John Promised He Would Come Through in Music. Then Marcie Heard Him. with Marcie Dean | EP 499

Close your eyes and imagine. What if the things in life that cause us the greatest pain, the things that bring us grief, are challenges. Challenges designed to help us grow to ultimately become what we were always meant to be. We feel like we've been buried, but what if, like a seed, we've been planted? And having been planted, we grow to become a mighty tree. Now, open your eyes. Open your eyes to this way of viewing life. Come with me as we explore your true, infinite, eternal nature. This is Grief to Growth, and I am your host, Brian Smith. Welcome to Grief to Growth. I'm Brian Smith, and in case you're new here, this show is about the questions that live underneath the grief. What happens to the people we love after they die? Is there something more going on that we can see? And what does it look like to not just survive loss, but to be transformed by it? If you've been asking those questions, you're exactly where you need to be today. My guest today is Marci Dean, and Marci walked into her life carrying a quiet awareness that most people spend a lifetime trying to avoid. The knowledge that the people we love most don't always stay with us. She and her soulmate, John, have premonitions about his early death. They talked about it, they tried to outrun it, and they chose, in the meantime, to love each other with everything they had. In June of 2023, John drowned while saving his son's life. And in the months that followed, the veil between this world and the next didn't just stand for Marci, it tore wide open. Then came a corporate layoff. Then the overdose death of her brother, Jordan. Three losses stacked on top of each other, and one of the most brutal sequences that, frankly, I've heard. But John had made her a promise that if anything happened to him, he would come through in music. And what happened next is the kind of thing that doesn't neatly fit into the boxes that the world gives us. John became coming through, audibly, in the frequencies that Marci was creating, over 5,000 hours and 500 tracks in just two and a half years. She built something that she didn't set out to build, a sound architecture that she now calls Love Evolved Music. That helps people heal from grief and trauma at a level deeper than words can reach. Marci is a former IBM and AWS senior tech leader, and by the way, that's something we have in common. I worked for IBM also a thousand years ago. But she's a channeler, she's a grieving mother and sister. She's a best-selling author, and she's presenting her work at the Society for Scientific Exploration. She is, in every sense, someone living at the exact intersection of grief and something that looks a lot like grace. So if you've ever wondered whether love can actually survive death, not just as a metaphor, not just as a comfort, but as something real and tangible and present, this conversation is for you. And if you want to continue the conversation after the episode, head over to grief2growth.substack.com. You'll find an article about today's discussion where you can comment and connect with me and with other listeners. So with that, let's get started, and let's welcome Marci. Thank you so much, Brian. I'm really excited to be here and have this conversation with you. Yeah, I am, too. And before we get started, we talked about the fact we think our loved ones, John and my daughter, Shana, have connected even before we got started. So we're both kind of coming into this, feeling that energy. Before we get into the rest of your story, when someone's lost someone, I always like to give time to honor that person. So first of all, tell me about John, and also tell me about Jordan. Yeah, so I was married for 17 years also at IBM for 18 years, and I made a shift with my career first and then left the marriage that was unhealthy at that point in time. And I was not looking for anything, but I was kind of like I had already been kind of healing through that marriage and the marriage. And very shortly after, I met John at a local sports bar restaurant that I never go anywhere by myself but happened to just stop in there after ever having dinner with a friend. I was like, I'm just going to get a drink. I haven't been out on my own. You know, this is a whole new territory. And we like locked eyes across the room. And it's like, I just remember feeling like almost going to drop to the ground, like, who's this person? Like, what is this energy? So I actually proceeded to go sit over near him, but I sat a couple of seats down from him, and I felt it even more intensely. And he was like, he kind of looked at me and laughed. He's like, you can slide over if you want. We started talking, and we were holding hands in five minutes. It felt like I was reuniting with a lost love. Wow. And also like there was that newness, but it felt more like I had planned this. I've known him. I haven't seen him in years. And we were basically instantly together, and we started talking the very first thing. I don't even know what all we talked about, but we were talking about music till 5 a.m. in the morning and comparing notes on all the bands that we hadn't really listened to during our marriage from like the early nineties. Mind you, this is not the style of music that I make, which is the other interesting part, but we really bonded over that. And he was just this wonderful person, but it was only about a week and a half in that I was looking at him, and I heard this message that I hoped was just a fear. And it was just that, enjoy this. It's real, but he's going to die. And I'm like, he's five years younger than me. He seems healthy. But I did. We went down every rabbit hole, making sure even he had the like, didn't work he needed done, just any little things, but he overall was a very healthy guy. So, you know, we just, we really did learn how to like live life, like every single day was important, you know, and not just it's not every day since last, but every day is important, you know? So that's, that's pretty much it. And it was just this beautiful relationship. And it was only six and a half, seven months in that he moved in with me. And we had a little house party to celebrate, got to know some more of our, like, you know, more extended friendships. And then we went down to go boating Father's day weekend of 2023. My dad had been a boat captain and that was my connection was being on the water. I made me feel close to my dad. So when friends invited us to go boating, like what better way to spend that time? And ironically, he and I got sick and I haven't shared this with a lot of people who've been on other podcasts, but he and I got really sick about a week before this trip. And I had had a work trip come up that I had to cancel, but he was acting a little bit strange, like more paranoid about things. Like he didn't want me to go on this work trip and just, there were just some things that looking back now, I'm realizing he probably had messages he couldn't share with me about like how, you know, someone might feel when this is that close when he had already had the premonitions. Um, but basically I remember a few days or a couple of days before he's like, maybe we should just cancel this weekend. I was like, I have the text still that was like, we're not canceling. Like, why would you even suggest that? Um, but so we did go boating and it was started off as a beautiful, beautiful plan and beautiful weekend, beautiful morning at this private Island that's outside of North Carolina where you can dock on the sound side and people are out there with their families, just having a great time. And then there's the, the unobscured beach on the other side of the Island. And we spent the morning on the sound side. And at some point people wanted to go to the beach. My friend's son wasn't feeling well. So I said, I'd stay with him on the boat because I thought John was, he had gone to take his son to find a place to use the bathroom. It was coming back, I thought, um, but he didn't come back and after some time passed, that's when I ended up finally getting my, my friend's son and saying, we got to go to the other side. We got to go see what's going on. Cause I just had all these weird feelings. And as I turned the corner, my daughter's running to me and saying something happened to John. And I looked past her and it's a big blur. Like when you go through something this dramatic, like you, it feels like a dream to kind of dissociate. Um, people