Did She Suffer When She Was Murdered?- with Ana Christina

Hey there, I want to let you know this episode is, first of all, it's pretty long. So you might want to divide it up into two or even three parts. But it's also very dense. There's a lot of information here, a lot of good stuff to get out of it a lot of good lessons, but also has some disturbing themes, such as murder, and sexual assault, so it may be activating to some people. So I wanted to give you that warning up front. I think it is well worth it to go through the lessons that Anna Christina has for us. It's an incredible encounter that she had with death with what she calls the Holy Spirit, and what she tells us about the afterlife, but I wanted to give you that warning up front and also let you know, it's a little bit longer than usual. So go ahead and divide it up into different parts if you like. I hope this resonates with you. Have a great day. Everybody, this is Brian back with another episode of grief to growth. Today, I'm honored to be joined by a woman whose story is really remarkable and harrowing. Her name is Ana Christina. She's a gifted speaker. She's a storyteller, and she's a former CFO. Her life took an unimaginable turn when she was left dead by by someone she loved, and experience that she describes in her deeply moving book, my sweet encounter with death. And her book is not just a testament to her resilience and her spirit. But it's also a tribute to all the souls who were silenced to seen soon to dedicate it to those people whose stories will often hurt. And it's experience has been a journey of love of heartache and betrayal. But it's also a story of profound spiritual encounters, and the enduring strength of the human spirit. As we look into our life today, we'll explore topics ranging from her marriages, her chilling encountered death, to her unique experiences of crossing over and coming back to her body. We'll talk about this, I think this is promises to be a really compelling, a really emotional and insightful conversation that is going to leave us with a lot to think about. So with that, I want to welcome to grief to growth Ana Christina.

Thank you, Brian, for having me.

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to have this conversation. I appreciate you sharing with us such an intimate story. So you start off by telling me about your marriage and what happened.

Okay, so I'll give you some of the background that led basically to the entity. Oh, I was born Around the age of 20, we wanted to get married. So Sam proposed to my father. And as much as my father liked Sam a lot. He said it was going to be over his dead body. Because Sam was Muslim. And in Asia, we don't cross marriage. It's like a taboo. And no matter what, you know, I argued with him, we're gonna go to Canada and nobody will know us all that it was no, no, and I didn't want to disappoint my father. So I learned that I'm going to have to move on. And forget about Sam, which I did. And eventually I came to California, and I met Paul. Paul, correct me like a gentleman. We got married and it didn't take long. It was right after the honeymoon that I realized I married the worst narcissist in the planet. He was just very selfish. Life's centered around him. A miser I know just crushes your soul. Let me say that because you have listeners who are either still married to one or have incompatible and they crush your soul. It's an emotional abuse and psychological abuse without them even realizing what they're doing. He was never a temperamental man. But he could go on weeks and months without talking to me, just because he didn't get his way. And I'm the kind I'm a very emotional person. Anyway, I had, I have two beautiful blessings from Palm, Colleen and Andrew. And I tried I stayed in the marriage as long as I could. And again, divorce in the Catholic community is frowned on. So I was trying to counseling merit, everything pretty we went to every priests convention in California. And another thing it was, it wasn't easy to leave Paul because Paul, like, he's, he's threatened more than twice that if I left him, he would either hire sniper to take me out. And he literally believed and he said in front of people that if you leave me, I'll lose my mind. And no judge will hold me accountable for what I'm gonna do. It's like, okay, another time he got mad at me and he threatened to slit my throat. And with my blood, he was gonna write on the walls, what a hole I was. So my kids would grow up knowing what their mother was. So it was very toxic and bad. Finally, I was able to hire a good lawyer who got me a restraining order. And Paul was to leave the house and I thought, Okay, finally, I get to raise my kids, and have some peace and harmony, and I can give them the love and attention. They deserve. What I wanted to do devote my life to them my work. I was the CFO at that time. And I didn't have energy to wasted on this kind of toxic relationship. And then out of nowhere, I get a call from Sam. You remember Sam from my childhood, he kind of dissected California looking for me block by block. It was before like, I think the internet had just started. And he found me thought he was in Florida on vacation, talk to me on the phone. We just converse, I had just become a born again, Christian at the time. So I just wanted to vote my life. Like I said to my children, never thought I would disappoint Jesus and marry a muslim. So I felt I was guarded. And when I went to Egypt to visit my mom, she was vacationing there. We met. And like I said, I thought I was guarded. So it's okay, we'll meet for all times sake. But all the guards fell. When we saw each other, it was as if we've never separated, it was like after 25 years, and he was that gentle, kind, person listener, charming just and loving. And I had been deprived of 13 years with a very cold person that I just fell in love again. And I could not say no to marriage at that time. So we did get married in California. And I continued being the CFO, Sam could not get a decent job in California, because he because of the language. He lived in Asia to most of all his life. So I was the breadwinner. He took care of the house. And we were married for about nine years, just really a good relationship. But I would say very good relationship. Until some flags started to happen. We had gone to Abu Dhabi came back and some flags started to happen. And then the kids were turned against Sam Paul, turn the kids against Sam, because we got married right after September 11. And everybody was stereotyping. Any Muslim is a terror. And so they thought he was gonna kidnap the eight. It became a real bad custody battle, and just agonizing but towards the end, I finally was able to get Colleen to live with me. But like I said, I saw flags, and I the kids wanted to come and be with me and Sam started to be insecure. So when he became insecure during the marriage, he would not practice being a Muslim. He would come to church with me and so forth. We went to Calvary Church. Out of nowhere that morning, I woke up. And I felt the Lord telling me what's going to happen today is not from me. It's not of Me. And the Lord doesn't usually talk to me. But it was like a strong message. I get up, I'm having my coffee with Sam. And he says, I'm going to take communion today when we go to Calvary. And I'm going, oh, did you have a dream? Usually Muslims do not just take communion. Usually, if they have a dream about Jesus, that's how like a conversion would happen. But it's not a logical thing. And you said, No, I'm just gonna take it, why not, you know, hordes and prostitutes, take it? Am I not worthy? And I said, it's not about worthiness. You can't mess with Jesus's blood. You don't do it that way. Please don't take the communion. And he said, Don't worry about it. And I worried about it went to church that night. The plate was it was in Calvary was passed, he took the communion. Usually he just passes it, he took it, I looked at him, I thought maybe there's going to be remorse. And when he takes it and feels, you know, God's touch on him or something. But now he took it. And he was like, He's chewing gum to the gum up, put the convenient put the gun back in. And he's just looking at everybody. And I'm going, Oh, my God, you didn't just do that. That night. I could not sleep. So here he is. I'm in bed he's giving he has his back to me. And all night, I am worried. Because we grew up knowing that the communion you have to take it in reverence and something or it can turn on you, it can harm you. That's what I read. And here I'm looking at him and going, What's What Is God gonna, you know, strike him with Sunday, you know, a lightning is he going to turn into a monkey, I didn't know what was going to happen. But I knew this was serious. And as I'm lying there, he turns towards me in his sleep, he's sleeping. And he turns and Brian, I see his face turn into demonic face.

