Have you ever looked in the mirror and mourned the person you used to be — even though you're still here?
In this episode of Grief 2 Growth, I sit down with Loni Fagel — a licensed professional clinical counselor, EMDRIA-approved consultant, and expressive arts therapist — to talk about the grief that almost no one names out loud: the grief that arrives after a diagnosis. Loni has lived this herself, through a genetic cancer mutation, a double mastectomy, and a health crisis that upended her entire life. What she's built from it is a way of helping people mourn who they were, without losing who they're becoming.
This conversation will change how you think about illness, identity, and healing. You'll walk away with language for a kind of loss you may have felt but never had words for — and permission to grieve it fully.
✨ Why illness and diagnosis create a real, nameable grief — the loss of self
✨ "D-Day": the framework for marking the moment everything changed
✨ Why medical trauma isn't about the event — it's about everything that comes after
✨ How to advocate for yourself when doctors dismiss your symptoms
✨ Why naming your illness (separating "you" from "Patricia") protects your identity
If you've ever sat in a doctor's office and felt something shift you couldn't put into words, this episode is for you.
If you've ever wondered why you're grieving even though you're still here, this episode is for you.
If you've ever been told you don't look sick enough to be struggling, this episode is for you.
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00:00 🌱 Opening: Are Our Wounds Actually Seeds?
00:44 🎙️ Welcome & Meet Loni Fagel
03:27 💔 How a Health Crisis Redirected Her Career
04:47 🏥 The Dual Diagnosis No One Talks About
13:18 📅 "D-Day": Naming the Moment Everything Changed
16:26 🗣️ Learning to Advocate for Yourself in the Medical System
29:51 🎗️ Grieving a Double Mastectomy and Genetic Cancer Risk
32:11 👻 Invisible Wounds, Invisible Illness
32:43 🚗 The Cruelty of Judging What You Can't See
44:15 🌻 Post-Traumatic Growth and the "Sh*t Pot" Metaphor
46:22 🔥 The Princess Bride and Walking Through the Fire Swamp
47:26 🧩 Making Meaning (Without "Everything Happens for a Reason")
54:37 🎭 Naming Your Illness: "Is This You, or Is This Patricia?"
55:17 🌌 Consciousness, the Body, and Letting Go of the Battle Metaphor
59:19 ✨ Finding the Glimmers of Light in the Dark
1:01:11 💌 Where to Find Loni Fagel