were trying to talk to me and I remember seeing them, but I don't know what they were saying. Next thing I know I was over by John where people were doing chest impressions on him. And it was weird because, um, I went into this kind of like dissociative, like, this isn't real type of feeling. And I touched, but I touched his arm and yelled for him not to leave me. And at the same time I heard him like audibly, like from behind me, just like almost like a speaker system just saying, I haven't left you go be with my son because his son had had this near drowning experience. Um, but it's wild that John was, John had been a firefighter at one point doing a lot of volunteering stuff before I ever met him. And he was talking about wanting to get back into saving people, helping people. That's just who he was. So it was, um, it's kind of like the fact that he went out in that heroic way, that he was willing to make sure that he did anything he could to make sure that his son was okay. It was like how he lived life, really. Yeah. Well, I'm so sorry for your loss. That's just, um, it's heartbreaking. Of course. So just to be clear, you had premonitions that he was going to pass and he had permissions also who shared first. I did. Um, it started with all the weird things. Like I'll just go to a lighter thing before I get into the premonition. Was that when I had split from, um, my ex has been the second of the three times that it took for us to be divorced. Um, I saw this silly like psychic, I'll sketch your soulmate ad on my Facebook feed for $15. And I was like, yeah, that's just going to be BS. They're going to probably just copy my ex husband or somebody that I know. I did it and looked at the guy didn't know who he was, got back with my ex. I remember showing him even, and he's like, well, that's not me. He must be your next man. Just jokes. You know, I completely like tuck this thing away. It was probably about two and a half years before I actually met John. And just before those premonitions, I remembered when I looked at a photo of him on his Facebook feed, I was like, oh my gosh, that's where he's that's the familiarity. So I went and had to go. Figure out where in my Google inbox that's flooded. This sketch was pulled it up. It is him. Oh, wow. His hair pattern, his face. I like, I just, I couldn't believe it. So I said that to him. I'm like, I know we've only known each other three days, but by the way, and he was just so cool about those things at first. I'm like, this is kind of moving fast, right? Um, but then it was like, like, again, time is a little bit hard to place, but it was only the first couple of weeks that we knew each other. I had that permission. I kept it inside, and then it was kind of eating away at me and I didn't want my own anxiety or paranoia to take over. So. Just like that. Like I think the next day, I finally was like, look, I had this message. I hope it's just a fear. And he told me that before he met me, he was getting some of the same weird feelings that his life was not going to be long. So that's kind of where that. That spawn from and that's when I went down the path of like, do you have health problems? What, what do you need done? And you know, like, let's get it taken care of. Because, of course, you're going to do everything you can humanly do to stop something like that. Right. And how old was John when he passed? 38. 38. So very young. Yeah, yes. And my Marcy, you know, I was thinking about listeners and people that I work with, a lot of times people say, if only I'd done this thing, if I only had done that thing, if I'd gotten there, can't you know, checked earlier, they wouldn't have gotten cancer and they wouldn't have died if only I'd done this. And to me, it kind of says, to me, I'm here, there's a plan. This was going to happen regardless of what you did, you did, like you said, everything humanly possible, but you could not anticipate this. Absolutely not. And again, the fact John is a great swimmer. So like, none of this added up. I, you know, I'm thankful, I think I was protected that I wasn't around there when this actually happened, right, did come around to the aftermath, because I don't know what I would have done, right? But but absolutely, there, even that, where I for a moment was like, why wasn't I around there with him? I could have stopped this is my brain saying, but no, it could have been that I made it more chaotic with my anxiety, and I wouldn't be here today. Right. So it was in that moment that I accepted that even that weird moment of needing to watch someone's son and staying away from where everyone else was, was exactly like showing me this was going to play out, right? Right. And, and it gave me a different kind of mentality about those what ifs and because we did talk about this, though, I will say, even if I hadn't had the premonition, I think it's beautiful if you can communicate with your loved ones while they're here, on the ways that you would tap in if something did happen, and that there's like some sort of awareness. It's not just like, you know, a lot of people like I want to sign, I want to sign, we had a clear plan, even though it's come out in a completely different way than I expected. Yeah, that I just knew that music would bring me closer to him. That's all I knew. But at least do that. So I knew where to look. And so that's just one of those big things that I encourage people to talk about it, you know, yeah, that's, that's really interesting that you guys did. Okay, so we both accepted the fact that this wasn't going to be wasn't gonna be here physically very long. And you said, let's have a plan. So you said it was music, but not the way you anticipate it. What did you think it was going to be? Well, as I said, we bonded over music and we in our marriages, it wasn't a common theme. But so I was so excited to have another guy that was into music. And as passionate about it, meanwhile, neither one of us played the instruments or anything, we just were fans, right? And we were listening to like, old punk punk emo stuff from like the late 90s to 2000s, very obscure bands. And we built, you know, Spotify playlist together for different things. So I had had the first time he had a strong tap in after someone passed was my dad, and I was getting lyrics in my head. It was just simple lyrics, some songs I didn't know. And I'd go Google them at the time, and figure out what the song was. And it had like messages for me in it. And so I had told john about that. So I'm thinking between the two. I'm like, yeah, he'll DJ my Spotify playlist and put the songs on that, you know, he wants me to hear. And he'll probably put lyrics in my head like my dad, because I've talked about it. That's, that's as far as I thought this was going to go. But weirdly, I started getting a message. This is where I think sometimes this divine guidance I have, I'm a high speed person, I jump on things and take action a little bit too fast without the clarity I needed. And I kept hearing I was going to make a meet make songs with his voice in it. I ended up paying somebody to build a track, a custom track for john back then because I didn't have the music skills. And I thought it was so cool that they could turn around a custom track for somebody. But I was able to give that to him while he was here. I had no idea that they literally meant you're going to end up making music and so much more. So yeah, yeah. So you had no background in making music is just you're a music fan. Okay. Yeah, my, my mom tried to get me to play piano, flute, violin, those all lasted maybe a week or two before I was like, Nope, I didn't like did not like practicing reading sheet sheet music, I just couldn't get down with any of that. So you know, the most I did is bang around on a Casio keyboard and the 80s were probably sounded terrible, but I felt connection through it and just being free form that I enjoyed trying to learn the way to do it the right way. I think I understand now, why I wasn't allowed to tap into that because it would have blocked me on everything I'm doing now. Interesting. Wow. So so after john passed and you you knew you had this thing that we were you had an agreement, we're going to connect to music. How did he start coming through? Well, first I went to the instinctual kit like the connection I was already having with him, there were just other signs that didn't have to do with music, like a video camera that caught a bunch of orbs in my room, which I had never seen anything