know, part of that Woo Woo spiritual world.

00:33:56.889 --> 00:33:58.469
Some people experience these things.

00:33:58.629 --> 00:34:08.130
Some people don't, um, you know, but he's, I feel he's come to me in those random times when that extra reassurance was good.

00:34:08.130 --> 00:34:22.030
And knowing that our lives did not continue, but my life needed to, and these are part of being a healthy functioning adult.

00:34:22.289 --> 00:34:23.809
These are the things that you do.

00:34:25.769 --> 00:34:34.469
Um, and I can't imagine that any of our loved ones would ever expect or condone that our lives stopped when theirs did.

00:34:35.429 --> 00:34:35.909
Yeah.

00:34:36.690 --> 00:34:45.469
Well, it's interesting because it sounds to me like, uh, Jeff's life with you has continued in a sense, right?

00:34:45.650 --> 00:34:46.369
Would you agree with that?

00:34:46.730 --> 00:34:47.190
Oh yeah.

00:34:48.289 --> 00:34:48.409
Yeah.

00:34:48.670 --> 00:34:48.769
Yeah.

00:34:48.809 --> 00:35:00.610
But I also, but not to the point where, like I say, some people, I think, I think there is a healthy continuation of his memories.

00:35:00.610 --> 00:35:07.170
Um, to, to remember the fun things and to do, to do those things.

00:35:07.849 --> 00:35:14.889
I think that it's unhealthy when you feel you have to do everything because that's what they wanted.

00:35:15.369 --> 00:35:15.769
Yeah.

00:35:16.429 --> 00:35:17.769
I think that's unhealthy.

00:35:17.989 --> 00:35:28.269
I think, I think there's unhealthy connections, like having that shrine of this place of no one can, you know, I don't always think that is healthy long-term.

00:35:28.989 --> 00:35:29.389
Yeah.

00:35:30.070 --> 00:35:35.030
I think I, I, I agree with you and I, and that's, and that line's going to be different for everyone, right?

00:35:35.610 --> 00:35:39.568
The question is, you know, for some people like at, do I, do I date again or not?

00:35:39.650 --> 00:35:52.690
Now 27, that might be an easier decision to make than someone to say that 60 or 65 or 70 when, when they lose their spouse, that, that might be a different consideration, but you're absolutely right.

00:35:52.829 --> 00:36:00.588
It's like our lives as, as the people that are still loved here in the physical with our, with our needs and things, our lives do go forward.

00:36:00.690 --> 00:36:01.829
And we may restore the car.

00:36:01.969 --> 00:36:04.969
We may buy the house and we may date someone else.

00:36:05.548 --> 00:36:08.389
That's, that's a healthy progression.

00:36:09.150 --> 00:36:14.289
But also you can carry that person forward with you, you know, in a sense.

00:36:16.829 --> 00:36:34.489
One, one of the, the, the recent tips, you know, when you're defrosting the windows in your car, if you pull the visors down as if you're looking at bright sunshine, just pull those visors down, could traps the heat from your defroster and your windows to frost so much more quickly.

00:36:34.829 --> 00:36:37.269
It's been a huge tip and I've shared it with lots of people.

00:36:37.670 --> 00:36:38.969
That was his tip to me.

00:36:39.150 --> 00:36:48.009
Now, I don't know if he discovered if he read it somewhere, but you know, and, and giving him credit for that, giving him credit for that lesson.

00:36:48.629 --> 00:36:53.969
And, and as an Eagle Scout, that always being prepared, you know, and those things.

00:36:54.509 --> 00:37:03.329
And, you know, as you, as you move on in life, deciding on what are the things you're going to keep to carry forward?

00:37:05.369 --> 00:37:23.429
I, I had several boxes in my basement and they've been packed up since I moved and I opened them this summer to, you know, I, it's a lot of his Boy Scouts stuff, you know, I don't want to sell this.

00:37:23.769 --> 00:37:38.429
I don't really have a reason to have it in my life, but I would like to find that person who can appreciate it, who can understand what happened in the Boy Scout world, that the trading of the council strips and those things.

00:37:38.909 --> 00:37:53.710
And so, and as I opened that box, knowing this was my intention, it, it brought tears because I could just think of the amazing human being that he was and that all that he stood for, but those were tears of joy.

00:37:54.909 --> 00:37:55.009
Yeah.

00:37:55.269 --> 00:37:57.250
And that's one of the difficult decisions.

00:37:57.529 --> 00:38:03.969
You know, I think my daughter passed away, you know, 10 years ago and deciding what you're going to do with this stuff.

00:38:03.969 --> 00:38:04.269
Right.

00:38:04.389 --> 00:38:09.409
You can't keep everything, but you'd also just don't want to throw it away.