I described that face. From the movie devil's advocate for people who saw it, all of a sudden, like you have somebody's regular face. And only one person could see that face turn demonic. That's exactly what I saw in front of me. And right away, I felt the Lord say turn around church just sitting on this side. So I did, I was in fear. I was terrified. I didn't know. What was that sleeping next to me. I thought this was the love of my life. You know, God is blessing us. But seeing that demonic face, just I realized I need to get out of this marriage, something is going on there. And I will not defy God. I just, I needed God's blessing into this marriage. So but I knew I still loved him. I really loved him. And I couldn't imagine us just separating, but I loved God more. Excuse me, and I felt something was wrong. So I got on my knees and I prayed to God, I said, God, you're showing me this. This is not from you, please remove him from my life. But please don't break my heart. Because I need to continue working. I need to continue raising the children. And over the days and weeks and months, and I really cry, praying it was like a really heavy prayer. I felt my heart drying up towards Sam. And I fell out of love with Sam. And it was such a liberating feeling. I was addicted to this man since I was 14. Yes, we separated but he was just something there. And when I fell out of love with him, I finally was able to talk to him. It took about this was about July, August 2008. around November of that same year, I talked to Sam and we were able to reach an agreement that we would do an amicable divorce, and he agreed to it. So we went to court file an amicable divorce. And it's the kind of divorce if you both sign you have no property no children. Like nothing to to go to court over. After six months. If no one disputes it, it's fine. And you don't need lawyers and so forth. So we filed it. And that day at court he asked me he requested that he would stay in the house for three weeks until he finds another place. And I agreed I didn't want to pick him out and put him in the street. I said okay, We had the two bedroom place, Colleen was living with us at the time, she had a bedroom, him and I shared the same bedroom. But he sleeps on his side, I sleep on my side, it's amicable. So it's, it's like we're civil to one another. And we also agreed not to tell the children until it's final, because I didn't want the expectation and the confusion in the house until he leaves the house. And that's what happened up to before my empty. It was December 2018. Should I continue and go into it? Sure. Okay. After that, it was about around December 10, right after my birthday, like the second week of December, or third week of second mid December, I started feeling aches and pain all over my body. And the worst part was my head, I got this headache that I've never experienced in my life, where you just can't move your head, like I just even the act of blinking. Every time I blink my eye, the pain was really hard. And I just sat on the couch all day, not moving, not doing anything. And I kept asking Sam, take me to emergency tech meet somewhere. This is something's wrong. He finally agreed to take me where I couldn't take myself at the time because he was spending Christmas at her debt. So it was just him and I in the house. It finally took me to urgent care. They didn't run any tests or anything. They assumed I'm coming down with the flu. They said just take some flu medicine. And they gave me an injection to help with the pain in the head. So the pain went down a little bit. And my body you know the aches started to to be manageable a little bit. And then Sam started to give me his blood pressure medicine. I don't have blood pressure, but he started giving it to me and said that will help your headache. And it did. So I started to do that. And I was able to get to the point that I can go back to work, it was year end. And as a CFO, that's the worst time of the year you're closing the books. I had, I was managing two entities, and I needed to go to the office. So I was able to control the pain and went to the office. And I was driving it was January, it's by that time. And as I was driving to the office on the freeway, I get this vision. Now, Ryan, I never get used ones. Like I'm not the person who gets visions, and I see a vision and I'm driving. And it's I could see it's death. It's a vision of death, and somebody's gonna die in my immediate family. And I could see my sisters and brothers. But I couldn't see my younger brother Steve, who was born mentally handicapped. And actually Steve was the reason why we went to Canada in the first place, because we wanted to get him better medical health. And we were always told that he wasn't going to live past 35 like he had a big heart or something. So I assumed it was him. When that happened, I felt it was a warning from God, that Steve is going to die. And I need to go see him. The year prior to that my mom was very sick. But I was so busy at work I had a project to to do, and I and she kept calling on me but I couldn't leave. I was the leader of that project. And I couldn't leave to go see her. I had to finish the project once. Once I finished the project. I called her on her birthday to surprise her that I'm coming to see her. And that morning she had gone into a coma, which she never came out of. So that was the biggest regret in my life is putting work before my loved ones. So when I saw the vision about Steve, I said I don't care. I'm going to leave I don't care a year and the company can burn. I'm going to see Steve. So I as soon as I went to the office, I went to the CEO I told him that I have to go visit my brother in Egypt. He said fine, Anna, and I told him I'll take my laptop, I'll do everything versal from there, they will okay, I held the meeting with all my staff. And we were in my office and I'm starting to delegate jobs to everybody. So until I come back, before I had the meeting, I called Sam. I said, Sam, my brother is sick in Egypt. I'm getting leave. That was a Friday. I told him I'll leave Saturday or Sunday. He said, Fine. I'll stay in the house until we come back. I said, Fine. He said, Well, Colleen can stay with me. I said, No. Coleen, by that time, I'll keep her at her dad's. But when we come back, we'll finish what we start. He said, Okay. As I'm delegating to my staff. And I get this. I, it wasn't a voice at that time. But it was some body something telling me stop thinking and go home, because my head was starting to hurt. And I was bending, sitting like that at my desk holding my head. And I get this, urge somebody saying, Stop thinking, go home now. And that's exactly what I did. So I looked at my staff, I said, I can I need to leave. I will come back tomorrow, you guys. I won't leave till Sunday, I'll call you back. And I'll finish delegating. And they said, Fine, and and I went to go home, and I drove home. And as I'm leaving, I left, I parked the car, and I'm walking up to our condo. And in that walk, I hear a voice. Now this time, Brian, it's a voice. It's not like at the office where I felt. Something's telling me to stop the it was a clear voice in my head, as I'm talking to you now. And immediately, I recognize it was the Holy Spirit. And until today, I really don't understand how I recognized him right away because I never connected to the Holy Spirit. I always connected to Jesus. I connected to God the Father, but the Holy Spirit, I did not get him. So because I didn't get him I ignored. I didn't really understand him. I just thought like in the movies, he's a dove. He comes and goes, and you know, I don't get but somehow as he revealed himself, right away, and he didn't say, are you I'm the holy, it was just right away. I knew it was him. And then he did this like for me to keep my mouth shut. I was not to say or share what was happening right now. So I continued walking, went up to the door, knock the door, Sam came out. And he opened the door. And he asked me, Are you leaving tomorrow or the day after? I looked at him? And I said, I don't know. I can't think tonight. I will let you know tomorrow. What what I decided to do? He said, Okay, I'll go warm up dinner for you because he always made dinner for us. And Colleen came out of her room to greet me. Hi, Mom, how was your day? And I said, I'm not sure yet. And she goes, Okay, Mom love you. And she ran into her room. She was 14. And teenagers are always in the room. So she went back. I went to change. As soon as I get home, I usually just change into comfortable clothes. I went and I came out to the dining area where there's the kitchen and the living room. And Sam had a plate for me prepared where it was rice and green bean casserole, French bean casserole that he meets with meat. It's one of my favorite Egyptian dishes. It's that French bean casserole, the rice. And I stood there at the counter looking at the plane. And I didn't have an appetite. So I scooped off the French bean casserole because I had a sauce and when I just I couldn't eat that. But then I was looking at my rice and wondering how am I even going to eat that it looks too dry, and without an appetite. And I sit there and the fridge is behind me. And the counter is here. And I'm contemplating should I put this back will I be able to eat it and the Holy Spirit goes turn around China and open the fridge and get the plain yogurt and put it on your rice. And I'm going come again, like you care about the Yoga I put on my rights. And he said child I care I mean Every little detail of your life. And as soon as he said that, Brian, I was taken aback. I felt so ashamed. First, to be honest with you, I felt embarrassed because I said, Oh my God, he's in the shower room with me. That was the first thought that I, I was heavy. Like, it was like, I was ashamed that here is this being that's with me every little detail of my life, I didn't even know about it. I ignored. I didn't acknowledge him nothing. And here I am. I don't know why he's revealing Himself to me. Now. I don't really know what's, what's happening. I can speak about it. I can tell now the whole world with a second. There's a being that's in every little detail of our life. I can speak. And I'm 48. And I missed out on him. That was the shame I was in. But then I listened to him. I turned around and took in Egypt, we love and especially me, I love eating my rice with plain yogurt. That's a tradition we do. It just makes the rice so tasty. So I did turn around, bring the yoga, put it on my plate. And I went sat down started eating. Him and I are still communicate. He's there with me. And I remember he started he cracked a joke. Like he had the most beautiful sense of humor. I just can't remember the joke. I just. And I started giggling as I'm eating, and I laughed at his joke. And I remember Sam sitting it was an L shaped couch. And he's looking at me and he said, Did you stop on the way home for a drink or like, I don't usually giggle when I'm sitting chronic clinic, but I didn't even want to respond to him. I didn't want to break that communication with the Holy Spirit. And I finished my play, put my dish in the sink. And I said good night to Sam. And I said good night to call in. And I went into my room, I felt it was time to go sleep. Brush my teeth. And I'm still wondering what is happening? Why is he talking to me? And I go and lie down on my bed. And he says, child, it's not your brother. It's you. And Brian, as soon as he said that my heart dropped. I was not ready to hear that it was me. I will say that I don't think anybody is ready to hear that we're going to die. We I went to bed assuming I'm gonna wake up in the morning. We all do. We don't think What if I die in my sleep? We don't we don't plan it that way. And it was heavy. The heaviest thing was that Colleen is gonna wake up and find her mother dead. that broke my heart. I just, it just that's just such a hard thing to go through. And I ached for her. And for the kids, you know, I had just gotten them back and and that as I'm accepting this reality, what he told me. He reminded me of a dream. I had several years, like three years prior. And in that dream. I dreamt of Jesus and I usually don't dream of Jesus. But I remember that gene. It was Jesus and Colleen and Andrew, and the three