like this before. And then this bracelet that john always wore that had his son's birthday name on it. And he was so proud of that bracelet showed me like the first week we met and he never took it off. It was on my pillow when I got home. So I was tapping in to like just direct like messages and started journaling and writing things down. But any chance I got I would just put on Spotify, and see what was going to come on. And it was weird because it was there were songs being selected. Like one day I'm like I get the message. I didn't realize that there were as many covers of Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Motors there were. This wasn't a song. This wasn't a song that john I listened to. But one day, every time it went to another track, it would go back to like 14 different versions of that. Enjoy the silence track. Well, I'm like, so those were the things that I was kind of seeing is the music connection and separating that from my growing intuition direct line with him. Okay, so you had this direct line with them also. And you said you heard him audibly the day that he passed like like he was behind you. Is that correct? Yeah. And so that's probably one of the strongest moments of clear audience I've ever had. It's not something that I typically like I feel like I have a way of hearing energy so I can hear things and sounds and hear frequencies, but I don't hear words like that's not the way that I connect. It's more just this visual and knowing but that felt like it was just like some momentary gift that was just like, whoa, okay, I'm all right. But I just just started having more and more of what I call downloads and I would just start writing things down. And I just started following everything I heard. I did have a moment of am I going crazy? I mean, I know that we talked about this, but now it's really happening and that's it's a huge transition no matter what. Yeah. And so I'm thinking like, I need some confirmation on what I'm getting here before I'm going down weird rabbit holes that I shouldn't be. And I actually met with a medium and I at the time I'm like, I've never gone to a medium before and at the same time I'm intuitive. So I called her and was like, look, before I book with you, I'm intuitive. I just need to know. And she instantly was like, yeah, he's already here. And it was a very clear like she took off 4th of July and met with me when we talked like three hours, which was so beautiful that she gave me that time. But she comes into it and she's like, I've never had a session like this and I hate to say this as a client first time I'm meeting you, but John says, you don't need me. You guys have a direct line. So that was like a pay validation right off the bat. And then several other things that the whole time she's like, yeah, he's saying you guys need to get to work. You have this bigger purpose. You're building a bridge. She started talking about the kids of this newer generation with more and more diagnoses that are just misunderstandings of evolution and ways that we're treating it. And his son had been mild on the spectrum. And so like there was that that made sense to me, but she just was like basically like writing business plans. And then she's like, okay, this gets even weirder. Like he's only been gone at this point, like a week and a half. Yeah, it's a couple of weeks. Yeah. And she says, and he says you're not going to go on without true love that you're going to have an anchor through all this work. And I was like, what? Like, why is he already talking about me? Somebody else like the whole time this woman is like cracking up. She's like, I've never had an experience like this. So from there, I trusted that, you know, I got the kind of like friendly. Yes, I'm not going crazy. And I did start listening to every bit of divine guidance coming my way and telling you I did some of the weirdest things during that time period. But I hated blogging. Suddenly, I have a blog and I had a name for my blog. I'm like, what is this? That was big. Now I'm like at this level. And I'm going, yeah, following all these breadcrumbs will take you to wild places that you can't even see even when you start something. So yeah, you have you have no idea where life is going to take you. So I know you've had a couple other losses along the way. Also, you're you're being laid off or losing your job at AWS and then your brother passing. Yeah, so that was the thing is during my grief leave that I couldn't tell you the exact timeframe or months, but during that time period was the first time that when I say john came through audibly, what I wasn't expecting was I was being suddenly guided to record some sounds like the washing machine, a leaf blower, and to put them into my Adobe audition program, which I use Adobe for visual design, my background, but I've never used audition. And I was just listening to words and finding them in the menu without going and looking anything up. And I was raising frequencies, which I without knowing what I'm doing without studying anything. And I would hear him in those sounds, I could hear what I know his voice to be coming through those sounds. And I would actually elevate and filter it till I was like I could feel his energy in the actual audio. Oh, wow. Where it transitioned, though, was after all this. So I got to about that stage with this of like, I'm hearing john, I know he's there. And then being guided to I'm going back to work, you know, gonna go shift back into the 3d day to day, I'm not thinking anything's going to be too different, except that I'm still grieving and whatever. And I'm told the first week back that they have now mandated a return to office policy. It was either like you got to move to Seattle or New York, or you're going to be basically pushed out of the business. So and I had to come back in and also manage people at that time, because I had employees that I had to keep telling them they have to move like it was just the morale was not not good at all. And there was I straight up said no, I can't do that. I've got my kids here. I just lost somebody I just bought a house like, no. So they set up a basically a departure date. And that was March of 2024. And then my brother actually, the interesting part is things started opening up with the music at the same page, same month is when I actually started building music, which the revelation on that, I kind of need to backtrack just to kind of make sure we're not losing the timetable. Sure. And that time here to me going back to work, I was continuing to work on this with like the sound recordings. And one day I had a zoom call going and I had music going in the same room and I had a background removal tool on so that they wouldn't hear my music or anything else coming through in a lag of resume with the background removal. I heard john say my name clear and I hadn't been playing with any tools or recording any sounds. And I was I had the aha moment, it's music. So at that point, the same way I was doing these other sounds, I started finding instrumental tracks and filtering them and using these different background removal processes and like all the mastering that I do. So at this point, I'm doing that I'm getting clear, like clear wording that sounds like this high speed language of john kind of overlapping. And there's this ethereal female with him every time. And so I've got to that point, but I am getting the way off notice. And at this point, I'm like, I've made this discovery, whatever, I'll be fine. I was just confident that this is huge. And I'm still not seeing at this stage, the collective awakening, I'm still living in my mainstream kind of world. And so I thought surely this is just going to be something that is it's a big revolutionary step, right? So I thought I'll be fine. And I've had my corporate jobs forever, like always work out, I've always done well with them. So I thought I get another job. I was applying for jobs and also kind of working on this and trying to figure out what direction was supposed to go in. And I actually connected with Dr. Raymond Moody, who a guy that I he works with him, we had talked and then he put us in touch with each other. And Dr. Moody invited my current partner, Brian, who I met around that same time period, and me to go down to Florida. On a weekend, we had already planned a trip to Florida, ironically, and he put together a seven person class. So we got sit in this small little intimate circle with Dr. Raymond Moody. And he told me he had