00:38:09.629 --> 00:38:10.009
No.

00:38:10.369 --> 00:38:12.529
And she had a huge Care Bear collection.

00:38:13.210 --> 00:38:15.989
So my wife went through and we've kept several of them.

00:38:15.989 --> 00:38:23.329
But now as, as her cousins are having children, um, my wife is like giving them, you know, one of the Care Bears.

00:38:23.690 --> 00:38:25.670
And we've set, we've kept some for my other daughter.

00:38:26.150 --> 00:38:29.989
So all, every one of those little things is another decision now.

00:38:30.190 --> 00:38:30.809
Mm hmm.

00:38:31.369 --> 00:38:32.629
It is, it is.

00:38:32.909 --> 00:38:39.449
And, and I, and I work with, with other spiritual healers, you know, with networking and stuff.

00:38:39.549 --> 00:38:41.650
And as I said, gosh, this was really hard.

00:38:41.989 --> 00:38:47.210
And, and my friend Lisa, she goes, yeah, he's laughing at you because it's silly for you to keep them.

00:38:48.150 --> 00:38:57.389
You know, what everyone perceives in the information and just when you, when you work with other healers and stuff, take the parts that work for you.

00:38:58.049 --> 00:39:01.529
Not every healer is, is absolutely right or whatever.

00:39:01.529 --> 00:39:04.829
But yeah, he would be laughing at me, you know.

00:39:05.409 --> 00:39:05.509
Yeah.

00:39:05.529 --> 00:39:16.489
You know, it's really interesting because, and I, I think it's different, I guess that's different for everybody from any way, because like, which was Shana in her room, I wouldn't call it a shrine, but we kept a lot of it the same.

00:39:17.969 --> 00:39:20.309
And that, but not, you know, not everything.

00:39:20.449 --> 00:39:23.289
Some people, when someone passes, they want to get rid of everything.

00:39:23.789 --> 00:39:30.429
You know, and that's, that's another extreme and people have asked me like, so what point do I start getting rid of stuff?

00:39:30.509 --> 00:39:32.929
And I'm like, whenever it feels right to you.

00:39:33.710 --> 00:39:34.150
Yeah.

00:39:34.469 --> 00:39:42.409
And there's a few things that, that you're always going to keep, but I think it's, it's so amazing that you've been able to repurpose her care bears.

00:39:43.250 --> 00:39:47.109
And again, finding someone that's going to love and appreciate and respect them.

00:39:47.789 --> 00:39:55.009
You know, I think that that's the important part rather than it, you know, and I've always said, when I go, don't have an option.

00:39:55.289 --> 00:39:57.170
Everybody just come into my house, take what you want.

00:39:57.289 --> 00:40:04.569
I don't want people picking through my life because that's how it feels to me when I go to an option.

00:40:04.569 --> 00:40:10.690
It's like, oh, so, but again, it's finding what works for you.

00:40:11.129 --> 00:40:14.829
And some people are, they just get rid of it, you know, just take it all out of here.

00:40:15.449 --> 00:40:27.989
I tend to be, I won't say a hoarder, but I'm a collector, a collector of a lot of unique things and what you have space for and the things that bring you joy.

00:40:28.150 --> 00:40:30.670
If they don't bring you joy, how is it?

00:40:31.129 --> 00:40:32.049
Marie, what's her name?

00:40:32.710 --> 00:40:34.690
It doesn't bring you joy.

00:40:34.690 --> 00:40:34.789
Yes.

00:40:34.969 --> 00:40:36.569
If it doesn't bring you joy, get it out of here.

00:40:37.329 --> 00:40:46.829
You know, and that's kind of, and as, and our lives change as we move, as we need to downsize or do things, it's about the comfort level.

00:40:47.009 --> 00:40:49.429
What brings you peace of mind?

00:40:49.609 --> 00:40:50.849
What makes your heart happy?

00:40:52.509 --> 00:40:52.690
Yeah.

00:40:52.929 --> 00:40:53.829
What makes you there?

00:40:54.730 --> 00:41:00.809
You mentioned, I know you talk about the, that healing happens in layers and we've already kind of touched on this.

00:41:00.809 --> 00:41:07.710
We talked about the fact that, you know, there is this back and forth as we go through it, but did you want to say anything else about that?

00:41:07.829 --> 00:41:09.730
Because I think that's a really important concept.

00:41:10.949 --> 00:41:23.150
When we talk about layer layering, when we do healing, we heal what comes up in the session and it doesn't mean we'll never talk about it again.

00:41:23.869 --> 00:41:28.969
The next time we talk about it, it's at a deeper level that you're willing to let go of.