of us were walking down walking in meadows. And we each had our arm wrapped around his waist and we're laughing and he had his arm one around Pauline and one around Andrew, and the walking and I'm with them. And I remember walking up in the waking up in the morning wondering how did we not trip on each other's feet and the three of us had our arms around him, and I didn't get it. But that night I got it. It was I will always be with them in spirit, but he's got my children. And when I when he reminded me of that, and he assured me of that I was able to relax and and accept that I was gonna die because he's got them so there's nothing for me to worry about. So I said okay, I can do this. He said child, don't worry you You're gonna go on a journey, and you'll be back to be my ambassador. And as soon as he said that, oh my goodness, the weight really lifted up, it was like, Okay, I really can do this, this, this sounds great. And I said, Okay, what do you need me to do here I am, like the ambassador of the US. He said, Child, I needed to stop thinking. And here I'm an analytical person that keeps thinking of everything. And I said, Okay, I can do that, because I stopped thinking. And I tried to stop thinking, and it was the hardest thing to do is to stop that mind of ours, because my mind races everywhere. And I kept thinking whether I was thinking, or did I stop thinking it was just Whoo. And he was patient. I felt like he's good. Slap me go stop it, but he was so patient with me. And I finally got to that point where I was able to stop thinking, and then he said, giant, I need you to close to shut your eyes. And no matter what happens, do not open your eyes. Instead, okay? He said, No child, no matter what happens, do not open your eyes. I said, okay, and I shut my eyes. And right away, a bright light came into the room, a light that I've never encountered before. It wasn't an ordinary light. It was a powerful light to the point, I felt it was the presence. It wasn't just was the presence of God the Father, it was such. It's hard to explain. It's hard to explain, but I wouldn't dare open my eyes. And then right away, the window to my right, started shaking. Like there was an earthquake, just in my bedroom, and the window started shaking. And then my heart started palpitating slowly, and it started pounding. And then as it got stronger, the pounding, I got scared. And as soon as I got scared, the whole process shut down. My heart stopped pounding, the windows stopped rattling, and the light just went away. And I'm lying there and I'm coming. Shoot, I screwed up my death. And he said, No Child, this one, you can't screw up. You just need to relax a little bit longer. And I said, and I was relieved. And then I said, okay, okay. He said, Okay, so I, I need you to relax. And I need you to stop thinking again. And he took me through the process of stopping to think, which I did. And then he said, shut your eyes. And remember, Chuck, do not open your eyes. He said it again. Nice, and I shut my eyes. I said, Do not open your eyes, and I shut my eyes. And then the light came in the room again. And I felt the presence of a power of God the Father, but who am I to say it was God the Father, but that's what it felt like. And then the window shook. Then my heart started pounding again. But then it started pounding harder and harder and harder. And I felt like it was gonna like, my heart is gonna blow up. Like I thought, oh, that's how you get a heart attack your your heart just blows up. But I wasn't scared this time, even though it was harder. But I wasn't scared. I was at peace with it. And I didn't shut the process down. I went through it all. And then everything slowly. My heart stopped pounding everything. The light went away. Everything was quiet. And then he said, the next step, Chai is an annoyance. said okay. He said Chang. It's an annoyance. Please remember, it's only an annoyance. I said, Okay. And right away. I felt a wash of pain that came but it was more in my legs. Like I felt my legs. The pain was like as if somebody took a sledgehammer and was breaking my bones. And he could think chunk, it's an annoyance. It's an annoyance it will pass. And because he was saying that, and coaching me step by step. I didn't concentrate on the pain of what was happening to my legs and my nervous system. I was concentrating on him. It's an annoyance, Chai, it's an annoyance. And I kept concentrating on Him and His glory, that it didn't matter. And I was able to tolerate that pain. And it wasn't as what it was in the very beginning. It was just, I could tolerate it. And now mind you, Brian, I have fibromyalgia. So my pain tolerance is like, I have no tolerance for pain. And I didn't scream, I didn't do anything. The door is open. And no one could hear what's going on in here. And he could think it's an annoyance shock, it will pass. And it did. And suddenly, the pain went away. And I was relieved. And I couldn't feel my legs, couldn't feel the pain, but I couldn't have I couldn't feel my legs. I couldn't feel my head to my toes. I felt nothing. And I laid there. And I asked him, Am I paralyzed? And he said, Yes, child do you are? And I said, No. He said, I'm sorry. Charlie. said no. Can I can I move my toes? And he said, not. So I said, Can I try? He said try Chai. And I tried. And of course, I couldn't move anything. And some lying there with this new reality of being paralyzed. I hear Sam walking in the door. He got in to bed. As soon as he was walking in. I said, Okay, good. He's gonna realize I'm paralyzed. He's gonna call 911. And he's gonna rush me to commercials. But he didn't he didn't notice that I was there. He went in, slept, and left me there. Give me his back. And I continued the whole night, Brian, the Holy Spirit, which I call the comforter, did not leave me for one instant. It was the best night of my life. Here I am. I'm paralyzed. But it didn't matter. He taught me visions he showed me he downloaded verses from the Bible he downloaded so much. He explained, he actually answered all the questions that I had over the years. Without me even asking a question, you know, the questions we all have, why is there so much trauma and pain in the world and loss and children? You know, all the questions we all have? Why is this world not as good as we wanted it to be? And he answered, every one without me asking and the way he answered, It made sense, every answer when he and when he answered it made sense, somehow. But this is the part of my encounter, that he erased. He erased those answers. As if, or I know that these answers were supposed to be mysteries, and not for me to share with anyone. We will all get these answers. Probably on our deathbed. When we get to the other side, that was the only part his joke. And these answers, I don't remember them at all. And then, in the middle of the night, I needed to go to the restroom, and I tried to get up I forgot that I was paralyzed. And then I couldn't move. And I said, I need to go. And he said go. I said go. He said go. So I went to bed. And I remember so much water coming out of me. Like I literally thought I was gonna wake up Sam, drowning him with a flood coming towards him. But oh, the whole night like this continued till about 6pm Just having him comforting me throughout the night, the most beautiful night of my life. And then at daybreak, I felt Sam get up. He went to the bathroom. He came back I thought he was going to notice that I'm paralyzed. He didn't. He went back to bed. And I continued lying there. And then around eight o'clock. I heard him turn in his bed. And he turned towards me. And he pushed my back and he said, Anna, Anna, are you up? And I wasn't responding. So he turned me on my back and He came over me and looking at me, he opened an eyelid. And when you open, I could see his face in front of me. And he let it go. Then he opened the other eyelid and let it go. And then he grabbed one of my arms and let it go. And it felt he grabbed the other arm and let it go, and it fell. So I'm thinking, okay, he's realizing I'm paralyzed. And he's gonna call 911. But, no, he gets up and comes to my side of the bed. And he takes medicine. And he puts it in my mouth now, because I'm paralyzed, my teeth are locked together. So he takes the pill, and he's grinding it through my teeth. And I recognize it with Xanax. And he's grinding in my tea. And I'm thinking, why the heck is he giving me Xanax in the morning when I'm already paralyzed. And then he took a candy. And he put it in my mouth again, between my cheek and teeth, and I'm thinking, I must really stink now, for him to give me a minute before he's gonna call 911. And then he starts taking off my jewelry. Why is he taking off my jewelry, and then I'm going home, maybe so that I don't lose it in the hospital. And he puts it away. And then he comes on my body and he touches the wet clothes. And he goes, You wet yourself. Let's get you out of these wet clothes. And I'm thinking, okay, he's nice. He's gonna change me before he calls 911. But then he gets on top of me. And he rapes me. And as he's raping me, I am just so confused as to what is happening. I am limb. Like, who does that to a paralyzed body. And I all like to think of, you know, married to a dog, I just didn't understand at that point what was going on. And then when he was done, he got up and went to the shower and left me in the middle of the bed. And then he came back when he was done. And I could hear that he was filling the bathtub for me. And he came on my site. And he started carrying me or trying to carry me off the bed. And as he's carrying me off the bed, excuse me. He drops me on the floor. And as and he goes, kill you, and I fall on the floor crumble to my side, all naked. And but once I was thankful that I was chubby, and that he couldn't carry me because I really didn't know what was he going to do with me. And he left me there and ran outside the door. Because at that point, Colleen woke up, and we could hear her TV where as soon as she woke up, it was a Saturday and she had her TV on. So he ran out to catch him. And I found out from Colleen later that he told her mom is sad, crying over mommy said overstayed her brother. And she took several Xanax and she doesn't want to be disturbed. So Colleen didn't come or say good morning or interrupt or come into the room and went to her bedroom, excuse me. And then he came in. And as I'm laying there, I feel this ice cold water running over my body. He had I don't know what he was pouring from. But he was pouring water slowly, all the way. And as it was pouring on me, it put my body in shock. And it felt like nails and needles all over my body and it was torturing. And the comforter at this point is saying it's an annoyance child. It's an annoyance. And as he says it's an annoyance I'm able to endure while I'm in shock. But right away. I see a vision of Jesus's hand, right like I'm on the floor and it's Jesus's hand on the floor. I don't see anything else but his hand and with the kneel, piercing there piercing the nail in his hand. And as I see this vision of the piercing, I'm ashamed of my pain, which was nothing compared to his pain. So I was like, I can endure this, it was like, I'm not complaining in the comfort, you're saying it's an annoyance, and I'm seeing Jesus's hand. And I'm enduring it, and it wasn't so bad. And then he stopped. And I was relieved, and he left the room. And then he came back a few minutes later. And at this point, um, mind you, I'm on the floor, still naked now when my body's in shock, but in total peace, right? I have no fear, no anxiety, complete peace and serenity. The Comforter, did not leave me one sec. He was there with me all along. And because of his presence, it didn't matter what this man was doing. And he left, he came back. And he started over again, he did the same thing. I felt the ice water slowly pouring all over my body. And again, I went into shock. And again, the Comforter is telling me it's an annoyance child, it's an annoyance, only an annoyance. And I see the vision of Jesus's hand with the nail. And I see that I'm able to endure whatever discomfort at this point, it's discomfort compared to Jesus's pain. And it passed, and he stopped, and he left the room. And I lead on the floor there, not knowing what's