What happens when the person you used to be doesn't exist anymore — not because they died, but because a diagnosis, a surgery, or a health crisis rewrote who you are? In this episode, Loni Fagel joins me to talk about a grief almost nobody names: the grief of losing yourself while you're still here.
Loni knows this from both sides of the therapy room. A genetic cancer mutation, a mysterious chronic illness, and a health crisis that landed her at Mayo Clinic didn't just interrupt her graduate studies in psychology — they became the reason she does this work at all. We talk about her "D-Day" framework for naming the moment a diagnosis changes everything, why medical trauma is as much about what comes after the event as the event itself, and why people are so often invalidated by the very doctors meant to help them.
We also get into some of the tools Loni uses with clients: externalizing an illness by giving it its own name, expressive arts as a way to process what words can't touch, and why "post-traumatic growth" doesn't mean pretending the hard part didn't happen.
About Loni Fagel
Loni Fagel is a licensed professional clinical counselor, EMDRIA-approved consultant, expressive arts therapist, children's book author, and international speaker specializing in medical trauma, grief, and identity loss. Her work is shaped by her own experience with a genetic cancer mutation and a health crisis that upended her life and career.
• Website: lonifagel.com (http://lonifagel.com)
• Instagram/social: @loni_fagel
• LinkedIn: search Loni Fagel
In this episode, we cover:
• Why illness and diagnosis create a real, nameable grief
• The "D-Day" framework for marking when everything changed
• Why medical trauma isn't about the event — it's about everything after
• Learning to advocate for yourself when doctors dismiss your symptoms
• Grieving a double mastectomy and genetic cancer risk
• Invisible illness and the cruelty of judging what you can't see
• Naming your illness to protect your identity ("is this you, or is this Patricia?")
• Making meaning without needing to believe "everything happens for a reason"
• Finding the glimmers of light in the middle of a health crisis
We want to hear from you: Have you ever grieved a version of yourself you didn't expect to lose? What resonated most with you in this conversation? Drop a comment — we read every one.
Continue the conversation at grief2growth.substack.com (http://grief2growth.substack.com) .
You've been listening. You're doing the work. But there's still this feeling that you're circling the same place.
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All of it, pay what you want. You decide what it's worth. Nobody gets turned away because of money.
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Want to go deeper? My Substack is where I share solo essays on grief, consciousness, and continuing bonds — thoughts that don't always make it into the podcast. It's also home to a community of listeners who get it, because they're living it too. Free to subscribe. Find it at substack.com/grief2growth. (https://grief2growth.com/substack)
I've been studying Near Death Experiences for many years now. I am 100% convinced they are real. In this short, free ebook, I not only explain why I believe NDEs are real, I share some of the universal secrets brought back by people who have had them.
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