00:41:28.969 --> 00:41:37.489
You know, like we just talked about in, in the physical possessions, we get rid of the things we're comfortable getting rid of at the time.

00:41:38.129 --> 00:41:44.309
And the next time, as we dig down the layer deeper, we can sort through and we can part with more things.

00:41:44.309 --> 00:41:47.029
And that's kind of how we part with our grief.

00:41:47.210 --> 00:42:00.009
I think as, as we're ready to look a little deeper, go a little deeper and to let go of those things, because we see that they don't service anymore.

00:42:01.170 --> 00:42:06.750
I think that's so well put because the way I've kind of said it before is like, it's like a spiral.

00:42:07.049 --> 00:42:14.670
We keep, we come back around and we feel like we're in the same place, but we're coming at it from a different light, different level from a different layer.

00:42:15.509 --> 00:42:18.809
And that's kind of, I think we're saying the same thing, maybe just in a different way.

00:42:18.909 --> 00:42:24.969
So when you return to that feeling, sometimes people will feel like I'm right back where I was, but you're not.

00:42:25.429 --> 00:42:26.009
You're not.

00:42:26.009 --> 00:42:34.829
You've had, you've had so much growth from the first time you felt that feeling to feeling it again.

00:42:35.029 --> 00:42:38.710
You're feeling it at a completely different point in time.

00:42:39.449 --> 00:42:40.909
So many things have happened.

00:42:41.469 --> 00:42:44.750
You've had so many thoughts that you've processed.

00:42:45.069 --> 00:42:59.089
You've had so many experiences, even if it's only a couple of days later, always give yourself credit that if you're revisiting it, it's probably time to sit with it, to let go of it.

00:42:59.449 --> 00:43:03.949
You know, when, when we look at, you know, why, why is this feeling coming up?

00:43:04.049 --> 00:43:06.309
What is it about it that I need to release?

00:43:06.489 --> 00:43:14.150
I need to let go of so that it doesn't have to keep coming up and looking a little deeper each time.

00:43:14.829 --> 00:43:19.029
And, and yeah, it's, it's going to feel hard.

00:43:19.170 --> 00:43:20.889
It's going to feel difficult.

00:43:22.489 --> 00:43:33.909
But boy, it feels good when you let go of it, you know, when you're able to, to have your peace with it and to, to process that out.

00:43:34.369 --> 00:43:35.569
It's just awesome.

00:43:36.829 --> 00:43:39.150
So Amanda, let's talk about the work that you do.

00:43:39.289 --> 00:43:40.929
How, how do you work with people?

00:43:42.710 --> 00:43:45.869
Most of the work that I do with people is virtually.

00:43:46.710 --> 00:43:51.889
So you don't have to travel to the Midwest, but if you're in the area, great to meet with you.

00:43:52.489 --> 00:44:00.929
So we do work that, so virtually meeting with individuals, looking at where are they in the process?

00:44:01.710 --> 00:44:02.929
What are their goals?

00:44:03.129 --> 00:44:12.089
Where do they want to go to continue to, to feel empowered and to have purpose in their, in their life path?

00:44:12.349 --> 00:44:14.849
You know, what, what is it they're working toward?

00:44:15.569 --> 00:44:17.349
What are they willing to do to get there?

00:44:17.349 --> 00:44:28.129
And then I work as a guide to helping you stay true to your goals and revisiting those because sometimes they need to change.

00:44:28.589 --> 00:44:35.609
Sometimes as we learn and grow in one area, we decide that that area is not important, that we need to keep working in this one.

00:44:36.670 --> 00:44:43.109
So helping folks to see where they are, where they want to go and what they need to do to get there.

00:44:43.449 --> 00:44:56.829
And so a lot of the work that I do through the Theta Healing is tons and tons of forgiveness, you know, forgiving ourself, forgiving God, forgiving those people who left us, doing that forgiveness work.

00:44:57.670 --> 00:45:12.089
And then digging down a little further and understanding what it is that created our belief about whatever it was that gave us the anger and those other emotions, and then setting those free as well.

00:45:12.489 --> 00:45:19.230
So just getting you to a place that you feel where your happiness comes back.

00:45:19.389 --> 00:45:24.989
If you're living your own life, you're not living this prescribed, you know, three days and go back to work life.

00:45:25.190 --> 00:45:25.750
Yeah.

00:45:26.730 --> 00:45:29.609
So is Theta Healing, is that like an energetic healing or?

00:45:29.929 --> 00:45:30.029
Yes.

00:45:30.250 --> 00:45:30.489
Okay.

00:45:31.429 --> 00:45:35.049
It's most similar to but not the same as Reiki.

00:45:35.969 --> 00:45:40.409
That's a term that's a little better or more widely understood.

00:45:40.849 --> 00:45:41.089
Yeah.