gonna happen next. And then he comes back again. And this time, he bends over my body. And he reaches to my nose from my nose. And he closes my nose with his fingers. And he holds it tight. And because my teeth are clenched, I can breathe now. But then suddenly I went. And as soon as I read for air, like it was a reflex, he let go, and he let go and ran outside of the room. And this is when it hit me. And I remembered my million dollar life insurance, that he was the beneficiary of half a million. And I had forgotten to take him off when we filed for divorce. I forgot all about it. And it made sense. That, okay, that's why he's not coming 911 he left, he came back. And he does the same thing again, he bends down, holds my nose. He reaches for my nose and holds it tight. And then I do the same thing, my nose, my mouth opens up. And right away, he gets startled again. And he runs out of the room and leaves me lying there in peace, not knowing what's gonna happen. But obviously something bad is happening. He comes back again the third time. And he steps over my body reaches for my nose. But this time, he puts his three hands over my lungs. And he covers them. And he's not pushing hard. It was like a gentle, you know, over my mouth. And I knew this was it. Because I couldn't breathe. My mouth couldn't open. And my lungs started collapsing. And I knew that was it. I'm not, I'm not gonna get out of this one. And as I'm accepting that this is it, and my lungs are collapsing. But I and the conference room was telling me it will pass. But then I see Jesus up to his like knees. He had a rope and I didn't see his body just up there. And he had his hand reaching towards me. And his hand is there reaching and all I could concentrate on. Like I I was afraid that Jesus would lift his hand because I knew he could stop the process. He could have Sam's hand removed. But at that point, I want it to go, which is, at this point I wanted to cross over, I wanted to go and I was afraid that he was going to let go. And I kept saying, I don't want to let go, I'm now talking to God, I don't want to let go. And he didn't let go. And I continued, and it was like Jesus kind of escorting me to the other side. And I, Brian, when you keep on going on you die. There was no and like, it wasn't. There's an end. And then there's the beginning. It was a continued like, I just looked back my body. So it's like taking off a heavy cord. And your soul just keeps on going. There is no, there's no darkness. There's not and it's just stripe. You just keep on going. And you're free. And I saw this beautiful, I saw beautiful white clouds white, more white than I've ever seen them. And they opened up to this bright blue sky. And then a blue. And as you know, like all around me is blue. I love the color of blue. But it was never just even that it was just beauty. And then I see these big animals flying around the sky. Colorful animals, beautiful colors that can not explain just colors you don't see. It's just the closest I can describe them is I know, have you seen the movie Avatar? Okay, Avatar came out after my encounter with the end of that year 2009. And when I saw that movie, and I saw these big animals with the colors, I thought somebody had a near death and saw these animals on the other side. They weren't dragging their shots, large flying animals and the colors. And then I got to like a metal with a lot of greenery. And I'm, I guess I'm looking from my eyes there. And at the end, I could see the running around preparing for the input a wedding. And I could see a bride. But she was giving me her back. Sorry, my mouth is. So I didn't know who that bribe was. I thought it sat me because in scripture or in church or in Christianity say when we die, we become the brides of Jesus. It must be me, but I wasn't sure. So I wanted to go and look at her. But I couldn't get her. I don't know what I couldn't get in front of her to see who she was. And then I found myself going in doors into a hallway. And I'm walking in a hallway. And it was a big hallway. And I come across the chair. Somebody like it was a majestic chair. And somebody there was a lady in it. But I couldn't see who she was I couldn't see anything. Because she had available, excuse me, from the top of the chair. It was covering like the chair and all and her and I'm trying to see who it is and I couldn't get it. So there was somebody there and I said Who is she? And he said she's the best of all. He said okay, and I just keep on watching. Like come to a hallway at the end of the hallway and I come to the door. And at that door, I see a body of light. And it was my mother. And she did not have any features. It was just a body of light at her. She was like five feet tall. It was her same, you know height. But right away. I recognized it was my mom. Like we always say how are we going to know each other on the other side. You're going to know each other like we recognize souls recognize each other. And it was my mom, I didn't need I don't remember hugging. I don't remember how we were communicating. But she took me in and we walked in and I saw coming down towards us, Nadia, my sister if she was another body of light and seeing Nadia In heaven was the most beautiful thing ever. Because Nadia had committed suicide when she was so refined. I always wonder where she was. I knew she wanted to cook me with that, and Jesus, but the church tells you that they got to help the active Americans such. He was there. She was beautiful. She took, we went home. It was just me and her. And now I'm just full of joy. And so full of joy. It's so overwhelming. I couldn't contain it. I couldn't contain its spread completely. Because stupid. I'm complaining about the amount of jawed that I have, and I didn't know what to do with it. And I'm telling you, I don't know what to do. It's too much for me. It's just too much. And if she looks at me, she goes, and with Jesus, it just keeps on getting better. I call it that it's just it was you know, we came to a climax instant curate, and, you know, life. We have ups and downs. This was an Up, up, it just, there's no doubt. It just slipped Can you took it just keeps on getting just amazing. And we walked back out. And we came to an open area where I saw my mom again. But this time she had that with with her. And that was standing there. And he was another body of life. My father had been killed in a car accident when I was 22. And what did I prefer over him? It was a head to head collision with the big eating River was horrible. And he was sitting in the front his driver and him got killed. And I could never have closed every time I remember how he must have been hurt in his head, like you know how you we live it and we pitched any agonize over the pain he must have felt and I never had closure every time I remember how he died, I would pick it up. But I saw him. And it was me. It was amazing. And here we are forsaking their standing with them and wood communicating without talking. Now I'm just in awe. And then not just as her here. Let's go we have the banquet with Jesus. And I'm going What did I just say? A banquet, which like, she said it so casually. Like, next door neighbor kind of thing. We're sorry, Brian. Have to put them in my mouth got dry? No, I understand. And I couldn't believe that we're just gonna go have this evening with Jesus. And they left and somehow I didn't fall. I don't know why I missed it. But I kept on going somewhere else. I found myself in a room. And I entered that room and at the end of that room, there was a figure but it wasn't a body of light. It was an actual body that I recognize. And it was the late Coptic Pope. Coronas 16 Six, and so that who had died like in the 60s but was such a sweetheart, a humble, just loving, precious man. And here he is. I read like I could see his body but I remember his hair. He didn't. He didn't have a lot of hair. I felt like he's pulling his hair worried about the Coptic Church. That's the impression I get. And as I'm walking in schooling, what have you been charged? Where have you been going? He's talking to me and I and I said I didn't going To count for me, because I had stopped going to the Coptic Church because I married the Muslims. So of course, we weren't accepted in the Coptic Church. So I went to Calgary. And, and he goes, I tried why? And I said, Well, I didn't find, you know, much kindness, and acceptance. You know, like, I didn't find the compassion I needed, I guess. And he said, Child, what is your name? I felt it was like a rhetorical question. And I told him my name in Egyptian, which is not Christina. And Christina is my pen name. And my Egyptian name means compassion. And he said, He's a child. You are what? We're looking for hurting your child. There's no time. How do you decide how to capture and he started pushing me out, and he kicked me out. And I find myself going out of there. him telling me there's not enough time. There's not enough time. And I walk out of there. And I'm rushed. Back in that hallway, I go by that chair, again, the majestic chair. But this time, the lady is not in it. It's empty, like, but I could see the veil on the chair. And then I asked somebody, what happened? Where did she go? And they said, she's running an errand. And I'm going to my mind, oh, boy, they have Aaron's up there, too. It's like, where did she go? But I kept picking me up. And as I'm leaving, somehow, Jesus revealed his face to me. And Ryan, it was a face that was starting to be revealed. Like, it wasn't like, it was like you to do it slowly. It was like, just slowly, I could see his forehead, his eyes, his nose. And I remember, it took a long time to reveal the nose. He had a long nose. And in my mind, I'm going, I'm stereotyping. I'm going he's Jewish. And it's like, and then he reveals his face. And his face to my son. Like, it was glory was beautiful. But it wasn't the pretty boy. I'm used to, I shouldn't say pretty much that handsome. Yeah, he wasn't the picture of Jesus that I grew up watching Jesus of Nazareth with the blue eyes and just the handsome, right? He wasn't he wasn't more. I watched a movie recently. It's called the book of John, something like that. And they had a more Middle Eastern looking man, not handsome, not ugly, but just Mediterranean looking olive skin rug. It was more rugged looking. As I'm absorbing all this, in my mind, I'm feeling I could tell, like I'm going, you're not, I'm thinking he's not as handsome as I thought he was. But I knew he could read my mind. And I don't want to hurt his feelings. So I'm like, and he's just a sweetheart. It's just mining. But his glory was just. And it made sense to me later on, about Jesus not being so handsome. I remember I couldn't handle any movie that did not depict Jesus as handsome even when I saw the passion, that Jesus in the passion, you know, got messed up, and I couldn't relate to him. But now I can actually, because if Jesus was that handsome 2000 years ago, I think all these vulnerable women would fall in love with him rather than falling, falling in love with the glory and who he is. So it made sense that he wasn't what we've used. And then I found myself on looking down on the freeway, and it was the why the 405 and the five here in California, we call it the why. And it was so dry, compared to where I was. And then I found myself in my bedroom, looking down, and at that point, Sam picked my body up, and I was next to him in bed. And he had me in bed, and he had his arm wrapped like on me and he's sitting there as if you know, he's mourning me, I guess after killing me. And, but as soon as I got back into my body, I jumped out, I couldn't handle that he was touching me. I jumped out of his arms, and I stood in front of him. I was still naked, and I stood there, and I looked at him and he's looking at me And I keep saying I wish I had a camera to capture the look on this man's face after killing me. And now I'm standing in front of him. And like the ambulance that I was as strong as a horse, looking at him. And that was it. I really thought I came back to, to maybe say goodbye to Colleen. And maybe Drs. You know, mess up with Sam a little bit. I didn't know why I came back. But I was standing there. And it was a wonderful journey. But what happened afterwards was just so chaotic.