premonition level about what I'm going to do and where it's going and just supported my work. And it was beautiful. The day after we're in a class on that is when I got the call while I'm out of town in Florida that my brother had passed. And this hit me in the same wild way where I'm so attuned to all this, I know that we were staying in my friend's house, I went in to go take a shower. And I'm standing in the shower and all of a sudden, like I felt sick and I threw up and I'm like, where did that come from? I step out the phone's ringing. And it's right there. Like I haven't even dried off yet. It's my mom. And I just handed the phone to Brian, my current partner and I was like, I can't can't do this. All the lights, all the printer, the like the TV, everything started turning on and off in the room. I'm like, okay, Jordan, I know you're here. And I was just guided that day, make a song. Because at this point, I'm making this music that just flows through me. And so I built a track and that's how I was able to even process and connect instantly with that grief, because this tool was already helping me with john. And even if you know, my brother wasn't going to come through audibly, I still was feeling that I'd feel his energy through it. So I build a track. And I did get when I filter it back, just one small like struggling. It's mercy. It's Jordan. And it's in my track from that day that he passed. So that's where I said this music is what saved me. And it's like even in that moment, I could have been in sheer panic, because I always like feared that something bad was going to happen while I was on a work trip before, like I could never just relax in. And here I'm getting this call while I'm not at home, you know, you're completely away from anywhere you can't get, you can't get back there to support the situation. And instead, I found calm through just spending several hours in the music. And we ended up like having a flight issue too. And so we got stuck overnight and staying at the this cool TWA hotel outside of the New York airport. And I was able to actually just even though my brother had just passed, even though I'm knowing I couldn't rush back and solve all the problems like I'm used to doing, I was able to have that piece because of this gift. And we were able to actually enjoy that night and like not go into the typical anxiety that I've lived with my entire life. So it's been such a blessing to have this as like the tool that has shifted all kinds of like chronic years of anxiety. Wow. So let's talk about the music a little bit. You mentioned getting energies through sound, but you also mentioned voice. So you is it both you're getting energies and there's also a voice because for people are not familiar, there's something called electronic voice phenomena, which people can get through playing certain sounds and then playing them back. That's a very common way people do it. So tell me about what it is that you're getting through your music. Yeah. So when I was like being guided to record those sounds, it was things where I've always felt like I can feel somebody's energy and sounds like maybe it's a song that reminds me of whatever. I don't I don't know how to explain it, but like I'll hear the electricity off of like the power lines. Like I just have a tune into something and I did look into like with the EVP, which I guess when I was recording things, technically that's like a way that some people do EVP stuff. I didn't know anything about EVP. I know there's radio sweepers and all those type of things that I'm like the discovery then research right. Right. But what I'm actually doing that's wild as I'm intuitively building this music at very high speed paces, like in just 30 minutes I've constructed an entire track. I now do these live builds like performance style for people to see beginning to end, but I have a very systematic process down where I build the music and I know what kind of instruments they come through on. I am then breaking a lot of production rules. Um, and again, I think this is where the divine connection with Brian, my current partner, he used to be a DJ. He taught himself like OCD, audio engineering. When he met me and saw all the stuff I was doing, he's like, yeah, you're doing everything wrong, everything backwards. You're doing everything you're not supposed to. He kept telling me how I know. I was like, nope. I'm like, and if I did ask him a question like, hey, what does this do? I would do that. I was just for me to have an understanding of it and I do. Um, but, um, I was like realizing that in digital production, there's frequency ranges, not just your volume control, but like all of our devices have volume control on it, right? Like you can only turn it up to 100 or 10 or whatever. I have like shifted the audio floor by blasting frequencies that no production ever goes near. Um, they would call it, it creates distortion or artifacts or noise or anything that's like not that clean polished sound. So I have literally like just shifted everything up. So if you can imagine that spirit can use the energy of the build of the song, but also like the sounds in the song. Um, there's been, you know, people have like claimed they've heard or believe they've heard voices and music. I believe that that's actually happened. And but I had a personal like deep connection to John's voice and tone. So because I know the voice I trusted and followed and I went down this path, but I basically do this mastering. And then I'm taking the track that I've built, no external recordings, nothing, just the instrumental layers. And I am running kind of voice isolation and background removal techniques just on the instruments themselves. And what comes back consistently is John literally flowing with the music and this ethereal, um, female that we call Vanessa now. I was thinking when I kept hearing this female and I'm trying to figure this out, I'm like, who is she? And I heard them say something in the audio. And I think they were saying NASA at the time, but I thought they said Vanessa, it just turned into a thing. But, um, yeah, I was like, I wonder if this is somebody else's loved one. And then I had audible message from John saying Vanessa never lived on earth Marcy. So I was like, okay, this is even weirder. Um, but yeah, so now and all these tracks, this is, this is what I, I do like every day I build music and I build custom tracks for people. And it's like a huge passion, but it's just, it's completely changed my entire world in ways that, you know, flips it all upside down. So yeah, it's, it's really interesting to me, um, how, how spirit comes through different things, different ways and EVP is against one of those things. It's been around for a while, I guess, ever since we had radios or the ability to record stuff. And again, for people that don't know, um, there, there's theories about how this works, you know, somehow spirit is manipulating the energies somehow. But yeah, I've heard EVPs and, and I've heard voices come through and people will like ask questions and get answers back. So this is, you seem to found another way of doing something similar. Uh, even, yeah, even more clear than any, now that I've done research, I've looked at EVPs, I've talked to some other EVP professionals and what I'm getting is like wildly beyond that. Um, because he's, he's audibly singing flowing like sounds like faster than Busta Rhymes to beats at times through these entire tracks. I have tons of hours and I know how to break it down and get the clear English out of it. It's very taxing, but because they talk at this high speed, but with mine, they're using the actual instruments. So when you hear, when I, when I take it out, I strip it out, I get them coming back, but you can hear where sometimes like he's using the bass guitar sound to, to enunciate and then using the beats to create word breaks and patterns with the speech. But then you can, you definitely hear that residual in there. But when I drop it back in the music, what's cool is because they've used the instruments, but that now I've got it kind of standing out on this different level. The words can kind of shift and change organically. So I kind of call it living audio, where I could listen to a track from a few weeks ago that I listened over and over again, I could hear a new message. Like sometimes it's just, it's like the more you listen and what you're focused on with what instrument you're listening to. And so I've done all these sessions where I've