00:45:42.909 --> 00:45:49.230
So when people are setting goals, because I know a lot of times people in grief have trouble with setting goals.

00:45:49.730 --> 00:45:51.289
They're like, I'm lost.

00:45:51.609 --> 00:45:54.230
If you ask them, where do you want to be?

00:45:54.369 --> 00:45:56.309
They're like, I have no idea.

00:45:57.089 --> 00:45:59.989
So can you help people kind of go through that process as well?

00:46:00.769 --> 00:46:01.210
Absolutely.

00:46:01.670 --> 00:46:12.389
And I remember when I first started working, you know, one of the magic wand questions, you know, if time and space were nothing and money were no object, where would you be?

00:46:12.509 --> 00:46:13.190
What would you be doing?

00:46:13.190 --> 00:46:15.650
And it was like, oh, that's a choice.

00:46:16.909 --> 00:46:49.969
So helping people to understand where they are now and what they want their perfect day to look like, and then understanding the steps that need to take place there and how healing themselves brings them the circle of people that they need to be in, you know, and grief is one of those things that it really, it rocks your world as far as, you know, those people, like I said, the ones who don't know how to talk to you, who are afraid to say anything.

00:46:50.809 --> 00:46:56.469
And so some of those people fade away or everyone has their own story.

00:46:56.809 --> 00:46:59.670
And if you don't fit theirs, then maybe you don't fit their circle.

00:46:59.869 --> 00:47:00.750
And that's okay.

00:47:01.750 --> 00:47:07.190
Your friendships change, your connections change because you're changing.

00:47:07.190 --> 00:47:13.210
You're learning, you're growing and making room for those other circles that meet your needs.

00:47:13.529 --> 00:47:19.629
And so helping folks to understand that shift that comes in.

00:47:20.349 --> 00:47:25.750
Amanda, we talked about your life almost 30 years ago from the 27 when Jeff passed.

00:47:26.889 --> 00:47:28.569
Have you remarried, had children?

00:47:28.909 --> 00:47:30.869
How's your life changed since that point?

00:47:31.789 --> 00:47:38.789
Since that point, I married, was married for 16 years.

00:47:40.109 --> 00:47:44.589
I have a bonus daughter that started with that relationship.

00:47:45.849 --> 00:47:48.609
And then we had a child together.

00:47:48.750 --> 00:47:50.329
My daughter is now 22.

00:47:52.309 --> 00:47:55.469
And that relationship ended in divorce.

00:47:56.159 --> 00:48:01.809
And that was also a very, very devastating part of my life.

00:48:03.069 --> 00:48:04.809
And continuing forward.

00:48:06.049 --> 00:48:18.469
And that is when the whole healing thing came about and doing the healing work that I've done with myself, with other people, creating that into a business.

00:48:19.889 --> 00:48:24.449
And just continuing to go forward and finding that happiness and joy every day.

00:48:25.629 --> 00:48:33.009
So would you say that out of the grief that you had, I mean, multiple griefs like we've had, and divorce is a grief.

00:48:33.809 --> 00:48:35.170
Very similar to death.

00:48:37.150 --> 00:48:40.889
So would you say that who you are today has grown out of those experiences?

00:48:42.309 --> 00:48:43.170
Oh, absolutely.

00:48:43.710 --> 00:48:43.989
Absolutely.

00:48:44.369 --> 00:48:48.869
You know, people talk about their old self and wanting to bury their old self.

00:48:49.009 --> 00:48:50.309
It's like, oh no, no, no.

00:48:51.089 --> 00:48:52.769
Respect and cherish your old self.

00:48:52.769 --> 00:49:00.969
Your old self and the decisions you made and the places you've been, those are all the things that come together and make you who you are today.

00:49:02.589 --> 00:49:07.369
And hopefully they've made you a better person because you've had those experiences.

00:49:08.029 --> 00:49:14.949
You've lived those life stories and you've taken the good parts and moved forward with it.

00:49:15.949 --> 00:49:18.409
You know, it doesn't change that those bad parts happened.

00:49:20.109 --> 00:49:26.049
But when you move beyond them, they're no longer emotionally draining you and holding you back.

00:49:27.569 --> 00:49:28.089
So, but yeah.

00:49:28.489 --> 00:49:30.170
And, and grief happens.

00:49:30.989 --> 00:49:58.129
And so many times grief is about not just the death of a person, but it's the, you know, the death of a marriage and losing a job, anything that we lose, losing a pet, losing a dog, a job, you know, there's, there's all kinds of loss that happens and, and respecting each of those losses has a process.

00:49:59.089 --> 00:49:59.190
Yeah.

00:50:00.289 --> 00:50:02.829
So I know you've written two books, right?