Yeah. Wow. Wow, that that is the incredible journey. Thank you for sharing that. And there's so many lessons in there. So I want to unpack some of that. Before we go on to what happened afterwards. You talked about seeing your sister who had taken her life. And I know that is a big fear for a lot of people, especially people in the church because we're told that's a mortal sin, and that those people aren't in heaven. So it sounds like you were surprised to see your sister relieved. Maybe it'd be a better word. Yeah,

I was surprised to see her because like you said, for what we were taught like they I don't think they even wanted to pray on her body because it was like she murdered herself. It's a sin. And I didn't know what she was, I always wondered. But when I saw her in heaven, it was just a confirmation that our Father in heaven is just a compassionate being. He's, he understands like, people who commit suicide are not doing it out of murder. They're in a deep depression. They're down, they are hurting. And I've been in deep depression, and I know what it means to hurt from that depression. It's, it's like you're living in a nightmare. And there's no pill that would take that brokenness away. And that depression, it hurts. It's like, sometimes used to think I wish it was my foot hurting me. I can take a painkiller. When you're in a deep depression. You want to stop the pain. And you don't know how else to stop it. Unfortunately, I'm not somebody helps you. I literally tell people, please take their hands and get them help. They're broke. They need that help. But some people have found that that was the answer. They wanted to stop the pain. So they did it. Not out of murder, out of brokenness, out of illness, out of mental anguish. It's a sickness, it is not an act of sin or murder that is so wrong. And having her there enjoying heaven was just beautiful.