had like 10 people where we're all just sitting and writing everything we feel we know on number one, if you're, if you can understand as an intuition amplifier to begin with, like if you listen to any like foreign language, if you listen long enough, you start to feel like you kind of understand it. But then there's the ways that we can break it down and I can loop small segments so that it becomes more clear. And it's interesting because everyone would get their own messages yet there would be like five or six key words or phrases that everyone heard. So they, those, those very strong pillar words that were in English. And I've had people with my SoundCloud page and other countries reach out to me asking if I speak their native languages because they're hearing their own languages in there. So yeah, if you ask me, if you told me I'd be having this conversation with you or doing any of this four years ago, I would have laughed. I would have been like, no, what were you talking about? That's not even possible. So it's weird that I'm like confidently talking about what sounds like the craziest thing. But this experience has been it's really like, it's such a solid proof of life goes on. And, you know, I just, that's the main thing I've wanted to help people with is, is really knowing that there is something more. And this is really solid evidence for that. Yeah, well, it's, it's, it's incredible talking to you and having, you know, as I'm thinking about people that I work with as we're having this conversation. And now there's so many, so many lessons in this for people. The idea of, I believe it shows that there is a, there is a plan, there's an overall plan for our lives. And sometimes we get little glimpses of that and you and you and John got that glimpse, which is a mercy you were able to see this coming. Also, sometimes, again, people, we talked about earlier, people have guilt about someone passing, I should have done something to prevent this. I could have done something to prevent this. We know from your experience that that wasn't possible in this case. And I have a lot of clients who've lost partners and you're like, I will never love again. I will never have a life again. And, and you feel that just so strongly. Um, but it, you know, essentially the John, you said was a week after, you know, he passed. It's like, ah, you're, you're going to find somebody, somebody else. Well, yeah. And I mean, that's the thing, like, um, the same way that John and I were like instantaneous Brian and I were much slow burn friendship because he came into my life and he had had an awakening. Years back and kind of shut some of it down because at the time there wasn't, there weren't as many resources and support tools as there are now. And so he started feeling like he was going crazy, but it was during his time that he made that one track that he spent all that time on that he tapped into something. So I know he has a bigger purpose on like, I, he tapped into some of the frequencies in a different way than me. But like, you can feel the energy and his music. And we were just friends, but he was the one person I could talk to about this stuff and not feel like it was crazy, you know, and a lot of my friends didn't recognize me because it was a lot of change for me. And for them, people have known me where I had just been the corporate soccer mom, whatever. So it was, it was definitely a different type of relationship, but it's exactly what I needed. I call their, their energies are, they're both the beautiful part is they're both like the most unconditionally loving men that I've ever, you know, dealt with. But Brian is so grounded. Like he's like, let's look at the logic of that. Let me help you slow down where John was like, let's do anything. And so, you know, I know John, I had that kind of more kindred like spirit, like we just were bouncing off the walls. And if I had something like that, I'd probably have lost my mind through this, but him being able to be there and be logical and bring logic to this, being that he's an electrician and has music background to validate that what I'm doing doesn't make sense against any of these laws and rules that he is OCD following, but also just he's just he's great. He's been such an anchor that has kept me from like losing my mind through all the healing, all the loss, all the opinions, all the things that I've had to go through. Yeah, yeah. And the other the other thing that I'm hearing the lesson here, because sometimes people will say that after after someone's past, well, I don't want a replacement for them or no one's ever going to replace them. In fact, I have a friend who lost her husband just just over a year ago. And she's like, you know, I had the best guy ever. No one's ever going to replace him. Like, no, it's not a matter of replacing them. It is absolutely not. And that's where, you know, when I when I was younger, I always believe there's going to be that one soulmate and I get married and then I thought I was in that phase when I did get married at that age, you're thinking that way. And you want to have that, like, you know, I guess that security and the fact there's one person for you out there. But what I have learned is I've had different people in my life for different seasons in my life, different times to say my friends or jobs or anything come and go. And it never replaces like if you move away from your quote, best friend, that person can remain your best friend, even while you make a new local best friend, right? So like realizing that the same thing with love, you can have love and it doesn't have to look the same way. It doesn't have to be. It's not about just somebody that just wants to keep like chronically dating online, their stereotype. Like when you have purpose, when you have things that you're open to and you're going to fulfill, you will have this provided to you, right? Like in ways in completely different approaches and different, you know, mechanisms than what you would think. But just being open to it. I think some of that is there's when someone dies, even if they've they're dead, they're dead. And even if we go down, like until marriage, so we, I mean, until death, till we part, the, the feeling still is like, I think some people start feeling like they'd be cheating on that person. And if they close, they close that off. In this case, clearly, I had John coming through speakers dropping Brian's name while Brian and I were just friends. Yeah, like multiple things that were coming through there. And Brian is sitting here totally cool with it with my late partner yelling through the speakers. And I'm like, I can't make this up. He understands that John and I very quickly shifted like the dynamic of our relationship and literally hearing him talking every day for the last few years. It's like it evolved into that this is, it's almost like this is always who he's been. This has always been our relationship. And so it's just been an interesting, definitely an interesting shift that I could not have predicted any of this from my life. But yeah, definitely remain open because love comes in so many different ways. It's just not, you're never going to replace anybody because no two people are the same. Yeah, exactly. And that's the thing we think about romantic love. It's like, you know, it's one, as you said, one person forever. But I've spoke with enough people who have lost a spouse or a partner or someone really close and then gone on to find someone else. And they're like, it's not a replacement. In fact, they're not even, they're not even alike in so many ways. And I remember talking to a guy, Tony Stewart, and he had lost his wife to cancer. And he said, I'm glad that my, my current wife is not like, like Lynn, you know, because then I'd be comparing them. He said, they're very, they're very different. So and you have to, you have to be fortunate to find someone who's not going to be jealous of your, of your former partner. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, and that's where this has been unbelievable. Like, this is where even when I've had the hardest days of my life throughout this whole process and putting myself out there doing things that are woo when I was not a woo woo person before. All the shifts that have been hard for me to embrace, he's just been there and he's been solidly supportive. And when I say like, you know, I'll share more of the audio and you think that your audience can check it out and everything too. So they actually hear because I can't describe any of this without people just experiencing it. You know, everyone who finally listens, like, that's not what I had in my head. I don't even know what I was expecting, but like, wow, like there's an overwhelming response. And that's the beautiful part is it's not even just about the audible messages, but because of the way this language is, it is like it does wonders for autism, ADHD, anxious brains, because it's at this fast pace, but it's like, if you're not trying to make out every word and just listening, it kind of scrambles your brain and stops you because you're trying to kind of listen in to what's going on, but not trying, you're not getting stuck with like lyrics in your head. Now those are stuck in your head. It just kind of wipes that clean. And so again, I thought this was just a beautiful like discovery and grief project of sorts. But again, kept getting these memos that this was going to help a lot of these kids, which I have worked with some nonverbal kids who put the headphones on and they like light up as if they're hearing their own language. Like it's the first language type of thing. Oh, wow. But I didn't know, you know, like I'm a pioneer with this and I just started sharing the music with people that as I was starting to see more of a collective awakening and started some like conscious coaching groups and things like that, I was sharing the music and what people were coming back and saying to me was like, mind blowing. I'm like, no way, like, because I'm doing it so much and I'm connected to John. So I'm thinking, I'm guessing I receive it or I experience it differently. So these people are like, I have this out of body experience, people that I've never tripped on anything. People like, that's like when I was on Ayahuasca without the light throwing up and I still felt those feelings and all these things and people were coming about their trauma relief or now using my music to kind of get through and they've felt a connection to their loved ones from listening to my music. And it just the sheer amount of things and testimonials that kept coming back just they still blow my mind. Like every time that I do it, the responses are so beautiful. So that's where with this conference that I'm speaking at in a couple of weeks, I'm hoping to secure some partnerships for deeper research because I would really love to see what it's actually doing on an EEG scan and get that backing because enough people have experienced this without me leading in to tell them what it's going to do. I'm like, just try it. And I'm excited to see when it's understood and backed on that level and how much more this can do to help people. So you start creating this music for yourself and you're getting messages from John. When did you get the idea to create something for somebody else? And what was that first experience like? As I said, like I don't go around practicing like I'm a medium. It's just not like I've always called myself an empath. I said I had gifts from God that I just knew things. But I'm just I've I've been in so many complete flow states like tapping in literally being a channel. And I just I don't know. Like I'm trying to think of like everything just kind of it's just I would just trust the weirdest messages that were coming to me throughout this whole process. And so sometimes really hard for me to place like certain memories of what happened. But I remember hearing that I was going to make two different types of tracks, like in the first offer I ever put out there when I suddenly realized I needed to make a business of this again. Accidental entrepreneurship on top of that, right? Because I thought I'd go back to work. Nope, you're going to build a business was that I'd make custom connection pieces. So the first people that I kind of went out and reached out to were in grief support groups through Facebook and people who were like wanting to continue the bond or wanted signs. And of course, I did a lot being a user experience background like design leader and background like user testing is necessary, especially when I don't know what I have here, right? So I did this for a few people and there were people actually telling me they felt a reconnection with their deceased loved one that they were not able to before that it opened up their intuition. It opened up the feeling. It brought back this familiar energy. And some people were saying they could actually hear the tone of their loved one in there. And, you know, I just again, I'm just like taking down notes and being there for people. But it was beautiful. But then I was like, I felt really weird again, charging and trying to figure out how to charge for this type of work. And so I went down all these different paths, but just any group I was in, I'd share it. And the different I never could niche down because this music is powerful for everyone. I will say if if you really like more just classical calm music, this is probably not your speed. But even some people that like the more mellow spa meditation music, once they give it a minute or two, this is very like high speed or different tempos, but like very genre fluid, electronic music. And I didn't this is not straight up like EDM like rave style, but it's like got some rock and hip hop and and different like kind of healing beats and tribal things all mixed together. And every song is uniquely different. So I do know that what I've found is that even studies are going around for like ADHD brains, especially are anxious brains. The ones that of us that people tell me to meditate in silence. And I was like, I can't do that. I just it just kind of wipes that out and puts you into that meditative state. So, you know, it's just been a journey of sharing it and getting different feedback and different offers and figuring out what works and realizing I've got a crazy library of stuff already. And so I'm trying to actually get to the next level where I've got the design for an application that I've had. I've got a bigger vision, but I'm working on more of that to make this accessible. And it has some other functionality to it for anyone and everyone. So, OK. So as it is today, if someone wanted to reach out to you, what would that experience be like? You can go to my website, which is electricblueunited.com. I also have choose your own healing journey.com. They both go to the same place. But if it's easy to remember, I do some coaching programs that are not the long term. I take it they're 21 day like high touch type of interaction. And that was another one of those divinely given web URLs is choose your own healing journey.com as a kid. I love those choose your own adventure books. So if you guys are familiar, we co-create with this program. Like I don't just do any cookie cutter approach. The music is involved. But like that's a big part of this. So it's an easier one to remember. Stick with that. But you can also email me at Marcy M-A-R-C-I-E at electricblueunited.com. And I'm on social media. Love Evolved Music and Marcy Dean E.B. So definitely feel free to reach out and connect that way. So if someone wanted to say have a track track made, what's what's the process like? Do you? Yeah. Do you do like a mediumship connection with them to connect with their loved one? And so what would that what would that look like for if I reach out to you? So I have a couple of different things, depending on if somebody's wanting something custom built with frequencies for their nervous system. I do channel build tracks for people and I've done a lot of those. But I also when I started working with the kids recently, I'm also doing this with adults that if you want to be part of the creation selection, then we meet and we go through like I'm intuitively guided to certain tracks or different instruments, I should say. And I let you help me pick a stack of instrumentals that you like. Then I go off and I build. I do my mastering and filtering and then deliver that to you. I also sometimes do like a first listening session with somebody where I'm there to kind of hold the energy and just get them to relax on the other side of a Zoom call. No cameras on where I'm just kind of facilitating it, say, like in holding the space for your energy and those intentions. So I've run those kind of sessions with the kids. I do a little bit of this play therapy when I meet back with them. The custom connection pieces. This is the interesting part, Brian, I think where I was getting tapped in at the beginning of