00:50:04.069 --> 00:50:05.670
Can you tell me about the books that you've written?

00:50:05.909 --> 00:50:06.369
Okay.

00:50:06.629 --> 00:50:09.190
So Blooming into life is the first book that I wrote.

00:50:09.389 --> 00:50:11.809
It released March of 24.

00:50:11.809 --> 00:50:14.329
It's a, it's a memoir.

00:50:14.710 --> 00:50:24.150
And it talks about the struggles in these processes of going through in, in life and finding the theta healing process.

00:50:24.769 --> 00:50:30.670
My second book, which actually since I, we've changed the title on it.

00:50:30.909 --> 00:50:33.029
It will be stepping into life.

00:50:33.670 --> 00:50:39.230
I anticipate that releasing the end of February, beginning of March of, of 26.

00:50:39.230 --> 00:50:43.889
And this is more about the spiritual process.

00:50:45.150 --> 00:50:52.269
It starts with how I first learned about my gifts and not knowing that they were gifts.

00:50:52.730 --> 00:51:10.089
My first connection in life was more reading handwriting, the energetics that come off the page and how that developed into a whole spiritual practice and how that spiritual practice kind of fell by the wayside when I was in college and pursuing other things.

00:51:10.509 --> 00:51:15.609
And that that, that really waits on you until you're ready to come back and rediscover it.

00:51:16.289 --> 00:51:31.489
And then looking at once I did the formal training into how to utilize this spiritual connection, how I see where my intuition played in all those years that I was doing social work type activities.

00:51:32.489 --> 00:51:33.909
And it just follows with us.

00:51:33.909 --> 00:51:52.429
And I encourage everybody to have that connection, you know, trust in your intuition, your inner being and connecting with yourself, not relying on what other people have told you about yourself because sometimes they're telling you from their, their perspective.

00:51:52.429 --> 00:51:59.109
And so just teaching you how to live and be true to yourself and the life that you're meant to have.

00:51:59.309 --> 00:52:07.289
Well, let's talk more about your intuition because you mentioned right at the beginning, you said you had this dream when you were 12 about this.

00:52:07.629 --> 00:52:08.750
It seems like it was a premonition.

00:52:09.049 --> 00:52:12.049
What other intuitive abilities have you had or do you have?

00:52:13.829 --> 00:52:18.309
I do all the clairs, the clear sentience, the clear audit.

00:52:20.210 --> 00:52:26.989
So I have that ability to connect in with my higher power.

00:52:27.989 --> 00:52:29.549
Generally refer to that as source.

00:52:29.549 --> 00:52:37.629
You can put in God, spirit, universe, whatever, and to be able to purposely connect in.

00:52:38.069 --> 00:52:42.989
The theta healing taught me how to do that from a theta state brainwave.

00:52:43.730 --> 00:52:49.829
And theta is a lot like that time in the morning when you wake up, you're not asleep, you're not awake.

00:52:50.849 --> 00:52:55.349
It's also the brain state you go to to achieve in meditation.

00:52:56.349 --> 00:53:22.909
It allows me to quiet my mind and to receive that information, working with my higher power and guides, connecting with other people's guides and helping them to release those limiting beliefs because I believe that we come into the world as a soul, having human experience.

00:53:24.170 --> 00:53:36.389
And the people who raise us and are around us, they become our first sense of God, if you will, because what they say goes through your parents and they're raising you.

00:53:36.929 --> 00:53:42.069
And that's the influence you have and they have your best interest at heart.

00:53:42.809 --> 00:53:49.909
But somewhere along the way, we kind of lose connection with that soul information that we brought in with us.

00:53:49.909 --> 00:53:58.690
And we start living the life that gets, in my words, prescribed to us, what the expectations of everyone else is.

00:53:58.750 --> 00:54:11.730
I have to do this because of this and this and this, rather than dropping back into our soul bodies and pulling up that intuition and connecting with what is in our best interest.

00:54:13.750 --> 00:54:27.710
So I first did it with handwriting, being able to look at someone's handwriting and not reading the words per se, but knowing what the energy was behind their intention.

00:54:29.710 --> 00:54:36.069
And then just taking it further and further as I became more in tune with listening.

00:54:37.409 --> 00:54:40.489
So yeah, I hope that answers your question.

00:54:40.849 --> 00:54:42.650
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely it does.

00:54:43.329 --> 00:54:54.289
So if you could go, if you could not go back, but if you could talk to your 27 year old self, you know, a few months after, after Jeff had passed, what would you say to her?

00:54:55.650 --> 00:55:10.690
I would say feel the feels, get over the anger, own the anger, own that anger so that you can move and own those feelings and feel them instead of stuffing them.

