🔒 The Balancing Act: A Deep Dive into Spiritual Connection, Self-Care and the Power of Kindness

0:00 Hey there, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Grief to Growth podcast, an exclusive episode for my paid subscribers. I want to thank you for being a paid subscriber, thank you for your support and thank you for sharing the podcast with other people to help the message grow. Today I want to talk about something that's deeply personal, but I believe it's universally relevant, and it's about the conversations that we have with ourselves, and these are conversations that can either elevate us, lift us up, or they can deflate us, they can tear us down, and I hope this episode will be a transformative experience for you, especially if you struggle with negative self-talk or if you've been taught to put everyone else's needs before your own.

0:42 I'm going to tie these two things together. So I'm going to talk about some lessons I learned in Sunday school many, many years ago. There were two lessons. One was really helpful, and I still continue with the day, and the other one has been not so helpful, and that one's I've kind of put aside. So let's talk about the not so helpful lesson first, and that was a lesson to put everybody ahead of myself. Now, when I was a child in Sunday school, I learned this acronym that was supposed to guide my life, and that acronym was JOY, and that stands for Jesus, others and you, and the idea was to prioritize my life in this order first Jesus, then others and then lastly, yourself or myself.

1:23 Now, I'm sure this teaching was well intended, but it has its flaws, especially when it comes to self care. What reminded me to do this is I recently met with a new client who's driving himself to the point of harming their health because their well-meaning parents taught them something similar to this to put others before yourself, put everybody before yourself. One of the most important things I teach is the value of putting yourself first, not last, and I want to tell you this is not selfish. It's actually the most selfless thing that you can do. I'm encouraged because this week I had two clients tell me about the self care routines that they developed since we started working together Very not rigid, but they're making this a really important thing in their life to bring self care in, and it fills my heart to hear that, because if there's one crucial lesson that I want to impart to people that I work with, it's the importance of taking care of yourself, and I was so fulfilled to hear that these two clients had gotten that lesson and actually put it in action.

2:29 If you find yourself continually sacrificing your needs for the needs of others, it's time to rewrite that joy acronym that Jesus, others and you. Let's make it you the acronym Y-O-U Y for you, o for others and U for universe, or your connection to spirit, however you want to. However you view that, when you're full and you're content, only then can you fully show up for the world and those around you. You can't pour out of an empty cup. Now let's talk about self-talk. I want to say this there's a fine line between humility and self-deprecation. As someone who's coached hundreds of people through grief and life challenges, I offer encounter individuals that have debilitating self-talk.

3:12 They think they're being humble, but that they're really doing is are telling themselves down. I want to pause here for a moment and say this you are exceptional. I have to tell you. Every client I've ever had is extraordinary in their own right, and I bet you are too. So back to the Sunday school lessons. One of the most useful things I learned in these early years was a little mantra to guide my speech, and that was this Before you say something, think. Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary Now. I found this so important. This was almost 50 years ago, but I found it so important. I wrote it in my Bible that my uncle gave me when I was baptized.

3:54 Over the years I've modified it slightly Is it true, is it kind, is it helpful? And I've extended the application from just controlling what comes out of my mouth to what actually goes on in my head and that's actually more important my self-talk. We all have that negative voice in our head and this is where the magic happens, when that nagging voice starts to tell you that you're not good enough or you'll never find happiness. Apply this test Is it true, is it kind, is it helpful? And more often than not, you'll find this self-talk fails the test. First of all, it's not true. You are enough. It's not kind.

4:34 You deserve compassion from yourself as much as anyone does. And it's definitely not helpful. Tearing yourself down never is. The vast majority of your negative self-talk doesn't pass the first test. It's simply not true. In the confines of our meeting, I sit with my meetings with my clients. I sit with these extraordinary people and they share their self-talk with me and their inner voice tells them things they would never tolerate from another person, things that I know aren't true from just meeting with them. So it's essential to treat yourself with the same compassion and the priority that you give to others. True joy, I believe, is a balance of all three it's your spiritual connection, it's your connection to others and, most importantly, it's taking care of yourself.

5:20 So keep these words close to your heart and make a conscious effort to be kinder to yourself. Remember you can't extend love and compassion outward if you don't have it for yourself. It begins with your self-talk and it continues with the actions you take to take care of yourself. Thanks for joining me in today's episode. If you find value in the podcast, make sure you share it with others and tell them about the special episodes for subscribers. Thanks for listening and have a wonderful day.