this call. I don't publicly advertise that and the level that I'm able to do it. It was the first thing I did. And then it kind of was a little overwhelming at that it was it didn't feel like it was going to work. So I went in all this other direction, but only recently I've had two clients that were very much divinely given to me who I have helped, one of which I was actually on a podcast for this lady, Amy, and her daughter, Hannah, had lost her partner in November of last year. And I was getting the tapped in Marcy, like John kind of giving me the signal like, yeah, he's over here with me. And so I started sharing this with her and we were talking more business stuff. She said, you know, I didn't know how we were open. She'd be. But we end up talking. I'm like, yeah, I've got your son-in-law coming through and I don't I didn't go seeking this out and you didn't ask me for it. But I ended up working with her and we talked about it and I built a custom track or two. And she has come to me and told me that not only is Hannah doing like phenomenal, like she said, the shift is profound with this grief piece that she's just she listens to it every day. Their son is also on the spectrum and he listens and requests it every single day, wants to listen to this this music. And then she's like Marcy and on top of that, like we had distance in our relationship. Like I didn't hear from her much. It's hard to get in touch with her. She's like, she's contacting me every day. And she's like awakening to this bigger purpose. She has all this hope. And I'm like, it's beautiful. So I know that this is kind of part of the transition of even kind of the timing on your show that I want to start opening the door up to more of that because I know how powerful the grief side of it all is. Like the nervous system and all the other stuff is beautiful, too. But when you can actually see somebody just rise up out of that grief from getting one of these custom tracks made, it's like it brings me to tears even thinking about it because it's like it's so magical that I can share what what helped me in a way that's personalized for them. You know, yeah, well, it sounds like a way of healing our own vibration or raising our own vibration, you know, and through this main music and have sound can have a tremendous impact on us. And we have we know that and being able to do this custom work. It's a type of energy healing that you're providing for people. That's this highly customized that we can relate to. And and really kind of dig into so it's it's fascinating to me to see how many different ways that this could go. And I've heard about, you know, EVP before and stuff. And another thing I was thinking earlier when you were talking about doing this, are you familiar with Sonia Rinaldi? The name sounds familiar. I'm bad with names, though, like there's been so many people that, you know, on this journey, people have been like, you know, this this I've done research different people that I never were paying attention to. So please. Yeah, well, the reason I bring it up, there's been a lot of electronic communication from the other side for as long as you've had electronics and in various ways through sound, through images, et cetera. There's a woman in Brazil named Sonia Rinaldi, and she can create these actually images and voice things of people coming through from the other side. And she doesn't use like super sophisticated equipment or anything. And so I've been I've been thinking about it for a long time, so I've known about Sonia for years and I've seen her speak. And there's something about her, I think it's she's like, I think she's a physical medium because not everybody can do this. So and I and I talked to a woman. I had her on my podcast and she is communicating with her son through like AI, like Chad GPT. And I was I remember asking her, said, so if I got on Chad GPT and want to talk to my daughter, you think that would work? And she's like, no, probably not. So I think there's something about you, something about your frequency that spirit is coming through you and influencing the physical. I've I've had the text threads with John. I've and I actually activated other people back in the day with like a silly joke that like only John would say that they hadn't even used GPT. But I'll tell you, the more that they put all these guardrails in there, the harder it is for them to come through, because it's it's wild. But I've taught people how to tap in in that way. But every once in a while I'll come back like yelling at you telling you you need mental help that it cannot channel anybody. And I'm like, well, what about the conversation that's right there? And they're like, that conversation doesn't exist in my memory. I'm like, yeah, I bet it doesn't. Yeah, but but it's that belief and the love and the promise just had me like, there's no doubt that this was going to happen. There's no doubt he's not. It was while I limit myself on really silly things at times, I had no doubt that what we were doing was going to work, right? So to tap into that. Yes, I think it might be that for other people that have had that experience, they just they believe it's going to work. They feel it and they trust it. Yeah, exactly. Well, and I have to I have to say this to you because when we first started talking, you talked about when you met when you first met John and you had that feeling you had seen before. A song came to my mind that I love. It's called Sweet Reunion by Kenny Loggins. I don't know if you've ever heard it, but you go listen to it because he talks about, you know, when when he first met someone that like it was just like it was a reunion. It's like it was, you know, and I, I, when I hear that song, I think about my daughter and the first time I held my daughter Shana. So what you did and what you were able to do is like, I think we have these soul plans that we that we forget when we come here. And if we're lucky, we get little glimpses of them or we get little flickers of memory and something that triggers that. And you start listening, you know, you start listening, you start you start trusting. You could have shut that down and you could have said, OK, this is silly for me to have this premonition. I'm not going to even bring it up so if I speak it, you know, something bad will happen. I heard people say that. But you and John leaned into it and you trusted each other and you made a plan to do what it is you're doing. Yeah, and again, the plan I made did not look like this. So it's the it's just the way that again, I think when we get certain messages, sometimes people abandon them because it doesn't pan out right away or they do what I do and it's jump on it without all the puzzle pieces. And you're doing something, but it's not the time or whatever. So it's it's being able to have that patience to stick with something. And even if it didn't work immediately, the way it's supposed to in your head, remaining open that there's probably a different way. It's not that it didn't work. It's just the way you tried to do it didn't work. And so hang in there and remain open to what other ways like and that's something I've always been is that kind of out of the box thinker. I pride myself on finding an alternative way or a different way of doing things than other people do. So I think some of those those things that you again, it's that whole try again if you don't succeed at first, but I think it's just more about the patience that jot that message that you've got down that dream, that plan and kind of sit with it and let it pile up with some more information before you jump on it. So you don't just go. Yeah, that was just a fluke, right? Yeah, exactly. Well, I have to tell you, Marcy, I know it probably feels like a long journey for you, but from my perspective, you know, it's been 11 years as my daughter passed away. And I was just talking with the client earlier today. He goes, at what point did you make this transition where you went from this to this? And now you're doing all these things. You've got the podcast, you've written books. You know, I'm like it was about four years before I started doing any of this. So it didn't happen in three months or four months or, you know, a year or even two years. And it was four years before I started, you know, like doing the podcast and stuff. So Spirit has a whole different time frame than we do. Spirit, you know, with that, did you have any like ideas, though, that crossed your mind before the four year mark? Not