00:55:10.690 --> 00:55:19.289
Because I think that had I felt them, had I processed them, I wouldn't have spent three months on the couch, you know?

00:55:19.650 --> 00:55:23.170
And then looking at my employment record, getting a job.

00:55:23.549 --> 00:55:38.949
I mean, basically I look like I had no job from October to March and I applied to all these jobs and I'd been supervisory, you know, positions and I was applying for line staff because I didn't think I could handle anything more than that.

00:55:38.949 --> 00:55:43.309
And I finally, I'd been turned down for amazing jobs.

00:55:43.969 --> 00:55:48.949
And finally, someone asked me, it was like, well, why do you think you haven't gotten a job?

00:55:49.089 --> 00:55:50.309
Why have you not had a job?

00:55:50.389 --> 00:55:52.489
And then I said, well, I was widowed.

00:55:52.609 --> 00:55:55.529
And they're like, oh, it's like, honey, I'm ready to work.

00:55:56.170 --> 00:55:58.549
You don't work doing this therapy and stuff.

00:55:58.909 --> 00:56:07.949
But I said, owning what it was, it was that you think because I've been a supervisor, I'm not going to stay line staff.

00:56:07.949 --> 00:56:09.909
I'm just going to work here a little bit and I'm going to leave.

00:56:10.069 --> 00:56:11.609
And I said, I'm not ready for that.

00:56:11.869 --> 00:56:18.469
And so that was one of the first times I think that I was truly honest with where I was at in life.

00:56:20.289 --> 00:56:36.829
And I think that that's what I would tell 27 year old me is be honest, process the things, own the things, say the things and stop worrying about what everybody else thinks because they're not the ones walking in your shoes.

00:56:36.829 --> 00:56:37.489
Yeah.

00:56:38.629 --> 00:56:51.869
I respectfully push back on that a little bit and that I think three months on the couch after losing your husband tragically at 27 years old, that seems acceptable to me.

00:56:53.009 --> 00:56:56.469
But I think that it could have been, because we're talking October.

00:56:56.769 --> 00:56:56.989
Yeah.

00:56:58.509 --> 00:56:58.730
Yeah.

00:56:58.969 --> 00:56:59.629
It's just.

00:56:59.849 --> 00:57:00.730
But it's whatever.

00:57:01.150 --> 00:57:04.909
But I think that I could have done it maybe with more grace.

00:57:05.589 --> 00:57:06.129
Yeah.

00:57:07.009 --> 00:57:09.849
Had I had I and had I reached out to other people?

00:57:11.289 --> 00:57:11.389
Yeah.

00:57:11.789 --> 00:57:12.769
Had I reached out?

00:57:13.230 --> 00:57:17.029
Had I taken that step of not just hiding?

00:57:17.529 --> 00:57:17.949
Yeah.

00:57:18.629 --> 00:57:18.949
Yeah.

00:57:19.190 --> 00:57:20.529
I completely agree.

00:57:20.650 --> 00:57:31.909
It's like whatever it takes to feel, to feel those feelings and the process, those feelings, you know, I, and I think about, and I love what you said earlier about when we were talking about forgiveness or getting over the anger.

00:57:31.909 --> 00:57:42.929
Also the anger at ourselves for not knowing what we didn't know at the time, you know, so it's, we, it's interesting to play these games about like, what would I tell myself?

00:57:43.150 --> 00:57:45.129
But you're 27 years old.

00:57:45.129 --> 00:57:47.650
You know, we, we don't have, we don't have those skills.

00:57:47.650 --> 00:57:48.629
We don't know anything.

00:57:49.730 --> 00:57:50.449
No spot.

00:57:52.109 --> 00:57:56.250
And I was just, I was talking to my friend who just lost her partner just a few days ago.

00:57:56.250 --> 00:57:57.949
And I'll never forget her words.

00:57:58.089 --> 00:57:59.529
She said, I don't know how to do this.

00:57:59.929 --> 00:58:01.789
And I'm like, of course you don't.

00:58:01.789 --> 00:58:04.129
Of course you don't.

00:58:05.369 --> 00:58:10.629
And I think that when, when we give ourselves grades, because we don't know how to do it.

00:58:11.849 --> 00:58:12.849
We don't know.

00:58:13.150 --> 00:58:17.009
And 27 year old me would not listen to 50 something year old me either.

00:58:17.349 --> 00:58:17.589
Yeah.

00:58:19.629 --> 00:58:27.730
Well, you know, it's, and I love the fact that, you know, you, you've taken this and you, and you've grown, it takes time though, you know, and that's the other thing.

00:58:27.809 --> 00:58:30.809
Cause we, we, we look at some, some might look and say, well, I'm not there yet.