Yeah. Another thing I want to bring out and talk about as I work with a lot of parents who have lost children, and we think about the worst possible scenario, did they die alone? Were they scared? Were they in pain. And I want to talk about your experience, because I can't imagine too many worse ways to die, to be paralyzed, to be to be raped to to endure that. So what would you said it but I want you to re emphasize what it was you felt as you were going through that?

Yeah, see, that's why. And I do get a lot of parents who have listened to one of my interviews here or there, and they get comfort knowing that their child was not alone. We are not alone. When we're done. I have no one special that the comforter came to comfort me the Holy Spirit was comforting me and would not comfort a child or anybody else. There is no way. And as he's comforting me, it didn't matter. The betrayal. It didn't matter what he's doing it the body. You don't feel that what we think in our mind. Oh my god, they must have done just like I did with my father. Because apparently, they said I didn't see my father that but they said he endured a big hole in his skull. Just thinking of that would torture me. How did that happen? What did he feel, but going through my experience of being tortured? murderer, none of that mattered, the comfort, the presence of the Holy Spirit overrides everything. He just takes the edge off everything His glory, His sweetness, just gentleness, kindness, this body becomes nothing, it doesn't matter, you are in so much peace. And there is no fear. I did not feel fear. I did not feel anxious. I did not feel alone. I was in full Lake, when in the Bible, they say the Holy Spirit is to conflict and really the comfort that comes around us when we're enduring death. A lot of people have had an ND and went to the other side, but not too many people talk about what happens while we're dying, or if you've been murdered, or what happens. And it's, it's beautiful. Believe it or not, even though this was happening to me, it was the most beautiful encounter of my life. And it wasn't the aftermath. That was the beauty. That was just the cherry on top. Just the whole process itself. Having him speak to me second by second and coaching me through it all, it was just death is not what we think it is. Death is a beautiful, beautiful encounter. And everyone listening who I know everybody's gonna die. You remember me when I say it, when you encounter it, no matter how long it takes? It is. It's an experience that because we we can't explain it watching our child, a loved one die, all we see is quietness and death. We don't really see what's really happening. And in their world, they're seeing something else. They're encountering something else. And they're feeling something beyond what we can imagine. And it's just overwhelming. Nobody dies alone.

Yeah, and thank you for explaining that. And I've heard people explain some horrific deaths. And I've heard people that we might even think the body is suffering, and they're, they're in hospital, and they're in pain. It's like they're outside of their body, their body is going through that. And we might even hear them moaning and groaning. But at that point, their spirit is moving on is actually expanding. And so that thank you for sharing that.

Exactly. Yes, absolutely. We're not stuck there. And we're, you know, and that's why I, like people look at me and say, How can you be smiling about this encounter? How could you? How come you're not bitter? How come? Because it was an amazing encounter. So it wasn't full of anxiety, or anything else that we add to it. And that's a lot of parents are tortured the rest of their lives, reliving those last moments of their children's life, and feeling the guilt that they weren't there for them. They might, they must have been calling for me. They will not comfort it, and it tears them apart. And it drives them crazy. And the child wants to let them know that they're actually they're good. Actually, they are the one aching over us because they want to reach us and they want those. We're good. We're good. We're sad over you guys. So it's different than what we imagined. It's just, it's amazing what we have coming at the other side and what we're all going to endure in one way or another. It's I'm not saying it's easy to lose anybody. It's the hardest thing ever, but it's not hard on them. It's hard on us. The ones left behind. We are the ones grieving and aching because we missed them. But they are. Definitely they're in a different zone. They're, they're good. And they're waiting on us. They're waiting on us. And they want to reach us and tell us that they're good. And they want us to move on to because it breaks them like the spirit anguishes when they know I could feel like we heard for our family that's grieving. And we want to let them know please because now we're taking over that. But we want them to keep on going because we're waiting for them.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. That's that's a very important message. So when you didn't seem like there was any negotiation about you coming back, you were ready to go, you're ready to have the banquet. How did you feel when you found yourself coming back and looking down at your body? And then you're here?