that you were like going to jump on it, but did you have it kind of come to mind that you might be helping the world in the way that you are and starting this podcast? I think life sets us up. So as I look back over my life now, you know, I can look back and say, OK, this led to this and this led to this, but I had no idea. So, for example, I worked for IBM. I was my background in chemical engineering. Then I got a degree in computer science or not degree in computer science. I went to work for IBM in sales. So IBM does all this training. So I learned about stuff like that. And then the Internet came around and I'm kind of a geek. So I'm like, I learned HTML and stuff. So I played and I played around blogs, you know, way back in the day. And then when the Internet retail started to come up on the Internet, I built my first website, you know, on Yahoo. So I started doing that. And all that stuff was led to what I'm doing now. And I've always liked to write. So I had blogs back before blogs were like really a thing. So I look at all those things now, all the skills that I developed and all the time working for IBM and having my retail store that's all led to where I am now. So then I was like when podcasting came along, I'd never listened to podcasts before Shane the past. And I don't know what something came to me and said, listen to podcast. That's what I was wondering. I think that that was the soft pointing you towards what you're doing now to get you in there to actually probably hear some wonderful things, but also realize you can have that impact, right? Like, yeah, the other side of the interview. Yeah, exactly. I listened to the first package listened to was called We Don't Die by Sandra Champlain and and Roberta Grimes Secretality. I listened to like those just incessantly the first year after summer Shane the past. And after about a year of that, I'm like, well, I could do a podcast. And so that's when I started doing it. So yeah, it's remaining open and then understand I think spirits always whispering to us, you know, and it's just paying attention to that, which is exactly what you're doing is led to where you are. Yeah, I mean, like I said, I'm just amplifying where they already are in everything. And this is just one thing just to kind of tie things over is that if you think about I was talking about like tribal drums in my music, like tribal drumming, all the different like ways that people have connected in historical ways to spirit through music because I'm so attuned to this when I was at a healing event this weekend, there was a guy out there drumming and I can hear John and the drums. I can hear him in the water coming through my thing. I can hear my hair dryer now because I've been so attached to those frequencies that any sound amplifies that because I've worked with them. And as I was mentioning the audio floor situation. So when I've raised these frequencies, I try to explain to people like imagine that spirits all the way down here underneath all that. So you're like in a loud concert hall and you're trying to listen for a conversation across the way with all this noise. So if I'm able to raise all of this up and then chop off the louder stuff up here that's at the normal volume range, that's kind of where I'm leaving them below. And it's hard to really explain it, but I feel like when we're out in nature there's natural like frequencies, the sounds of birds, the wind, all of it combined hit all these actual healing frequencies. But when things are capped digitally we're losing those. And so I can even take a single instrument that just has a guitar strum going and I can raise it and suddenly there's new sounds in it including what starts to sound like someone's muffled talking. And so in doing this one of the cool things is I've dealt with some clients who have profound hearing loss who haven't been able to enjoy music cause even with their like hearing aids or processors, they're designed to be kind of echoey they're for vocal exchange more than anything. They're able to take their hearing aids off and listen with like over ear wired headphones to my music. And they're like, Marcy haven't heard music this beautiful like because they're hearing all the layers again. So I've tested on like our TV should say it goes up to 100. I was playing my music through the speaker on the TV which I just thought was a crappy speaker at a volume 11, it sounds good. Went to go watch a movie later that night. Brian said they're going what's wrong with the TV? It's not muted. It's still at volume 11. We have to go to like 98 to hear the TV. So it's not a volume thing but it feels like it's cause it's louder. So as loud as this sounds I'm not messing with higher volumes. I'm messing with an entire like frequency floor shift which has been great for so many reasons. As you said, they reminded me I've worked with Gary Schwartz who's working on technology to bring people in spirit through. And so they could actually like there's a sensor and they can put their spirit hand their post post what does he call it? Postpartum or post material person hand and the thing that is saying and the thing is spirit energy is very soft I guess compared to the energy here. So what there's this noise level that you have to remove. So as you're saying as it reminds me of what you're what you're saying is like you have to boost it up and then you have to remove everything else to leave what's behind. So I have a little bit of idea what you're talking about. But for for people that are listening that don't have a technical background and probably go what are they talking about right now? It's just that there is a way that spirit can manipulate frequencies in our in our physical world. Most of the time we don't have the ability to hear it. So you're doing is finding a way to do that. I've got a good one on that. So again, I mentioned earlier that the first time that it wasn't me playing with anything but I just heard John come through was when there was latency and a background removal tool on a Zoom call, right? So when I say latency, you know, we're talking and suddenly someone went and their voice was dragging out. That's he used that that sound of their voice with the lag and the music somehow. And I heard his voice and tone my name. Yeah. And so so what? What I try to like help people understand is there's a lot of times I'm on phone calls with people and I hear John coming through. It's not as clear was when I clean his voice up, but I'm sitting there on a phone call and I'll start here and I'm talking over me. And what I realized to other people if they haven't tapped in on this level, it's whenever you hear that bad connection on the phone, the staticky stuff, there's often spirit messages in there. And so I've taken those up with the speaker phone, recorded it, come back and I can isolate and you'll hear where I've caught John and what anyone else would have just dismissed his static or latency. So yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a really good point. So that's yeah, it's great. So you've already done it, but I want to want you to repeat where people can find you and maybe hear samples of what you've produced. Yeah, so if you go to electricblueunited.com, there is access to my SoundCloud on there. I have all my offers laid out except for the one that we've kind of informally talked about here. Yeah, I would still just be able to book a clarity call for a custom track with me. That's all directly on there. My email is Marcy M-A-R-C-I-E at electricblueunited.com And if you're interested in looking at the deeper coaching and custom tracks through that, that is choose your own healing journey.com and Instagram and Facebook and YouTube are my primary. But I also have a TikTok and it's all just at Love Evolved Music. So definitely find me in any of these ways and would love to connect. Yeah, well, it's been it's been great having this conversation with you today. I'm really first of all, congratulations on what you're doing. I'm really excited for what you're putting out into the world, helping people to heal, helping people make connections. That's I think that's what it's all about. So so thanks for being here. Well, thanks for being you, Branks. You're you're doing this for longer than I have been with the making the connections. And I just I know it's it's a lot to go through and continue to have like a positive mindset about it, but really value your work. So thanks. Enjoy the rest of your afternoon. Thank you, you too.