00:58:30.809 --> 00:58:38.170
Of course you're not, you know, it takes time to go through all the things that we have to go through to develop into, into who you are now.

00:58:39.569 --> 00:58:44.629
And don't forget to celebrate the new use that grow.

00:58:45.129 --> 00:58:50.750
When you get through a day and you've had a day and you've, you've enjoyed something for the first time in months.

00:58:52.690 --> 00:58:53.489
Celebrate it.

00:58:54.369 --> 00:59:00.170
Celebrate all those little tiny wins because you know, it's, it's like building a new foundation.

00:59:00.889 --> 00:59:02.429
It's not just a foundation.

00:59:02.609 --> 00:59:03.549
It's brick by brick.

00:59:03.750 --> 00:59:16.829
Celebrate every brick that you get in that new foundation and becoming that new person that you are without that other person in your life, because it's, it's hard.

00:59:17.409 --> 00:59:17.949
No.

00:59:18.369 --> 00:59:21.769
I'm not going to tell anybody it's easy or there's a quick way through it.

00:59:21.769 --> 00:59:24.789
And there is no timeframe.

00:59:26.730 --> 00:59:26.989
Yeah.

00:59:27.629 --> 00:59:28.049
Yeah, exactly.

00:59:28.049 --> 00:59:30.730
There just isn't take, take the time that you need.

00:59:32.009 --> 00:59:32.329
Yeah.

00:59:32.449 --> 00:59:36.929
I'd like to say I could have done it in less than six months, but probably you're right.

00:59:37.829 --> 00:59:38.509
It wasn't going to happen.

00:59:38.849 --> 00:59:38.989
Yeah.

00:59:39.250 --> 00:59:49.929
Well, I mean, it's just, it's a natural thing, you know, and we want to, again, we want to do it fast and I work with people and, you know, I, and I see people that are in this early phase of grief and they're like, I want to be here.

00:59:50.009 --> 00:59:52.170
And I'm like, you're where you need to be.

00:59:52.190 --> 00:59:53.909
You're where you're supposed to be right now.

00:59:53.949 --> 00:59:59.269
You know, you're, you're a few days in or a few, you're a few months in or you're even in a year.

00:59:59.549 --> 01:00:05.369
And, you know, it takes a while to go through because it is, it is a process that we have to go through.

01:00:07.549 --> 01:00:10.909
And my process is not the same as your process.

01:00:11.170 --> 01:00:11.329
Right.

01:00:11.769 --> 01:00:16.429
And so when we start comparing ourselves a little so-and-so did I, that's so, and so that's not.

01:00:17.109 --> 01:00:20.769
Used to respect and honor your process in your timeline.

01:00:21.629 --> 01:00:24.069
That you need to do these things.

01:00:25.569 --> 01:00:26.129
Yeah.

01:00:26.329 --> 01:00:33.929
And so is there anything that I haven't asked you today that you, that you wanted to discuss or you'd like to add?

01:00:36.529 --> 01:00:51.809
I guess the only other thing is in, as the wellness coach part of me, definitely consider looking into some of the homeopathic remedies or some of the Bach essences.

01:00:51.809 --> 01:00:58.150
They really can help you as you process these things, as you go through them.

01:00:58.730 --> 01:01:01.849
The Bach flower remedies has a five flower rescue remedy.

01:01:02.650 --> 01:01:05.469
And that helps with a lot of the shock and the trauma.

01:01:05.849 --> 01:01:07.809
You can go through and look at these things.

01:01:07.969 --> 01:01:14.909
You can, you can research a lot of this information online, but there are things that do help you through that.

01:01:15.029 --> 01:01:21.789
That is, that's, that's a natural way of doing things rather than some of the other crazy stuff that we do.

01:01:22.009 --> 01:01:22.109
Okay.

01:01:22.190 --> 01:01:23.170
We'll say a little bit more about that.

01:01:23.190 --> 01:01:24.190
Cause I'm not familiar with that.

01:01:25.250 --> 01:01:31.589
So the Bach essences, they are a liquid and they come in bottles like this.

01:01:32.569 --> 01:01:41.389
And you can, so the five flower remedy is a combination of five flower essences.

01:01:41.769 --> 01:01:51.129
So Dr. Bach, who is British and so should really be pronounced batch instead of one flower.

01:01:51.129 --> 01:02:06.170
And he was a homie path and he went into the woods and he identified 32 different flowers and their energetic essences that he then distilled down.

01:02:06.769 --> 01:02:12.789
And this practice has continued on, I believe since the 1700s.

01:02:12.789 --> 01:02:22.329
So it's very well studied and these energies of these flower essences help with different emotional states.

01:02:23.969 --> 01:02:30.549
And so the combination of flowers that are in the five flower remedy work very well for.