Yeah, it was, I wasn't planning on that. And, and that's what I'm when I came back, I thought, I'm just coming to temper. I thought, I'm just coming, God is giving another opportunity to hug and kiss my daughter. And then literally, I thought I was gonna drive them crazy a little bit. And that was it. I didn't realize I was coming to stay. It didn't hit me too, after a while, but I just thought it was temporary. So I wasn't like, it wasn't like shucks, why am I here? No, I was happy to come back and be able to enjoy my kids again. So, so sorry, I didn't get upset that I left. I actually I felt blessed that I saw what's waiting for me. But you back and got to live life, knowing what I know. You live life in a different way. And

so I'm, I have to ask this question. I assume that Sam face any consequences for what he did or whatever, what happens with that.

Um, when I came back, I came back, like I said, as strong as a horse. So there were no signs of abuse. There was no signs of paralysis, there was no signs of anything. He and the kids themselves didn't believe that he tried to kill me because all they saw was this man love their mother. And when the police came, they were all shaking their heads, like my head told them I was having a nervous breakdown. Because I'm overworking and the police didn't know what to believe I couldn't find the divorce paper. I was trying to tell them. We filed the divorce. He tried to kill me. He hid the divorce papers. I couldn't show them that. So believe it or not, first they wanted to leave me with with him. And then I said no. And they said, Okay, we can take you to a hospital. I said take just get me out of here. And then in the hospital. They he told the story of this, you know, he's a perfect sociopath. Brilliant. So he was sad husband showed up in the hospital with a suit and dress like that. And I'm the crazy woman with the hair full of urine and frizzy and gray and all that. So they thought I was having a mental breakdown. And they rushed me to a mental hospital. Instead of locking him up, I was the one going to a mental hospital. And, and then, but it was actually my experience in the mental health that was needed. I loved it. It was really i i saw a lot of stuff that I needed to see there. What happens, our system is so broken, it's just breaks my heart. But when I came out, they Paul, remember the first husband took advantage of the fact that I had gone to a mental hospital for years to get the custody, he was trying to say that I'm a mental case and try to say, I need to go to mental health. So So he went X party behind my back and took me to court and took Colleen from me right away. And that was hitting below the belt. It was the worst thing that anybody could have done coming back and having my children was the best thing and he took them. And I couldn't even see my daughter without supervision. It was really bad. So I put on my power, all my strengths to try to get my daughter back rather than to lockstep. And the other thing I didn't want to mess with the six months remember the the divorce that if we don't dispute it for six months, I wanted not to dispute and not give him a reason to dispute so that we can be divorced. So I didn't want to mess with him. He was removed from the house, of course, but then I put all my energy to try to get Colleen back. But I was ridiculed in court when I said I was evicted and that somebody tried to kill me. They still put it on me. They said well you then exposed your daughter to a bad man or a dangerous man like they kept turning everything against me and I couldn't prove it. Until my lawyer told me go get a hair analysis to find out what happened because I went and I got a brain scan to see that I get a stroke. I scan my heart to see if I had a heart attack. I was thinking, I must have gotten a stroke, or I got paralyzed because of heart attack or something. And then Sam finished me off. I never thought that Sam, this was premeditated till I got my hair analysis done, and it was done through forensic hair analysis like I'd allow, and I want to, can I read you do have time I read you quickly what my hair

please

found the cause of what happened to me, they said I've received lab reports, which indicates very high amounts of that's the doctor writing this. high amounts of several heavy metals on her hair analysis consistent with toxicity, possibly induced by poisoning. These abnormalities include mercury level, which is 60 times the reporting limit, Selenium 60 times 69 times limit and Timoney 49 times the limit, let 280 times the limit Bismuth 40 times the limit and most disturbing barrier at 2750 times the limit. And the symptoms she described which were present at the time of her psychiatric hospitalization in January, and thought to be psychotic in nature, what consistent with toxicity due to barium or perhaps mercury. So they all thought I was losing my mind. Crazy, and I'm having a nervous breakdown. That's why they put me there. But the report showed that he was poisoning me all along with heavy metal. And he must have put when he found out that I was leaving to Asia the next day. And he didn't have much left many days left at the house. He needed to finish me off that night. So he must have put it all in the rice. And that's why he needed to finish off that night. And that's what happened. That's what we found out he must have done.

So how's your relationship with Colleen now?

Are you Oh, beautiful, beautiful. She's and Andrew like, I'm blessed. I'm blessed to have all my loved ones around me. And just Yeah, everybody finally found out what was happening. And what happened then understood that mum was not crazy after all. And that was it that Sam Yes, he did get away with it. But what happened is when I got the lab results, I went to the police department that time I had, you know, a forensic accountant. Proof of poison. I had the million dollar life insurance, which is a cause and I went to the Irvine police department. But they didn't want to investigate it. They were it was weird how a detective called me over the phone and didn't even want to meet with me. And asked me if I had a video of him putting the poison in my coffee or somewhere because how could they prove that the toxicity was him doing anything? But I said he will at least start questioning start, you know, investigate she even want to investigate. But then Brian, that same year, sorry, I'm changing glasses here. I realized why Irvine didn't even wanna open a case. And there was a report in the Orange County. What do you call it newspaper, June 17 2009. My incident happened January 9 2009. And in it it says if it's America's safest city, it must be Irvine. So at that point, Irvine was at a very high and I guess what statistics safety whatever. And maybe investigating a murder. Attempted murder was gonna change their rating. Unfortunately, they even want to investigate which was really sad. So so he got away with it, but he's gone. He's out of my life. He went back to Egypt. I know. And he's gone.

Yeah. So when when the Pope said See you something like whether you're the one we're waiting for, do you? Do you think this happened to you for a reason?

Absolutely. things, things happen for reasons, the same counter like I had died, God could have very easily the Holy Spirit could have said, Don't eat the rice, instead of saying, take yoga, put it on your right, I had to go through my encounter I have. First I believe he needed to open my eyes. And get me, you know, for me to see what this man is all about. Like I said he was that sociopath. He was bleeding me from finances and a lot of stuff I found out later. So he needed to open my eyes and get me out of that. Second, as far as the Pope and the Coptic Church, I feel, yes, there is a mission for me in the Coptic Church. The Catholic Church, I learned that that was my roots. It's I know every church says, This church is the right one, there is no right and wrong. I believe. All churches are good. The perfect church will happen when Jesus comes back. But yes, there's some work for me there that I haven't like I do very lightly. I haven't seen what he really wants me to do there. But I do believe that when he said to come back and be my ambassador, and it's more ambassador of the Holy Spirit, you know, like not the ambassador of Jesus, not ambassador of God, Jesus and God, the Father have so many ambassadors, I feel the Holy Spirit is missed. And we don't talk about him a lot, yet. He's in every little detail of our life, whether we acknowledge him or not. And I learned, he's become my best friend. He's become my buddy. He's become my true soulmate. He's like, such. He doesn't talk to me, like he did when I was dying. But he's there, he shows me signs, like I see the numbers like my number with him, too. And it's when I see it, he brings it to my attention. It's, it's my connection with him. I, I would love to tell the whole world like don't discover him on your deathbed, you know. And it starts by acknowledging even his presence. And then things in communication start. Why did I go through all that? I also feel it's to help parents, who lost children to a horrific method of death to let them know that their child is not alone. There was no fear. I had to go through this whole process to help people to tell people about their loved ones who committed suicide, and let them know where they are like there is. I feel honored and blessed to be used by God, to help others in different comfort ways. I get emails from parents all the time about telling me, I this mom lost her child, he would have drowned at the age of 19. And 2019, four years ago, and she said she was reliving his drowning every night in a nightmare, and how he couldn't breathe and how he must not have been alone and how she wasn't there for him. And she relived this nightmare and the guilt and, and she added more to it. And she said, after hearing my story on, I think it's called Second Level soul I can't remember. At one of the interviews, was the first time she slept in peace in four years, knowing that he was not alone. And knowing that he had a loving, loving being, comfort him. And to me when I hear these stories, when people reach out to me, I just cry and I'm humbled and I feel blessed. And I'm thankful. And I feel I will keep on sharing my story. My story has a lot of detail. And sometimes it's embarrassing, like, you know, it made sure that I'm stupid that I trusted in this man and I'm a CFO and it shows vulnerability on my end doesn't matter as long as it's going to help others. I don't care how it shows me so vulnerable doesn't matter. I screwed up in a lot of decisions in my life. And if this decision chins helped me get to where I, I did. And I got murdered, and got a chance to come back and talk about it. That's beyond the blessing.