01:02:31.329 --> 01:02:32.929
They call it a rescue remedy.

01:02:33.170 --> 01:02:42.650
So shock and trauma and just sudden things that happen in our lives that you can put the drops under your tongue.

01:02:43.109 --> 01:02:49.809
You can put them in your water bottle and usually we recommend some affirmations as well that go with it.

01:02:50.250 --> 01:02:52.289
And it just creates a whole sense of calm.

01:02:52.670 --> 01:02:53.650
And that's there.

01:02:53.909 --> 01:03:00.909
There's other uses for the, the buckflower essences, but that's the primary one there.

01:03:01.929 --> 01:03:09.089
So when you're dealing with that, that shock and awe when things are new and fresh, there are some things you can do that.

01:03:09.309 --> 01:03:29.889
And homeopathically, there's also some homeopathic remedies that you, they're little tiny pellets and you put them under your tongue and they help to help you to process things and to, to regulate and stabilize different things in your body, especially those emotions.

01:03:30.170 --> 01:03:30.730
Yeah.

01:03:31.269 --> 01:03:34.869
So I'm assuming there's just things that people can work with you with as well.

01:03:35.549 --> 01:03:36.089
Absolutely.

01:03:36.629 --> 01:03:36.869
Absolutely.

01:03:38.269 --> 01:03:44.509
And Amanda, let people know, well, first of all, remind people the names of your books and where people can reach you.

01:03:44.509 --> 01:03:45.250
Okay.

01:03:45.469 --> 01:03:51.089
So my books are blooming into life and it's available wherever you purchase your books.

01:03:51.609 --> 01:03:54.809
And the next book coming out soon is stepping into power.

01:03:55.309 --> 01:03:57.109
And again, those will be available everywhere.

01:03:57.869 --> 01:04:01.409
You can contact me through Amanda Beth healing.com.

01:04:02.150 --> 01:04:21.129
If you do backslash link tree, you'll see all my platforms if you want to, instead of going through the website, but it's there as well as on the website, you can also see my calendar as far as what's coming up for events or podcasts that'll be appearing on like as well.

01:04:22.009 --> 01:04:26.210
And if people want to look up your books, I assume it's Amanda Beth Johnson as the author.

01:04:26.789 --> 01:04:26.969
Yes.

01:04:27.289 --> 01:04:27.469
Okay.

01:04:28.029 --> 01:04:29.869
There's a lot of Amanda Johnson's out there.

01:04:30.089 --> 01:04:31.449
So we, we threw the Beth in there.

01:04:32.170 --> 01:04:32.549
I understand.

01:04:32.730 --> 01:04:36.529
That's why people like Brian D Smith, if you put the D in there, you'll find me.

01:04:36.589 --> 01:04:39.489
If you don't put the D in there, you will never find me.

01:04:39.829 --> 01:04:40.789
Our common names.

01:04:41.150 --> 01:04:41.349
Yeah.

01:04:41.349 --> 01:04:41.650
Yeah.

01:04:42.049 --> 01:04:43.829
I always say my parents had no imaginations.

01:04:44.029 --> 01:04:45.409
Like do you have a last name like Smith?

01:04:45.569 --> 01:04:47.789
You got to give, you got to do better with the first name.

01:04:48.089 --> 01:04:48.449
Yes.

01:04:49.589 --> 01:04:52.690
Well, Amanda, it's been a pleasure to meet you today.

01:04:53.230 --> 01:04:55.929
Thank you for sharing your, your story and what you do.

01:04:55.969 --> 01:04:57.769
And I know it's going to inspire a lot of people.

01:04:58.069 --> 01:05:07.569
I know that, you know, that, that early part of grief where you feel like there's, there's no hope, you know, it's, it's always helpful to find someone who's made it.

01:05:07.710 --> 01:05:11.569
I don't want to say to the other side, but who's made it further along.

01:05:12.329 --> 01:05:12.429
Yeah.

01:05:12.750 --> 01:05:12.849
Yeah.

01:05:13.069 --> 01:05:22.369
Well, and that's, that is my hope that I've come far enough down this path that I can, I can turn and shine the light and illuminate that path for the, for the next person going through it.

01:05:22.549 --> 01:05:31.849
And I thank you very much for the opportunity to share with your audience my experience and hopefully to, to shed that light of hope for them.

01:05:32.429 --> 01:05:32.569
Absolutely.

01:05:32.909 --> 01:05:34.109
Well, have a great rest of your day.

01:05:34.250 --> 01:05:34.650
All right.

01:05:34.750 --> 01:05:35.129
You too.

01:05:35.349 --> 01:05:35.650
Thank you.

01:05:36.009 --> 01:05:36.150
Bye.