And I thank you for being vulnerable. I thank you for doing what you're doing, because we do we and I was talking with a client the other day, and he asked me about spirit guides, is it do you think we have guides? And I said, Yeah, I think we do. I've made so many bad decisions that I don't believe. You know, I think I disproved the fact that their spirit guides I said, well, first of all, you don't have to listen to the spirit guides. So there is that I said, but really, where your decisions really bad, because they led you to where you are now. And I tell people, I have no regrets. I've done things other people might consider wrong, or people would say we're stupid. But if I hadn't done those, I wouldn't be the person I am today. And every decision that you make in your life led you to where you are now able to be this, this witness that you are. And another thing that tells us is that even though we might be really smart in one part of our life, we're all vulnerable in other parts of our life. And you're a caring, loving person, you know, you could have been cold and shut off. But you you care about people. And it's hard to recognize narcissists and sociopaths, I think for normal people, because we don't want to believe anybody can be that way. I've talked to people that have known sociopaths, and know narcissists. I'm like, Are they really like that? And they're like, Yeah, they really are. And I have trouble believing that.

Yeah, it's. And back then, Brian, we didn't have the internet like we did. And if I didn't know the word narcissist existed for 18 years with PA, I thought I was the problem, because they make you feel you're the problem. You know, it's you. And I didn't know it was a character disorder. I kept hanging in there and hoping marriage counseling and just hoping you change, they don't change. It's a character disorder. Right now, Paul, after it really ugly. Maybe 20 years of custody battles and problems, we finally now talk in a simple way. And I forgiven Paul, for all the pain he caused me. And because I feel sorry for him that he lost so much in his life because of this. And now we're able to talk to talk about the children and it's for the children seeing and, and it's fine, it's fine, to forgive the ones who hurt us. You know, I can forget sad, you know, and people don't understand how could you forgive somebody who murdered you with his own hands? Forgiving doesn't mean, we love them. And we communicate with them with Sam, I forgive him. Because I will say he was not worth it. To carry that burden of unforgiveness and bitterness. Because when you don't forgive you carry it, you're mad, you're upset. You're, you know, and he's not worth that. So I lift him up to God, it's up to God to deal with him. It's not for me. I just don't want to hear about him. I don't, you know, yeah. And I'm free.

That that's another lesson. And I had to ask the question about Sam, because I know my listeners. And I know, people want to know what happened to Sam, what happens? And I I'm not that that's my place to forgive Sam, but it's like, you know, then just is not for us. And as you said, you're tying yourself to that person, when you're really concerned about that. So I think what you did was wise this is get this divorce over with and let it go. And, you

know, Brian, like, I tried to get him arrested. I tried, like, I was trying so many times during that time. And I remember asking God, why why is in ticketing, like, why is he getting away with it? Right? And I felt at that point, God told me, it wasn't about him. It was about me. It wasn't about, you know, putting shackles on him. It was freeing me from my shackles. And now when I look back, and I say if I had if he got convicted with an attempted murder, how many years would he have got 510 I don't know how many years it's been 2009 We're in 23. He wouldn't be out right now. His life could have been ruined because of me. And he would be out in vengers trying to destroy me. Destroy my children hurt me. He could he can do so much. I would be walking watching my back right now. I don't have to. He's there over there away from me. And God will deal with him and I pray he never hurt anybody else. But I'm free from that. Oh my God. Now I heard you know.

You broke the cycle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I, we've gotten way over time, but it's been fascinating talking to you, thank you for sharing your story in such detail and such richness and so many lessons for all of us in there about forgiveness and the suicide thing and, and the process. So I think there's gonna I know, it's gonna take people a while to process this and to really get all the lessons out of it. I hope your story gets made into a movie, it would be an awesome movie. So I don't know if you're, if you're working on that or not. But yeah, there's so much there.

Yeah, there's somebody's writing a screenplay right now on it, but others for the movie, but other said, this would be a great Netflix episode. Like, it's, there's another one that's similar that was on Netflix. And now because in the movie, you're shrinking it or like your summarize, the story has so much twists. And one day, you know, hopefully, one day somebody will see to do that. Because the one that's doing the screenplay can only do a movie, but it's all in God's time. It's historic.

And it's got to be somebody that's willing to bring out the spiritual because the true crime part of it, or people are into that I'm, I'm more looking at what's the spiritual lesson here? What's the what's the, what's the message that could really reach the world. So I hope that happens a little bit, pray for that. Thank you. And just again, so mentioned, I forgot, tell people how they can reach you remind people to name your book.

Okay, so they can find me my web page is an A Christina with an h.net. And on it, they can reach me they can write me emails, contact me, I love hearing from the my viewers, I love hearing how my story changed them or inspired them, or did anything to me, that's what keeps me going. I'm not here to sell books, you know, I, that's, I'm blessed. God Bless me that I don't need to sell books or anything. But the book because it has more details. So my story is like, it be surprised all the little detail in the book. It's called My sweet encounter with death. So they can find it on my web page if they're able to, to buy it, or they need to know more. But I try in the interview to give as much knowledge, you know,

so I appreciate that. And I know you're not here to sell books for us that have written books, we know you don't get rich writing books. Sometimes people think that, but the book is it's it's going to be helpful to so many people. I think, again, anyone who's lost someone to suicide, anyone who's laying awake at night thinking about how their loved ones suffered, here, and the stories are very helpful. I remember Dr. Mary Neal talks about her drowning episode. And you know, people, some people think that's the worst possible way to die. And she did too, until she did. So I'm learning that, you know, let's not fear it's going to be okay. Everything's gonna be okay. And that's, that's the overall lesson. So again, thank you so much for being here and have a great rest of your day.

Thank you, Brian, for having me. I really enjoyed this. God bless you.